Chapter Text
“...love you.”
Caesar awoke, vision blurry, mind still fogged with sleep. Disoriented, he looked around the room, eyes darting as far to the side as was possible without moving his head. His body was numb, but he felt a glowing warmth clinging to his back. Joseph. Of course. He’d always been a light sleeper; any noise or muttering at all was bound to wake him up, no matter how quiet. And as luck would have it, Joseph was prone to muttering in his sleep. Tomorrow was a Saturday, so it wouldn’t be detrimental if he didn’t get enough rest, but he liked to keep his sleep schedule rigid. But, he thought, if he was really serious about keeping his sleep habits consistent, he shouldn’t have chosen to spend the night at Joseph’s. Alas, Jojo’s allure was too strong, the offer of his warm embrace too inviting for him to pass up – he was only human, after all. Though it woke him up, Caesar had long since learned not to listen to anything Joseph said in his sleep. It was almost always a stream of garbled nonsense. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. With any luck, sleep would return.
“I love you.”
Minutes later, Caesar’s descent into unconsciousness was interrupted by Joseph once again. This time it was louder, though. Mild jealousy, aimed at the subject of Joseph’s dream-love-interest, tapped at Caesar’s chest, and he squeezed his eyes shut and tried his hardest to drift off to sleep again. Joseph kept repeating it, though, and each repetition grew louder. Caesar was just about ready to shove him when Joseph rolled over and slipped an arm around his waist. Caesar froze, and his resolve to shove Joseph evaporated. Joseph had to stay sleeping, holding him like this, at all costs.
Then Joseph started stroking his hair, and he had to try even more desperately to maintain the stillness of his body. Being touched so tenderly by Joseph was heaven, but Caesar had to wonder if this was something he’d always done. Joseph always moved around a lot in his sleep, but Caesar had never recalled him getting this touchy whenever they’d shared a bed. The most physical contact they made was when Joseph would kick him in the shin by accident. How was it now possible for an unconscious Joseph to stroke his hair so gently?
Whatever. It was too late to get bogged down in specifics. Joseph was cozy, and Caesar was tired. He closed his heavy eyelids and relaxed his body, letting his limbs sink into the mattress.
“I love you, Caesar.”
It was spoken with a candid softness, but it was the loudest thing Caesar had heard all night. The tension he had let drip onto the carpet minutes earlier snapped back into his body in an instant. Caesar was surprised he could still breathe with the way his heart was clogging his throat.
Has he been awake this entire time?
How the hell was he supposed to go back to sleep when Joseph had just declared his love for him? How was he even supposed to pretend , when it was clearly something he wasn’t meant to hear? Moreover, how was he supposed to go about tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that, like he hadn’t heard it? He knew this was going to happen at some point, but he never would have expected it to happen like this. Brazenly confident Joseph Joestar, confessing his love for Caesar only when he believed he was asleep?
Then again, Joseph had always been unpredictable. That didn’t make this any easier to deal with, though. Daggers of panic scraped at Caesar’s insides as he searched his brain for appropriate ways to respond.
Anxiety burned in Caesar’s veins and welded a lump to the inside of his throat. His body was tense with anticipation, and his pulse pounded at his skull. He found it exceedingly difficult not to move a muscle as he had promised himself earlier. His mind was doing laps, running through all the possible outcomes of the situation. There was one outcome where he brought it up the next morning but all his feelings came out wrong and Joseph thought he was being a dick and never spoke to him again. There was another where he never brought it up and both were too scared to say anything so Joseph thought that Caesar wasn’t serious about him and their relationship dissolved. They played out simultaneously in his mind, and each time he replayed the scenarios the stakes were raised impossibly higher and his emotions were impossibly bigger.
At the same time, Joseph lay next to him, emanating warmth. It felt so good to know that the arms around his waist belonged to Joseph. That the deep, long breaths that fluttered over the back of his neck were Joseph’s . And that the I love you suspended in the dark was for Caesar, and only him.
Oh, fuck it.
“Jojo?”
Caesar rolled over to face him. He nudged desperately at Joseph’s chest to wake him, and after a few seconds Joseph grabbed his wrist.
“Yeah, Caesar, I’m awake. I was this –” Caesar could see Joseph pinching his fingers closely in the moonlight that peeked through the curtains, “– close to falling asleep.” He grumbled. “How urgent is it?”
Caesar traced the shadow of Joseph’s body with his eyes, silent. His brain screamed at him, urging him to speak, but he could not get his mouth to move. He hoped that it was too dark for Joseph to see how wide his eyes were. He tried to collect his thoughts, to stitch together an explanation, but it was so difficult to do that with Joseph right in front of him. He’d thrown himself into uncharted waters here; he could only gape like a fish and hope that Joseph would understand.
“Come on, Caesar, it’s so late…” Joseph groaned. “Is it important or not? I’m exhausted .” Joseph let out an exaggerated, melodramatic yawn.
Caesar fidgeted with his pajama shirt, panicking, willing his mind to remind him why he thought this would have gone smoothly.
“Uh… don’t worry about it. I will tell you in the morning.”
Joseph lay still for an agonisingly silent moment before briefly turning his back to Caesar to switch on the bedside lamp. Caesar flinched at the sudden burst of yellow light that filled the room. When his eyes adjusted, he found Joseph, lying on his side, one eyebrow raised.
“Caesar.” he said, propping his head up with his hand. “You can’t just do that!”
“What?” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Nudging at me like some kind of desperate puppy and then telling me it can wait.”
“I told you, I’ll tell you in the morning. You said you were tired.”
“Not anymore. Clearly, something’s bothering you.”
Caesar frowned. “And I want to leave it alone until the morning.”
Joseph sat up, crossing his arms. “No, now you’ve made me curious. Spit it out. We’re adults, for God’s sake.”
“You have the stubbornness of a child.” Caesar murmured before rolling over, tapping out of the conversation.
“Which means I can keep this up all night, Caesarino. ”
Caesar rolled over to face Joseph once again, twisting the sheets in the process. Joseph’s face was smug. He knew the nickname got on Caesar’s nerves.
“It’s not even that important.” Caesar spat.
“Well, why can’t I hear it now?” Said Joseph. He crossed his arms expectantly.
“Because you love me! You love me and I’ve wanted to hear that for years and now I have and I don’t know what to do!”
Caesar’s jaw trembled. He had thrown himself past the point of no return with such reckless haste that he was barely conscious of the words that were spilling out of his mouth.
“And I know you didn’t want me to hear, but why? Why did you feel like you couldn’t just say it to me? You of all people–”
“ Years?!? ” Joseph exclaimed. “Years, plural? Multiple years?”
Caesar, having been cut off abruptly, could only stare at Joseph in stunned silence. Joseph stared back with an expression that suggested he was utterly bewildered.
A few seconds into their staring contest and Caesar began to tremble with laughter. He couldn’t help it.
“You’re unbelievable, Jojo. Unbelievable. ” He sighed, shaking his head through chuckles.
“What are you on about?” Joseph huffed indignantly.
“All that time I spent wondering if it was too obvious… Oh, God.” Caesar laughed.
Joseph pouted and it only made Caesar laugh harder. Eventually, he felt something disgustingly cold and slimy jab the inside of his ear. Then he heard the familiar sound of Joseph’s laughter, almost melodic. Joseph’s index finger was outstretched, slightly relaxed by the force of his glee. Typical. When Caesar looked at him, less than amused, his expression softened. The laughter died, and mischief was replaced with a gentleness that settled over the aquamarine of his eyes.
“So, you love me back, then?” he said.
“Of course I do.” Caesar replied. He felt his heart rate rise as the nerves began to settle in again. “I just-”
“I don’t know why I couldn’t tell you to your face, Caesar.” Joseph interrupted. “I guess I’m scared. Of fucking up. Nothing has ever lasted this long for me.”
Caesar nodded, watching Joseph shift in the soft glow of the lamp. It was a rare, silent moment where Joseph kept his internal monologue to himself, one where Caesar would have killed to know what he was thinking. The quiet weighed down Caesar’s bones. He wondered how long Joseph had been afraid, if he felt as afraid as Caesar did at that moment. He extended his hand to comb his fingers through Joseph’s messy head of hair.
“And, I mean, I really like you. A lot.” Joseph said after another prolonged moment. “Like, I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything so intense.”
Caesar took his fingers out of Joseph’s warm, tousled hair and inched closer, closing the gap between them. Side by side, they stared at the ceiling in thick, tired silence, broken only by the sound of their steady breathing.
“It was sweet,” said Caesar, attempting to relieve the awkward tension between them. “I thought you were dreaming at first.”
Joseph hummed in acknowledgement, but his eyes were still glassed over.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you feel the same way I do.” Caesar continued, filling the void created by the absence of Joseph’s usual monologuing. “It’s… surreal.”
It was surreal, alright. Falling in love had never come easy for Caesar, but when he fell, he fell hard. Years of pining and sleepless nights had culminated in this. He had wanted so badly to hear those words come out of Joseph’s mouth, but he had no idea where to go from there. The panic set his mind alight.
Caesar looked over at Joseph. His eyes were still fixed on the ceiling, but his mouth began to move.
“It feels more serious now.” he muttered.
“Do you want it to be?” Caesar asked. He bit his lip and waited for a response, feeling his heart race.
“I mean, yeah. I love you.”
Hearing those words, said to his face, made Caesar’s heart skip a beat.
“But really, does that change anything?” Joseph continued. “I think I’ve always loved you. Maybe not the way I do now, but… it’s been there from the start.”
Joseph was studying him now, long-lashed eyes moving carefully over Caesar’s face.
“I don’t know,” Caesar replied. “If we take it past just testing the waters, then… there’s no going back.”
Joseph took a long, contemplative breath.
“I know,” he said. “but nothing is permanent. I think I’m willing to take that risk. Are you?”
Caesar met Joseph’s eyes, searching for the right words to say within them. They were serene; almost smiling, and the calm turquoise hues reminded him why he was with Joseph in the first place.
“I think so.” Caesar answered, after what very well could have been an eternity.
Joseph reached over and ran his fingers through Caesar’s blonde hair. He smiled warmly at Caesar before shuffling closer to bury his messy head of hair in his chest.
“It’s so late.” he groaned into Caesar’s shirt.
Caesar laughed. His heart pounded, but he knew it would settle in time. Joseph had that effect on him.
“I love you, Jojo.” he whispered, rubbing the back of his head affectionately.
“I know.” Joseph slurred back.
Caesar rolled his eyes before Joseph continued.
“I love you, too. Goodnight.”