Chapter Text
Now, Lily pretty much went no-contact with James, that much was true, but it didn’t mean that she couldn’t talk to the rest of their mutual friends; it really felt like sharing kids after getting a divorce. She still adored and cared for them — James included, even though, she needed some space.
That was exactly how she found herself in a small café, already waiting for Remus to show up. She was shifting in her seat, tapping her fingers on the wooden table, as her eyes darted around.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, Lily spotted Remus walking in. They both quickly waved at each other, and Remus was already rushing the table. He sat down, his posture tense, as he gave Lily a small smile.
“Hi,” said Remus, nodding his head. “Good to see you.”
Lily tried to smile, but she was pretty sure it resembled a grimace more than anything. “Yeah, good to see you, too.”
They were both quiet for a moment, calling a waiter over to order something to drink: a doppio for Lily and a black tea for Remus. Once the waiter was one, they were once again stuck in that uncomfortable silence. Lily didn’t understand it — she’d always believed she was good friends with Remus, yet they couldn’t talk normally like they used to. Was it because she wasn’t dating James any more? Could they no longer be friends because of a fucking break-up?
Remus clicked his tongue, before heaving a deep sigh. “How about we get the worst out of the table, eh?” he said.
“Do we have to talk about it?” asked Lily, biting on the inside of her cheek.
“We can always sit in silence,” offered Remus, “have our drinks and leave. Perhaps pretend that we’ve never even met, or some shit like that.”
Lily rolled her eyes.
“I don’t like talking about feelings, but I hate beating around the bush even more,” said Remus, leaning closer. “I’m not asking you to tell me all the details, I’m simply asking you not to act, as if it didn’t happen.”
Lily sighed, properly meeting Remus’ gaze for the first time. “I don’t hate James,” she said, “I just need space. But I know… I know he’ll see it as the same thing. I just have so many things to figure out, and being around James isn’t going to help.”
Remus nodded, crossing his arms over his chest — he only gave the waiter a tight-lipped smile when he brought over their drinks. Remus idly played with his mug, before bringing it to his lips and taking a long sip. With a sigh, he glanced back at Lily. “James can be rather… difficult. And I mean it well, he’s one of my best friends,” he added, “but he’s…”
“Not doing good?” asked Lily, letting out a soft chuckle, despite the situation.
“Well, a girl he’s been dating since high school suddenly tells him that she’s a lesbian,” noted Remus, leaning back in his seat. “I reckon that would make anyone feel not so good.”
“You say like it’s my fault. Like I chose it,” hissed Lily, taking a sip of her coffee, not caring about how hot the liquid was.
Remus clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes. “I’m not blaming you, Lils,” he murmured, his shoulders slumping. “I’m just saying that James is going through a lot.”
“Oh, of course. Poor James,” mumbled Lily, rolling her eyes. “Because me going through an entire sexuality crisis is totally bearable and definitely not a lot. Got it.”
Remus sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “That’s not…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “That’s not what I fucking meant, and you know it.”
“Do I?” opposed Lily, her eyebrows tightly knitting together.
God, what was Lily even thinking? Friendships didn’t mean much after break-ups, did they? It was all just an ongoing battle between the two sides, even though, they were all going to lose in the end. Remus was going to take James’ side no matter what — this was all just a waste of her time.
Lily put a banknote on the table, ready to leave, but Remus quickly reached over the table, taking her hand in his. “Don’t. Please,” he said, keeping his voice low. The last thing they needed was to make a scene. In public, that was. Of course, having a screaming match with one of James’ closest friends so quickly after a break-up wasn’t going to look good.
The internet was already torn in half, people quickly choosing the side that seemed more pleasing — it was a fight between the Golden boy of Twitch and YouTube and his evil manipulator of an ex-girlfriend, who broke his heart.
Lily wasn’t going to win. At least, not by causing a scene.
With a deep breath, she sat back down, tightly clutching her bag in her lap, all while glaring at Remus.
“I’m sorry,” said Remus, tapping the side of his mug. “I didn’t mean to act like a prat. I’m not, y’know, trying to say that you’re not going through a lot, because you clearly are. I’m just saying that this is a hard time for both of you. But, despite all of that, I still want to be your friend. So does Sirius and Pete. And James still wants to hang out with Marlene and Mary,” he added.
Lily only nodded, trying to keep her breathing even. Of course, they were all one big family, going through all the hardships. Together. Because that was how everyone saw them — the perfect friend group that everyone on the internet aspired to be.
“It’s unfair to make you pretend that nothing happened,” murmured Remus, offering her a soft smile. “You loved each other—”
“I’m not sure,” blurted out Lily, before she could stop herself.
Remus blinked slowly, opening and closing his mouth, as his eyebrows tightly knitted together. “I’m confused,” he admitted after a moment.
Lily swallowed around the lump in her throat, her voice almost leaving her. How exactly was she supposed to explain this? Everyone and their mother knew them as the perfect couple, high school sweethearts, and all that shite. Only to what? For Lily to say she didn’t even love James?
Love.
It was such a small word for such a big thing. People destroyed and killed and conquered — all in the name of love. Rather drastic, wasn’t it? A little bit too much, in some ways. James was exactly like that.
Because James had no idea how to love quietly, in the background, and Lily had always believed that his loud, overwhelming love was going to be that little push for her to find the same passion for their relationship. But as the years passed, she still couldn’t find the same love for James.
And so, there Lily was.
“I feel like,” began Lily, her throat clicking loudly, as she swallowed, “I was confusing platonic feelings with romantic ones.”
“Right,” said Remus slowly, nodding his head once.
“I was… ah, you know,” she mumbled, waving her hand, as if trying to ease the tension. “I thought I knew what love was. I care deeply about James, he’s a great person and a wonderful friend, but I just don’t feel the same love. Passion. Or whatever that he has for me. I feel many things, but I don’t think that love is one of them.”
Quite frankly, Lily hoped that talking it out with someone, who wasn’t one of her closest friends was going to help. Looking at things from a completely different perspective was something that was supposed to do her some good. But, instead, she simply felt drained. And perhaps even more confused.
Lily Evans was an adult, a grown ass woman with a flourishing career, two amazing best friends, and yet… she was going through a fucking sexuality crisis. Wasn’t she supposed to have this figured out a long time ago?
“Love, you can’t think like this,” said Mary, her firm voice echoing through the walls of Lily’s room. Both Mary and Marlene insisted on spending their time with Lily, essentially taking up her entire room — Lily was lying in her bed, staring at the ceiling and clutching a plushie of a red panda, Marlene was sitting behind her desk, spinning on a chair, while Mary was lounging comfortably in a small armchair.
“Marlene had it all figured out!” exclaimed Lily, sitting up to point at Marlene, who finally stopped spinning on the hair. “Why couldn’t I?”
“People work differently,” said Marlene, shrugging one shoulder. “I remember snogging Sirius and almost throwing up. Truly a horrible experience. If you can, do not snog Sirius,” she added, her face twisting into a grimace.
“I snogged James. We were shagging!” huffed Lily, flopping back down on the bed.
“Did you like it?” asked Mary.
“I mean…” Lily trailed off, gnawing on her lower lip. “I don’t have anything to compare it with, y’know? I reckon it was okay? It wasn’t like awful, but it wasn’t mind-blowing, or some tosh like that. People usually think of sex as great, don’t they?” she asked.
“Eh, sometimes it sucks. Properly,” muttered Mary, rolling her eyes.
“Do you like sleeping with men?” asked Lily, propping herself on her elbows to look at Mary.
Mary tilted her head from side to side. “Some men know what they’re doing, so it’s really good. Sometimes even mind-blowing. But, eh, y’know? Some couldn’t find a clit, even if there was a big, red arrow pointing at it,” she huffed, rolling her eyes.
Lily looked at Marlene, her eyebrows knitting together. “And—and women?”
“Oh, so lovely,” said Marlene, sighing blissfully. “It definitely helps to share anatomy with most of them, so it’s usually much easier. Of course, I had bad experiences, too, but it wasn’t awful? I reckon? I enjoy having sex,” she added, shrugging one shoulder.
“Well, not all people have to,” Mary chimed in. “There are people, who don’t enjoy it. Or don’t need it.”
“Asexuals,” offered Marlene, nodding her head.
“Alright, so now I have to think about if I don’t like sex with men, or sex at all. Great, because it wasn’t confusing before,” groaned Lily, burying her face in her hands. “This is just fantastic. One crisis after the other, because I can’t catch a fucking break, ever.”
“I mean,” mused Marlene, pursing her lips, “some asexuals do like sex, they just don’t crave it.”
Lily was ready to give up. Now, it wasn’t like she’d never looked up anything about sexualities before, she’d just never thought she was going to need to do such a deep dive into things. Again, wasn’t she supposed to leave these crises back in high school? Weren’t her high school years supposed to be for all these realisations?
Marlene had it all figured out — one snog with a bloke, and she knew exactly that it wasn’t for her.
Mary had it all figured out — she liked men and she was very certain about her sexuality, even though, she’d kissed a few women (Marlene included).
Remus and Sirius had it all figured out. Peter did, too. James did as well, apparently.
But Lily went through a long-term relationship and got engaged only to realise that she wasn’t even into James. She’d always praised herself for having everything planned out, only to get taken down by her own sexuality.
It seemed like person’s twenties was when the real crisis began. Lovely.
James wasn’t going to pretend that he didn’t plan out his entire life. The moment he’d seen Lily, he was adamant about marrying her, having kids with her, and growing old together. And after countless times he’d asked her out, they started dating. Got engaged. Started planning the whole thing.
And they broke up.
Because Lily was apparently a lesbian.
That definitely wasn’t on James’ bingo of the year, that was for sure.
Of course, James wasn’t mad at Lily — he wasn’t sure if he’d ever been mad at her throughout their relationship, to be honest. He was just… bummed. A little bit. The tiniest bit.
Because his entire plan for the future went down the drain, and he had no fucking idea where to go next. Obviously, there was always streaming and making videos, which, yeah, was something to focus on (speaking of, he still hadn’t finished editing that one video), but going through his YouTube channel meant seeing a lot of videos with Lily — so many of those videos were doing incredibly well, too.
But, of course, James doing fine. This wasn’t going to ruin him. No, no, absolutely not. Because he had a channel and streams to take care of and friendships to maintain. Because he could, obviously, get over something as silly as this.
Everything was fine.
Plus, there were these hater’s streams he couldn’t miss.
It was actually pretty funny — James found himself looking forward to those (usually) two hours of negativity with that deadpan humour and dry remarks. He’d never expected finding himself purposely being excited about the newest drama within online spaces.
But, hey, it seemed like people could change overnight!
That was exactly how James found himself sitting down behind his desk, getting comfortable and watching the ‘starting soon’ screen, as he waited for the stream. He listened to the soft music in the background, while scrolling through his Twitter.
Most of the posts he saw were people talking about the break-up. Which… made sense. James very vocal about his relationship with Lily, and they would appear in each other’s videos, streams, and posts. And while the support from his community was nice, James wanted to get through it on his own accord, without anyone reminding him that it’d even happened. Really, he already considered muting Lily’s name and the word ‘break-up’, including all the variations — just for a few months.
“Hello, everyone. Good evening, or afternoon, or morning,” said Étoilé, nearly startling James — well, at least he had something else to think about. “I hope everyone is doing great, or, well, not shitty, I reckon,” he added, and James felt the corners of his mouth curling up. For someone so negative and sharp, Étoilé sure seemed soft sometimes.
Once Étoilé was done thanking the people in the chat for subscribing and donating, he spoke up, “Ah, right today’s agenda. Well, I was going to talk about—” he cut himself off, before clicking his tongue. “There’s no way you want me to talk about that idiot’s break-up. Chat, c’mon.”
James felt himself going rigid in his seat. This was supposed to be his escape from all of that mess — couldn’t a bloke catch a fucking break?
To be fair, he was getting sick of all the questions, either by his friends, or online. People dug and dug and dug, only to come out empty-handed. There wasn’t too much to say, except for the fact that they broke up. End of story.
Yes, it was sad, devastating in some ways, including for their communities — some people even referred to them as their online parents, which James found adorable to some extend — but he still didn’t want to talk about it all the time.
“There isn’t much to say, is there?” mused Étoilé with a soft hum. “Break-ups are such a messy topic to talk about, honestly. Because, at the end of the day, we only see what creators choose to show us. You’re not their friends, or adopted children, or whatever else you’re calling yourself — you were shown the tiniest bit of their lives, that’s it.”
James’ posture started to relax ever so slightly.
“But, honestly,” continued Étoilé with a scoff, “I never understood putting your relationship all over the internet. I reckon it’s pointless. And, of course, there’s always a possibility of a break-up and having people in your business, which is just awful. My biggest nightmare, I won’t lie,” he added.
James bit down on his lower lip, his eyebrows knitting tightly together. Was it actually pointless to plaster his relationship all over the internet? He’d always wanted to everyone to know that he was dating. Who wouldn’t? Lily Evans was the most gorgeous woman he’d ever laid his eyes on. She was also one of the most thoughtful and kindest people, too. Of course, he wanted people to know. He wanted people to know just how much he loved her.
Because James loved Lily with his whole heart.
And yet.
“Don’t get me started to on the fucking hate campaigns both communities are doing,” added Étoilé with a groan.
Hate campaigns?
What was that even about? Sure, James saw a little out of pocket theory about the break-up, but hating on either of them? Didn’t people leave this shit behind? It seemed like James’ algorithm was doing an amazing job at not showing him stupid people going crazy over the break-up.
“Stans are so quick to defend their favourites, it’s fucking crazy sometimes. Now, before this gets clipped out of context; there’s nothing wrong with being a fan of a creator, I’m simply saying that it’s crazy to run to someone’s defence, when you don’t know shit about them. I mean, honestly, people need to stop with these protection squads. Usually, you’re talking about grown ass people, who are capable of defending themselves,” said Étoilé, and James could hear a soft tapping of nails in the background. “Point being, leave them alone. They’re people and making them see theories and defend squads and hate campaigns just makes it worse for everyone involved.”
James slumped back in his chair, nodding his head solemnly to the words, as if Étoilé could actually see him. It was a nice change, honestly — most people were so quick to make theories rather than just stop talking about it.
“But also, if I see anyone asking me to talk about any break-up again, I’m going to block you. I won’t hesitate, and neither will my mods. It’s far messy to talk about, and it’s just not worth it, in general,” said Étoilé, his voice not leaving any room for an argument. The chat was agreeing, too.
And so, James joined them.
[Prongsboy sent £25!]
i agree
“Alright, so you have your first hater,” said Sirius, sitting on the sofa with his arms crossed, “and instead of blocking this bloke, or doing whatever, you decided to what? Just be casually in his Twitch chat?” he asked, tilting his head to the side.
James shrugged, rather helplessly, too — putting it like this sure sounded a little silly. But he had absolutely no idea how to explain the fact that it was… nice. Almost. Despite the negativity, hatred, and spite James found himself enjoying every second of it. Perhaps it was the fact that Étoilé wasn’t pretending to be someone he wasn’t. He streamed purely to hate on others — he didn’t pretend to have any noble reason behind it.
It was all out of pure spite.
“I don’t know,” mumbled James, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just… why am I getting shamed for who I watch, anyway?” he shot back.
Sirius groaned, burying his face in his hands. “You can watch whoever you want, I don’t care. I’m just saying that people are going to think that you have a degradation kink, or some shit like that.”
James choked on seemingly nothing, banging his fist against his chest. “What?!” he exclaimed once he took in a deep breath. “What do you mean a degradation kink?”
“I mean, Lily didn’t like you, either, did she?” asked Sirius, tilting his head.
“Well, she definitely doesn’t like me, now,” huffed James, rolling his eyes.
Sirius grimaced, not quite meeting James’ gaze. “That’s not what I meant and you know it,” he mumbled. “I’m saying that you have a thing for people who are just straight up mean to you. It’s not a good look on you, James.”
James groaned, burying his hands in his hair. “I just appreciate people, who are, y’know, real,” he said in the end. “And, again, why does it matter? Let me live.”
Sirius rolled his eyes, leaning against the backrest of the sofa. “I mean, honestly. People in my chat are asking about it,” he said, pursing his lips. “Saying that you’re getting over the break-up too quickly.”
James sat next to Sirius, slumping in his seat. “Getting over the break-up?”
“Yeah,” agreed Sirius, watching James from the corner of his eye. “That this bloke is the new object of your affection. I mean, those chatters are getting blocked left and right, don’t get me wrong. I reckon Pete is enjoying being a mod with so much power,” he quipped.
“We shall pay him for his efforts,” mused James, nodding his head.
“Isn’t being our friend just enough?” replied Sirius, raising one eyebrow.
James chuckled, before leaning hi head back and closing his eyes for a moment. Oh, so now people were speculating about his lack of sadness. As if he wasn’t just trying to… appear normal. No one was looking forward to seeing a guy, being all depressed over his failed relationship.
No, they wanted to see what they were used to — the happiness, the positivity, the sun. They didn’t sign up for something that was ugly and aching. They wanted him to be their Golden boy.
And who was James to say no? Who was James to go against their wishes? Who was James to be himself?
“Prongs?” murmured Sirius, nudging James with his shoulder. “You alright, mate?”
James didn’t even bother to open his eyes, just hummed in agreement. “Yeah,” he said, nodding his head. “Everything’s alright. Just, y’know, all over the place.”
Before Sirius could reply, the door of their shared flat open, and that was what made James sit upright. Considering Peter was still in his room and Sirius was right next to him, the only person, who that could be was Remus.
“Hey,” said James, leaning his elbows on his knees. “How—how did the meeting with Lily go?” he asked, keeping his voice even.
Remus grimaced, his nose scrunching. “Uh… it went,” he said after a moment.
“So not good,” noted Peter, who suddenly appeared from behind Remus.
“Cheers, Pete, we absolutely needed that clarification,” muttered James, rubbing his eyes under the glasses. “I need a drink.”
“Absolutely not. I’m not dragging your arse back to bed after two shots,” hissed Sirius, harshly elbowing him in the ribs.
James whined at the impact, rubbing the sore spot. “What am I supposed to do, then?” he asked, his lower lip sticking out in a pout. “You’re all awful. I can’t even drown my sorrow in alcohol.”
“Then we’ll have to listen to your whining, because you’ve got a bloody hangover,” noted Peter, settling down on an armchair. “Not worth it, mate.”
“What do I do, then?” asked James, ignoring how desperate he sounded.
“Tough it out,” said Remus, his voice firm. James frowned at him, opening his mouth, ready to retort something back, but Remus continued, “You can’t do much in this situation. Is it awful? Sure, but it’s not the end of the world.”
“It feels like it,” muttered James, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Lily isn’t gonna change her mind,” said Remus, and James could feel his heart clench. “She’s not coming back, mate. So, tough it out, because it’ll get easier. And stop acting like no one fucking loves you, either. It’s annoying,” he added, rolling his eyes.
“You’re as gentle as a fucking brick, Remus,” mumbled Sirius, already putting one hand on James’ shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze. “What he’s trying to say is that it’ll get better with time. I think.”
“You think?” asked Peter, scoffing, before glancing at James. “Nah, but, honestly, you’re not alone, yeah? We’re here, and all that.”
James chuckled, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “You’re all terrible at this, but I appreciate you.”
The first glimpse of the cartoon frog made Barty smile ever so slightly. He’d been patiently waiting for the stream to start, listening to Nave mumbling the words of the song playing in the background. Quite frankly, this was probably one of the few things that Barty had any patience for — waiting for the stream to start. But, of course, only Nave’s.
Pandora called him mad, but she giggled, as she spoke the words. Regulus, on the other hand, called him obsessed, while his face twisted into one of his sour grimaces — really, nothing new, the bloke always looked like someone ate his dinner, so he wasn’t even taking it personally.
But Barty? He was calling himself dedicated. He had yet to miss a stream, camping in the chat during any opportunity. Sometimes, he was even watching a stream on his phone, while having a lunch with Regulus — safe to say, he didn’t look impressed.
So, yes, this was just showing his dedication by watching every single stream.
“Hello,” said Nave, and Barty watched as the small frog shifted a little on the screen. “Today’s just gonna be a quick stream, because I’m going to work earlier tomorrow to finish up a project. I, uh, I’m quite proud of it.”
Barty was going to scream, but their neighbours were already annoyed with his streaming shenanigans during the day, let alone late at night. Nave sounded so fucking… he lacked words, honestly. Cocky, yes, but in his particular way — he was so nonchalant about it.
Almost on instinct, Barty reached out for his phone. He sent out the first donation of the day, just thirty pounds, nothing too crazy. Now, some would say (some being Regulus) that he was spending far too much, but honestly? It still didn’t seem enough.
“Stop fucking…” Nave trailed off with a click of his tongue, before letting out a loud groan. Barty only smirked at the reaction — it didn’t matter how annoyed Nave got, he was still giving Barty attention. “Honestly, I’m going to kill you. I don’t care that this stream isn’t getting monetised, I’m gonna say it again: I’m going to kill you.”
[2B donated £30!]
try me
Driving Nave up the wall became one of Barty’s favourite things to do in his past-time (right under it was, of course, annoying the shit out of Regulus). Because Barty noticed quite quickly just how easily Nave got angry. In its weird way, it was adorable.
“Fucking hell,” breathed out Nave, and Barty swallowed loudly. Really, his voice was addicting. “These pretty boys, thinking the world belongs to them.”
Pretty?
Immediately, Barty rewound the stream on his phone, just so he wasn’t going to miss anything important. Once he got to the time-stamp, he listened intently, just to make sure his ears were still working properly.
And there it was. Once again. Nave, saying he was a pretty boy.
[2B donated £25!]
do you watch my streams if you know that i’m pretty?
For the very first time, Nave didn’t answer, and instead he continued talking about the project he was going to finish tomorrow — a shoulder mount of a deer he’d been working for the past few month. But his lack of answer was more than enough for Barty.
Nave watched his streams. Perhaps not frequently, but still.
It was such a small thing. The tiniest, most insignificant thing, and yet Barty found himself shifting in his seat, the corners of his mouth twitching helplessly. There wasn’t no one to see him, but he wanted to keep it all for himself.
That small thing, that big feeling.
All for himself.
Barty brought it up only only once, or twice throughout the stream, perhaps looking to get a raise out of Nave, but was only met with silence — which, rude. But, still, it only confirmed it even more.
And, as embarrassing it was, Barty was quietly giggling to himself, while completely changing the subject in the chat, and simply listening to Nave rant about the deer mount he’d mentioned. It seemed like he appreciated the subject change.
Nave had an addicting voice — not only because it sounded hot, despite the popular belief. No, it was the tone, the way he pronounced the words, and the way his voice picked up, when he talked about taxidermy. Excited and passionate.
Barty found himself relaxing, as he listened to the words, letting his mind drift elsewhere and his brain clear up for a while.
So, yeah, Barty watched Nave’s stream mainly to drive the man mad, but also to have a time to relax. Even though, for most the definition of ‘a comfort streamer’ didn’t look like his, he couldn’t care less.
Because this was all the comfort Barty needed.
It was almost three in the morning once the stream ended — so much for Nave wanting to do a short stream and waking up early. Poor bloke, but at the same time, Barty could listen to his rambling for almost three and a half hours, all while sending donations and asking questions. Sure, he liked annoying Nave, but he also liked listening to him talk about taxidermy. It wasn’t something he was necessarily into, but Nave was.
With a yawn, Barty walked into the kitchen, spotting Regulus sitting on the counter top, swinging his legs from side to side and looking at his phone. “You really are like a cat, mate,” he mumbled, opening the fridge. While the fridge was finally full, Barty had no idea what he wanted to eat. Was he just bored?
“Fuck you,” mumbled Regulus, finally looking up from his phone. “There’s still some leftover pasta,” he added almost immediately.
“Ah, do you care if I eat properly?” asked Barty, his lips curling up in a smirk.
Regulus rolled his eyes. “You can starve for all I care. I just don’t want it to go bad,” he huffed.
“Bad, bad kitty. You wound me, truly,” said Barty, closing the fridge, only to pick up a half-eaten bag of crisps. He sat behind the small dining table that was pressed against the wall, pursing his lips, before speaking up, “Nave watches my streams.”
“Really?” asked Regulus, tilting his head to the side. “Are you sure, though?”
“He called me a ‘pretty boy’, so he must know what I look like,” said Barty, leaning against wall. “And he didn’t answer, when I asked about it.”
Regulus hummed in response. “Are you sure he just didn’t want to answer?”
Barty rolled his eyes — how typical of Regulus, ruining all his fun. “You and I know I’m never wrong,” he said, raising one eyebrow, “so don’t even try me, or I’ll actually spray you with some water.”
Regulus grabbed a tissue from the box on the counter, before making a ball out of it and throwing it at Barty. It hit him in the middle of the forehead. “I’m just saying that it still doesn’t mean anything,” he mumbled. “This obsession of yours is getting unhealthy.”
“Dedication,” corrected Barty, playing with the tissue between his fingers. “And I don’t think it’s unhealthy. The streams are relaxing, alright?” he added, pursing his lips.
Regulus hopped off the counter, only to crouch in front of him, narrowing his eyes. “Sure, let’s call it dedication, but is it worth it? It’s not like you’re ever gonna meet the bloke.”
Barty shifted his gaze to his lap, as he kept playing with the tissue, tearing into small pieces. “I just like his streams,” he murmured, his voice turning soft. He almost wanted to laugh at himself — he was convinced that many of the people that watched him were thinking he was always as intense as he was on his streams. And yet, there he was.
Regulus sighed, putting one hand on Barty’s knee. “I mean, that’s all nice and that, but still. I don’t think it’s that healthy, even if it helps you relax.”
Barty hummed, finally looking up from his lap. “He makes my mind quiet,” he admitted after a moment.
That was all it took for Regulus to nod, his expression turning softer — for someone so spiteful and cold on the outside, Regulus sure could turn into a softie just with a few words. “Just don’t overdo it, yeah?” was all he said, before standing up and disappearing into the hallway.
After a moment, Barty dragged himself to his room, flopping down on his bed. He stared at the ceiling for a long moment, simply mulling over Regulus’ words.
Sure, it was easy for Regulus to say all that — their brains worked differently, even though, they could understand each other perfectly. But, sometimes, Regulus failed to understand just how deep this could go. It wasn’t even obsessing over someone, because Barty knew all about parasocial relationships. No, this was about finding that someone that was making his thoughts slow down, even if it was just for a moment.
With a groan, Barty rolled on his side, checking his phone. As he scrolled through the notification bar, he noticed a new mail. He quickly opened it, frowning at the screen. He read the mail a few times, just to make sure he wasn’t making it up.
He wasn’t.
[TwitchCon Paris 2025]
2B you’re invited!