Chapter Text
As Chase’s body slowly dragged itself back into consciousness, he noticed that wherever he was, it was the most comfortable he’d been in a long time. He hadn’t slept that well since the time he fell out of the tree in his backyard and hit his head. An unfortunate circumstance, yes, but you can’t argue with the result. Chase felt very well rested. At least until he was awake enough to comprehend what the voices were whispering about.
“I can’t move, I don’t want to disturb him.”
“Dude, come on,” Deacon hissed. “The prince won’t stop bugging me about ‘apprehending the witch that tried to kill his sister.’ I need you to work with me here. Aren’t you the one who’s always preaching about doing the story right?”
“Normally, yes. But I don’t normally have someone asleep on me. Besides, the interrogation scene was supposed to happen last night, right after the assassination attempt. The whole story is already thrown off. You can wait a couple more minutes.”
“You’re only saying that so you can keep cuddling Chase. Not that I have a problem with that! It’s just that in this very specific scenario I do, in fact, have a problem with it. I need this prince to get out of my personal space, like, yesterday. So why don’t you just get out of bed and let me tie you up.”
“Oooh~ I didn’t know you were into that, Deacon. How surprising.”
Chase cracked an eye open just in time to see the look of horror, embarrassment, and disgust on Deacon’s face. He also noticed the prince attempting to hide behind Deacon’s lanky frame. All in all, it was quite comical. He couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at the sight. Unfortunately, that alerted the other two that he was awake. Drat. He had been trying to see how long he could go before either of them noticed.
Deacon awkwardly cleared his throat, trying to will the redness in his cheeks to dissipate. “There you go, he’s awake. Now would you cooperate with me for once in your life and do the next scene?”
Buddy let out a long and dramatic sigh. “I suppose.” He sat up and stretched out his back. Chase tried not to feel disappointed at the loss of his body pillow replacement. “How do you want me?” Buddy asked, looking up at Deacon with hooded eyes.
Chase laughed again. Deacon grimaced. “Not a big fan of the way you phrased that, but from what I gathered from the prince, we’re supposed to tie you to a chair so we can get some information out of you.”
“If you insist.” The four of them started making their way to the door when Chase suddenly paused.
“You guys go ahead, I’m going to change real quick. I’ll meet you down there.”
Deacon just shrugged. “Alright. See ya.” He led the still cowering prince and a reluctant Buddy out to the stairwell towards the tavern below. Chase had just begun to change when he heard Deacon cry out from the hallway. “HEY WAIT A MINUTE! You already know the story, you didn’t need to make this so embarrassing!”
Buddy just laughed at him, and god, if it didn’t sound so cliche Chase might have admitted that the sound made his heart flutter. He couldn’t remember a single time he had heard Buddy laugh so genuinely. Sure, he heard his fair share of Buddy’s ‘muahahas’ (and all of his complaining about poor writing afterwards), but never a real laugh. Chase felt a pang in his heart at the fact that he had missed seeing it in person.
Chase finished putting on his binder and threw his tunic back over his head.
When he rejoined with the others downstairs, Deacon was finishing up tying Buddy’s hands behind the backrest of one of the tavern’s chairs. He tightened the knot and Buddy let out an exaggerated moan. “Harder, Deacon.”
Deacon’s blush returned with enough force that he could have auditioned for a stop sign (with a decent chance of a callback, no less). He buried his face in his hands and groaned. “Please. Shut. Up.”
Buddy smirked. “It wouldn’t make for a good interrogation if I wasn’t talking.”
“Then save it for when the interrogation actually starts.” Deacon said, standing up and dusting off his pants.
Chase cleared his throat. “So, uh, what are we doing again?”
Buddy rolled his eyes. “You two are supposed to figure out who I am, how I got here, and why I tried to kill you.”
“YOU TRIED TO KILL ME??” Chase exclaimed. “When?? And you better not say while I was asleep, because that’s just messed up.”
“No, it wasn’t while you were asleep. In fact, I didn’t even get to do the scene properly because you kicked me out of the room. I had a whole prepared monologue and everything. Such a waste of effort,” Buddy scoffed.
“Let’s move on, shall we? What else is there to interrogate you about? I mean, don’t we already know most of that?” Deacon asked. “Your character’s name is Clara, and you rode here with the rest of us.” He thought for a moment, then perked up. “Oh! I do have a question I’ve been meaning to ask you! When is your plant magic going to be relevant again? It looked really cool.”
Buddy froze. “You remember that?”
“Yeah, dude! Back at the castle before we left you used it to grow a stump to help you climb up into the saddle. I asked you about it, and you were like, ‘yeah, I got plant magic, pretty neato’, but you haven’t used it since. What’s up with that?”
Buddy looked affronted. “Excuse me? I have never once in my life needed help getting into a saddle, and I would never say ‘neato.’ You’re clearly going insane.”
Chase was about to cut in and say that Buddy had needed help into the saddle just yesterday, but Buddy continued, “to answer your question, no, my magic is never mentioned again.”
“What? The author just threw it in there for kicks and never incorporated it into the plot? This book sucks,” Deacon grumbled.
“Yes. It does. Which you would have already known if either of you bothered to read it beforehand. That’s what normal people do with books, if you weren’t aware.”
Chase sighed. “You’re starting to sound like a broken record, pal. Can you just tell us what we need to know?”
“Fine. My character tried to kill you because–” Buddy was cut off when the innkeeper came barrelling through the front door.
“Your majesties!” He wheezed, clearly out of breath. “The post office just intercepted a messenger sent by your father.” He hunched over, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath after his apparent sprint from the post office. Once he no longer looked as if he would pass out, he straightened and produced a letter with a royal seal on it.
The prince—who Chase had honestly forgotten was even there—took the letter, thanking the man. He broke the seal and started reading the letter. In his head. Where no one else could hear the contents.
“Dude, come on.” Chase complained, snatching it from Joseph’s hands. “The rest of us want to know, too.” He cleared his throat. “Dear Joseph and Josephine, it has come to my attention that one of my advisors found the heirloom ring in the pockets of one of my ceremonial robes. If you’ve already confronted the neighboring kingdom about it, please apologize. If not, you can turn around and come home. Hopefully my messenger will reach you in time. We really shouldn’t give them another reason to dislike us. I’m terribly sorry about all this, I know how much you two were looking forward to having a quest to go on, but I’m sure something else will turn up soon. Love you lots, Dad.”
“Oh come on, Chase, there’s no way it says that, let me see it.” Deacon took the letter and stared at it for a good moment. “Wow. This book really sucks. Has the author never heard of period-appropriate language?” He shook his head in dismay.
“Unbelievable,” Chase grumbled. “Two days of horseback riding for nothing?”
“I wouldn’t say it was for nothing.” Buddy piped up. “Your character was almost killed. That’s always a treat.”
“For you, anyway.” Chase mumbled.
“Wait a minute,” Deacon interjected, “this says that ‘we shouldn’t give them another reason to dislike us.’ Who is ‘them’, and why do they dislike us in the first place?”
Buddy huffed out a laugh. “You’ll love this. The king is referring to the neighboring kingdom, which you’ll notice is only ever called ‘the neighboring kingdom’, because the author couldn’t be bothered to come up with a name.”
“Yeesh.” Deacon and Chase said in unison.
“And what’s more,” Buddy continued, “is that the reason they’re angry, and the reason my character attempts an assassination, is because princess Josephine broke off an engagement with their kingdom’s princess.” He rolled his eyes. “Can someone untie me now? My interrogation is done and these ropes are really uncomfortable.”
Chase jumped, having forgotten that Buddy was tied up, and not just sitting in a really weird position. “Yeah, sorry dude, let me get that for you.” He rounded the chair and was taken aback by the messy jumble of rope. There was a reason Deacon didn’t make it as a boy scout, and Chase was just reminded why. “Yeesh, no wonder you’re uncomfortable, this is a mess!”
Buddy stood and rubbed his wrists. “Yes, well, if it’s any consolation, this isn’t the worst time I’ve been tied up.”
Chase raised an eyebrow. “First of all, that wouldn’t console anyone. Second, you mean to tell me that you get tied up on the regular?”
Buddy looked away. “Forget I said anything.”
“But–”
“Drop it, Chase.” Buddy warned.
“Fine. We can talk about how stupid it is that the princess’s ex sent an assassin after her just because they broke up. Like, can’t you just cry about it like a normal person?”
Buddy turned to him in confusion. “What? No, you misunderstood me. The princess didn’t send an assassin. This is a personal grudge; she wanted to take care of it herself, so she donned a disguise and–”
“WAIT, YOU MEAN YOU’RE MY EX??”