Chapter Text
I like the way you're everything I ever wanted
I had time to think it over
And all I can say is come closer
Take a deep breath and jump then fall into me
“Mom?” Rory called out as Lorelai shut the front door to their house behind her. Having decided that turning straight up at Luke’s wearing the same dress from the wedding yesterday was definitely not a good idea, Lorelai postponed the pursuit of her hangover-curing pancakes in favour of changing her clothes to something more everyday appropriate. Lorelai appreciated this decision a million times more when she realised that at some point during the previous evening, she’d lost her shoes and now had to walk home barefoot.
Lorelai took a deep breath, being careful not to raise her voice too loudly and agitating the pounding in her head. “Yeah, it’s me.”
“You’re getting back late.” Rory stated, walking towards her with a concerned frown plastered across her face.
Quickly swallowing back the bile beginning to rise in her throat, Lorelai waved Rory away and hurried towards the stairs. “Yeah, I stayed at the inn.”
“I can smell why.” The grimace that overtook Rory’s face caused Lorelai to subtly sniff her skin, the stench of alcohol oozing through her pores threatened to make her heave. “How much did you drink last night?”
Lorelai shrugged. “I don’t know. I was sad: your dad left, you’re leaving soon, Sookie left me for Jackson…”
“The details for me going to Washington haven’t been finalised yet.” Rory mumbled before suddenly shifting focus. “So you were drinking alone?”
Lorelai froze.
In all her panic about talking to Luke, she’d forgotten to consider the most important factor: how Rory would react. Just 24 hours earlier, she was going to finally have her mother and father together, and now her father had left them both, again, and Lorelai had irreparably changed her relationship with the closest thing her daughter had to a present father figure in her life.
The memory from over a year ago of Rory telling her not to date Luke then rushed over her like she’d just been doused by a bucket of ice water. Rory had said no to this relationship over a year ago, and that was before Lorelai had fully proven her lack of commitment skills with her disastrous engagement to Max.
“Mom?” Rory waved a hand in front of Lorelai’s face, ripping her out of her thoughts with a sharp tug.
“Sorry. I… uhm I wasn’t exactly drinking alone…” Lorelai mumbled.
Rory let out a deep sigh and clenched her eyes shut tightly. “Why do I get the feeling I’m not gonna like what you’re about to tell me?” Lorelai had to resist the urge to visible flinch.
“Because I was with Luke…” Lorelai paused, allowing her daughter a moment to pick her jaw up off of the floor before continuing, “Because I was drinking with Luke and then… when I woke up this morning…”
“You didn’t.” Rory gasped.
Lorelai’s gaze fell onto where her bare feet were planted on the floor, unable to meet Rory’s stare. She’d never felt more embarrassed of anything in her life than she did in that moment, not even when she’d had to tell everyone she was pregnant at sixteen. It felt like she’d just kicked her daughter straight in the gut. Like she’d screamed at her that she didn’t care that her father was gone, or about how important her relationship with Luke was.
“I’m sorry, Rory-”
“You don’t need to be sorry. I mean, it’s your life.” Rory crossed her arms over her chest. “This is just what you do. You go back to dad, and when he leaves like he always does, you get sad, so sad that you run into the arms of whoever’s closest at the time.”
“Hey-” Lorelai cried out, but Rory just ignored her.
“Just look at your track record. You broke up with Max, went back to dad, got back together with Max. Called dad from your bachelorette party, broke up with Max. Finally got your chance to be with dad, he left, you ran straight to Luke.”
Lorelai reached out to place a comforting hand on her daughter’s shoulder, but Rory shrugged her away and began stomping towards her room.
“Rory.”
“No.” Rory shouted back, turning suddenly on her heal to face Lorelai. The sight of her crumbling face threatened to bring tears streaming down Lorelai’s face. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to use Luke because your mad at dad. Luke… Luke cares about you so much. He cares about us… and you’ve ruined that. It’s never going to be the same again.”
“You’re right. That would be very wrong to do, but that’s not what I did.” Lorelai took a deep breath in. “Me sleeping with Luke had nothing to do with your father and had everything to do with Luke himself. I really… I really like Luke. And you’re also right that it’s never going to be the same again. Because, after I shower and change, and find shoes, I’m going over to the diner to talk to Luke and… and I’m going to ask him on a date. Which will change everything. It will change everything… and it will make me, him and, hopefully, you very happy.”
The silence that followed echoed around the room so loudly that Lorelai’s ears began ringing, though she thought that might’ve had more to do with the lingering effects of yesterday’s alcohol. After several moments of the pair staring at each other in total silence, Rory whipped around and disappeared into her bedroom, leaving Lorelai standing stunned in the kitchen.
Lorelai knew there was nothing else she could do in this moment to comfort her daughter, the slamming of the door in her face being a pretty clear indication that she wanted to be left alone. So, although it crushed her heart to walk away whilst Rory was clearly suffering, she rushed up the stairs to take a much-needed shower, hoping that it would help to wash away her persisting hangover.
It didn’t.
Though it did help her feel a little more awake and definitely a lot cleaner than the state she’d been in when she’d first woken up, her head was still throbbing and her stomach churning with a vengeance.
“Rory.” Lorelai called as she stumbled slightly down the stairs. After receiving no response, she persisted, her voice growing louder and more agitated, “Rory, I know you’re not too happy with me, but can you at least acknowledge my presence.”
For a moment Lorelai thought Rory was continuing to ignore her. But she emerged from her room suddenly wearing a serious expression that locked onto Lorelai’s attention.
“You’re really serious about liking Luke? About wanting to date him?” Rory asked. Her voice sounded flat, but Lorelai could tell she was using that to mask her insecurity about the situation. When Lorelai nodded, Rory resumed, “Because when you’re with Luke, you are with Luke. You can’t just run away if things get hard.”
“I know.” Lorelai sighed. “Believe me, I know. And I can promise you, that’s not going to happen.”
“Good.” Rory nodded.
“Hon, if you wanna talk about all this stuff with your dad-”
Rory interrupted her suddenly, refusing to meet her eye. “You should get going if you’re gonna talk to Luke, it’s past twelve already.”
“Rory-” Lorelai tried to get her to talk about Christopher leaving again, but it was no use.
“Though you probably missed the pancakes this morning.”
Lorelai could tell her daughter wasn’t going to be ready to talk anytime soon, and there was nothing that would change that at this moment. It was killing her to do nothing, but there was nothing she could do. Christopher would always waltz in and out of Rory’s life, and it was up to Rory to figure out how to deal with that. All Lorelai could do was comfort her when asked and try to ease the pain.
As she took off down the streets of Star’s Hollow towards Luke’s, Lorelai decided it was definitely more pleasant walking around the town wearing shoes than without shoes, like she’d been that morning. She made a mental note to ask Luke if he remembered what had happened to them as she spotted the sign for the Diner in the distance.
Taking a deep breath in, Lorelai walked through the door, flinching at the loud jingling of the bells above her head, agitating the pounding in her head tenfold. She could honestly say that in that moment she considered swearing off alcohol entirely for the rest of her life. But before she had the opportunity to fully entertain a future of total sobriety, Luke’s eyes darted up to meet her own, a deep flush rising from his neck to engulf his entire face almost instantly. Both of them stood frozen for several moments, feet locked securely in place on the ground. Neither wanted to be the one to make the first move.
Finally relenting, Lorelai took the first step towards the counter, shooting him an awkward smile but unable to lift it to her eyes.
“I’ll take a cup of coffee please.” Lorelai said, her voice barely coming out louder than a whisper.
“For here or to go?” Luke countered, though there was more hidden in that question than anyone could ever know. Everyone around them was oblivious to it. Only Lorelai could see the subtext in his gaze. The hidden message meant just for her.
He wasn’t just talking about coffee.
“For here.” Lorelai’s heart was beating so fast and so loud that she had to resist the urge to whip her head around to check if anyone could hear it.
From the slight upwards tilt at the corners of his mouth, Lorelai could tell that Luke was glad about the response despite the lack of acknowledgement he gave as he poured her coffee into a mug and slid it forward to her. But it was enough for that moment. They had all the time in the word to hash out the details, for now they both had all they needed, knowing the events of the previous night were going to repeat themselves. And more importantly, repeat when they were both sober enough to remember them completely.
Lorelai breathed in the scent of the coffee with a deep sigh, allowing the aroma to sink through her skin and into her bones. After his company, this was the thing Lorelai missed most during her fight with Luke. It was a scent that flooded her body with joy and left every never-ending tingling.
“Oh… I uhm… I saved you some pancakes. If you wanted them.” Luke mumbled beside her, the sudden shock of his presence causing her to jerk upright and almost spill her coffee all over the counter.
“What?” Lorelai sputtered, trying to clear her throat of the coffee she’d just nearly choked on.
“I was just… If you want pancakes, I still have them. If not, I can get you something else, or…”
“Pancakes are good.” Lorelai nodded, taking a deep gulp from her coffee, its presence immediately helping to ease the throbbing in her head.
“Okay then.” Luke nodded, shooting her a soft smile. “Anything with it?”
“Side of aspirin?” Lorelai joked, eliciting a deep chuckle from his chest.
“I know how you feel. I haven’t felt this bad in years. Haven’t drank like that in years either.” Luke paused for a moment before lowering his voice. “Did you find the aspirin I left out for you?”
Lorelai smiled softly remembering his small act of kindness that morning. “Yeah. Thank you.”
Hiding her face in her coffee cup, she hoped no one around them could see the flush encasing her skin. It was so strange. Just 24 hours earlier, they hadn’t even been speaking and now she was sat blushing like she was a teenager again.
After several moments of silence, Luke broke it as he gestured to the kitchen, “I’ll go get your pancakes. I probably won’t have chance to talk properly for about another hour though.”
“That’s okay. I’ll wait here.” Lorelai smiled as she added, “As long as you don’t stop pouring the coffee, otherwise I’ll probably only make it another twenty minutes before my head implodes.”
Luke let out a breathy chuckle. “That stuff will kill you.”
“Not if the hangover gets me first.”
“I suppose not.”
And with that, Lorelai was once again left sitting alone with her own thoughts. But unlike the previous day, these thoughts were happy and filled with hope, even if they were tinged with the slightest hint of anxiety for her impending talk with Luke.
As more and more customers filtered out of the Diner, her refills kept coming along with several small smiles from Luke, and, of course, the magic pancakes that made her feel less like she was going to puke with every bite. Lorelai suspected that Luke must put some secret ingredient in them that cured all illness because not even Sookie’s pancakes could make her feel as good as these did. Maybe it was the juxtaposition of the phenomenal pancakes with the terrible hangover. Maybe it was just that Luke used a special kind of flour. But whatever it was, Lorelai was eternally grateful for it.
“Lorelai.” Luke’s voice startled her upright. “You sure you’re okay?”
Nodding, she quickly glanced at the clock and realised she’d been off in completely her own world for at least the past fifteen minutes. “Yeah, sorry I guess I just zoned out a little bit. Wow it really gets quiet in here quickly, doesn’t it?”
She was the only customer left at this point; it always felt odd seeing the Diner empty, but she supposed every business had its quiet times.
“That’s fine. We can, uhm… go upstairs. If you’d like.” Luke avoided meeting her eye as he spoke. “Or not, you know…”
“Upstairs is fine.”
Lorelai moved to head up the stairs to Luke’s apartment. It was still something she’d only done a few times, yet it was as natural as walking into the Diner.
“Jess went out so it’s just the two of us.” Luke gestured for her to go inside, but his words caused her to stop instantly in her tracks.
“Jess?” Luke nodded. “Since when was he back in Star’s Hollow?”
“Since yesterday.” His words sounded cold and awkward, as if her were scared that this would cause yet another argument to erupt between the two of them just as they were about to get everything they wanted.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean that to sound so…” Lorelai let out a deep breath. “It’s just the first I’m hearing about it, that’s all. I wasn’t expecting it… I actually think it’s good he’s back. You’re… I think you’re good for him.”
“Really?”
Lorelai nodded before smiling at the empty apartment. “Plus, you spent all that time and money renovating the apartment, it’d be a shame if it went to waste.”
Luke huffed out a small chuckle as Lorelai sat down at the table, admiring the newly renovated space. It looked far less ‘bachelor’ than it had before, even though it was technically still one room. There were separate spaces: a proper living space and separate bedroom areas at either end. A frown fell on her face when she caught sight of the single bed, though. Clearly, not everything was that different.
“Would you like anything to… What’s wrong?” Luke’s voice grew more anxious as he caught sight of her face.
“Nothing, just… I see you still have the single bed.”
“Oh, yeah…” Luke glanced down at his feet. “It just didn’t make sense to get rid of it. Saves space, and with Jess in the apartment, you know, I can’t really have anyone stay over…”
“Oh, yeah, of course.” Lorelai nodded before suddenly blurting out, “Apple juice.”
“What?” Luke’s eyes grew wide.
“You were asking if I wanted anything to drink, right?”
“Right, yep. I think there might be some…” Luke began rifling through the fridge.
“You don’t have to, sorry. It was a weird request for me. I mean, I never drink apple juice… I’ll just have water.” Internally scolding herself, Lorelai brought herself out of her babbling, not wanting to alert Luke to how uncomfortable the current situation was for her. Even though she knew they’d slept together the previous night, neither one could remember it very well. That sort of thing left a weird tension between them that Lorelai suspected only one thing would fix, but they definitely needed to talk before jumping straight into that. Again.
“Here’s your water.” Luke handed her the glass, coughing filling the silence that began to rear its ugly head.
“Thank you.” Lorelai mumbled, barely acknowledging its presence. “Luke…”
“Yeah?”
“Last night was great. Amazing…” Se began, unsure of how to approach the rest of this conversation.
“But?” Luke raised an eyebrow, clearly sceptical of where she was leading this discussion.
“But… It can’t happen again unless…” Lorelai sighed deeply. Luke’s stare was so intense she felt as if she might melt beneath it. “Unless it’s something more. More than just sex. I can’t do that to us. Our friendship… It means something to me and I know I’ve kinda taken that for granted recently, but… I need you in my life, Luke. I need you in my life and Rory needs you in hers and if this isn’t going to be something serious… I just couldn’t do that. It wouldn’t be fair to you. Or to me, or Rory.”
Continuing to watch her for several beats, Luke finally inched closer to her. He passed the point he’d usually stop at. Breached that imaginary line that kept the distance between them platonic. Finally, he paused, his face so close to her own she could feel his heavy breath hitting her skin, sending a wave of shivers down her body, brushing every nerve ending in her body.
“Lorelai…” The feeling of her own name against her skin had never felt so sensual as it did coming from Luke. “I’ve never been good at talking about my feelings. Never… I don’t find myself ever seeking out other people. Honestly, most of the time I find people exhausting. But you… It’s like you cast some kind of spell on me that day you burst into the Diner. Every minute I spend with you leaves me needing more. Last night… It shouldn’t have happened. Not like that.”
Lorelai’s breath caught in her throat. She had no idea what his next words would be, but she’d never been so terrified of rejection in her life. Never felt that if he were to say they should go back to being friends she would crumble into a pile of dust at his feet.
“Luke…”
Luke gripped her arms firmly, stopping her words in her throat. “I should have taken you to dinner. Turned up at your front door with flowers and finished the evening off with a kiss.”
“I don’t need flowers.” Lorelai mumbled, leaning further into his chest.
“But you deserve them. You deserve so much more than some drunken fumble. I… If you’ll give me a chance to make it right, I’d love to take you to dinner.”
Lorelai smiled. A genuine grin from ear to ear consumed her face as she closed the gap between them and captured his lips with her own. The instant their lips connected, it released a kind of passion she struggled to comprehend. Shivers coursed through her veins, yet at the same time her skin burned like her blood was replaced by molten lava. Her brain had turned to total mush; the only thing she could comprehend was his mouth against hers.
Then it was over.
Luke jerked back suddenly, instantly ending their connection and leaving them both panting hard.
“I take it that’s a yes to the date?” Luke smirked at her. The kind of devilish smirk that left her weak in the knees.
“Yes.” Lorelai nodded, still grinning like a madman. “Tonight work for you?”
“I’ll pick you up at seven.”
Lorelai had never been ready on time for a date. Never once had she been fully dressed when the clock hands reached the official start time of the date.
Yet, here she was, sat on the couch five minutes before Luke was supposed to pick her up with nothing left to do. She’d easily chosen her outfit, flawlessly applied her makeup and curled her hair with the precision of somebody being paid to do the job and still had time to spare.
It was a miracle of epic proportions that freaked her to the edge of sanity.
“You need to chill.” Rory said from beside her, soaking up some of their final moments together before she left the following day for Washington.
“Maybe I should cancel.” Rory’s eyes grew wide before Lorelai quickly added. “Not cancel but postpone until tomorrow. It’s your last night here until September, I just feel bad ditching you like this.”
“Mom, I’m the one ditching you. For the entire summer. You shouldn’t cancel, sorry postpone, your first date with Luke just to spend the evening with me. Some say we spend to much time together as it is, you wouldn’t want to prove them right, would you?”
“Who says that?” Lorelai shot her daughter a puzzled look that earned her a dramatic eyeroll in response.
“I’m just saying, you and Luke both deserve this, and we can spend plenty of time together when I get back.”
“I suppose.” Lorelai grumbled. “But what if tonight doesn’t go well.”
“Why wouldn’t it go well?”
“What if I say the wrong thing. Or do something weird. Or, what if he finds me annoying? It’s been known to happen, I go on a date with a guy who really likes me and after getting an insight into my personality, he runs for the hills, leaving nothing behind but a cloud of smoke and some tire marks.”
“Mom, Luke knows you. All that stuff’s happened before, and he still wants to date you.” Rory placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, forcing her down from panic mode slightly.
“I guess.” She mumbled, still not entirely convinced there was nothing she could do to drive Luke away.
But before she had chance to dwell on it too much, a knock at the door pulled her firmly back to reality. This was it. It was really happening. She was going on a date with Luke.
There was nothing else to do now but jump headfirst into this. There was no looking back, no place for worry or doubt, no looking for the quickest escape.
“Hi.” She whispered as she opened the door. He was dressed in a blue, button-down shirt and clutching a bouquet of flowers in his hands, his face filled with as many nerves as she suspected her own was.
“You look beautiful.” His words sent a blush creeping onto her face and in that moment, she knew it was pointless fighting their connection. She was falling for him, faster than she’d ever fallen for anybody.
“We should… Um…” Gesturing awkwardly at his truck seemed to fill in the gaps left by her words.
“Have fun.” Rory called out after them as she closed the front door.
Lorelai’s heart was beating so quickly she felt like it was going to burst out from her chest. No date had ever held as much weight as this one did. Their entire future was balancing on a needle point, just waiting for Lorelai to do the wrong thing and send it shattering to the ground.
“Are you okay?” Luke asked.
“Huh?”
“You’re not talking, that usually means there’s something wrong.” God, he knew her too well.
“I’m just… I usually say the wrong thing a lot, and I don’t want to say anything or do anything that’ll ruin tonight. I want it to be perfect.”
“It will be perfect if you talk, about anything, really. I like listening to you ramble on about stuff. Sometimes it’s interesting just to see how long you go on for. There’s nothing you could say that could ruin tonight for me, honestly.”
Lorelai let out a small sigh of relief before smirking. “What if I lay out an exact plan for how I could brutally murder you, hide the evidence and get off scott free.”
“Then I’d listen, slightly amused at how your mind works and then make some kind of joke about how you wouldn’t live much longer because you’d be killing your main food source and without me around, you’d starve to death very quickly.”
“Wow. I really can say anything.” She grinned. This was going to work. Of course it was going to work.
It was Luke.