Chapter Text
Kylo Ren pulled back, out of the memory, out of her memory of discovering the existence of the little life inside her. He hated himself for looking at it, for allowing himself to attach sentiment to that brief, burning comet of a life that never even got to be. Because he knew, the very next day she arrived back to the Academy and saw what he had done. How he had destroyed their lives.
The Knight of Ren clenched his fists, eyes automatically searching for something to destroy with his rage. Miraculously, he was able to shake it away, his mind ringing with the thoughts of those that criticized his outbursts. There’s no need to give them more fuel, he thought, stomping away to find the nearest training room and run off some of his excess energy.
Eventually her body healed, the regrown cells matching almost seamlessly to her uninjured flesh. The only evidence that there had been damage at all was a faint raised line along the edge where the new and old skin met. Her first day up and out of the bed, a fellow resistance member offered to cut her hair. She sat in the woman’s small room on a stool in front of her mirror, watching as the singed ends fell away around her. It hadn’t been this short since she had been at the Academy. She winced at the thought, making the woman miss her last cut, the single long section hanging behind her ear eerily imitating what used to be her Padawan braid.
For just a second, she was that wide eyed young girl again, eager to learn, eager to fall in love, completely unaware of what was coming in her future.
It was gone with a snip .
-----
“General” she greeted, a low nod acting as a sort-of bow as she entered the older woman’s office, “You wanted to see me?”
“Yes” Leia rose from her seat, pausing awkwardly in front of the woman she had once hoped to be her daughter-in-law, unsure of whether to hug her or shake her hand, “How are you feeling?’
“I am well healed, thank you” she gave a small, not entirely fake, smile.
“I didn’t mean physically, Enya” she gave the woman a knowing look, “Would you be willing to tell me what happened?”
Stars, it sounds as simple as chatting over coffee.
“I’m sorry, General, I know you’re eager for news but..”
“It’s all right, I know it was a lot to process, seeing him” Enya bit down on the inside of her cheek, willing her tears back, I thought I had run them dry
She couldn’t trust her voice, so she chose to simply nod, looking apologetically down at her superior.
“Don’t worry about it, the incident is very fresh in all our minds, I’m certain yours and mine more than most.”
She had nearly forgotten
“ Oh! General, I’m so sorry.” Enya reached out reflexively to touch the older woman’s arm, stopping a few inches away when she considered what was appropriate between a general and her subordinate. What about almost family members?
“Thank you, Sergeant” the General nodded, giving a grateful, if not strained, smile. They stood in a moment of rather awkward silence, Enya glancing around the office, over the familiar desk and chairs.
“Your hair” the general tried her hand at small talk, “who cut it for you”?
“Ensign Coulter, ma’am. I'm sorry if it's not regulation..”
“It's fine, Enya, I just meant.. I haven't seen it that short since..” Her sentence trailed off painfully
“Since Ben and I were in the Academy” she provided, avoiding the older woman’s eye
“Yes”
“General?” She asked, her eyes filling with tears again
“Yes, Seargent?”
“Could I please have a hug?” The childlike tone of her voice almost made Leia smile. She loved the girl, she always had, looking on her like a daughter, even after everything that happened with her son.
“Of course you can” the general reached up and pulled the taller woman into a tight embrace, her own eyes starting to water as she felt Enya’s body shake with a soft sob.
----
The man that was once Ben Solo sat in meditation, as it seemed he was always doing, and found his mind wandering again to his past life, as it seemed it was always doing.
“Ben! Stop!” The memory of Enya giggled at him, bright eyed as he chased her through the dense forests of the planet they were being trained on
“You’ll have to learn to outrun me, if you want to pass the tests” The younger version of himself called back. No. Kylo’s mind stopped. I am not that boy. I killed that boy.
And still in his mind the two of them ran as children, twisting made-up paths through the trees until he caught her small frame,
“You lose” He pinned her to a large tree, but it wasn’t threatening. In their love addled state the two teens played together like puppies. There was her laugh again, and her warm arms sliding around his shoulders to pull herself up into his embrace. His lips were descending, an inch from hers when suddenly the vision changed.
The light was gone, the forest dark and cold and he realized he was no longer hugging the girl to him, but holding her high up off the ground with his hands wrapped tightly around her throat, “ Ben! Stop” she repeated, this time all traces of mirth sucked out of her tone. Ben is dead came a voice in his head. Snoke’s voice. And he said the phrase aloud to her.
“ And in a moment, you will be too. ” Kylo couldn’t open his eyes, couldn’t escsape the terrifying vision as he watched the life drain from her eyes with a final whimper of what used to be his name. It was sickeningly real feeling. In an instant he was in his room on the Finalizer again, shaking as the Supreme Leader’s voice echoed through his mind.
I thought you hadn’t let her in. I hope that was warning enough.