Chapter Text
I do not have the energy to tell you everything that happened. It was horrible. I made a regular breakfast of steamed fish and small potatoes and butter- mmmh butter- and there was a knock at the door. I had just grabbed my fork. The baby potato was inches from my face. The knock nearly shook my house. I jumped so high I almost hit the ceiling. I lost my potato somewhere in the eather with the trolls who only steal your left socks. When I slammed my door open I almost ended up with a fist to the face as the man in front of me was going to bang on my door again. It was Grumplelump the sixth. He was spouting gibberish at me about water and wives and babies and Gothi and something about a warm bath? I just. I wanted to eat that potato so badly. It was going to be so delicious. The butter was dripping off of it; instead of buttery gooey goodness I had a face full of new born baby juices. Anyway we’ve welcomed a new Grumplelump. The Ninth apparently. Did you know there is a seventh? I didn’t. Well after that the day just got worse. Sheep. Gothi. Bucket. Johann. Twins. It was unending. A ship randomly started leaving the docs on its own!! How?? The twins were in the Great Hall! Which leads back to the Twins! They put some sort of wrinkly fruit in the food and now almost everyone is gassy and running to the chamber pots. I’m so glad I didn’t eat the soup. Hiccup would have eaten the soup, he likes a gentle broth. There was a food fight as well, I’m pretty sure the twins started it. There was a shout of “Hail Loki” right before it. I guess they could have sent the ship off before coming to lunch. Then!! Don’t even get me started. We had just finished corralling the sheep back into their enclosure when they started running off again. In the other direction! Someone had stolen a plank that was integral to the integrity of the pen. I swear that the day is not going to end even as I write this. I had to grab this from my home and carry it so I could keep everything fresh in my brain. Then I was talking to Starkard, and he said that the last pail of paint has gone missing. How do you lose a pail of paint?! Did it grow legs and walk away? I think not! Plus! He seemed all shifty about it, like he was scared of something! And the Forge! It was a mess. Hiccup was there all day! Astrid and Fishlegs were there at one point. I think the three of them would make a beautifully balanced triad. It would be perfect. The most ridiculous thing that happened was that there were no attacks. Honestly with the day I’ve had I wouldn’t doubt that another was inbound. Hiccup missed dinner, again. If that boy misses any more meals he will just be skin and bones. Not that he isn’t anyway. He could do with a bit more feeding. I blame Snotlout though. That boy always wants to play during dinner, I think they might be getting too old to play if i'm being honest. Hiccup always obliges. Speaking of Hiccup! He didn't even finish half of the tasks I assigned him to do! Because, apparently, he is a love sick fool. He should just learn to say no. By the way, I am not accepting a part time (more like full time!) Chief position ever again. No. Never. Good night Stoick. And fuck you. This sucks.