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A Spain in the Arse

Summary:

Nick and Charlie take themselves and their three kids on a long overdue, all-inclusive holiday to Salou...it'll be super relaxing and everything will go smoothly. Right? RIGHT?!

An ode to package holidays in the sun and parenting chaos ☀️☀️☀️

Notes:

Happy Birthday to my fabulous flamingo, my furry ferret, and my first fandom friend - 💜 CadburyOreo 💜

EmJ, my beloved, I don't even know where to start with this AN 💜 And if I am left to my own devices too long I may start gushing embarrassingly on a public forum about our friendship (nobody needs that!)

So, I'll just say, I don't know how you juggle it all - reading all the fics, being a writing machine, a beta extraordinaire, a kick ass Mum, a fabulous wife. And even though you have all of that going on, you always make time to help me as well?! You deserve a medal AND a crown for putting up with this pansexual disaster 👑🏅....actually, have a gin as well 🍸 You need it somedays, especially recently!! 🤭

I hope you enjoy this silly little fic, and get spoilt absolutely rotten today!!

Thank you to ❤️ Lockerberry ❤️ and 🧡 Mossy 🧡 for joining me on this journey as betas, and to 💛 Louise 💛 and 💚 Mousie 💚 for the vibe read to convince me it was worth continuing! Also, a special thank you to 💙 Coach 💙 for coming up with the perfect title.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Prologue: "Olives, Sun and Wishful Thinking"

Chapter Text

 

4th January 

Charlie walked from the living room, collecting the last remnants of clutter that seemed to have accumulated during the Christmas holidays while the kids were off school. As he lifted a light-up snowman, a single roller skate and, inexplicably, a whisk from the hall table, his mind was running in overdrive with plans for the rest of their, as usual, super busy Saturday.

I should pick up the girls from ballet before getting Theo from Ellie’s, then we can go to the big Tesco near the leisure centre. Milk, bread, should check if we need yoghurts, what else did we need? Oh yeah, a present and card for Sophie, her party’s at 2.…fuck, should have really got them earlier – 

“Char?” Nick called his name from upstairs, interrupting his thoughts. 

“Yeah?” he shouted back, narrowly avoiding tripping over a Monster High doll lying in the doorway of the kitchen. Swearing under his breath, he gave Draculaura a swift kick with the toe of his shoe where she went flying across the room into the base boards of the cabinets.

“Do you want to go to Spain in August?” 

Charlie frowned; those were not the words he expected to hear. “What?” 

“Spain. Me, you, the kids. This August.” 

“Hold on,” Charlie shouted. “I’m coming up.” 

He walked upstairs to find Nick, who had carried up a week’s worth of laundry thirty minutes ago. Charlie expected to see him still putting it all away, but instead, his husband was sitting on their bed with his laptop, eyes shining excitedly, surrounded by the clothing still sitting in neatly folded piles. 

“Nick, what are you talking about?” Charlie asked, walking around their bed to stand next to him, narrowly avoiding the pile of freshly washed towels on the floor . “What do you mean Spain in August?” 

Nick pulled Charlie down onto the bed. “Well, I was thinking, with my birthday this September being a big birthday –” 

“Oh yeah, your 40th,” Charlie smirked. “I keep forgetting you’re an old man.” 

Nick clicked his tongue. “Shush you, you’re less than 2 years younger than me, so that means we’re both old. Anyway, I started putting away the clothes –” 

Charlie glanced at the piles of laundry. “Did you?” 

“Would you stop being a sarcastic little twat for one second?” Nick laughed. “I was making space in our wardrobe to put everything away and found that shirt with the lemons that I wore in Greece a couple of years ago. And it made me think that maybe it would be nice to go on holiday for my birthday. Ya know, a nice way to celebrate.” 

“Hence the laptop,” Charlie said, gesturing towards the screen. “You needed to give in to your inherent need to Google.”

“Yup,” Nick grinned. “Also, an early birthday obviously; can’t go in September with work and the kids all being at school now.”

“Hmm,” Charlie pondered. “It hasn’t just been a couple of years though, Nick, since we’ve been on holiday. It’s been five years, cause school holiday times are just horrendously expensive – Meelie was three and Floss wasn’t even born.”

“See, that’s what I always thought,” Nick said, turning back to his screen with delight akin to a child in a sweet shop. “But this day,” he prodded his finger at the calendar on Tuesday 19th August, “well, look at the price difference.” 

Charlie stared at the webpage, trying to make sense of this unexpected influx of information from his husband. Within seconds, he could see what Nick meant – the same holiday package on the days surrounding the 19th August were upwards of £1000 more expensive. 

“Okay, yeah, fuck that is a good price,” Charlie mused. “Why is that day so cheap compared to the others?” 

“I honestly don’t know,” Nick reasoned, “but look.” He scrolled back through the calendar and everyday was a higher price, except the one anomaly they were considering. “It’s actually really reasonable, and right now, we can also save 50 pounds per person, which is 200 pounds off for a family of four.” 

Charlie closed his eyes in disbelief. “Can’t believe you’ve just quoted that,” he said.

Nick frowned. “But it’s true.”

“Yes, but we’re a family of five, Nicholas, so it means 250 pounds off. It also means you’re spending too much time on TikTok if Jet2's company marketing has infiltrated your brain so much that you’re quoting it from memory.”

“But I have to, Char, Darcy and I have a 573 day streak in TikTok DM’s. We can’t lose it.”  

Charlie stared at him. “I see.” 

“You don’t care, do you?” 

“About your and Darcy’s brain rot addiction? Absolutely not!” 

Nick hummed in disagreement. “Well, back to the holiday, I think we could manage it. What do you think?” 

Charlie sighed. “I would love to, to be honest, I can feel the heat already. Where is it in Spain, though?” 

“Salou, right by the beach,” Nick said in triumph, knowing full well Charlie loved the beach. 

“That could work,” Charlie nodded. He peered closer at the screen. “Wait, all inclusive?”

“Yup, all inclusive, five star, 7 pools,” Nick nodded. “I know we don’t normally do all inclusive as we like more freedom, but I thought that would be easiest with the kids.” 

“Hmmm, that’s a good point,” Charlie said. “And we can always go out for dinner if we choose to.”

“And Port Aventura is close by, the deal includes tickets to it.” 

“Oooh, that would be fun,” Charlie grinned. “It’s been a while since we went to a theme park.” 

“Annnnnd there’s a good kids club, so it means we can have some time to relax on sun loungers in peace and quiet while the gremlins are entertained. On. Our. Own. Me and you, cocktails…” 

“Okay, okay, you’re tempting me. Keep saying things like that,” Charlie chewed on his bottom lip in contemplation. 

Nick turned to look at him seriously. “Most importantly, you can eat all the disgusting olives you want.” 

“Sold!” Charlie giggled. “Well, the ones I’ll need to fight Amelie for.” 

Nick laughed along with him. “Absolutely, that girl has a sophisticated palate, I bet she’d love pistachio gelato. So, shall I book it?” 

Thirty minutes, and a hefty deposit later, the Nelson-Spring family were booked for a week’s holiday at Luz Dorada Resort. 

“Happy Birthday, baby!” Charlie said, grinning at the look on his husband’s face. “Are you excited?”

“Of course I’m excited, it’s a week all inclusive in the sun,” Nick grinned back. “Me, you and our beautiful kids. What’s the worst that could happen?”

 

 

Notes:

So, I've recently started listing on gift fics everyone's complete AO3 works...but if I did that for dear EmJ, who's such a prolific writer, we'd be here all day and this list would be longer than the whole chapter I've just posted 🤣💜

So, instead, have some of MY favourites from the absolute delight that is CadburyOreo

❤️ After Midnight ❤️
🧡 The Curious Incident of the Dog and the Dildo 🧡
💛 Don't lie to your Mum 💛
💚 The Gap Year 💚
💙 Happy Birthday! PS - Marry Me? 💙
💜 He Never Will...But I Could 💜
🤍 I Spy 🤍
❤️ Merengue Gaze ❤️
🧡 Push The Button 🧡
💛 Secret Keeping and Friendly Scheming 💛
💚 Secret Santa 💚
💙 Swingin' Hearts 💙
💜 Unlikely Pen-Pals 💜
🤍 A Wicked Outing 🤍

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