Chapter Text
Kirk watched the group of scientists taking readings around the room that would soon be converted into a lab. The work was important, at least according to Starfleet, but that didn't make it exciting. Kirk would rather have been anywhere else but the present. However, the present just kept coming, and Kirk was not sure when it would stop. He wasn't even desperate for the future, not anymore, but at least it would mean this whole thing would be over, and he would know the ending for sure instead of being driven by his hope.
He tried to focus back on the work he was supposed to be supervising, but in the slowness, he felt himself drift without really any destination. His mind felt empty in a way that he knew it shouldn't be. He should have been feeling something, but he wasn't sad that he had failed, and he wasn't feeling defiant towards the admiralty for questioning. He wasn't even angry at Spock for not trusting him. Those were just things that were. He had lost. He had failed. It was over--
"So, anyway, I just don't see why Starfleet is investing so much time in restoring a WWIII bunker, when our mission is supposed to be about peace and not war. It makes you wonder if the admiralty knows something we--"
Kirk's eyes drifted to the person talking beside him. Bones had been talking to him since they had arrived at the bunker about 20 minutes ago. Kirk hadn't had the brain power to process his friend's rant, but he couldn't help but feel slightly guilty about it.
"--because this whole thing is somehow worse than being in space--"
"Sorry, you were saying?" He said.
Bones stopped his train of thought.
"Oh, you are back. Great!"
Kirk shook his head. The artificial lights of the bunker did nothing to help the pressure in his head.
His friend took a medical tricorder from one of his pockets and began scanning him. Kirk swatted the device away.
"I'm fine, Bones. I think I just haven't been sleeping too well..." Kirk said before trailing off as he saw a familiar figure enter the room.
Spock.
He should have been used to seeing the man again by now. They had been assigned to the same area for the task, and Spock had been reporting directly to him since the whole bunker restoration project had begun four days ago. And yet, just seeing him made his whole body tense with something close to desperation, before it was replaced by that nothingness that had been following him everywhere.
"So what are you going to do?" Bones asked, not too subtly looking at Spock.
Kirk shrugged. "There is nothing I can do. I'm allowing the admiralty to choose my first officer."
"Oh, you will regret that-- or were you not the one who was afraid to be stuck with someone you just couldn't get along with?" Bones said with a humorous tone that Kirk sighed at.
"I need to get on the admiral's good graces. Maybe if... if I give up on this, they'll allow me to stay in command."
"You give an inch and they will take a mile."
"There's nothing else I can do. And maybe that won't even matter after tomorrow…”
Kirk noticed Bones' expression growing ever severe with concern.
"Jim, what are you talking about?" he asked.
Kirk looked away. He had tried-- he had tried so hard. He had talked to so many admirals. He had tried to backtrack the harm that Komack had made to his reputation, but alas, it hadn't been enough.
"There is going to be a hearing tomorrow. About me. They are calling for character testimony to make a final vote to decide if Pike's decision is valid."
Bones gaped at him.
"They didn't call me to testify--"
"They don't want you to. They don't want anyone too close to me to participate. They are only calling a few commanders who have worked with me, but are far enough to maintain neutrality."
"That's bullshit, and you know it."
Kirk almost nodded in agreement. When he had gotten the notification that he was being summoned to the hearing, he had tried to dispute it before realizing it was useless. It was going to happen no matter what.
Bones seemed to take the information in for a moment, and his features changed from indignation to something less severe.
His friend seemed on the verge of saying something else when a yeoman appeared and handed Jim a padd.
"I'm pretty sure you should head back to your sections, Bones," Kirk said. "I don't think Ugalde will be too happy if you are talking with me instead of working, and I don't need any more issues with command."
Bones seemed unhappy, but left Kirk to his work.
Kirk turned his attention to the padd to see the latest report from his section, and a part of him wished that it had been Spock who handed him the device. They had not talked in those four days apart from when it was absolutely necessary. Kirk was tired of that, too, but he could not fault Spock. It was not as if he was trying to get their relationship back on a good footing, either.
Kirk was sitting in the dining hall, trying to find his appetite to eat lunch as he listened to the conversation around him. He was sitting with the rest of the commanders and captains overseeing the restoration of the bunker, when he would rather have just continued his work. He hadn't felt so out of place in Starfleet in years, but he was sure that everyone at that table disliked him. He couldn't help but wonder if these would be the people called to testify about his character. If they were, he was at least certain that they would have nothing positive to say.
Captain Ugalde's lack of trust in his skills seemed to have grown since they met at the meeting, and was now spreading among the rest of the command crew. Somehow, whatever the man was saying about him was working wonders to ruin his reputation even further.
He had hoped that at least Captain Saadi, from the U.S.S. Clarke, who had disagreed with the admirals alongside himself, would have a positive impression of himself, but he was sure she would not be on his side after their last conversation--
"The admiralty doesn't always like it when people step out of line, Kirk," she had said two days ago. "I'm sure you would make a great captain, but I'm not sure they are ready for you yet."
"But they might be-- the first step will always be hardest."
"Maybe, but you will find that a lot of people are not willing to take that step. Especially not right now."
Kirk continued to pick at his food. He was not hungry. He had not been for a few days. All he felt now was a sense of shame.
It seemed like a cruel joke-- that he was still being paraded as having some sort of authority when it was all temporary and disappearing fast.
The other commanders were talking about some nebula that Kirk was sure the Farragut had helped discover, when he noticed Uhura making her way to their table, followed by Spock. He knew they were close friends. He had thought maybe that would have been an extra incentive for Spock to accept his offer.
Uhura handed him a padd, and Kirk accepted it. Spock stood slightly behind the lieutenant. The rest of the commanders turned their attention to the new arrivals.
"I tried to get the report you sent me up to command," she said. "However, it seems all our communications are down."
Kirk sighed, dissatisfied. The last thing he needed was for Command to think he wasn't doing his part if they decided to check the reports.
"Oh, it probably just means that they have started on the updates," Ugalde said.
Kirk raised an eyebrow at that.
"We were not informed that the updates were happening today."
"It probably just means that they had to start them before they thought," Ugalde defended, shrugging.
Kirk looked at the other people at the table. No one seemed too concerned by the information.
"Can we try to send a yeoman up just to check, though?" He asked, turning to Uhura and Spock.
The Vulcan shook his head, "Our turbolift is tied to our communication channels. I'm afraid we have no way of getting anyone to the surface at the moment."
"It's really not something to get worried over," Ugalde said. "We should have communications back in 45 minutes. I'm sure we can do without the admirals for just a few minutes."
There were a few chuckles around the table.
Kirk could feel that the last comment was directed at him, but he didn't care this time. He had a bad feeling about the whole thing. He did not like the idea of being essentially trapped below the surface.
No one at the table showed any signs of worry. He looked back at Uhura, trying to get answers, but she was already focused on another thing in her padd.
He met Spock's eyes.
There were no words exchanged-- Kirk didn't think they were ready for that yet-- but, somehow, he knew that Spock had understood perfectly.