Chapter Text
It's been a week since Zemo started courting my Mami. And all I can tell you is that this is probably the first time in my life I wanted to strangle someone every time I see them.
First of all, since he came into the frame, my Mami has no time for me. That's not fair. He can go fuck himself. Second of all, how dare he even court my Mami? He's a 6 at best.
Sam said 6 was probably the highest I've given to all of Loki's courters. I only gave it because on one of their dates, Zemo bought us McDonalds to shut us up. I was stubborn on giving him a 4 but he bought me a happy meal so I gave him the points either way.
Which sucks because I didn't want to but he makes Mami smile genuinely so I've got nothing against him I guess.
Putting that aside, Sam's been looking at this figurine from a comic he's been reading. He has the money to buy it but he keeps saying he might regret buying it later.
Which is utter bullshit by the way. Why would you regret it? You bought it for yourself. You deserve some happiness too. You're literally the son of a powerful US ambassador, I don't know why you're holding yourself back when you're spoiled enough to become a fertilizer.
Bucky sits across from Loki, eyes casted downwards as he chews mindlessly. It's been a week and three days since Zemo had started courting Loki so he hadn't really made time for his boy for some time now.
School had finished just an hour and a half ago and Loki decided to go to the mall with Buck. Nothing special. Just a hangout.
But he noticed when his son wasn't present today. He usually says a word or two, asking if he can buy him this or that. But today, he's just been.. following him. Holding the bags, nodding along to what Loki says.
So, like any mother, he sits him down. Bought ice cream and let silence fall over them for a few minutes before he brings it up.
“James, what's wrong?" He questions. His eyes stay on his now melted ice cream. He stirs it with his spoon, waiting for a reply.
Bucky snapped back to reality when the question hit him. He opened his mouth, about to say it was nothing, that it wasn't anything important, but the words didn't leave his mouth.
His mouth opens and then closes. He couldn't say anything. He doesn't know what to say. Loki had always been perceptive. Like a real mother, he knows when something's wrong.
Seeing that Bucky doesn't have the words to say it, Loki sighs but not in disappointment. No, never that.
He put down the cup of melted ice cream and leans back in his chair.
“James, you know you can tell me anything," Loki says. "I will never judge you, darling. I promise”
Hearing the words, it lifted something small inside Bucky. It helped even if it was little and simple.
Bucky licked his lips and swallowed before sitting upright.
“Y'know I liked Steve a lot, right?" Bucky says. Hands interlocking with each other. His thumb caresses the back of his hand for comfort.
Loki nods. “Yes, darling. Why?"
Bucky poked the inside of his cheek. Should he really be asking him this? Gods, he shouldn't have been so obvious.
“I- uh.." Bucky looked down at his hands on the table.
Loki watches him. How tense he is, how he keeps his eyes downwards, how his hands held each other tightly like it was the only thing keeping him together.
Loki reaches forward and takes both of his hands with his own.
“Darling, look at me. Look at Mami."
Bucky looks back at him. And suddenly, it's like he's staring at the same miserable and drunk junior he met in an alley all over again.
Eyes glossy from thoughts that crowd his mind and whisper doubt and shame in his ear. Looking at Loki the same way that same drunk junior looked at him. Broken, lost, and felt nothing but sadness.
Loki lets go of one of his hands and cups Bucky's cheek. The brunette leans into it. Biting his lip to swallow down a sob that threatened to come out.
“Oh.. Jamie.. darling, it's okay. I'm here." Loki says softly. So soft. So heartbreakingly soft.
Loki moves to sit beside Bucky. Still holding one of his hands while the other moved to wipe the few stray tears that spilled.
“What is it? Tell me. Mami's here for you, my dear." Loki quietly says. He says it like it's only for him. For Bucky. For his Jamie.
Bucky swallowed down the lump in his throat before he started. His mouth opens, words at the tip of his tongue but feared to come out.
But he tries again.
Again because he's here.
“I- uh.. Steve, he-.." Bucky paused. He feels like a cornered animal. Like he shouldn't even be speaking about it in the first place.
But the thumb caressing his cheek.
Comforting.
Grounding.
Reminding him there's nothing to fear.
So he tries again.
One more time.
“Steve, he told me that he- uh.. that he's planning to confess to this girl,” Bucky says.
Blinking away tears. Glancing at Loki before looking back down at his lap. He can't look. Not with how concerned yet loving he looks at him.
“A- and it's not like I'm not—it’s not like I wouldn't support him or anything, I love him. He's my best friend.. of course I'll support him but—” Bucky lets out a shaky exhale.
He must look so stupid right now. Crying over a simple crush. It's not like Steve's the only guy in the world, why is he wasting this much tears over him?
"But it hurts, is that it, love?”
Bucky couldn't stop the shaky sob that came out. The words hit close to home. Because it didn't just hurt. It wrecks him. It leaves him so much pain. So much so that he can almost feel the cracks in his heart.
If he's already like this with Steve's plan on confessing, how would he be like if they did get together? What would it look like? Would he cry again with Loki by his side? Would he make himself look like a pathetic fool because the man he loved loves someone else?
Loki pulls him into a hug. Firm but not constricting. Comforting only to the point that made Bucky let go and let it fall.
Gods, why is he so pathetic?
Loki's hand pats his back in a slow rhythm as he lets Bucky hold him close and cry into his shoulder. Not bothered by the tears dampening his coat.
“It hurts so much already, doesn't it, sweet heart? Even though there's still a chance, you already know it's very slim.” Loki hugs him tight.
“My dearest, Jamie. Even with how tough you act on the outside, you really are just a pathetic little boy on the inside. Smitten for a boy you deluded yourself to thinking you have a chance.” Loki pulls away. He lets the truth hang in the air.
He looks deep into Bucky's eyes. His hands moved to wipe the tears. Bucky hated how Loki looked at him like he was the moon and stars that he proudly hung in the sky. He hated how it made him feel like he was someone worth it.
But he felt seen.
His gaze alone says what Bucky wished to hear his whole life.
I see you.
The real you.
“Cry. Cry all you want today. Sob everything out. Say everything you keep-" Loki puts his finger over Bucky's heart, "in here."
"Break the bottle and let it all flow out, love.”
Loki pats his cheek. "And I'll be here listening. Always."
And suddenly, Bucky felt like a child all over again.