Chapter Text
John had been enjoying a quiet lunch, eating a sandwich and texting Olivia about their son. The elevator dinged, but he wasn’t concerned. Not until Yelena rounded the corner on a mission.
“I need your help.” She led him to her room.
“Okay.” John followed her without hesitation and sat on the end of her bed. “So what’s the problem?”
“I was getting lunch with Kate.”
“Yeah? Is she okay?”
“She’s totally fine. I’m the one with the problem.” She paused for a second. “I don’t know what normal feelings are, out of everybody here, I think yours are the most normal.” Yelena tried to explain. John tipped his head in confusion. “You were raised normally, and not fucked up until you were an adult. You’ve had friends, you’ve been married. You’ve done normal things.”
“When you put it that way, yeah I guess.”
“I want to be around her all the time. I want to run errands with her and make her laugh. I want to make dinner with her and walk her dog around the neighborhood.” Yelena paced her room as she barreled on.
“That’s normal so far.”
“Then there’s a big cliff where I feel like other feelings should be. But there’s nothing. Just yearning or something. And I’m at the edge of the cliff trying to figure out why I can’t go anywhere else.”
“Maybe I’m not the right person to be asking about this?” John hesitated. Bucky was still in the process of getting them all into therapy. But the amount of government hoops was astonishing.
“No, I feel like if I can explain it to you in a way that you’ll understand I’ll understand it too.” He had never seen her so flustered.
“Okay. Um. So far it feels like you’re describing friendship.”
“Right yes, but I don’t want to do those things with her the way I’d do them with you or Bob.”
“That’s getting somewhere.” He paused to think. “Do you want to sleep with her?”
“No? Maybe? I’m not sure, that’s where the cliff is.”
“Ah. Well. Sorry for this. Hm. So Bob. He and I y’know. Sleep together sometimes. And he’s my friend. I want to hang out and do stuff with him. But those feelings are separate from each other. Ava and I sleep together. A lot. Sorry. And the feelings overlap. There’s friendship, and lust I guess, and a third thing that connects them. Romance? Romance.”
“All of that makes sense. But I can’t tell if it is romance. She makes me nervous and weird and I want to show off for her. But not like in a butterflies and little cartoon hearts kind of way. Am I broken? Is this from all the brainwashing? I’m so confused thinking about her makes me want to heave.”
“You’re not broken.” John had literally no idea what else to say that would be of any help. “Come here, you’re not broken.” He pulled her in for a hug. Since he was sitting on the end of her bed it let her be the taller one in the embrace. She rested her cheek on the top of his head. “Feelings are shit.” She laughed a little. “Sorry I can’t actually be helpful.” He apologized.
“I do feel better. Just getting it out helped.”
“I dunno. Maybe just spend more time with her and see what develops. It’s not like everybody’s relationships are exactly the same. Love never the same twice. Lemar didn’t feel like Olivia and neither one of them -” He stopped himself short and sighed. Yelena hugged him tighter.
“That I do understand. I love you most like a sibling.”