Chapter Text
Xiao doesn’t dream, he hasn't for a really long time. It’s really for the best, actually. No dreams meant no nightmares, no reliving his worst moments in his most vulnerable state. During the last few days of winter break, however, there’s nothing he wouldn’t give to have a prophetic vision come to him in his sleep. At this point he’d take anything if it could give him a hint of what to do.
The rest of his family is inside, sharing stories and drinks and laughter. He had done his best to interact for as long as possible, and luckily for him they were all very understanding when he had suddenly stood up mid conversation and excused himself.
Now, despite the snow and the cold, he sat on the veranda overlooking the backyard. Perched on a wooden deck chair with his knees curled tightly to his chest, chin resting on the hill they created. His phone clutched in one hand, the crumpled note Aether had left him in the other.
‘Left for airport, didn’t wanna wake u! C U when breaks over!
Heres my number, txt me if u want!
Xxx-xxx-xxxx’
He worried the skin on his bottom lip between his teeth, hard enough that he could taste the faint tang of blood on his tongue. It had been nearly three weeks since he had woken up alone in a freezing cold bed in an even colder, emptier dorm room and he hadn’t texted the other man once. It was as if all the progress he thought he was making suddenly crumbled in his grasp in a moment.
He couldn’t truly ghost Aether. In just a few days he would be back on campus, starting up the spring semester. Sleeping, studying, living in the same room as the same man who had his brain fried beyond belief for the entire fall semester. The same man who had cupped his cheek so tenderly, told him something so personal that he couldn’t even sleep until he got it out. The same man who couldn’t even wake him to say goodbye before leaving for his flight home.
Behind him the patio door creaked, its ancient hinges protesting with every fiber of their being as they opened and shut. Xiao glanced over his shoulder, met with the sight of his father. In one hand he held a thick blanket, and in the other a thermos of what was most definitely hot tea.
“Shenhe said you’ve been sulking out here for the past half hour, so I figured you might be a bit cold.”
“I’m not sulking. Where would she get the idea that I’m sulking?”
His father draped the blanket over his shoulders and settled into the chair beside him. He unscrewed the thermos’ lid, the soft scent of yuzu and honey wafting out. “Of course. You, notedly, have never been known to sit alone and sulk. What a preposterous idea.”
Letting Hu Tao teach their dad how to use sarcasm was definitely one of the worst mistakes they ever made. Xiao let out a heavy sigh, burrowing his face in his knees to muffle any quiet swears that slipped out. He only peeked out when he felt the thermos lid nudge at his hand, sloshing its contents only slightly. Who was he to refuse tea from his loving father?
“It’s rather cold out here for this, don’t you think?”
There was no arguing that. Xiao tugged the blanket a bit closer and took a long sip of his tea, feeling as if he hadn’t been appreciating them to their fullest potential just yet.
“The cold helps me think. It keeps my head clear because it’s too cold to think about anything else.”
Zhongli hummed pensively, taking a sip of his own tea. They bask in the silence for a long while, watching fat flakes of snow accumulate and pile higher and higher. Usually someone suddenly inserting themselves into his alone time just to take up space near him would have him seething and scheming on how to remove himself as quickly as possible. But something about his father soothes his nerves without fail, seemingly without even trying.
“Do you remember our first winter together?” Zhongli said softly. “We weren’t sure if the cold would make your pain worse, or if you were ready to participate in big social settings like our usual holiday celebrations. You were already such a shy child, and we were worried how everything would affect you and if we would be able to properly accommodate your needs.”
He took another long sip of tea. “But then it snowed for the first time.” He chuckled. “You were practically glued to the window, watching the drifts get bigger and bigger. When we asked why you were watching so closely you said that you were waiting for it to get thick enough so we could eat it.”
Xiao felt his cheeks run hot involuntarily at the recollection. His father continued unphased. “Apparently you had grown up eating something called ‘snow cream’. You were so happy to show us how to make it, and even happier to share it with all your cousins.”
“Why are you bringing this up now?” Xiao muttered from behind his hands. Zhongli simply smiled.
“It’s one of the many reasons I like to believe you got your tendency to worry and overthink from me.” He said with a quiet chuckle. Suddenly, his soft smile morphed into a more serious expression. “It’s very clear that you’re struggling with something. I don’t expect you to tell me what it is, but I do want you to know that if you need someone to talk about it with, I’m available. You’ve been staring at your phone a lot over the last week or so. Perhaps you’re waiting on a message from someone?”
Xiao sighed, pushing his bangs off his forehead. It wasn’t uncommon for his dad to read him like an open book, the man raised him after all. Maybe it did piss him off a little bit that he could so easily see through his moody demeanor and sharp exterior to find the uncertainty at his core.
“Not exactly.” He inhaled deeply and slowly exhaled through his mouth. “It’s stupid, really. Aether left me his phone number before he left for the break and I just…” He trailed off, burrowing the lower half of his face back into the hill of his knees.
Maybe he was overthinking everything. “As per usual.” he thought bitterly. He’s been sitting out here freezing his ass off, staring at a crumpled piece of paper because the paper happened to have a phone number written on it.
“I don’t know where to start. I don’t want to just say ‘hey’ or ‘how’s your break going?’ because it just feels too…boring?” He huffed out a frustrated sigh. “It feels lame to text him something so basic and lame because…”
“Because?” Zhongli encouraged him to finish his thought.
Xiao’s mouth felt dry. His heart rate kicked up, and his stomach churned. It occurred to him, that even though he had spent the last month since the winter showcase processing how deep his feelings for his roommate were, he had yet to actually say it out loud. Would putting physicality to his feelings change the way he processed them? It wasn’t like he was actually confessing them, something he wasn’t even sure he was capable of without fully exploding on impact. The only person he had to admit anything to was his father.
His father, who is looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to just spit it out.
“I think I’m in love with him.” Against his will, his voice comes out barely above a whisper. “It’s stupid, and it’s obvious that I’ve always had a crush on him since we started rooming together.”
This wasn’t his first crush. He had had a devastating infatuation with an older boy from the group home that had ended in an embarrassing disaster.
“This time it feels different, though. This feels so much more raw and more real than anything I’ve felt for anyone before and-” He pulled his knees tighter to his chest, letting his head flop against them once more. “I really don’t want to mess things up.”
There was a chance, however small, that confessing could shatter the world that had been built around them and their blooming friendship since Halloween. That a rejection could fundamentally change the way the rest of his freshman year, if not the remainder of his college career, went in terrible ways. And that small chance terrified him to his core.
“Perhaps I’m too old fashioned to fully understand how… modern friendships operate, but from what you and your sister have told me it seems as if he truly cares for you and your wellbeing as much as you care for him.” Zhongli mused. “When I was your age that was usually a sign that your feelings were reciprocated. I understand your apprehension, but I also think that you’ll be pleasantly surprised if you just take the leap.”
Xiao mulled the thought over. He, like his dad, also didn’t fully understand how modern friendships operated. Was it possible that he was looking at their relationship through rose tinted lenses, coloring how he and those around him saw their interactions with wishful thinking? Outside of Aether his closest friends were his sister and cousin and the various menagerie that they brought along with them. None of them had the dynamic that he had with Aether, but it was still entirely possible that it was his own shortcomings in the socializing department.
He expressed this concern through a muffled murmur, the kind you’d have to strain to hear even in a silent room. His father ran a soothing hand through his hair and down to his shoulders where he delivered a reassuring squeeze.
“The best way to determine these things is to get an outsider’s perspective. For your first text to him, why don’t you see if he would be interested in joining us for Lantern Rite this year?”
His ulterior motives were not lost on his son. How convenient to invite his crush to spend time with his family in their home where they could get to know him and attempt to subtly drop hints that the two of them seem to be such good friends, it was so good to be so close with your friend.
On the other hand, Aether had been kind enough to share the limited time he had with his own family with Xiao, would it be rude of him not to at least offer to return the favor?
“The worst thing he could say is ‘no’, right?” His father said.
Xiao took a deep breath, punched the phone number into his phone, and started typing.
The last few days before returning to campus are a whirlwind. While Xiao barely had the time to check his phone between family dinners and game nights, he’s able to open it just long enough to see his invitation go unanswered. He tried not to let it bother him too much.
There’s a huge cardboard box waiting for him in the dormitory lobby when he returned from break. It’s not insanely heavy, but between the package and his duffel bag, and the constant dull ache of chronic pain in his arms it was just unwieldy enough that it took the efforts of him and two RA’s to haul it up the stairs to his dorm. He sent them off with an apologetic look and a murmured thanks as he shoved it through the door.
“Hey, welcome home, dude!” Aether’s honey sweet voice chimed. It was almost enough to completely alleviate the anger he felt at this absurdly large package.
His roommate was perched at their desk as usual, whatever game he was playing paused so he could swing their chair around and meet Xiao’s murderous gaze. However he seemed to breeze right past it and landed on the offending box, his face lighting up at the sight. “Oh! I didn’t realize it got delivered already! Lemme help you with that.”
He was on his feet immediately, helping bring the box to rest in the middle of the room. “I know it’s late, but I specifically ordered this so it wouldn’t show up while we weren’t at the dorm to claim it. You should open it, Xiao! Merry Christmas.”
Xiao cocked his head in confusion. “We didn’t talk about getting gifts for each other. I don’t have anything to give you in return.” His words are twinged with the guilt that’s bubbling in his chest. Should he have anticipated this? Was it common practice to get presents for your roommates and he had committed a horrid social faux pas by not doing so?
“Don’t sweat it, man! I’ll admit, this is kind of a gift for the both of us.” Aether said with a shrug. “If it makes it better we can consider it a ‘thank you for being chill about me rooming with you’ gift instead!”
He tore into the package cautiously. He’s greeted by the smiling stock face of a model happily pulling a nondistinct, unlabeled can out of what could only be-
“Did you buy a mini fridge?”
“Yeah!” Aether beamed. “You mentioned awhile ago that it sucked going all the way to the commons for a Gatorade when you’re having a flare up. Plus we can keep sodas and other snacks in here for long sessions of studying or gaming!”
“I can’t believe you remember that.” Xiao muttered, running his hands over the box containing their new appliance with quiet awe.
He could vaguely recall mentioning something along those lines in passing over a month prior. In the midst of a particularly gnarly flare up, Aether had once again become his gopher when he needed to replenish his stock of pain medication and electrolytes. Though, the complaint had been lodged more as a way of expressing his guilt at having his roommate care for him rather than actually lamenting their lack of in-room cold storage.
“I figured once you got home we would get it all set up and then go snack shopping. Call it a ‘mini fridge mini party’!” Aether beamed. Xiao’s stomach fluttered a bit at the sheer domesticity in his pitch. Never mind that it was perfectly normal for two, fully platonic friends to grocery shop together for their shared fridges.
“Okay, that sounds like a good idea. Let me put my bag away and we can head out whenever you’re ready.” He worried his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment. “We should make a list before we go, though. To make sure we don’t buy more than we can store.”
Impossibly, Aether’s expression brightened. “Great idea, man!”
Xiao mentally patted himself on the back for managing to find a perfectly stealthy way to learn his roommate’s favorite snacks without feeling like he was prying too much. Although, he was sure Aether would’ve given the information willingly and enthusiastically had he been asked directly.
To their delight, there’s a significant amount of crossover in their tastes. “Maybe it’s just the company I keep, but I swear I’ve never met someone who likes salt and vinegar potato chips as much as I do.” Aether said as he messily scribbled it onto their list.
“It’s really not as weird as people make it out to be. Now I can’t say I agree with adding six different types of gummies to the list.”
Aether gawked at him, as if it was so incredulous to not want six different flavors of gummies on hand at any given time. “What about when you wanna switch it up? Like you get sick of cherry gummy so you switch over to lychee or sunsettia?”
“I’m not that big of a fan of sweets, so I can’t really see myself in that specific situation. Now if they were different flavors of energy drinks…”
Their deliberation goes on long enough that the sun sank below the horizon, bathing their dorm in the golden hue of their bedside lamps. Their initial list had spiraled into simply listing their favorite foods, which led to pairing down the list to a few snacks, and then narrowing it further by putting restrictions on quantities.
Though, they've long since stopped keeping a record of their shopping list. Instead the two of them sat shoulder to shoulder, leaning back against the mound of pillows at the head of Aether’s bed. The conversation between them is murmured, only enough to fill the small space between them.
“Yknow…” Aether started softly. “I’m glad you're back. I kinda missed seeing your face.”
Said face was now fighting to keep from flaring brilliant red. “I missed you, too. I guess I got used to having you around all the time.”
“Guess that means I’m not so bad of a roommate after all, huh?” He said with a small chuckle. “I’m glad we were still able to develop a friendship, even though you didn’t have a ton of choice in the matter.”
Xiao chewed at the skin of his lower lip pensively. The circumstances of their meeting were not ideal, he had spent the last few months of his life bemoaning that fact to his study group to no end. But after all this time, getting to know Aether and having his feelings for him develop towards love…
“I… I think we’d still be friends.” Xiao said softly. “If we had met in class, or at a club or sports event instead of being roommates.”
He can almost see it playing out in his mind like a movie. Being dragged along begrudgingly to some kind of social event by his sister or cousin because he would never attend of his own volition. There’s too much of a crowd, too much noise and too many bodies packed into one place for comfort and pressing himself against the back wall does little to alleviate the building anxiety in his gut. Suddenly, their eyes would meet. He’s a volunteer helping run the event, or he’s just there to support whoever is hosting because that’s just the type of guy he is.
Even in this imagined scenario, Xiao can’t help but feel reluctant to let his walls down, to let this version of Aether in. Even in this scenario, Aether doesn’t budge. He remains steadfast, striking up conversations and cracking little jokes to try and ease him out of his comfort zone. Bright smile and golden eyes that sparkle when Xiao finally cracks a smile, lets his shoulders release the tension they had held onto like a lifeline. Phone numbers exchanged, the briefest brush of their fingers and fleeting glances.
Even in this imagined scenario, Xiao can’t help but fall in love with Aether.
In reality, the blond threw an arm over his shoulders and pulled him close for a side hug with a hearty laugh. “I think we would, too! You’re a pretty cool dude, not everyone would invite their roommate slash friend to their family’s holiday celebrations.” Aether flashed a toothy grin. “Which, by the way, I’m really looking forward to that. Lantern Rite at your dad’s place?”
Oh. Xiao, embarrassingly, had almost forgotten about that. Which in hindsight seemed crazy considering how nervous the mere thought of extending the invitation had made him not even a week prior, not to mention the fear only settling deeper the longer it went unanswered. “So you are joining us then?”
“Yeah, of course! Didn’t you get my text?”
The impact of a pillow whumping against Aether’s face muffled his surprised squawk.
After a few moments deescalating a full blown pillow assault, the pair determined that Aether’s hometown possibly, most likely did not have the best reception and that the last few days of winter break had been spent worrying over nothing.
“I hope your dad won’t mind that I brought a gift.” Aether said in a hushed tone as they toed their shoes off in the entryway.
“Don’t worry, he’ll be absolutely delighted no matter how much he insists that it’s unnecessary.”
Xiao had given Aether a crash course on everything he might need to know during the bus ride from campus. Everything from the names and relationships of everyone in attendance to the traditions they observed, both specific family and the broader holiday affair. If there was a chance to set him up for success, he took it. When Aether had sheepishly revealed a beautifully wrapped box of tea cakes with various fillings, relief flushed out all the tension that Xiao had been harboring.
They were the last to arrive, something his cousins would absolutely harp on him for. The muffled sounds of conversation wafted in from the sitting room. The thought of having to introduce his roommate to everyone made his nerves zing with anxiety once more.
“I want to apologize in advance on behalf of my family. They can be a little much, but they all really do mean well.”
“Lumine was literally going to wrestle you if you hadn’t come to dinner with us. They can’t be any worse than that.” Aether chuckled.
“You’d be surprised.”
The chatter fell to a sudden hush as soon as they entered the room, his father and aunt immediately rising to their feet to greet them. “Welcome, boys. You came in so quietly, otherwise we would’ve greeted you at the door.” Zhongli said, wrapping his son in a quick hug before extending a handshake to Aether. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Xiao has told us so much about you.”
Aether’s face lit up at the same time that Xiao’s cheeks went red. “Oh! It’s good to know I’m making enough impact in his life to be talked about. It’s very nice to meet you all as well, and thank you for inviting me to join your celebration.” He returned Zhongli’s hand shake with a firm grasp before presenting the gift box almost shyly. “I read that it’s customary to bring the host a gift, I hope you don’t mind.”
Predictably, his father protested vehemently before graciously accepting, having Xiao direct Aether to the kitchen to store the tea cakes until later. A few of his cousins had congregated there, Yanfei let out an excited squeak as the two of them rounded the corner and came into view. “Xiao! And you brought a guest~?”
The other two women in the room jumped to attention at her tone, heads whipping around in sync to zero in on the newcomers with deadly precision. Xiao felt himself physically brace against their gaze, freezing in his tracks like a deer in headlights. This was so unlike him, shying away from their attention rather than standing his ground and taking their cooing and coddling in stride. Now he’s fighting every fiber of his being from turning tail and bolting right out the front door rather than face his cousin’s questioning.
“Happy Lantern Rite, Xiao and guest! I’m Ganyu, nice to meet you!” The shorter of the two chimed happily as she pulled the pair in for a brief hug.
“Happy Lantern Rite, everyone. This is Aether. He’s my…” He trailed off unintentionally as he wracked his brain for the best way to introduce him to his family. Aether offered him a soft smile, the corners of his warm, golden eyes crinkling with the motion. “Friend. He’s my friend from school.”
They breeze through introductions as they move to stash the tea cakes in a safe place. The counters are crowded with all manner of dishes, filled to the brim with delicious foods for the supper that was soon to commence. “Shenhe recently started an internship at Wanmin Restaurant, so she wanted to try out a few of the recipes she’s been learning for tonight’s feast.” Ganyu explained as her sister diligently julienned a variety of vegetables before scraping them into a pot of bubbling red broth. “I hope you don’t mind a bit of spice, Aether!”
“Not at all! I’m pretty flexible, I’m willing to try anything!” Aether said with a brilliant smile. As he leaned in to ask Shenhe about her technique, Xiao found himself being corralled away by Ganyu and Yanfei. The two of them had sly looks on their faces as they looped a hand around each arm and pulled him just out of earshot and into the hallway.
“Hu Tao mentioned that you were bringing your roommate, but she didn’t tell us he was so cute!” Ganyu whispered. “Now you see why you were such a flustered mess all through the holidays.”
Xiao let his body flop against the wall, head rolling back with a dull thunk and a sigh. His sister's unending goal of tormenting him, even when he wasn't present, never ceased to amaze him. “Please don't blow this out of proportion. I only invited him because Dad suggested it, so don't look into it too much.” He lied through his teeth. It was bad enough that they knew about his crush, it would certainly only make things worse if they knew why Aether had really been extended an invitation.
A dramatic pout crossed Yanfei’s features as she landed a playful smack on Xiao’s shoulder. “You liar, he’s nearly all you’ve talked about for months except coursework.”
Of course, unless they had definitely already seen through such a flimsy excuse. Leave it to the girl studying to be a lawyer to blow his cover wide open.
“Plus we all saw you watching your phone like a hawk during break. It was kinda obvious you were gonna invite your crush tonight.” Ganyu added unhelpfully. He let his head fall back against the wall once more, harder this time as if the added force would jostle him out of what was quickly becoming a nightmare scenario. In hindsight he didn’t really know why he bothered trying to lie around a family that could read him like an open book.
“My point still stands. I will quite literally do anything for you guys to keep things lowkey. Can you promise me that?”
In all the years of knowing her, Ganyu had always been the more timid sister between her and Shenhe. Never quick to anger or to raise her voice even when the moment rightfully called for it. Which made her devilish grin all the more unsettling as it stretched across her features. She extended her hand, pinky finger poised to hook with Xiao’s own in an unwritten contract.
“Pinky promise.” Ganyu said. Yanfei also offered her pinky, locking their deal in stone. “Now go get your guest before Mama finds him unattended and talks his ear off.”
Xiao seemed to arrive just in the nick of time. Xianyun had managed to corral Aether out of the kitchen (most likely at the behest of Shenhe) and into the adjacent dining room. It would seem that she had also taken it upon herself to plop a plate brimming with fruit down in front of him, while she sat off to the side peeling and cutting up more apples to add to the pile.
“ -usually so withdrawn. Not that we weren't delighted to hear that he was bringing company, it was quite the surprise. Our little bird is finally spreading his wings and bringing a…friend back to the nest.”
Aether gave a bright smile. “Yeah, I’m so glad he invited me, too! He got to meet my sisters right before winter break so it's nice to get to meet some of his family as well.”
“One hopes you enjoy yourself this evening. And while our doors are always open, there is a guaranteed way to ensure a repeat invitation if you were interested.” Her tone is teasing, a glint of mischief in her eyes. Xiao knew his time was limited, he had to strike now or his dear auntie was going to expose him and ruin everything.
“Ah, there you are. Auntie, let me help you with those.” He said, pulling up a chair and situating it squarely between his aunt and his roommate. The two of them flinched slightly at his sudden appearance.
“Ah, teleporting again, Xiao?” Xianyun joked. She slid her plate to rest between the two of them and passed him a small knife of his own. “I’ll peel and you can cut. Once we're done with these, one will take a platter to the sitting room and give you boys some time to yourselves.”
Xiao protested weakly, inwardly rejoicing that at least someone would give him a bit of grace tonight. They dove into small talk, making quick work of prepping the remaining fruit and Xianyun departed with a sly wink.
“Remember what I said, Aether. Our- mine, Zhongli, everyone’s- doors are always open for a polite young man like yourself.” As soon as she left the room, Xiao shot Aether a speculative sideways glance. The blond simply beamed back at him. His eyes shimmered with a blinding light.
“Your family has been so nice!” Aether chirped. He casually popped a chunk of apple into his mouth, a serene expression spread over his face. Good, maybe Xiao was just overthinking and worrying himself too much again. Only one way to find out for sure, though.
“What did the two of you talk about?”
“Just the usual small talk. She asked how my classes were going, if I’m doing any extracurriculars, if I’m dating anybody, what kind of food I liked to eat-”
Xiao’s eye twitched from the effort it took to suppress the urge to slam his head into the nearest wall. He knew his family meant well, but if he was going to have to go around and make pinky promises with everyone to make sure they didn't meddle too much it was going to be a long night.
Dinner is delightful. The food is amazing, the conversation even better. When they're all in one large group like this it's impossible to focus on one person for too long, with each new conversation thread pulling up anecdotes and memories that would spiral into each other in an endless stream.
Aether is beloved by everyone at the table. Naturally. He's not shy, answering any questions thrown his way with a smile. And from the way his eyes sparkle with every bite it's clear he's enjoying trying new foods, accepting it graciously when Xianyun places another treat on his plate without so much as a second thought.
Once the table is cleared and leftovers are either packed into the fridge or into individual Tupperware so that no one would even dare leave tonight's celebration hungry, then real festivities begin. The older family members retire to the living room, content to continue the conversations from dinner while the younger generation takes over preparations.
Xiao is about to lead Aether to join the living room group when they're intercepted by Hu Tao. She’s adopted a wide stance, arms spread out to either side to fully block the corridor and keep the two of them from escaping. “I need your help. Both of you.”
If this were any other member of their family, Xiao would be worried. But this is Hu Tao, his little sister who he knows better than anyone else in the world. Which is why he responded with a clenched jaw and a firm shake of his head. “No. Aether is a guest, I'm not letting you rope him into whatever you have planned.”
Hu Tao refused to budge. “C’mon Xiao, it's Lantern Rite! You can't say no to your sister during Lantern Rite!”
“Not only is that patently untrue, I wouldn't help you anyways because I don't know what you need help with. Now move.”
Hu Tao has resorted to pouting. At this rate she's only moments away from stamping her foot and threatening to tell their dad which he knows she is NOT above doing from personal experience. Aether’s light chuckle floated to his ear over his shoulder, which made him glad to know that at least one of them was enjoying this interaction. “It can't be after dinner tea or dessert because it's way too soon for that. Shenhe and Ganyu are handling firework set up so it's not that either. What else could you possibly need both of us to help you with?”
“Can’t you just trust me with this? It’s not anything weird!” She hits them with a devastating combo: A set of the biggest, most pathetic pleading puppy dog eyes and a soft “Pleeeeeease?” that tugged on his heartstrings in just the right way to bring him back to all the times in their childhood they had stood in this exact hallway and had nearly this exact interaction. It didn't take long for him to crack.
“Fine. Only if Aether is okay with it.” He turned to the other man, who nodded enthusiastically. Like an overeager golden retriever, he was always more than happy to help out no matter what was needed from him.
Hu Tao let out an excited squeal. She clapped her hands on both of their shoulders, lips curving into a smile that bordered on the edge of sinister. Aether, either too kind to mention it or too sweetly stupid to notice, returned her gaze with a sincere grin. “What do you need us to do, Hu?”
Xiao really thinks he needs to grow a backbone when it comes to his sister. Maybe if he had focused on that prior to this moment he wouldn't have let her lead them up into the attic and out onto the roof of their father’s home. Usually this time of year would leave the slanted tiles slick with snow and ice, making it even more inhabitable and precarious. But once he placed one cautious foot onto the roof he felt no icy slide beneath it. “Did you come up here and clear the ice before you even knew if we would say yes?”
“I believe in being proactive and planning ahead. Stop dillydallying!” She guided them to sit at the very top, where roof tiles met a wooden beam that provided the perfect perch for the two of them. Then once they're situated, like a magician pulling a bouquet from thin air, Hu Tao produced an unholy amount of folded paper lanterns, a couple of pens, and a utility lighter.
“You dragged us all the way out here onto the roof for Xiao lanterns?!” Before he could lunge at his sister and send them both to their definite doom on the snowy ground below Aether let out a delighted gasp.
“What are Xiao lanterns?” The blond asked enthusiastically. He reached over Xiao to take one of the folded lanterns from Hu Tao, carefully inspecting every inch of it with wide eyed wonder.
“They're the reason for the season! Well, one of them anyways.” Hu Tao responded with a giggle. She passed a pen over to Aether, uncapping her own and quickly scrawling some messy writing along the paper’s seams. “You can write your hopes and wishes for the coming year on them and once they're lit they'll float up up and away into the sky! I'm surprised there aren't any out already by now.”
She finished her demonstration with lighting the lanterns wick and gently assisting its lift off into the clear winter sky. “The rest of us prepared our lanterns before you two got here. It was Auntie’s idea to have the late comers finish up the extras.”
The worst part is Xiao couldn’t even argue that point. It wasn’t technically tradition to saddle the last to arrive with this task, usually they would divide the extras up between the younger family members. It did seem rather targeted that this year they would suddenly decide to shake things up, but he wasn’t sure if he could prove an ulterior motive without revealing his own hand.
“We could've done this at the dining room table, or literally anywhere else. There's no reason for us to be up here.” He shifted his weight, grimacing at the faint sound of creaking wood despite the fact that it helped prove his point. “Not to mention that you could’ve just told us what you needed from us in the hall instead of being so weird and cryptic.”
Hu Tao didn't respond. In fact, it seemed as if she hadn't heard what he had said at all. Instead her attention was turned skyward, dreamy gaze fixed on the lone lantern as it floated higher and higher. “When I was little, my papa and grandpa told me that Lantern Rite is a very important time, not just because it marks the new year, but also new beginnings. They taught me that the best way to celebrate is to embrace any uncertainty, face the fears you have head on.” She gripped the wooden beam and leaned back, far enough that the ends of her pigtails brushed the roof tiles. Xiao’s hand flung out instinctually, grabbing a fist full of her coat and holding her in place like an anchor.
“They also taught me some pretty complex sealing rituals, but those aren't important right now!” She lurched upright, arms extended in front of her like a stereotypical movie zombie rising from the dead. “What matters most is that I am a fantastic sister-slash-friend and I have orchestrated the perfect opportunity for you two to face your fears! You're welcome!”
She moved quickly, skittering back to the hatch that opened into the attic and dropping down out of sight before Xiao could protest anymore. Beside him Aether is still fawning over the lanterns, excitedly scribbling to his heart’s content along the paper seams. He was too sweet, too eager to help out whenever and wherever he could. Too eager to participate that he didn't see that every bit of this set up was a trap laid specifically for him and Xiao. Well, really more for Xiao, if he was being honest. Aether was less the prey and more the bait that he had fallen for hook, line, and sinker.
“This is exactly what I was apologizing for earlier. Hu Tao means well, but her execution can be a little…strange at times.”
“I don’t mind!” Aether chirped happily. He was laser focused on his task, a sliver of his tongue poked out from his lips in concentration. “I'm always happy to help, and I love learning about other people so this is a win-win for me!” As the words left his lips, a gust of wind blew through, kicking up flurries of powdery snow and sending a shiver racking through Aether’s frame.
“I guess it is a little chilly, though.” Even his complaints were lined with a wry smile and a shrug.
His vulnerability wasn't rare, not like Xiao’s, but it was subtle. If Xiao hadn't seen him cry after that fateful Halloween party, hadn't listened to him vent his fears and sorrows surrounding Lumine’s inevitable move, he might think that Aether wasn't even capable of negative emotions.
If there was anything he had learned from rooming with this man for the last semester, it was to be bold. Ignoring the hammering of his heart, the alarm bells sounding in his mind, Xiao inched along the wooden beam until the two of them were shoulder to shoulder and slung an arm around the other to pull him in closer.
“This will help us stay warm. Like the pillow fort, right?” Lucky for him he can excuse his burning red cheeks and shaking hands by claiming that the frigid air was getting to them. Aether, to his credit, doesn’t bring them up as he leaned into the touch. He continued his writing, letting his head fall against Xiao’s shoulder. How Xiao envied his ability to remain so collected, so casual in these moments. Like this closeness was nothing but natural. Like they really were more to each other than just college roommates.
“Why do they call them xiao lanterns? Are they named after you, or the other way around?” Aether asked. Xiao couldn't help but let out a soft laugh.
“Neither, as far as I know. The lanterns came first, they've been around for centuries now. But our family would always joke about them being my lanterns.” His heart warmed at the memory of his first Lantern Rite. How he had happily asked his father the same question upon being presented with the lanterns. Zhongli had laughed, pulled him into his lap and regaled him with the long history of Lantern Rite and its many traditions. Truthfully he hadn't really understood all of it at the time. His father wasn't the best at condensing his stories to be more easily digestible, especially for a young mind like he once had. But even then he understood the importance it held for his new family, that it meant so much to them and they loved him enough to welcome him in and join them.
Like he was doing with Aether.
“Thank you for agreeing to celebrate with us.” His voice is accompanied by soft clouds of frosty air, filling the space between them. “It…it really means a lot to me.” He leaned in, just a few inches between their foreheads. “You mean a lot to me.”
Their eyes meet, gold flitting to amber. “You mean a lot to me, too. I'm glad you wanted me to be a part of your life like this, especially for something as personal and important to you as Lantern Rite.” Aether responded. “Even though we’ve only been here for a few hours I feel like I've gotten to see a whole new part of you. It makes me really happy to learn about what makes you, well, you.”
“It’s all because of you. Even when I was standoffish and rude to you, you were so kind and caring in ways I totally didn't deserve. I was so…” He took a deep breath in. Held it. If he was going to admit to this, there really was no time like the present. He exhaled shakily.
“I was so jealous of your other friends, how close you were with all these people who were just as amazing as you are.” Xiao’s throat felt tight and his chest ached but he pushed onward. “I thought there was no way I would ever compare, that I could never reach that standard and be on their level so I just tried to push you away. I'm really sorry for treating you guys like that.”
Aether's hand came up to cup his cheek, thumbing away a stray tear he hadn't even noticed slip out. The expression on his face is soft and understanding without a hint of judgement or pity. “You don't have to apologize, Xiao, for any of that.” Xiao, of course, would beg to differ but he held his tongue. Aether continued.
“We were both totally screwed over by the East Building situation and administration, but you still let me stay and take up space in your dorm. I knew from that moment that you were a good person. That's why it tore me up so much to think I had done something to make you hate me.”
Oh how Xiao cringed at the memory of that painful conversation. It felt like ancient history despite only being a couple months since. So much had changed between them in such a short time, if they hadn't lived through it Xiao wasn't sure he would even think it would be possible. And yet here they were, tangled in each other’s arms, perched on the roof of his childhood home and pouring their hearts out to each other with a level of comfort and familiarity that an outside observer might think they had known each other for the entirety of this life and the last.
“I could never hate you.” Xiao said with a whisper. “You mean so much to me. You're my best friend and I-” His breath hitched in his throat, choking off his sentence with a hiccup. A faint smile fell over Aether’s lips. For just a moment, a split second, it seemed as if he was leaning even closer and closer until-
Soft golden light illuminated his features. Aether’s eyes widened, flicking up and over Xiao’s shoulder to the horizon. “Look! The lanterns!”
Xiao whipped around as cautiously as he could in their precarious position. Sure enough, dozens of Xiao lanterns were dotting the skies, with countless more to undoubtedly follow. Reluctantly he removed himself from the other man’s personal space, scrambling to retrieve the lighter that his sister had left them. “Here, I'll help you with your first lantern.”
They worked in efficient silence, Aether holding the lantern up so that Xiao had a clear shot at the internal wick. Once it's lit, the two of them gently nudged the lantern up into the air. Aether watched in awe as his hard work floated up to join the others, a few that were most likely being sent up from the front yard by the other guests trailing behind it. They took turns lighting a few more and sending them skyward where the lanterns were soon accompanied by the booming and lights of distant fireworks.
Xiao looked down at the last lantern in his lap. Nearly all of the ones they had helped ascend so far had been blank, as his friend proved once again to be very distracting; he hadn't found the time to write his hopes for the coming year. His mind raced with a million thoughts, cycling through all the things he could possibly write in this moment.
“This is breathtaking!” Aether exclaimed. “I don't think I could ever get tired of a sight as beautiful as this.”
The lantern light cast them in a warm golden glow. A color that Xiao had long since started associating with his roommate turned friend. The world continued to move and celebrate around them, feelings of joy and togetherness filling the air right alongside the lanterns and fireworks. Yet all Xiao could focus on was the man next to him. The beauty of watching him experience the wonder of Lantern Rite, something so familiar to Xiao suddenly feeling brand new, as if he was experiencing it all for the first time through Aether's eyes.
“Yeah. It really is a beautiful sight.”
Xiao quickly scrawled his hopes along the paper seam, lit the wick and pushed the final lantern up to join its kin. A single word ascending to the heavens with the hope that he would be able to find it in the coming year.
Courage.
After carefully returning inside they spent a few more hours celebrating with the rest of the family. They shared stories, laughter, tea and almond tofu. Late evening bled into the next day seamlessly, none of them seeming to mind as it ticked over past midnight. As things begin to wind down, extending family and guests slowly trickle out
“It has been very nice meeting you, Aether.” Xianyun said. She was flanked on either side by her daughters, Ganyu fast asleep and curled into a tight ball to her right and Shenhe sitting board stiff while she sipped her tea to her left. “One is always so delighted to become acquainted with the new friends our little birds bring home.”
Before Xiao can point out that she's already used a similar turn of phrase that evening, Zhongli let out a pensive hum. “Indeed. We’re all very grateful that you accepted Xiao’s invitation to join us. It's always a pleasure to meet those who become important in our children’s lives.”
Xiao braced himself for the inevitable sly smirks and not-so-subtle teasing remarks that would surely follow. But instead he's shocked to see his father’s attention turned towards Hu Tao, who looked equally surprised to find his gaze upon her.
“Speaking of, where is your friend Yunjin this evening? You mentioned potentially bringing her as a guest last time we spoke?”
Hu Tao’s eyes widened and her cheeks flushed for only a moment before she regained her composure. But that momentary lapse was enough to show how off guard she had been caught. “She was busy tonight. Her father leads a traditional opera troupe that was booked for one of the festivals downtown, she's performing with them.”
“Whoa, I didn't know they had big cultural festivals like that here! Have you ever gone to one?” Aether said. The two of them are seated next to each other once more, nowhere near as close as they had been mere hours before on the roof, but it still made Xiao’s nerves flare. Especially when the blond would shift and their knees or hands would brush ever so slightly against each other.
“When I was a younger man I would often attend local festivals and events. These days I much prefer spending the holiday at home with friends and family.” This, naturally, launched Zhongli into a long monologue about the meaning of the celebrations and what it meant to him as if they hadn't heard the whole story at dinner. Still, Aether looked positively enthralled by it, hanging on every word as if he was committing it all to memory. As silly as it seemed, Xiao found part of himself feeling the same way.
This wasn't any different from the life he had lived before this point, with his father droning on and his sister and Aunt politely nodding along even though they had tuned out the moment he started, his cousins off in their own worlds. The only difference was Aether’s presence. And yet it felt so natural, meshed so well with their routine that it was as if he was always meant to be a part of it from the start. And Xiao didn't know how he could go on living the same life without him there.
Time stretched on around them as they continued to chat until the drooping eyes and yawns became too frequent to ignore. “One thinks it's time for us to turn in for the evening.” Xianyun said. As she stood she shifted Ganyu ever so gently as not to wake her into a more comfortable sleeping position. “The girls and I have already claimed the couches and the guest room, but we do have a futon that we can set up in Xiao’s room. Would that be alright for you boys?”
It's entirely Xiao’s fault. He had been so focused on making sure his family didn't say anything weird or make Aether uncomfortable that he had completely neglected to think about sleeping arrangements. It shouldn't be this embarrassing, they've shared a room for months now and literally slept in the same bed not that long ago. Maybe it was the awkwardness of sharing his childhood bedroom that still had some of the same decor from his middle school years, maybe it was the underlying intimacy of letting Aether into a space that was inherently personal.
“Yeah, I'll go get it set up and show you where everything is, okay Aether?” The two of them stood, bid everyone good night and gave their thanks one more time before climbing the stairs up to Xiao’s bed room. The walls of his room are mostly bare, only sporting a few posters from bands he hasn't listened to in years. The tops of his dresser drawers and bedside table are sparsely decorated with a few trinkets, his high school diploma, and a framed photo collage of his family. Aether's eyes lingered just a bit too long on them, causing Xiao’s stomach to buckle and flip with a sudden surge of unexplainable anxiety.
“Thank you again for inviting me. I can tell this celebration means a lot to your family.” Aether’s expression is wistful, just a tinge of something akin to sadness at the edges. It didn't take a masters degree in psychology to know he was most likely thinking about his own family, his sisters who were now living thousands of miles away. The anxiety melted into guilt at the thought.
“It does mean a lot to us. That's why we…that's why I wanted to invite you. Like I told you before, you mean a lot to me, too.” Xiao took a small, cautious step forward and gently rubbed a soothing palm against Aether’s back. “I'm sure they would all love it if you wanted to come visit more often. I can't imagine how hard it is having your family so far away, and I know that nothing could ever replace your sister but-”
His rambling is cut off by Aether swiveling around and pulling them into a crushing hug. Xiao stiffened almost instinctually, arms shooting up to take a defensive position. The other man enveloped him nonetheless, his scent still warm and earthy like a sun warmed patio in the summer against the bite of winter. Xiao forced himself to drop his guard, to sink into the embrace and let his own arms snake around Aether’s shoulders and encircle his neck. Aether dropped his head, nuzzling his forehead against Xiao’s shoulder with a muffled hum.
“You're too good to me.” Aether mumbled. “What did I do to deserve a friend like you?” He nuzzled closer for just a moment before slowly untangling their arms, pushing Xiao back gently so their eyes could meet. “You want me to help you set up that futon?”
Xiao quickly averted his gaze in hopes that it would quell the heat flaring in his cheeks. He cleared his throat before taking a few steps back from Aether. “No, I can take care of it. Go get ready for bed and I'll get it set up.”
They move in partial silence from there, only exchanging a few words as Aether slipped out to change and do his nightly routine. Xiao set up the futon, gathering the best spare bedding he had to offer for his guest, and quickly changing into his own sleep clothes before the other man returned.
The air in the room felt electric. It was tense in a way that Xiao couldn't quite put his finger on, but it wasn't unpleasant. Like the dull hum of static when a storm brews on the horizon, making the hair on your arms stand up in something akin to anticipation. He couldn't take his eyes off of Aether as the blonde burrowed into the blanket nest that Xiao had built for him with a smile that seemed so blindingly bright in the dim room. “Good night! See you in the morning.”
Xiao muttered a quiet “Good night.” back before flicking off the bedside lamp. Even with darkness blanketed over them, that electric feeling remained. Xiao just couldn't bring himself to look away from the shadowy shape of his friend mere feet away from him, even as sleep slowly tried to take hold of him.
“Hey, you still up?”
Breath ghosted over the nape of Xiao’s neck, pulling him out of sleep instantly. He peered over his shoulder and locked eyes with shimmering gold. Aether was crouched at the edge of his bed, head resting on his folded hands. He reminded Xiao of a dog begging for a treat or a pat on the head.
“Is everything okay?” Even with his mind still groggy and limbs heavy with sleep, he had to be a good host above all else. He rolled over to face Aether and began to push himself into a sitting position only to be stopped by a gentle hand on his chest. You would think he had been electrocuted with the way he flinched away from the touch. Aether had risen to his feet, now looming over him just slightly. Enough to make his stomach coil and his heart begin to flutter. “Wha-”
“Did you mean what you said earlier? That I mean a lot to you?” Aether leaned even more into Xiao’s space, close enough that his words fanned over Xiao’s face like a breath of spring breeze. The hand on his chest slowly slid up until it cupped his cheek. Xiao swallowed hard, noting the way Aether’s eyes seemed to follow the bob of his throat. Every one of his nerves were zinging, setting off every mental alarm they could possibly trigger until it felt like a Herculean feat to breathe.
“Of course I do. I always mean what I say.” He rasped out. The bed frame creaked as Aether finally pulled himself onto the mattress. One hand still cupping Xiao’s cheek, the other bracing his weight as he hovered over the shorter man. Their knees knocked against each other as he adjusted, only the thin fabric of a blanket keeping them apart. Xiao’s lungs feel as if they're full of static, humming and pulsing along with an electric current running between the two of them. They had hugged, held each other, even shared a pillow fort in the dead of winter for warmth, but they had never felt this close before. “What are you-”
Aether cut his sentence short by brushing his thumb over the swell of Xiao’s bottom lip. “Good. That's so good.” His voice is husky, laced with a chuckle that sends a shiver down Xiao’s spine. “I meant it, too. You mean so much to me, too.”
With their proximity it's impossible to not meet his gaze. Aether’s thumb is tracing small circles over Xiao’s cheekbone and down to his lip, brushing over his Cupid’s bow just slightly with every pass. He isn't sure if their heartbeats are in sync or if his own is just hammering so loudly in his ears that it drowns out anything else. Anything except Aether’s soft whisper.
“Can I kiss you?”
Xiao isn't sure who surged forward first or if they met perfectly in the middle. His hands flew up to thread themselves into Aether’s hair, fingers tangled in golden threads instantly. The first brush of their lips is gentle, curious. Like they're testing the water before taking the plunge into its depths. Soon enough they sink into each other. Shy pecks turn into languid kisses that steal the air from his lungs and make his head spin. And when he thought it couldn't feel anymore overwhelming, there's a tongue swiping at his bottom lip asking for entrance which he enthusiastically grants.
Aether tasted like honey, smelled like summer sun. His warmth enveloped him completely, bubbling deep in his chest until it swallowed him completely. Xiao couldn't help the quiet whimpers as the other man pressed impossibly closer, pulling back just enough to nip lightly at his lips with a chuckle. The hand cupping his cheek slid down his jaw, fingers deftly dancing along his pulse as they came to rest at the base of his throat. He didn't apply any pressure (oh god did Xiao want him to apply pressure??) just simply swiped his thumb along the skin, relishing the way his fingers moved when Xiao took in a gulp of air before moving further down to rest directly over his heart.
“Your heart is beating like crazy, baby. You like kissing me that much?”
If Xiao survived this, he was never going to live the embarrassment down. “I like it more than hearing you talk.” He rasped. Without any preamble he pulled the other back in for more, instantly opening his mouth to allow their kisses to deepen and pick up exactly where they had left off. Every little whine or moan that filled the space between them boosted Xiao’s ego to a level that he would surely never come down from. He felt weightless, like every worry and fear that he had accumulated over the last semester, if not his entire life, was suddenly lifted from his mind.
The hand on his chest tightened around the collar of his night shirt, pulling it to the side to allow more access as Aether began to trail kisses and gentle love bites down his jaw to his throat. He let out an airy sigh, arching into the sensation. Aether’s laughter rumbled against his skin, sending shockwaves zinging down his spine. “Do you wanna keep going?”
Oh god, he’s going to die. Xiao is going to die right here and now. His heart pounded so hard in his chest that the sound began to drown out everything else. The warmth that had surrounded him just moments before morphed into furious pounding as blood rushed in his ears, head now spinning for a completely different much less fun reason. If he didn’t die right on the spot he was absolutely going to be sick, and then he would die from the embarrassment of getting sick all over the man who had just had his tongue down his throat seconds before. If he didn’t get it together this very instant he was going to-
BANG BANG BANG!
Xiao shot up with a startled gasp, clutching his chest in a futile attempt to ground himself. Soft winter morning light streamed in through the gap in the curtains, painting a soft beam of gold across his darkened bedroom.
“Wake up, sleepyheads! Dad is making pancakes!” Hu Tao’s cheerful voice came from the other side of the door. Across the room, Aether groggily sat up, let out a long, loud yawn and stretched. Xiao could only stare at him dumbfounded as his sleep-addled brain began to piece things together.
Xiao doesn’t dream. He hasn’t since he was a little kid, and it was probably for the better. No dreams means no nightmares, no reliving the worst moments of his life in his most vulnerable state. He had spent the last few weeks begging for some kind of sign, some prophetic vision or divine intervention to visit him in his sleep to help him decipher the complex jumble of feelings he was carrying for his roommate turned friend. For some godforsaken reason, it would seem that it manifested in a wet dream, with the subject of said dream mere feet away as an honored guest to his childhood home.
The universe really could be so cruel to him sometimes.