Chapter Text
My dearest Stevie,
I cannot accept your invitation to meet, nor to know me. For I am not knowable in any conceivable capacity that would suffice your worth, or imagination. You imagine me someone else, I know it. A prince charming, knight in shining armor.
But I am no prince, my armor does not gleam. It's broken and dirty, unpolishable. You would not love me.
I am sorry to hear no one has spoken such truths to you before, that no one has taken the time to tell you how much they love you. How perfect you are. Wheeler might be top of the class, but surely he is an idiot to ever let you go. They all are.
If you were mine I would remind you daily how dear you are to me, I wouldn't be able to help it. I would walk into a room and smile just because you're there. I would kiss you every morning and night, so you would not have to wonder if my lips wanted to be anywhere else. I would not be able to keep my hands to myself, you would pray for a break from my love, darling.
And I would always give it to you, whatever you needed. Because you are important to me. My most precious token.
But, you would not feel love for me, I guarantee it. Robie can tell you the same. So I cannot let you know me. Isn't it better, more poetic, to have it secret? You can live your life knowing someone is always in your corner, always loving from afar.
Your ever adiring M
Dear M ♡♡♡
You're being pretty rude you know. You think I'm so perfect (which is wrong for one thing), but you won't let me know you. Are you saying I can't decide for myself if I can love you? ♡ that I am so perfect but can't love you? That seems imperfect to me.
If it's your looks, I don't really care. If it's because you're - a nerd or something, that's fine. I am friends with nerds! They say I'm nerdy too. I am not all pretty hair and good makeup, I can decide things for myself. More importantly, don't talk about yourself like that please. No one at this school is horrible, so you can't beat yourself up like that. Unless you're a serial murder-rapist-sicko who hurts animals and is cruel to others, then I'm fine with whoever you truly are!!!! ♡
Really!!! ♡♡♡♡♡
Come on, your dream girl is asking to meet you and you're not letting her? Wooow. Your lucky being a coward is something I'm fine with. ♡
Your Stevie xx
Sweetheeart, Stevie,
I'm not trying to take away your agency, darling, or control who you love, but it would possibly shatter my entire being if you found out who I am and rejected me. Because you would. So, excuse me for avoiding my demise. You can call it cowardice, I call it preservation.
And you're lucky that your whip-like attitude I find incredibly attractive, pretty princess. You won't convince me to reveal myself by calling me out like that.
I adore that you're more than your facade, that you're a nerd. If anything I think I just love you more. I know there's always more than meets the eye, I'm not surprised you have multitudes more than people think you do.
But, believe me, dearest, I am thinking in our best interest. Let's leave it be.
I have never hurt an animal, or another human being, even accidentally {aside from punching my friend in the face when they were walking by me as I raised my arm}
Your M
My M,
I hope you're having a good day, whoever you are. ♡
I can't believe it's been over two weeks and I still don't know you. So you know what? Fine. I won't know you. (I have threatened Robie every way I can think of, he won't tell me so I assume you're a very nice person if he's so loyal to you) ♡
But I will still write to you, because I really like talking to you. And if you love me so much you should know I'm stubborn when I want something.
So, how are you? What did you eat for lunch the day you read this? Where does Robie find time to give you his letters when I'm not around? I've followed him all day for two days, which means you must be in the classes he is in that I am not.
I'll figure it out eventually. ♡
I won't reject you. It's driving me insane that you think I would.
Your dream girl x ♡♡
Miss Stephanie Harrington,
Please don't figure me out. Think of my survival. Please. Just let me be.
I know you're stubborn, I know it's annoying to not get what you want. But don't be so cruel to me. Be a good girl and let me go. Let me be your ghost.
{I ate pastrami sandwiches for lunch. I hated it. And leave poor Robie alone. He's close to giving up on us}
M
The Ghost of M Scaredy-Pants ♡
Pastrami isn't all bad. I know how to make good pastrami sandwiches. We should have lunch together sometime x
Us? Theres no us because you won't let there be an us! I don't want to hurt you, I want to love you. Just don't leave me. Don't be a vacant presence in my life. Please.
Please ♡
Stevie ♡
Robie is getting papercuts. He's so done with this. What is he even getting out of it? Edie is miserable, because she is so close to getting what she wants but won't let herself get it. Stevie is miserable, because she just wants to know who loves her.
He should put a stop to it. Cold turkey for both of them, let them let each other go. It's the healthy, sane thing to do.
But…
Stevie grins like an idiot when she gets to read her letters, they're all tacked onto the wall of her bedroom. And she and Robie have become good friends these past few weeks. As far as he can tell Stevie doesn't have many friends anymore, and he's the only one who knows about the letters, aside from the children she babysits. But they are no help, despite how hard they try to figure it out. That Daphne is a character, Robie kind of loves her.
And Edie stands a bit taller now, like the letters have boosted her ego despite the fact she won't let Robie tell Stevie who she is, and has limited him to passing her notes in the boys bathroom (yes, Edie doesn't mind being in there, she's got gender conformity speeches constantly ready to go).
Robie is this close to locking the two girls in a room together, whether they come out holding hands or heartbroken. Robie is almost positive Stevie wouldn't mind being liked by a girl - she knows about him now, he let it slip that he prefers boys, and she just made fun of his taste in men. She's even said some things that make Robie think she could be, if she was given the opportunity, a bit queer. Stevie said she thinks Joan Jett is sexy for God's sake!
It's not his business what they do with their own lives. Not really. But he can't stand to see the both of them wrapped up in this situation when they don't need to be!
Being locked in the north end supply closet isn't unusual for Edie. It's the smaller of the school's supply closets, only a couple square feet of standing space. But it's much more preferable than being crammed in a locker, which happened to her twice since her first senior year. But being locked in the tiny space with someone else isn't not ideal, and the fact it's Stevie Harrington is even worse.
Edie had been locked in the closet by someone with a familiar cruel laugh, so she just waited until Carl the janitor did his rounds at the end of the day like she usually does. But the door opened almost immediately, and Stevie seemed to once again be saving Edie from school bullies, until Stevie got shoved in right along with her.
Thank God they were both girls, because having to be tits to tits is bad enough, but Edie is positive if she had a dick it would be making an attempt to introduce itself to Stevie right now - she's never been this close (Edie's clit could try, but it's not going to be an issue). And the tight space means they're really close. It'd be hot if it was terrifying.
“Fucking shit. I'm sorry, sorry.” Stevie's stepping on her toes but Edie doesn't care. Stevie seems to be panicking.
“Just stop moving.” Edie grabs Stevie's arms, holding her still. Trying to be comforting.
“Sorry.” Stevie shudders. “I-I don't do well with tight spaces… or the dark.”
“Is princess Stevie is scared of the dark?”
Stevie just laughs a little nervously. “Yeah. Figures.”
“Why'd they shove you in here with me anyway?”
Stevie shakes her head a bit. "I don't know. Maybe because I've made myself a target always saving people now. I got yogurt dumped on me last week when I tried to stop Dean Mitchell from pantsing that nerdy kid with the glasses."
"Hero Harrington, huh? Has a nice ring to it."
Stevie scoffs. "Yeah right. How long does this, um. Usually last?"
"I've been in here until five before." Edie shrugs. Stevie whines and deflates. "Sorry."
"It's not your fault."
"It... might be."
"You asked them to shove me in here? Wow, thanks." Stevie says sarcastically.
"No, but I made it appealing. Being locked up with The Freak is probably ticking them pink right now."
Stevie shifts back, leaning against the shelving unit at her back. There's maybe five inches between them, which isn't anywhere near enough for Edie's comfort.
"Why?"
Edie frowns. "Because... it's me?"
Stevie shifts, not commenting on that.
"Why do they call you that anyway?" She's got her arms wrapped around herself tightly. She must still be pretty scared, maybe talking will help keep her mind off the situation.
"You know why."
"Not really." Stevie shrugs. "I mean, you're weird..."
Does she seriously not know? Would Stevie have worked out the M letters if she had? Would she have bothered saving Edie that first time, or replying to the letters at all?
"I'm..." Edie hesitates. It's dim in here, but not dark enough to hide Stevie's face should she be disgusted. Edie won't survive that, it's the whole reason she used just her last initial back on February 14th. "...I like girls, Stevie."
Stevie doesn't seem to get it at first, she just frowns. But then it clicks and she nods.
"Oh."
'Oh' is never a great reaction, Edie scoffs. “Yeap. Just a one eyed, one horned, flying, pussy eater freak.”
Stevie snorts a laugh. “Oh my God. Are you ancient? You did not just make The Purple People Eater gay. That song is so old!”
Edie looks up, fighting a smirk - it feels so good making Stevie laugh. She schools her face back down, looking away again.
“I don't care, you know.” Stevie offers. Edie doesn't say anything, but she leans against the wall, trying to get away. “I don't! You're not hurting anyone, and it's got nothing to do with me so - why should I care?”
Oh, you would if you knew. Edie thinks, trying to silently inhale the soft scent of Stevie - Farrah Fawcett, citrus and perfection. Edie looks back at her.
"Did you seriously not know?"
"I don’t tend to listen to that shit." Stevie crosses her arms now instead. So, not disgusted by the idea at least. "That's serious why they call you a freak?"
"One of the reasons, yeah. That and just because of who I am in general. Come on, you're Princess Stevie, you used to run this school. You know why better than I do."
Stevie looks her over, slowly, like she's trying to figure something out. Then she meets Edie's eyes and stays there. God Stevie's even more beautiful up close; she's got tiny freckles Edie's never noticed, her hair looks even softer, her eyes could inspire a million ballads.
"I... I didn't come up with names. I just laughed. I didn't... I'm sorry. For what they did - what they do. I wish I had never been friends with them. Honestly, they're the freaks. They're mean spirited and empty. The people worth knowing are the different ones, I know that now. Someone..." Stevie bites her lips and looks down. "Someone different shouldn't be hated just because they're themselves."
Stevie looks up at Edie with a genuine smile. She's trying to be comforting, to reassure Edie - who is nothing to the likes of Stevie - that she deserves to be who she is. That Edie is worth something.
Oh, Edie is so fucked. She should never have written a letter in the first place.
M's letter is late. Robie says he hasn't seen M all day, which is odd. It's been two days since Stevie gave her letter to Robie, who swore he handed it over. But nothing yet. No reply. Stevie images the worst, scans the whole school to see who is missing.
She's given up on trying to solve who M is, mainly because they asked her to, but also because it got hard. Who even knows if M is using their real name - maybe they've used M as an alias after a fictional character. That's what Daphne thinks anyway.
Robie has to practise for band, so he's spending his lunch hour in the music room. Which means Stevie is alone, outside on the grass enjoying the sun. She wonders what Edie Munson is doing right now, with half a mind to go check storeroom, lockers and bathrooms for the freak in case someone else has locked her in somewhere.
Her thoughts are interrupted when Chris Cunningham walks up to her.
“Hey, Stevie.” Chris smiles. He then looks around and rubs his head, shrugging. “This is for you.”
He fishes an envelope out of his jacket picket. Stevie tilts her head and takes it from his outstretched hand. Its M's note. Definitely. It's got M's signature writing ‘S.H’ on the front
Why did M not give it to Robie?
“Oh, right.” Stevie checks the envelope over.
“Edie Munson asked me to give it to you.” Chris says, hands in his pockets. Stevie freezes. “But… she seemed upset. Please don't do anything to her. She's actually nice when you get to know her.”
“Yeah… sure.” Stevie blinks, looking up at Chris. He's stupidly big blue eyes look concerned. “I - n-no, I'm not like that.”
Chris frowns, chewing his bottom lip. “Okay. I just don't want to, you know, be an accessory.”
“Did - did she say why?”
She. M is a she.
M is Edie Munson. Edie Munson. Edie Munson loves her.
Stevie Harrington is in love with a girl??
“Nope. She just seemed like - you know, spooked.”
Stevie looked back at the envelope forgetting her usual careful way of not damaging M's letters and tears it open, anxiously scanning the page.
My beautiful Stevie,
I'm sorry. I should never have written to you in the first place. I am Icarus, you are my sun and I am melting. Falling. My demise is imminent. I shouldn't have ever made you interested in me. I never imagined I would be hurting both of us with my naive little letters. I'm foolish. I'm sorry.
I'm not going to write you again. I won't stop loving you, I fear it's actually gotten worse if anything. Which is why I can't continue.
Please don't try to find me. Let's just leave it as it is. I won't ever know the pain of you walking away, you won't ever have to know it wouldn't have worked.
A thousand kisses are on this letter, I counted each one. Keep it with you ♡
Your M
“Oh, the motherfucker! Make me fall in love with you and then reject me?!” Stevie Harrington has never been rejected before! She then freezes and looks at Chris. “I, uh… that came out wrong.”
Chris is just staring at her, then he tilts his head. “You're gay?”
“No!"
“Oh. So... you like boys and girls?”
“No, I don't…!" Well, the fact that M turning out to be Edie Munson isn't the most upsetting thing right now means that's probably the case. “I don't know!”
Stevie's mad that Edie thinks she can decide this for them, that she's pulling away. She's not at all weirded out that Edie loves her. A lot. That's a crisis that can wait.
Edie's big doe eyes getting all shiny when Stevie said she didn't care about Edie being gay the other day in the closet (coming out IN the closet, so Edie) suddenly make sense.
“Okay. Wow. You can like both. I mean...” Chris looks around, checking over his shoulder. “I do.”
“You do?”
Chris nods. “Edie actually helped me figure it out. She's nice like that. But don't tell anyone! My parents would kill me.”
Oh right, some people have parents to worry about with this sort of thing. Stevie's parents haven't even come to mind yet.
“I won't if you won't.” Stevie gives him a nod. Chris nods back. "Where is she?"
"Edie? Why?" Chris frowns. It's almost cute how protective he is.
"I need to talk to her." Stevie shoves the letter at him. The last letter she'll ever get. "About this bullshit."
Chris looks at her for a moment, then sighs. "She's in the cafeteria I think."
"Right."
Stevie packs up her lunch, shoving it into her bag and dusting the grass off her butt. She's going to do something about this, right now. Sooner than as soon as possible if possible. She's going to drag Edie back to that closet and confront her about wherever the hell she gets the audacity to decide to take away the one person who's ever meant anything romantically to Stevie.