Chapter Text
I looked at you, and I have been since high school.
Kirishima had never seen Katsuki like this before. It felt like they had been best friends forever, but Kirishima felt at a loss for words when his eyes met those crimson ones, hooded with his long blonde eyelashes. His eyes were dull, the color had seemed to drop a shade. He didn't know what to do.
The car rumbled in his chest as he silently sat in the passenger seat. He caught quick glances at the blonde trying to think of something appropriate to say. What can he even say? Izuku had just... rejected him. Izuku, someone Kirishima saw Katsuki chase after his entire life, someone Katsuki died for, someone he is still standing for... Someone so special to him just rejected him like that.
Kirishima never thought of himself as a smart person. His friends were always much, much smarter than him anyway. But he wasn't a dense, fucking idiot. He was not like Izuku, and he felt bad for thinking this but the surge of frustration in his chest rattled to be released when he saw his best friend's sullen face be devoid of its usual light.
Izuku was a dear friend to Kirishima too. He also has looked up to Izuku since high school, with his resilient spirit and admirable courage. He'd never say anything bad about him, because even when he tried nothing came up. K didn't know how Katsuki and Izuku's conversation had gone, but he still felt angry at Izuku.
He stole another glance at Katsuki, who was just mindlessly driving. He felt his stomach lurch looking at him, he had tried to distract him from whatever monster picked at his mind. He rustled a bag of chips in his pristine car, maybe he'd go back to yelling as he usually does. But nothing. Not even a glance.
He coughed without covering his mouth, he squished his greasy fingers all over the car window, and he kept shuffling in his chair, messing with the radio. Nothing at all.
Kirishima felt a little silly acting like a kid, but he'd clean the mess later. He wants his best friend back right now.
Katsuki has been distant these past 8 years, and Kirishima didn't know how he could manage any longer. It had already been hard enough.
"Bro," he started, his tone light and airy, a direct contradiction to his queasy stomach, "He totally rejected you, haha." shit, he did not mean to say that. He immediately bit into his tongue, he definitely fucked up now. He forced a tight smile, waiting for whatever wrath awaited him.
And the wrath of his explosive best friend, Katsuki Bakugo came. As hot, heavy drops of glistening tears.
Kirishima almost jumped in his seat, jaw so slack it almost dislocated. He's.. crying?
The last time he saw Katsuki cry was in high school when he found out Izuku had lost his quirk. Back then, It was Izuku's fault he cried. And today, it still is.
Kirishima was stunned into silence, if he didn't have a clue what to do before, right now he was completely lost.
"Shit." the blonde muttered, his lips wobbling as he sniffled and tried to blink back the tears,
"Ba- I'm.. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean-i-you-"
Kirishima felt himself sink deeper and deeper as his mindless babble continued.
"Shut up. 's fine, 'm fine"
"I highly doubt that man-"
"I said shut up!"
Part of Kirishima felt relieved he was yelling again, but his tears weren't stopping. He bore his eye into his, his nose and cheeks were tinted pink, his blonde brows furrowed like the tears streaming were burning. Without much thought, Kirishima's hand reached out to wipe them.
Katsuki had already parked near Kirishima's house. When the blonde felt his rough hands on his skin, he backed away a little. Kirishima had to bite his lip to conceal the hurt he felt. But Katsuki's eyes scanned his face, Kirishima knew his face was probably contorted in worry. Katsuki sighed and laid his head back at the headrest. ‘The hell are you doing?'
Kirishima didn't say anything as he retracted his hand back. He quickly unbuckled his seat belt, ignoring the eyes watching him. He stumbled out of the seat and hurriedly went to Katsuki's side of the door. He opened him, pulled him out, and embraced him. Tight, warm, shaky. That's all he could offer.
Kirishima's own feelings were a mess, watching his best- no, the only boy he ever loved chase after someone who wasn't him and is propelled to the ground with impossible force. He didn't have any words to say, and even if he did, he'd stay quiet. Kirishima believed himself to be stupid anyway,
So his wide and only a slightly taller frame embraced the blonde. With everything he had, he held him so tight, hoping that when he felt his heartbeat, he could decipher it beating to his name.
The blonde was stiff in his arms, probably caught extremely off guard. Who would blame him? Despite Kirishima and Katsuki being close, they were not touchy. They rarely hug, save for when they make it out of crazy missions. So this was different. Not new, just foreign.
But it only took a minute for the blonde to go limp, arms lazy but shaky wrapped around Kirishima. And then, he felt his best friend shake. He shook with broken sobs and sharp breaths, and Kirishima ran his arm up and down his back. Silent.
"Shit.." He mumbled, wiping his face into the redhead's shoulder. "fuck..why'd Deku..where did I go wrong...?"
He mumbled, Kirishima's own lips were wobbling, trying hard to fight back tears. "Nothing, man. Nothing at all." his voice was shakier than he intended.
Kirishima felt ashamed when he felt an emotion mirroring joy bloom in his heart. His best friend was hugging him back and confiding in him. To Kirishima, Katsuki will always be the best friend he ever had before his crush. He can live without being the center of his absolute attention, it's better than having no Katsuki at all. Even the thought was hellish.
He knew how Katsuki was closed off, never confiding, expressing, never letting himself feel. Kirishima had been trying too long to figure out how to get his demeanor to crack, and all it took was for the man who Katsuki loved so incessantly to reject him and pursue somebody else. Kirishima felt disgusting for feeling an odd sense of gratitude towards Izuku.
Katsuki continued his silent sobs into his shirt, hiccupping and sniffling. Letting out everything he'd been enduring for the past 8 years. At least, Kirishima would like to think it was everything.
"I meant nothing to him.”
'Bakugo, you know that's not true. You're special to him."
"So is Uraraka, so is Todoroki. I was just somebody else to him, while he was everything to me."
Kirishima held back bile from rising up when he said that.
"Listen man, you know how he is. I know what you two have is..special. More than anyone else right? Maybe he's over hero work. Just because he didn't join you, doesn't mean he doesn't care. I know he does."
Katsuki didn't say anything to that, his sobs quieting down. Kirishima felt the moisture on his shirt touches his skin, the cool sensation oddly grounding him. He sighed into the boy's hair.
The street he was parked on was dark, devoid of anyone there. The only light was from the moon and the street light in the distance. Kirishima lived in an apartment complex on the better side of town, courtesy of his rising rank. It was safe and usually only heroes or rich businessmen would be around, but right now, it was late. Kirishima wished he could take Katsuki into his home, make him tea, watch a movie, talk, just anything. But he knew he wouldn't want that.
Kirishima felt Katsuki pull away and he almost tightened his grip in a panic, but he let him go. Katsuki sniffled and let out a deep sigh, wiping his face. He was looking away, his usual scowl back once he let those emotions out of his system. Kirishima could still see something lingering, but he forced himself to plaster a warm smile.
"Thanks," he muttered, and Kirishima nodded. He was fidgeting with his hands, trying to say something to make him stay but he never really succeeded. Bakugo Katsuki never stays for Kirishima, because he's not Izuku.
"Go home. I'm fine, seriously. Don't look at me like that." Katsuki was furrowing his brows, avoiding looking at the slightly taller male.
Katsuki always felt annoyed when he had to look up to talk to Kirishima, griping about how he ended up being the taller one. Kirishima would laugh, patting his friend's back. Height was probably the only thing he had on him, but Kirishima couldn't bring himself to mind.
"mhm. Thanks for dropping me off, man. Sorry for the trouble. Take... take care, yeah? C-call me in case you need anything."
Katsuki nods curtly and sits back in his car. He glared at Kirishima, urging him to go. Kirishima would see the corner of his eyes tinted red and eyelashes still glistening, still wet with tears. He was glaring so intensely, with cheeks flushed from crying. Kirishima wanted to hug him again,, feeling a rise in affection but instead, he smiled, tight. He waves and turns his heels to walk away.
He hears the car start ignition, vrooming away. He walked harder, eyes staring at his feet.
And then, he too finally felt his eyes drip. Kirishima let himself cry, just like Katsuki, mourning the love of his life that he saw every day. Except, unlike Katsuki, Kirishima was used to this.