Chapter Text
Emilia — didn’t know what she was feeling, sitting in that room and looking over the unconscious body of her dear, dear knight.
She was feeling SOMETHING. A lot of somethings, really. So many somethings that she felt as though her body might rip itself apart under the strain of it. But — what was it? Rage? Horror? Anguish? Grief?
It was probably a bit of all the above, plus one thousand other somethings, all swirling together as one, like a swarm of disturbed hornets.
Now she sat alone in a chair by Subaru’s bedside, looking down at him and remembering how she had been in this position once before. It had been one of the worst days of her life back then, but somehow this was so, so…
Emilia swallowed back tears. She — Not right now. She couldn’t cry right now, it wasn’t the time.
Subaru’s chest rose. Fell. He was alive, at least. There had been a moment, out there, when she had feared that Julius…
Had Subaru’s duel with Julius been that brutal in the old timeline? Emilia couldn’t remember. She didn’t think it was — she was pretty sure that, while it hadn’t been pleasant, it hadn’t been quite THAT horrible to witness — but, had it? She had been pretty out of it when she first — went back, after all, so she hadn’t really known to pay attention until that first blow left a resounding crack echoing through the stadium. And even if she had been paying full attention to everything, it had been three years…
Three years.
Three full, lovely years, with highs and lows and everything in-between. With friends, and family, and even…! All of those precious, precious memories, and—
Three years, gone. Just like that.
—Subaru’s eyes were fluttering open. Emilia tried to pull herself together. “Subaru,” she called out.
Subaru twitched. He turned to look at her, wincing and shivering. Did he still hurt from that — fight? But Ferris had healed him up, and he had been so angry while he did so — and Emilia could tell that it was because he had been so, so concerned and frightened, so he had done a very thorough job of it.
But then again: just because his body had recovered didn’t mean his mind was the same. It was natural, for him to be shaken…
That’s right, she thought to herself. Just because the body recovers…
Emilia swallowed. Her mouth felt so dry. She needed…she needed… “Subaru,” she asked. Pleaded. “Subaru— why?”
Why had he been cursed like this? Why had this happened to him, of all people? Why was he alright with it? Why did he use it so, so many times? Why did he always, always try to save everyone, even when he knew that he was ripping himself apart at the seams— Didn’t he know how much that made Emilia want to scream, now that she was aware of it? Why, why, why—
Why was he ALRIGHT with this?!
“Wh…” Subaru looked so confused. Uneasy. “‘Why,’ what, Emilia-tan?” he asked.
“‘Why,’ what?” What else could Emilia be referring to but—!
Emilia felt her heart freeze in her chest. Unless…
She had assumed that both of them would have — but was she wrong? Did Subaru…
Was it really only Emilia, who had gone back in time?
“Hey, it’s not all bad.” Subaru’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “I might have — lost and all, but— I’m still alive, right? That’s all that really matters.” He was smiling weakly, reassuringly. “I’ll be better by tomorrow, I’m sure…”
Yes — Yes, things might be better in the morning. They’d be better in the morning, she should — she should sleep on this.
But — Oh, Od, if her suspicious were right, then there wasn’t enough TIME, was there?!
The White Whale. The Witch Cult. Petelgeuse — poor, sweet Geuse, who had to be — put out of his misery, now, for a second time. Emilia’s heart clenched painfully at just the thought. The two Sin Archbishops that had stolen Crusch’s memories, too. And then there was the Sanctuary, and the Great Rabbit, and Elsa, and Meili…!
Emilia felt her head start to ache. There was so much to do, so much to prepare for — oh, she couldn’t waste even a second, could she?!
“A-And also, we’ll have plenty of opportunities to make things right going forward. I know those rotten old men are — but we’ll show them! You’re too wonderful for them to miss it, all you need is a chance, right? And—”
All Emilia wanted to do was go and take a breather, figure out how she felt and what she needed to — but, oh no, there was just so much to do!
Was there enough time? Was there even enough time right now? Five days — how had Subaru managed so much in just three? Subaru truly was a wonderful, wonderful person, because Emilia had almost twice the amount of time that he’s been given and she didn’t even know where to start! But that didn’t matter, she had to act, she had to act quickly, because—!
So many lives were going to be put at risk soon — to end, if she didn’t do anything about it, especially if she really was the only one who—!
“And I know I — didn’t really make the best show of it just now, but I know I’ll be able to help you make it!” Subaru insisted. “All we need is a bit of time and a little bit of luck, and—”
“Why did you come here?” Emilia interrupted.
Subaru — stopped. He looked lost.
“Why did you come here?” Emilia repeated, somewhat harshly. “You promised to do as I asked, remember?”
Maybe he did remember. Maybe, if he remembered, he would know that all he had really needed to do back here was—
“I…” Subaru trailed off.
“Don’t you have anything that you want to say to me?” Emilia asked. Begged. “After today?”
Emilia didn’t care about how the Royal Selection Ceremony had gone: she’d already had three years to come to terms with what had really just been a temporary embarrassment, a small incident in the grand scheme of things. But — even back then, she hadn’t cared about the Ceremony, really: she had cared about Subaru breaking his promises. She had cared about him rushing to defend her, and then getting himself so very, very hurt—!
Subaru hadn’t understood it, at first, but he had been able to understand that eventually. If Subaru had— If it was the same situation with him that it was with Emilia, then surely he would understand now, that all he had to do was apologize, and say that he’d stop getting himself hurt—!
“…I know this was a pretty terrible visit,” Subaru finally answered.
Emilia wouldn’t leave him here this time, regardless. Subaru was far, far too precious for her to lose, whichever version of him this was. And — she wasn’t afraid of him being just like everyone else, now. She understood, this time, why Subaru had acted out so badly despite really, truly caring for her.
But — please. Please, don’t take away her precious, precious—!
“It didn’t go — great — I know that, but I’ll make it up to you. I’ll make sure to — work hard, so I can make sure everyone knows how great you are,” Subaru nodded, a weak smile on his face. “We’ll have plenty of time to make things right!”
Subaru didn’t get it back then, either, but — he had understood eventually. So if he didn’t understand now, then that meant he didn’t…
…So he didn’t, then. He really, really didn’t…!
Emilia wanted to break into a wail then and there, as the realization seeped into her bones. Everything, everything, all those three years, all of it was—!
—Wait.
Subaru said he’d be sure to “work hard.”
And — yes, Subaru was a hard worker. As much as he claimed otherwise, Subaru had always tried his very best. It was one of the many things that Emilia loved so much about him. But…
There was a different meaning to that, now, wasn’t there? “Work hard” — and that meant he’d do “whatever it takes,” right?
…Emilia’s blood ran cold as his words sank in.
“I know I’ll be able to help you make it.”
What exactly had he been referring to? What did he mean, that he “knew” he’d be able to help her make it? What had Subaru been planning to…?
Was she overthinking this? She had to be overthinking this, right? Emilia wanted to believe that she was overthinking it, but now that she knew, she just couldn’t look away—!
“All you need is a chance.” That was what he had said.
Subaru would give her that chance, right? Subaru — wanted to give her that chance, and he had the ability to — to make an opening for her, if none arose naturally. Was that what he was…?
“It’s not that big a deal, you know,” Subaru was saying. “One bad day won’t destroy everything. There are always other — other opportunities.”
Other opportunities. Yes, yes, there certainly would be that. “Opportunities.” —Is that how Subaru thought of it?
Opportunities to help her. Opportunities to die. Opportunities to die, to die over and over again, all for the sake of helping—!
Was this how Subaru saw himself, in relation to Emilia? Was this how he was going to…?
There were moments, in those memories, where he didn’t. Emilia desperately tried to focus on those moments — that bet with Roswaal, that year between the Sanctuary Incident and Priestella — even the Battle of Priestella where Subaru managed to do everything right, even under the strain of an attack from no less than four Sin Archbishops — but that hadn’t lasted, had it?
Giununhive. The Pleiades Battalion. Sphinx…
That wasn’t really for YOUR sake… part of her pleaded.
—But it was by being her knight that he had gone to the Pleiades Watchtower, where he had been launched into Vollachia in the first place. If it hadn’t been for Emilia, Subaru never would have been placed in a position where that was an issue at all. So wasn’t that thought just her making excuses for herself?
“…I didn’t do anything wrong,” Subaru pleaded. “I just — I wanted to be here with you. So I…”
“I didn’t do anything wrong.” That’s right: Subaru wouldn’t think he had done anything wrong.
In service of Vollachia, Subaru had died— had died—!
How many times more would he do it for her, if given the chance? How many times more would he do it for — for anyone he thought deserved it? How many more times, without her even knowing what he was doing—
He was never going to stop, was he?
So long as Emilia let him, he was always going to—!
“…You could at least say something?” Subaru asked. His voice was small.
—That was right. She needed to say something. She needed to — decide. She needed to…
Emilia hadn’t been wrong at all, back then, had she? No, she hadn’t realized how right she had been.
Back at this exact moment three years ago, Emilia had come to the conclusion that if Subaru were to do as he liked — if he were to follow her as he wanted to do — he would never stop getting hurt.
But she had underestimated him, hadn’t she? It wasn’t just that he would never stop getting hurt.
If Emilia let him keep following her, then he would never stop—!
Emilia knew what she had to do.
I don’t want to, a small part of her whimpered. I love Subaru. I don’t want to make him…!
—Emilia knew what she had to do.
“Natsuki Subaru,” Emilia declared, and tried not to sound like she was strangling her own heart as she spoke. “You are hereby released from my service.”
“H-Huh?”
“You are banned from the Mather’s Estate, and from any other area connected with my political camp.” Emilia stared blankly ahead, refusing to look — really look — at the expression on Subaru’s face. She knew that if she saw it, if she really, really saw it, she would never be able to—
She needed to be strong. She needed to — do what was right. This was the right thing to do, wasn’t it? This was—
“Failure to comply will result in a severe penalty,” she said, as if from far away. “If I have to get the knights involved, then I will.”
He would die if she didn’t do this. He would die again, and again, so, so many times—!
Frozen by her own father. Eaten alive from the inside by a monster summoned by her own sponsor. Forced to slit his own throat, in order to get away from her own possessed body as the Witch puppeted her living corpse. Swallowed by miasma poisoning in a desert tunnel he had only ever gone to because she had made him her knight. Thrown across the world to the Land of Wolves, because he had been allowed to accompany her to the place that would serve as a launchpad. Shot by arrows, sliced with an axe, crushed and crushed and crushed. Turned into a baby and blown up, so many times his poor mind cracked under the strain. Forced into a gladiator arena and eaten alive, again and again and again. And everything— everything else, too—
There was just so much! Why was there so much?!
“W-Wait, Emilia-ta—”
And even if she managed to avoid those obstacles, even if she managed to guide him through all that—
“You will not be allowed to contact me, or ally with my camp, or even approach me if we end up in the same place.”
If Subaru were to follow her anyway — what else would happen? What other atrocities would Emilia throw into his path?
What other horrors would he face, that he wouldn’t even be allowed to so much as let leave his lips?
What else would Emilia do to torture him so?
“You will stay away from my camp, from my dealings, and from anything that I have a hand in.” Emilia swallowed, and then— “I will never want your help with anything of mine ever again,” she declared.
That was a lie. That was such a lie. Emilia wanted nothing more than for—
But she couldn’t want that. She wasn’t allowed to want that, now! Because if she did—
“If we stumble across each other in public and you attempt to approach me, I will not respond to you,” she continued. She hoped Subaru didn’t hear her voice crack. “If you keep trying to push it, I will take measures to keep you away by force.”
This was the right thing to do. This was the right thing to do. Emilia— Emilia just had to remember that this was the right thing to—!
“Y-You need me!” Subaru was begging. And the first time she heard this she had dismissed it, but now she understood what he was really saying — who he thought really needed who — and she wanted to burst into tears. “Emilia, wait, you NEED —”
But regardless of what Subaru THOUGHT he needed, this—
“I don’t need you, Subaru,” Emilia said firmly. I might — but y ou certainly don’t need ME.
Subaru flinched away from her, a look of utter hurt in his beautiful, beautiful eyes.
Emilia was finally looking him in the eye, and he looked so, so hurt. She needed to get through— She needed to force her way through this, before her strength failed her. Because she couldn’t—
She loved Subaru. She loved him more than anything in the world.
And that meant she couldn’t let him stay by her side, no matter how much she wanted him to stay there forever.
“I don’t need your help, or your contributions.” Her voice was growing faster. Her blood was rushing in her ears. “I don’t want you near me, I don’t want you acting on my behalf — I never want to so much as see your face again.” She would never see his face again, would she? She would never see his face—! “If you respect me even the slightest bit, you will listen to me and stay out of my sight.”
This was the worst thing she could have ever said to Subaru, wasn’t it? The way he was looking at her, right now…
Emilia swallowed, and forced herself not to cry.
“You will stay here until someone comes to get you,” she ordered, rushing through her words as fast as she could. “As compensation for everything you have done for me up to this point, I will make sure that you have somewhere to stay hereafter—”
It would be somewhere safe, and pleasant, and where he would be able to make a home for himself.
“—but his is the last transaction we shall have with one another — of any kind.”
But it would be somewhere other than right by her side.
—It had taken so, so long for Emilia to realize that she had really, truly wanted Subaru by her side.
For so, so long, she had hesitated and dragged her feet. For so, so long she had agonized over what love felt like, what it meant, whether she really, truly could return it in full, not realizing that all of those answers were things she already knew. For so, so, so very long she had failed to see that she didn’t need to wait, because she had already fallen head-over-heels and grasped what she was looking for with both hands. She had realized it eventually, but it had taken so very, very long—!
Why didn’t I appreciate it more? Emilia wanted to wail aloud, as the reality of her situation became to crash down all around her. Why didn’t I appreciate it more when I had it? Subaru was right there in front of me for all those three years, so why did I wait until I had so little time left—?!
Three full years, erased, just like that. And now the Subaru that she had loved so very, very much was…
But he’s right there, part of her — a very, very selfish part of her — whispered in her ear. He’s right there. You can start over, do it right. He’s right there, and you know he loves you, so why don’t you…?
—Frozen. Sliced open. Eaten alive. Crushed. Driven to the brink of madness. Shot. Cut down. Blown up. Poisoned. So many horrible, horrible faces — bloody and bruised and wet with tears and snot — stared back at her from behind her eyelids: Emilia-tan — why didn’t you do anything?
—Emilia knew what she had to do. No matter how much it would hurt…
She knew what she had to do.
Emilia took a deep, shuddering breath. “…Goodbye, Subaru.” And she meant that much, at least.
The Witch of Glaciation managed to get all the way down the hall before she finally burst into gross, snotty, sobby tears, croaking a muffled, quiet, shuddering wail into her hands about everything she had learned — and everything she had lost.
*
Subaru wasn’t going to give up. Wilhelm had known that Subaru was a stubborn, persistent, resilient youth: it was one of the things that he admired about him the most.
In this particular instance, however, Wilhelm thought that nothing else could ever be more frustrating. Watching Subaru get up again, and again, and again, demanding to be trained in lethal combat over and over again no matter how many times—!
(“I don’t…wanna die…”)
(That voice would never leave his mind, would it?)
“We can put an end to this any time you like, Subaru,” Wilhelm said, trying his best not to beg. “All you have to do is put the sword down, and we’ll stop.”
But—
“I’m not…going to give up,” Subaru insisted, even as he visibly struggled to stand up. “I can…keep going. S-See? I-I’m f-fine.”
Beneath the sweat, and the dirt, and the tears that were beginning to form — there was a look in Subaru’s eyes that Wilhelm was pretty sure he had never seen before. It was smoldering, almost burning, filled with the kind of grit that he — probably WOULD have expected from Subaru, perhaps, but in a much different context than the swordsmanship lessons that had originally been nothing more than a cheap distraction.
Wilhelm stared at him, aghast. Why on Earth…?
“This really is pathetic,” Ferris muttered, arms crossed as he tried his best not to look too much like he was scanning Subaru for injuries.
“Are you sure that you are not done yet?” Wilhelm pressed pleadingly. “I doubt that any more progress can be made today…”
“I’m FINE,” Subaru insisted, his stubborn voice a little bit harsher than before. “Let’s…a-again. I wanna go again…!”
Wilhelm hesitated for a moment longer before, reluctantly, he resumed his stance.
“Wilhelm!”
—Only for Ricardo’s voice to come echoing across the grounds.
Wilhelm couldn’t help but feel a little bit grateful, seeing the mercenary captain approaching them both. He could — He could use the break.
“Hey, there, kid,” Ricardo said, flashing a smile Subaru’s way. Wilhelm stifled a laugh as he realized that Subaru had been staring, mouth agape. That was right: the kid had never seen a demihuman like Ricardo before, had he? “Sorry bout this, but this old kobold’s gotta borrow your teacher for a little while.” He glanced at Wilhelm, a serious look in his eyes. “If now’s a good time?”
Wilhelm blinked. That didn’t sound good. “Is everything going to plan?” he asked, somewhat tense.
“They’re going about as well as they can be, given the circumstances!” Ricardo assured him easily. Wilhelm relaxed, ever so slightly. “Ana-bo’s been running the lot of us ragged, trying to get as much ready as possible, and a lot of it is coming to fruition, but—” He paused, glancing Subaru’s way. “Well, we can talk more with the others.”
“What’s going on?” Subaru demanded.
“Nothing you need to concern yourself with, Subaru,” Wilhelm answered immediately. Od, did Wilhelm not want Subaru concerning himself with THAT. The very thought of it…!
He turned to Ricardo, pushing that disturbing image to the back of his mind. “I have the time now, if necessary,” he confirmed. “It’s my highest priority, after all.” His eyes narrowed. “Just as it is with everyone else.”
Wilhelm wasn’t going to be slacking off, and he wasn’t going to be letting anyone else slack off, either. This was too important. Far, far too important.
(Broken bones, bloodied noses, a pitiful, whimpering cry for help that even the crier knew wasn’t going to come for him—)
“What is it?” Subaru pressed, interrupting Wilhelm’s train of thought. “If it’s that high a priority, then I’ll help any way I can! If you need all hands on deck, then—”
“There’s no need!” Ricardo said hastily. “Yer a guest, not a member of any of the involved camps.” Wilhelm saw the kobold’s eyes flicker his way, as if watching to make extra sure that he hadn’t said anything wrong. “Getting you wrangled into all of this would be way too much of a headache: best you stay out of the way and let us handle it.”
Subaru didn’t listen. “Whatever it is, I can help,” he insisted, bold and bright as he gripped his practice sword with shivering hands. Wilhelm would have admired that fortitude — rewarded it, even, if only —
“I don’t wanna die!”
Subaru’s sobbing voice echoed in the back of his mind, a constant shadow from the darkest corners of the old man’s nightmares.
“No,” Wilhelm growled, and it came out even harsher than he intended. Subaru flinched backwards, looking somewhat startled. “This doesn’t concern you,” he said firmly. “Never so much as think of that idea again, Subaru. I mean it.”
Subaru finally seemed to get the picture.
“Training is over for today,” he said, turning to walk away with Ricardo. “Crusch-sama and her men are going to need these gardens.” And they couldn’t have Subaru getting in the way of them transporting heavy machinery — or worse, watching the soldiers and getting ideas . Wilhelm shook his head. “Go wash up, have Ferris administer your first treatment of the day,” he ordered. Then, after a moment of thought. “…And then, go study in the library.”
Subaru liked storybooks, right? Wilhelm could give him a nudge as to where he could find whole heaps of them, in the Karsten Estate.
“Ya could have stayed and played with Subaru for a bit longer,” Ricardo muttered to him as they left. “Ya might not get another chance…”
Wilhelm was well-aware of that. If he hadn’t been, then he wouldn’t have been spending time with Subaru at all in these dire circumstances. They wouldn’t be relying on his — ability — again, not if Wilhelm had anything to say about it. Using THAT to bring him back from the dead — it would be an utter disgrace, as far as he was concerned.
That meant he only had the one shot at victory. But that had always been the case, as far as he had been concerned.
…In the back of his mind, Wilhelm hoped that he would survive this coming storm. He’d like to read storybooks with Subaru in the library, one of these days.
*
Garfiel had never really thought that he’d ever come back to the Sanctuary.
It had been three full years since Garfiel had been back in this house, within this barrier, surrounded by these faces. But there he was, and—
Garfiel was fourteen again, and he had been sent back to just a week before he was scheduled to meet Natsuki Subaru for the very first time.
Natsuki Subaru…
Garfiel swallowed. That was a name that — inspired very complicated emotions, at the moment. Subaru was the person he looked up to most in the world, the man he had aspired to emulate to the highest degree, the one he would follow — right alongside Emilia-sama — into the throws of battle. Subaru was also an older brother figure, a mischievous partner-in-crime, and one of his greatest friends.
And Subaru was also…
We can talk about it once we see each other again, Garfiel reminded himself. He didn’t— There was so much else to do, first.
Because this was a week before they met, and that meant…
The White Whale. The Sin Archbishop of Sloth. Garfiel hadn’t been there the first time around, but to just sit back and twiddle his thumbs now that he knew what was happening—! No, he couldn’t focus on anything else right now. The others— His friends needed him, even if they likely didn’t know it yet.
(Was this how Subaru had felt, all those times…?)
(Subaru would have gone back with him, right? Subaru was the — the time-traveler: Garfiel must have just ended up getting dragged along for the ride.)
Root. Rock. Trunk. Branch. Garfiel used each as a mere foothold in his race through the forest, giving barely a second thought to each. His granny had been awfully shocked to see him so energetic — alarmed, even — but—
Garfiel would explain everything later, once he had some time.
Garfiel would have to come back, soon. He could leave this place freely, but that wasn’t the case for most of the others, here at Sanctuary.
—He’d be back. But — Captain would need the help of his amazing self, first.
*
Julius really, really had not meant to hurt Subaru so badly. But — it was reasonable, beyond reasonable, for everyone to be so angry with him for it regardless. He had, in no uncertain terms, completely fucked up. Under normal circumstances this would have resulted in a lengthy suspension from the Order of the Knights, and a permanent stain on his record—
But due to the current situation, Julius had instead been signed up for a sentence of hard labor on the front lines of the upcoming fight.
“Make sure to check with Ricardo, Wilhelm, and Old Man Rom individually about inventory space,” Julius ordered. “We have to make sure that all three Camps have enough room to store everything. —It’ll be a tight fit, but we can make it work.”
They were bringing a lot more weaponry this time. A lot more advanced weaponry, too. They understood better, now, what kind of monster they were going up against.
“Julius! Need a hand with these explosives!”
“On my way!”
Julius didn’t really think this was a fair punishment: it was nothing he wouldn’t have done anyway, after all. But unfortunately, Julius wasn’t the one who was to make that call, so here he was.
By the time it was time for a break, Julius was exhausted. There was still so much to do and so little time to do it all, but — if he didn’t rest and eat something first, he might just kill himself before the fight even started.
…Julius didn’t like that kind of hyperbole very much anymore, actually. It made his stomach twist uncomfortably.
—But. Before he got himself lunch…
“Joshua?” Julius called out, keeping his voice at a reasonable level for a library. “Are you still here?”
Julius wasn’t foolish: he knew that there was a chance he wouldn’t be coming back. And if he didn’t come back — there would be no second chances. Everyone was in agreement about that.
Julius had only just gotten his little brother back. He hoped that he was going to have much, much more time to cherish what a blessing that was, but if he really did only have four days, then—
Well. Four days was still four days. Julius wasn’t going to squander it.
“Ah, there you are,” Julius said, finally catching sight of his little brother as he turned the corner. “And you’re with…” He stopped. “Oh.”
Black hair. Unique, foreign-looking face. Sharp eyes, though they were now widening significantly as they caught sight of who had just approached his table.
What was Joshua doing with—?
“Subaru and I are busy right now,” Joshua said firmly. His little brother — he had said that he understood that Julius had his reasons, for doing what he did, but he had been side-eyeing him for it ever since. And reasonably so. “Is there something you need?”
—Well, no. Not desperately enough to infringe where he was not welcome. Julius dipped his head. “I shall leave you to it,” he replied. Subaru seemed to relax, ever so slightly. “I just came to let you know that I will be taking my break soon, if you wish to join me for an early lunch.”
He wanted to apologize profusely for his prior actions. He wanted to throw himself to his knees and beg for forgiveness. He wanted to swear that he’d make it up to Subaru by doing whatever he wanted, if only he’d give him the chance to make it up to him.
(He wanted things to go back to how they had been before. He wanted to sit by Subaru’s side again, hear him poke and prod at him just like he had always done before, watch him react in theatrical outrage when Julius poked and prodded him back. He wanted to banter and play-fight and laugh with that same, familiar ease that he had once had the great privilege of being able to take for granted. He wanted Subaru to have his back, and for Subaru to understand that Julius would have his, in turn. He wanted—)
But — Subaru wouldn’t want to see him right now, Julius knew.
(And, Julius knew, those days had already been wiped away.)
In fact, he might never want to see him again. And as much as that thought made Julius shrivel up inside, it wasn’t like he didn’t understand why, or that Subaru wouldn’t be entirely in the right for—
“Where the Hell do you think you’re going?”
Julius stopped.
It was Subaru who had spoken, apparently, standing up from where he had previously been sitting quietly. He had looked frightened before, but now — he appeared to at least be masking it, a fierce determination burning in its place instead.
Everyone who had been in the library beforehand — the knights, the soldiers, the mercenaries — all went quiet. They were watching, Julius knew, every one of them ready to jump in and intervene if it looked like things were about to get messy.
(They didn’t need to worry, because Julius would do no such thing — but he couldn’t really blame them for being cautious, could he?)
“…Pardon?” Julius asked.
“What, so you’re just gonna leave your little brother all alone on your lunch break?” Subaru scolded, hands on his hips. “Just ‘cause you’re too much of a coward to face me? What, are you that scared? That’s pathetic!”
What…?
Subaru — wanted him there? Subaru wanted — to spend time with him, even after…?
“…I’m not sure I’m following,” Julius said carefully, trying to squash the hope that was rising in his chest. “You are…?”
“I’m telling you to sit your ass down and spend time with your brother like you planned, idiot,” Subaru answered hotly. “What kind of older brother lets his own meekness get in the way of spending time with his family? Geez…”
He was almost certainly still nervous around Julius, but Subaru still wanted to—?
“…Does that mean…?” Julius asked hopefully. His heart was thumping in his chest.
Everyone was watching them, still, but Julius didn’t care. All of his focus was on Subaru, and what he would say next. And Subaru—
“I really don’t think need to spell it out for you, do I? How slow can you get?”
Subaru gestured to the seat right by his side.
“Well?” he demanded.
…Julius really shouldn’t have expected anything else. This was Subaru, after all. Subaru didn’t like holding sour grudges, not the serious types that would rot away at one’s soul. Subaru stretched out a hand to almost anyone, so long as he thought it was an option, whether it be a coworker who had tortured him in the woods, a little girl who had tried to push him off a cliff, a Sin Archbishop who had once eaten his own memories… And Subaru’s eyes were always on the future, and what lay ahead. Whether it was the Subaru of three years or three days ago—
Subaru was Subaru. That much hadn’t changed.
Julius bowed, in this moment so very grateful for his old friend’s forgiving, friendly, forward-looking nature. “As you wish, Subaru.”
He really, really shouldn’t have expected anything else.
“So.” Julius rubbed his hands together, trying and failing to hide the huge grin spreading across his face. “What are we doing and how can I help?”
“Ferris ordered me to teach Subaru how to read. It’s not going very well, though.” Joshua scowled. “No matter what I do…”
“Hm.” Julius peered over Subaru’s shoulder, glancing at the open journal. “I see…” he said. “These are the lines you’ve been writing, then?”
Subaru nodded, looking somewhat nervous. He didn’t need to worry: Julius wasn’t going to make fun of him for trying to learn something new.
“What exactly is it that you’re having difficulty with?” he asked, searching for what Joshua had meant by “not going very well.” “You appear to have a decent grasp of the meaning of the actual symbols,” he noted. “And how to order them in a sentence. These are all perfectly comprehensible, at the very least.”
“Th-The tenses, mainly,” Subaru said quietly. “I just…”
He trailed off.
“Ah, I see it now.” There it was. Julius understood what Joshua had been talking about, now that Subaru had pointed it out. “You keep putting everything in past tense, hm?” he confirmed. “I see…”
“I’ve been trying to get him to stop,” Joshua complained, throwing his hands up in the air. “But no matter how many times…!”
Julius looked at the materials that Joshua had taken out in his attempts to reach Subaru the differences between tenses and had to fight down a laugh. Oh, Joshua…
“Well if writing out the different sentences isn’t working,” he said. “Then let’s try something else.”
His poor brother had a stack of his own favorite novels right by his side: the sorts written not just for literate adults, but for literate adults who absolutely loved to read. With their bunched-together letters, short pages, ink blurred with age — Julius couldn’t think of a worse example for someone to utilize when trying to teach someone who was completely new to the language.
—He wouldn’t laugh. Not at Subaru, and not at Joshua, both of whom were trying their best.
Julius finally found something that was suitable for Subaru’s current reading level — and geared at verb usage, to boot. That’ll do it, he thought.
He came back to the table with a more beginner-friendly book called Sammy-san’s Guide to Verb Usage, and placed it on the table. “Open it — try reading the first page out loud,” he suggested. “We’ll start with that.”
Subaru dutifully did as he was told, and then proceeded to stare blankly at the first page.
“The first sentence,” Julius encouraged. He wouldn’t laugh. Subaru was trying his best, here.
This brought back memories, actually. He remembered using this very book to learn to read, himself. —Of course, he had been a fair bit younger than Subaru was now, but he remembered absolutely adoring the pictures. He had poured over it for hours each day, utterly fascinated by the words on the pages.
“The brown dog…” Julius prodded.
“The… The brown dog…” Subaru frowned. “L-Leapt over the…”
“Leaps,” Julius corrected. “This is the sentence in past tense. The one above it is exactly the same, but present. Do you see the difference between these two letters?”
So that was the key issue here, then. Alright. “Here,” he suggested. “Try again with these lines. What does the top one say?”
“The…” Subaru was squinting. “The…”
—Subaru should know those words already, shouldn’t he? “Is this really too advanced for you?” Julius asked, frowning. “You’re further behind than I thought…”
Maybe they should start by teaching him common verb stems and nouns instead? There was no use in learning conjugations if Subaru had nothing to conjugate, after all. What sort of book would be good for that… Or should he be using a book for that at all? He couldn’t just hand poor Subaru a dictionary and expect that to solve everything.
“N-No,” Subaru said stubbornly. He was still focused on the page, eyes trained with the determination of twin soldiers. “It’s not, I— Just, give me a minute here…”
Just as Julius was about to give him another nudge, a low, angry growl echoed through the library:
“What are you doing?”
Julius froze.
That low growling voice echoed through the entire library, leaving utter silence in its wake — the kind of silence left behind by terrified mice that had just been found by an absolutely ravenous wildcat. This reaction was more than warranted, because that voice was the type that most people only ever heard in the darkest corners of their nightmares. It was the type that promised horrors beyond one’s comprehension, a slow and painful death, revenge that would come back one-thousandfold.
There was no mistaking it.
Wilhelm sounded utterly furious .
Julius slowly, slowly lifted his head in jerky, stilted movements to see that the Sword Demon’s burning, enraged, piercing blue eyes were aimed right at his head.
“J-Julius was helping Joshua teach Subaru to read,” one of Julius’s colleagues said, standing up for him. He was trembling in his shoes. “I-It was Ferris’ idea, to leave Joshua and Subaru—!” he said quickly. “But then Julius came by, and—”
“It WAS Subaru’s idea,” another knight agreed, hastily trying to explain the very bad-looking situation to the very, very angry Sword Demon. “Subaru— needed the extra help, because he really wasn’t getting anywhere, and…”
Julius mentally thanked them both for their efforts in saving his skin, but from the look on Wilhelm’s face, he feared it might not be quite enough.
It — made sense. The last time he and Wilhelm had seen each other, it had been at that meeting between the four Camps. And before that, Wilhelm had been the one dragging Julius off of Subaru’s unconscious body while Emilia-sama rushed to the boy’s side, followed closely by Ferris, terrified beyond belief. If anyone besides Subaru were to hold a grudge against him for his actions that day, it would be those two.
And unlike Subaru and Emilia — Wilhelm van Astrea was a man well-known for holding grudges.
“Is this true?” Wilhelm asked Subaru, voice clipped.
“Y-Yeah,” Subaru confirmed, looking very nervous. “I-I just — you know, he came by looking for his brother, a-and we had an extra seat, so I…”
Wilhelm’s eyes finally drifted to the table in front of the three boys. A journal full of practice sentences. The pile of books that Joshua had picked out, and then put aside one by one. A broken quill, hastily replaced by the one in Subaru’s hand. The book currently open in front of Subaru himself, with Julius’ finger still frozen to the page.
—Julius saw the moment all the tension left the Sword Demon’s shoulders, the old man relaxing from the battle stance that he had automatically fallen into at the sight of the man who had beaten Subaru so badly during that duel.
“I suppose I shouldn’t have expected anything else from you,” Wilhelm sighed. Julius understood the feeling. “Regardless—”
Although he wasn’t ready to murder him on the spot anymore, Wilhelm’s eyes were still as cold as ice when they fell on the Knight of Knights once again.
“Marcos is calling for you, Julius,” he said simply. “It would do you good to remember why you’re here, in the first place.”
“Understood.” Julius stood up quickly, remembering to bow to Subaru respectfully before following Wilhelm’s order to get the Hell away from him. “I suppose I might see you here again in the future. —Be sure to continue working hard, Subaru.”
“R…Right…”
“Julius,” Wilhelm called sharply, and Julius didn’t waste any more time before following the Sword Demon out of the Karsten Library.
They had barely gotten outside before Wilhelm turned back around. Julius had to brace himself to prevent himself from recoiling backwards automatically.
“If Subaru wants to forgive you, I won’t stand in his way,” Wilhelm growled, his voice dark and gravely. “But, I’m only giving you a CHANCE. Hurt him like that one more time, and I will not give a single shit what Subaru thinks about it: I will remove you from his life by any means necessary.” Julius swallowed. “Is this understood?”
“U-Understood,” Julius agreed, nodding hastily.
It wasn’t like he had intended to ever, ever repeat that display. But even so, the look on the old man’s face was…
Julius had no doubt that “any means necessary” included murder. He’d probably be lucky if it didn’t mean that alone.
But…
The knight swallowed, summoning all of his courage.
“…I, too, would like to bridge the divide between Subaru and I,” he said.
Wilhelm twitched. Julius flinched, but when the old man didn’t immediately go for his throat he relaxed very slightly, and then continued.
“It— is entirely possible that I won’t have any more chances after this week is through,” he continued carefully, watching the Sword Demon for any sudden movements. “If it is at all possible to smooth things over with Subaru before the coming battle, then I want to do it.”
Subaru had already indicated that he was open to that, or Julius never would have even considered such a thing, no matter how he might have felt about it.
Wilhelm appeared to feel the same way.
“…You can sit with us at dinner tonight,” he decided. Then he shook his head. “—No,” he corrected. “You can ASK to sit with us at dinner to night. If Subaru agrees, then the three of us can eat together. If he says no, then you stay away from him and don’t ask for this again. Understood?”
That was more than fair, as far as Julius was concerned. “Understood,” he said.
With all of his courage spent, Julius felt somewhat faint. “…Where is Marcos?” he asked, his voice somewhat meek.
“I have no idea,” Wilhelm dismissed.
Right. Julius understood. “I’ll — be going, then,” he said.
With the Sword Demon’s eyes boring into his back, Julius left — fled — in the opposite direction of the Karsten Library. …He should get lunch, while his stomach was still intact enough to digest it.
*
One day ago, now, Otto had opened his eyes three years in the past.
The first thing he had done was drink himself half to death and throw up in a bush, wailing aloud his incoherent sorrows to a very alarmed Frufoo and yelling at passersby until she’d had to drag him away into the privacy of the woods. The second thing he did was wake up with a massive headache, wash himself the best he could, and hit the road: he didn’t have a second to lose.
The White Whale. The Archbishop of Sloth. Emilia-sama. Natsuki-san— Natsuki-san, that stupid, stupid idiot—!
Otto thought it best to assume that none of them would remember the past — future — three years. Most practical. He was a merchant, he had to be practical. Even if…
Otto wished he had a drink on hand.
“Don’t even think about it, Lassie,” Frufoo growled, still extremely aggravated. “Not after all the trouble you’ve been causing me, you don’t…”
“I said I was sorry, didn’t I?!”
“Sorry doesn’t even begin to cut it this time! I don’t know what’s gotten into you with this hair-brained scheme— I don’t know why I’m going along with it, even—!”
—Yes. Otto had to be logical about this, and he had to plan things very, very carefully. Because Otto Suwen knew something — many somethings, even — that nobody else would know. And if Otto Suwen didn’t do something about those somethings, then—!
Bloodied faces. Broken bones. A world-ending storm of ice and snow. Dead eyes. Crushed hearts. So, so many lives at stake—
(And at the forefront of them all was Natsuki Subaru—!)
His old haul of oil was still in his caravan. He — He’d find a way to sell it, perhaps to Roswaal once again, as much as he wanted to avoid that man. Or maybe he’d sell it to Crusch, or Anastasia…? Otto was on his way to do business with those two anyway, wasn’t he?
That old burden… It felt like so, so little, compared to the three years’ worth of struggles that had just gotten thrust upon his shoulders.
—Otto had something else for them, anyway.
A loud snore echoed from the back of his carriage.
“Oh be quiet, Ketty,” Otto muttered.
The gagged, hogtied, knocked-out witch cultist that had once disguised himself as Otto’s merchant friend was currently in the backseat of his caravan. Kidnapping was against the law, but Otto figured that exceptions could be made for witch cultists. And he didn’t even have to worry about proving it, because he still had those runes engraved into him that Ferris Argyle would be able to use to understand the situation, right?
—Those runes were also why Ketty was currently knocked out, alongside it making him easier to transport. It was a precaution Otto had taken alongside refusing to explain why he was suddenly intent on drugging and kidnapping what he should have seen as a random merchant out of nowhere: just in case that reveal gave Ketty the idea that he should quit while he thought he was ahead. As far as their fellow traveling merchants went, this was simply a matter of two of their lot striking off to follow some deal they must have found while in town.
“You’re off your rocker, Lassie…” Frufoo marveled. “ —You have a plan?”
“Yes,” Otto said confidently. “—Yes, I have a plan.” To the Karsten Estate!
…Though, perhaps they should keep their rather suspicious-looking haul out of sight by taking the lesser-used roads to get there.
*
Wilhelm had taken a last-minute detour to eat with Reinhard the night before, but tonight he met up with Subaru instead, as had been the original arrangement. They sat near the front, under Felix and Crusch-sama’s watchful gazes. Crusch-sama wouldn’t really be able to use her [Divine Protection of Wind Reading] when there were this many people around, he knew, but if anything — bad — were to happen to Subaru, Felix would be right there.
“Th-Thank you, Wilhelm-san,” Subaru said as he took his seat by his side.
Wilhelm resisted the urge to smile. “I see the staff have decided on a pasta dish tonight,” he noted instead, glancing at the table. “Do you like ragu sauces?”
“They’re fine. Some of them can get really spicy, though…”
Subaru wasn’t a fan of spicy food? Wilhelm filed that away for reference. In that case, they wouldn’t be able to share his personal favorite, which was kind of sad…
“That’s a rather childish outlook, don’t you think?”
Wilhelm wasn’t surprised. This had been their agreement, after all.
“Joshua was never a fan of spicier foods himself,” Julius added, having approached their table as planned. “Though, I think that enjoying the different spices of life in all of their varieties is important for a growing boy’s maturity, hm?”
“Of course you’d say that, you prick,” Subaru retorted, surprisingly at ease. Wilhelm raised an eyebrow.
—He had been suspicious that Julius had been pushing past Subaru’s discomfort for his own sake, before. But…
If this was how Subaru had acted before, then it seemed that Wilhelm’s anxieties may have been misplaced after all.
“May I dine with you tonight?” Julius asked, bowing politely.
Normally, Wilhelm would have responded to that with a resounding “ Hell no.” But — he couldn’t control EVERYTHING about Subaru’s life. And in his heart of hearts, no matter how furious he was about it…he knew that Julius’ actions had genuinely been an accident.
And if Subaru was ready to bridge the gap between him and that knight, then…
“The hell are you asking me for?” Subaru rolled his eyes. “Be a man and sit wherever you want. Or,” he added. “If you’re still a little scaredy-cat about me, then go and eat in the corner, why don’t you?”
Then Wilhelm would have to step aside and let him do just that.
(That didn’t necessarily mean that he was comfortable with this arrangement. But — Wilhelm was right here, if Subaru felt like he needed support.)
“…by reading old folktales, right? In that case you pretty much would have only ever worked with verbs in the past tense,” Julius was saying. Wilhelm blinked — he had missed something, hadn’t he? “It’s an understandable hangup.”
“I don’t need you to try and comfort me, jackass,” Subaru snapped, folding his arms with a huff. “I’m doing just fine on my own, I’ll have you know!”
—Wasn’t that the truth?
Wilhelm didn’t remember this week as well as he wanted to, from the first time around, but he thought that he did remember quite a bit. And…Subaru was already acting differently, wasn’t he?
There wasn’t quite so much moping, this time around. Subaru wasn’t lashing out in anger, either: he hadn’t thrown any tantrums at all, actually, even though Ferris’ raw nerves were surely grating against his own. Wilhelm didn’t have Crusch-sama’s [Divine Protection of Wind Reading] to help him — but from where he sat…Subaru somehow appeared to be in a better emotional state than he had been before. Even if Wilhelm wasn’t quite sure how that had happened.
And then there was that look that had been in Subaru’s eyes, during their swordsmanship lessons earlier in the day…
It hadn’t looked like someone who was lost, floundering for something to hang onto. It looked like someone who believed themselves to have FOUND something, and who was hanging onto it with all their might.
(Wilhelm hoped that he was wrong. Because if he wasn’t — then why, WHY, did it have to be THIS?!)
Julius studied Subaru’s face for a long moment. “…You ARE doing far better than I would have expected,” he agreed.
Subaru stared at him, aghast. “The Hell is THAT supposed to mean?!”
“Only that I had feared I had been — a little rough with you.” Wilhelm bit back a retort about that being an absurd understatement. “I thought you wouldn’t want to be anywhere near me for quite some time, and I was worried that there would be — other issues, as well. But, by the looks of things…”
And this, too. If he let himself admit it, Wilhelm had noticed this shift earlier in the day, when he had entered the Karsten Library, intending to use his break to read peacefully with Subaru in the back of the room — only to see that Julius had had the GALL to approach him while Wilhelm had been gone. Because far from being ready to bolt, Subaru seemed…
Perhaps a little bit nervous, but like he was sincerely trying to move forward, for his own sake. Which was much more than Wilhelm could have said about Subaru’s state of mind towards Julius at this point three years ago.
“You overestimate yourself too much, you prick,” Subaru answered, making a show of rolling his eyes. “What, did you think you’d knocked me on my ass so hard I’d fall over and show you my belly every day for the rest of my life?” He scoffed. “Hell no.”
…If that was what Subaru wanted, then Wilhelm wouldn’t stand in his way. Even if he himself still wanted to punt Julius into the floor.
This feistier side of him was nice to see, anyway. Subaru being so playful and active could only be a good thing — especially in comparison to a Subaru that had seemed so close to just giving up on everything, once upon a time.
And on a more personal note — Wilhelm couldn’t help but be reminded of his younger self, whenever Subaru started acting this way.
“I hate to interrupt,” Wilhelm apologized, the corners of his mouth twitching. “But we are currently supposed to be eating our dinner, are we not?”
Pasta — and then a collection of different sauces that one could pick from, if they wished. “I know what my personal favorite of these ragus are,” he mused, filling up his own bowl. “But Subaru has never had them before, has he…?”
Which one of these would Subaru actually like?
Wilhelm — really didn’t know that much about Subaru. He wasn’t sure what Subaru would enjoy doing the most, or who he wanted to avoid and hang out with respectively, or what kind of foods were his favorite to eat. It made him kind of sad, really. Wilhelm loved Subaru, he already knew that much — so shouldn’t he know these things?
“Ah,” Wilhelm said, snapping out of his thoughts just in time to stop Subaru with a wave of his hand as the boy reached for his favorite sauce. “I like this one, but it’s the spiciest one on the table, and you just said that you don’t like those kinds of ragus.” That was the one thing he knew about Subaru’s preferences, here, but he was a little proud of himself for knowing even that much. Even if he also felt embarrassed for being proud of something so small. “You may be happier trying something else…”
“If you don’t like spice, Subaru, then maybe try this ragu instead?” Julius asked.
Wilhelm looked at him questioningly.
“I’ve had it before,” Julius explained. “It’s milder, but it makes up for that with its complexity of spices…”
“I can feed myself, jackass!” Subaru snapped, face slightly flushed. “And what’s this about me not liking spice?! —I’ll show you. Give me that spiciest one!”
Wilhelm hurriedly stopped him before he could dump the whole thing over his bowl. “You should try a little bit of it first, Subaru!” he warned. “We don’t waste food, here. If you take a lot and then decide you don’t like it…”
That wasn’t really true. Wilhelm would probably have relented and eaten the rest of Subaru’s serving for himself so that Subaru could get something else, if he really made a dumb mistake like that. But he couldn’t TELL him that without encouraging that risky behavior.
“I-I’ll just try a bit, then,” Subaru agreed, somewhat meekly, and used a clean spoon to taste a bit of it.
Wilhelm waited patiently.
“…See?” Subaru grinned. “That wasn’t so— ACK!”
And then he promptly collapsed in on himself as the spice crept up on him all at once.
Holding back laughter, Wilhelm nudged over his own cup of water, watching Subaru grab it with both hands to gulp it down like a man dying of thirst — only to promptly start hacking it up again, eyes wide as he coughed and sputtered and thumped his chest.
“How’s the spice, Subaru?” Julius laughed.
Subaru glowered back at him in response. “Shut up.”
What an overdramatic little…
“Which one was the ragu that you suggested, Julius?” Wilhelm interrupted, unable to hide his own smile.
Whatever it was that Julius had picked out, it was apparently exactly what Subaru wanted, because he devoured his entire bowl within minutes before immediately reaching for a second helping. Wilhelm watched him with fond amusement for a moment before turning to talk to Julius himself, allowing Subaru to go ahead and focus on eating.
“Knew he’d like that one,” Julius whispered, quietly enough that Subaru couldn’t hear. “It was his absolute favorite, back…”
Ah. Wilhelm understood, now.
“That’s cheating,” he grumbled.
Julius glanced at him, looking somewhat confused.
Wilhelm cleared his throat. He wasn’t going to get jealous about something so ridiculous. “How did you spend your day today, Julius?” he asked stiffly.
“W-Well.” Julius briefly glanced at Subaru. “I was — mainly working,” he said carefully. “Organizing the soldiers and supplies, relaying plans, smoothing over the edges as best I could…”
Right. He couldn’t go into detail about that stuff with Subaru right— “And outside of that?” he pressed. “What — were you doing in the Karsten Library?”
“Ah. Well.” Julius looked rather caught off-guard. “I had been looking for my brother,” he admitted. “But it seems that Ferris has recruited him as Subaru’s new literary tutor.”
Wilhelm blinked. “I see,” he said. He had — admittedly forgotten that Subaru was almost completely illiterate. “So that’s what you had been studying…” he muttered.
“We had been focusing on verb tenses, mainly,” Julius said. The corner of his mouth started twitching. “My poor brother tried to start him off with the works by Sir Bartholomew, so he was struggling a little bit.”
Wilhelm’s eyes widened and coughed into his fist. Bartholomew was so advanced that most fully-literate adults couldn’t even finish one of his novellas. “That’s…a choice,” he said politely.
“What about you?” Julius asked, switching topics. “I heard from Ferris that you two have been training in the gardens?” Wilhelm pressed his lips together. “I would have thought that you…”
It was a fair assessment. Even now, Wilhelm was conflicted about whether he should have just refused Subaru’s request outright.
But if he had, then what else might Subaru have decided to do? At least here, Wilhelm could make sure he didn’t…
He swallowed, and steeled himself. He didn’t want to scare Subaru, who was still blissfully unaware of what this week had looked like for him, once upon a time.
“I can’t turn down someone who asks so insistently,” Wilhelm replied in a blank tone. “If Subaru wants to learn, then he wants to learn. I’ll indulge him for as long as his interest persists.”
It shouldn’t persist for that long, right? Subaru hadn’t cared about swords at all before. This was just a distraction, a temporary routine for him to use to burn off some steam. By the end of the week…
(But then Subaru’s eyes had carried that certain spark that morning — moreso than they had the day before. Wilhelm…didn’t want to acknowledge it. Just the idea of acknowledging it tied his intestines into a knot.)
(Broken bones. Blood. Bruises. “Help me! Help me! I don’t want to die!”)
“I don’t think it’s a bad idea for him to learn swordsmanship, actually,” Julius said quietly.
Wilhelm paused.
Julius — didn’t elaborate. Instead he turned to Subaru, who had finally paused in inhaling his dinner. “If you continue to train, then perhaps the two of us can cross swords with one another again, sometime,” he suggested lightly.
Wilhelm stiffened.
Making a joke like this — so soon after an incident like that? What was that knight thinking?! Part of him wanted to stand up and throw him across the room for his insolent thoughtlessness. —He remained seated, mostly out of respect for his Lady. If Subaru gave the word, Wilhelm would gladly cut this dinner short in a…peaceable fashion.
But—
“Bring it! If you think I’m scared of you then you’re wrong.” Subaru pointed his fork at Julius, a sneer on his face. “Next time I’ll win so hard I’ll make you cry for your mommy like a little girl!”
…So that was how it was, huh?
“Is that so?” Julius asked, amused.
“Absolutely! You think you’re hot shit, but I’m gonna knock you down and cover all those perfect white clothes in mud, just wait for it!”
“You’ll have to train hard, then,” Julius teased lightly, prodding just a bit. Wilhelm frowned as the knight briefly glanced in his direction. “If you want to beat ME and all…”
Wilhelm frowned slightly at the underlying motive behind those words.
Wilhelm didn’t want Subaru to learn swordsmanship, because he didn’t want him to become a soldier. He knew that Julius understood this much. But—
“I don’t think it’s a bad idea for him to learn swordsmanship, actually.”
Wilhelm wasn’t stupid: he understood what Julius was alluding to, even if he didn’t want to say it out loud when Subaru was right here and they were supposed to be enjoying a nice dinner together. Because—
“It is entirely possible that I won’t have any more chances after this week is through,” Julius had told him earlier.
That went for Wilhelm, too — and if he did survive then it would keep going for him, long after this week was through. He — wouldn’t be able to protect Subaru forever, no matter how badly he wanted to.
(Blood. Bruises. Broken bones. “I don’t…want…”)
…Wilhelm wasn’t willing to admit that Julius was right, yet. He — Wilhelm needed a little more time.
For now, watching Subaru take the bait and poke and prod right back at Julius, just like nothing had changed at all, was…
It was nice, in a domestic sort of way. As angry as he might still be with Julius, Wilhelm would have appreciated it if this moment lasted until morning.
Though. Honestly, for Subaru to act like this with Julius even now — even after… But really, what else could Wilhelm have expected from Natsuki Subaru?
“Shouldn’t have expected anything else,” he answered aloud, sighing. He really, really shouldn’t have.
When dessert finally arrived, Julius made the gesture of offering to fetch some for them all. Wilhelm refused, feeling quite full, but Subaru apparently still had an appetite, and so off Julius went.
“Sending the Knight of Knights to fetch you some pudding, eh, Subaru?” Wilhelm teased. “How very naughty of you.”
Subaru averted his eyes, looking slightly guilty. Wilhelm held back a chuckle. His attacker one day — and his own personal servant the next. Wilhelm could call it a penance, in a sense.
Come to think of it: if Julius survived this coming battle, maybe Wilhelm could force the knight into acting as Subaru’s personal servant for a while. That seemed rather fitting.
“It’s vanilla bean pudding,” Julius’ voice interrupted, and a small dessert plate was slid in front of him. Subaru looked up just in time to see the knight handing him a dessert spoon. “I know it doesn’t look like a lot, but I hear it’s very rich.”
Yes, that could work. Julius was a knight and Subaru was not, so Wilhelm could make up some excuse to order Julius to “guard” Subaru for a while, thereby placing him directly under the boy’s command. Then Subaru could order him around however he liked, and Julius wouldn’t be able to argue about it one bit. Wilhelm knew that he himself would have been vicious at that age, if given a similar opportunity for revenge — but the Knight of Knights could surely handle anything Subaru tossed his way, yes? And if Subaru couldn’t think of anything, Wilhelm was sure he could help him come up with orders he could try out…
Eventually, Wilhelm saw Subaru yawn. “Looks like you should be getting to bed,” he said, smiling slightly.
Subaru shook head blearily. “I’m fine,” he denied. “I can stay for a little…”
“There’s no need for that,” Wilhelm chuckled. Boys were all the same, no matter where they came from. “You’ll have to wake up early tomorrow anyway, won’t you?”
“I don’t think it’s a bad idea for him to learn swordsmanship, actually.” —Wilhelm wasn’t ready to admit that Julius was right yet, but he was strong enough to admit that Julius wasn’t wrong.
“Garrett escorted you back to your room yesterday, I know,” he said, wincing slightly at the reminder of how he had — kind of abandoned poor Subaru to the elements, last night. It was good of his old comrade to have stepped up in his place, but he didn’t want to put either of them in that position again. “But tonight—”
“Actually — would you mind terribly if I took on that task tonight?”
Wilhelm stopped. Turned to face Julius, who’d had the gall to ask that question.
“The only reason I agreed to have you here in the first place is because I knew I would be here to watch you,”
he wanted to snap.
“Awful rich for you ask to be alone with Subaru after that display earlier,”
he could have said instead. Or even simply,
“You know why I can’t allow that.”
But at the same time—
“It is entirely possible that I won’t have any more chances after this week is through.”
…It wasn’t like Wilhelm didn’t understand the position that Julius was in. And if he were completely honest with himself — it wasn’t like he actually expected Julius to harm Subaru the moment the boy showed him his back.
—Wilhelm probably wasn’t the right person to make this call, anyway. “What do you think?” he asked Subaru, the one who would bear the consequences of this decision.
“Would you be alright with me escorting you to your room, Subaru?” Julius echoed, sounding hopeful and eager. Wilhelm kind of wanted to punch him, but he refrained.
“Do whatever you want,” Subaru said, unbothered.
And like that, the two of them ended up walking through the hall of the Karsten Estate alone.
—Wilhelm couldn’t help himself. Later that night, he just had to go and check, just to make sure…
But when he cracked open the door to his room, Subaru was fast asleep in his bed, hugging his pillow tight and without any sign of any injuries at all.
Wilhelm sighed and shut the door quietly. He should know better, by now, he knew — but it seemed that even now, Subaru was finding ways to keep this old man on his toes.