Chapter Text
Using Cas’ chest as a pillow, Dean listened to the gentle rhythm of Cas’ heartbeat and the steady lift of his chest as he breathed. Cas’ fingers combed through Dean’s hair, and Dean could probably fall asleep if his mind wasn’t reeling.
He was afraid this was a dream.
“I’ve dreamed of this before,” Dean whispered.
The arm draped over Dean’s back tensed a little. “Me too,” Cas said.
“Every night?”
“Only the good ones.”
Dean had listened intently while Cas explained to him, Sam, and Amelia over dinner where he had been all this time: on some island, barely surviving eating coconuts and fish. As soon as Cas had finished his last bite, Dean dragged him back to their bedroom to make up for lost time - and because if he thought one more time about how close he had been to permanently losing Cas, he might be sick.
“Don’t leave,” Dean said now, into Cas’ bare chest. He cuddled closer but never quite close enough. “Please. Ever again.”
“Never,” Castiel promised and though Dean didn’t doubt his sincerity, the words didn’t feel like enough.
“When the ship capsized… Hell, I saw it on tv…” Dean swallowed, remembering how he had been visiting Sam while Cas went on his business trip. He had a beer in his hand when the local news flashed its report of the tragedy - though it flicked away before explaining anything. The beer bottle had shattered on the floor and Sam had to pry the remote away from Dean’s hands just to find the right channel - Dean couldn’t get his fingers to work.
Taking the ship instead of a plane had been Dean’s idea, since Dean had a fear of flying. “A ship would be safer,” Dean had insisted. To make him happy, Cas had agreed.
“It was my fault,” Dean said. He couldn’t stop the tears that slipped from his eyes. “God, it was all my fault.”
“Dean, no.” Cas kissed the top of his head. “It’s because of you that I survived.”
“Bullshit.”
“I thought of you in the water,” Cas said. “I was so tired; I had hit my head. But I kept swimming because I knew you were out there. I couldn’t leave you alone.”
“Cas…”
“On the island, when I wanted to just give up - sometimes I couldn’t catch any fish and I was so hungry.” Cas’ voice rumbled his chest, and Dean closed his eyes to feel the words as well as hear them. “I thought of you waiting… I had my ring. I always had it, and I would look at it.” He took a small breath. “I never gave up, Dean, because of you.”
Dean pushed himself up onto his elbows to look at Cas’ face and see the love and devotion sparkling in those blue eyes. Cas traced the curve of Dean’s jaw with soft fingertips.
“I never want to wake up without you again,” Dean whispered as he turned his head to kiss Cas’ palm.
“And I never want to go to sleep without you,” Cas said.
Dean smiled - really smiled. “Let’s just never leave the bed again.”
Cas smiled too and Dean kissed him.
“I love you so deeply,” Cas said against his lips.
And Dean replied, “I never stopped loving you, not even for a second. Not even in my worst hour. I love you so much. God, it hurts how much.”
Cas pressed their lips together and brushed away Dean’s tears with his thumbs. “I’m here, Dean.”
“Stay.”
“Always.”