Chapter Text
The archangel shoved at Sam’s arms, trying to push him away as he knew what was bound to happen if the other didn’t let him go before he gave into the inevitable will to close his eyes and never open them again. But Sam didn’t budge or listen to the silent please to let the angel go, he wasn’t going to let Gabriel die without someone there to be there with him through it.
Regardless, the tears still welled up in Sam’s eyes and threatened to spill over, but he refused to cry in front of the dying man, he had to suck it up and be strong right now like he had countless other times around his brother. It’s what is dad would want, for him to be a man; to be brave.
When Gabriel finally realized that there was no chance to get Sam to let go, he gave in to the tight embrace of strong arms around him, as if shielding him from any other possible danger. Which was silly, he was dying anyways, wasn’t he? What was there to be further protective of? Exactly, nothing, he didn’t matter, his life was already gone. So why couldn’t Sam see that? Why did he refuse to let the Trickster go in favor of holding him while the life slowly left him?
“Let go,” Gabe managed to finally rasp out, still pushing weakly at Sam’s torso, though he knew it would do no good, the taller was the most stubborn man he’d ever come across. He knew that hard headedness would come in handy at some point, but right now, he just wished that that part of him was nonexistent. “Don’t wanna hurt you.”
Sam looked genuinely confused at that, seemingly not knowing what was obviously going to happen.
“You won’t.” He simply said, only pulling back slightly to get a better look at the archangel’s face, his own face full of several different emotions; anger, sadness, confusion- everything that you’d never want to see your loved one ever feel. Sam looked like he was in absolute misery as he witnessed his boyfriend slowly die.
“L-love you,” Gabriel stuttered out, voice increasingly weak and strained the longer time dragged on, reminding them to cherish every single second they both had left with each other yet detesting how such little time they knew they had left. Sam nearly broke as he saw a tear slip from Gabe’s eye, trailing down the side of his face and into his hairline. Gabriel has never cried. Never . But now, as his golden eyes met Sam’s own for their last moments, he let himself give into the it just this once.
“And I love you,” The youngest Winchester brother forced out, praying that his boyfriend wouldn’t hear the crack in his voice as he uttered the words. Gabriel probably already knew how the other felt, could probably feel it coming off of his human in almost smothering waves, but he tried not to think about that and instead focus on the dying angel in his arms who was both clinging to his lanky form and trying to push him away, as if he knew he should do the latter but couldn’t help but to to the opposite.
“S-Sam, have to let g-go of me, now , I’m serious.”
But Sam ignored the words and merely adjusted Gabriel in his arms so he could hold him as close as possible all the while still face-to-face.
“I’m not letting you go, Gabe, I’m staying right here with you, and you can’t change my mind.”
Gabe laughed weakly at that.
“So pigheaded, Sammy,” He chastised, one of his hands reaching up to rest on Sam’s jaw, placing a quick and chaste kiss to his lips before he squeezed his eyes shut, groaning in pain as he pulled away. “Gotta… close your eyes, remember that, ‘kay?” Gabriel said, breaths coming in shorter than they had a few seconds ago.
“Remember that I’ll still be there with you too, alright? Don’t forget that.” Gabriel demanded, trying to look into Sam’s eyes as much as he could as he spoke.
With Gabe burying his face in the crook of Sam’s neck to hide his pained expressions and hating how he could see the misery swirling in the human’s eyes, he let the last breath punch out of him as a scream as absolutely agonizing pain flooded his celestial being; his grace being ripped from him.
Bright, white light shone out of him, especially his golden eyes and open mouth that he tried to keep shut.
Then, Sam’s pained scream joined it shortly after Gabriel’s had stopped, his entire torso, arms, stomach, and back burning with what felt scalding hot and going into his skin, and another ripping feeling deep from inside his chest. Yet, he still held Gabriel tight through all of it until he was lax in his arms, which were trembling from both the pain and grief he was feeling at the same time.
But Sam didn’t cry, he felt as if he just couldn't even though he was just at the brink of doing so. He just felt numb, like everything around him was just… there and he wasn’t.
After a while though, he had to let go of Gabriel, knowing that Dean had taken care of the rest of business from this stupid hotel and was now at a much better motel than this one waiting for Sam to get in the damn car in the parking lot.
With one last look at Gabriel, he pressed a kiss to his forehead and let his legs carry him outside to the impala, Dean listening to his music and acting as if he didn’t have care in the world.
And even as they drove away, Sam couldn’t help but to realize that when Gabe had died, he didn’t see his wings burned into the floor like angels did when they died. He didn’t pay much attention to it.
Well, that is to say until he took his shirt off the next morning to change in front of a full body mirror and saw what looked like wings wrapped around him burnt onto him.
That was the day he realized what Gabriel had meant when he said he didn’t want to hurt him, and thought about those words more and more each day he went on without Gabriel by his side and looked at the wings on him, a constant reminder what he would always be missing; his archangel.
That was also the day Sam wished he couldn’t feel anything, and still does months later down the road.