Chapter Text
The stars already died, but I’ll keep on loving you more than the world wants me to.
☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ
I didn’t recognize you at first–at least not in the way my chest ached, my eyes burned up, and the way my fist tightened with the instinct to say something, anything–to explain why I left so suddenly and why I never tried reaching out.
It’s been four years. The humid air clung to our skin, the soft glow of the lights reflecting off your dewy cheeks, your laughter echoing through my ears, it felt like it was just us and the moon that night. And maybe that was the problem. The day never lasts, just like our time together. We weren’t meant for the destined fate that the stars have aligned for us. I don’t think you ever loved me the way I loved you. I couldn’t pinpoint what your eyes were trying to tell me when I told you I was leaving. There was nothing behind them–just a fragile smile plastered on your face, like you had already prepared yourself for this exact moment. “Why aren’t you trying to convince me to stay? Why aren’t you worried?” The words got stuck in my throat. I was too afraid your answers would lead me to change everything between us.
But even in silence, it did.
I spent months telling myself I had made the right choice. That the distance was necessary. That leaving was cleaner than saying something I couldn’t take back. But every night, when everything went quiet, I would think about you. I wondered if you ever hated me. If you stared at your phone, waiting for a connection. I’d stare at the blinking cursor until the screen went black. I convinced myself it was better not to know. That pretending I had moved on was easier than hearing you had. I pull out my phone almost every night and press the glowing red circle that's seen me say the things I’ve always wanted to tell you.
2:06 AM
Sunoo, do you ever think about that night? While everyone else was celebrating their new beginning, we preferred to be outside within the comfort of our silence. I remember your shoulder brushing against mine as you leaned back on the railing, flicking your eyes at the stars above like it had the answers we were too afraid to speak of. I let the moments pass, like I always do when I’m with you. I checked my phone like a hundred times when I boarded the plane. I told myself maybe your message just hadn’t come through yet. That the signal was bad. That you were asleep. It never came. God, I sound pathetic. You were always better at letting go than I was. Forget it, it's not like you’ll hear this… I just miss you.