Chapter Text
At night Wu asked Chi Yan to sleep beside him. Chi Yan complied. At midnight Wu woke up to go to washroom. When he stood by the basin to wash his hands his eyes followed the mirror and there he saw again, Chi Yan standing behind him. Wu gasped in horror almost yelling but Chi Yan covered his mouth with his cold palm.
"Relax Peach. I won't bite." he whispered in his ear while looking at Wu through the mirror.
Wu's breathing shortened. He tried to say something but couldn't. His face went red. Chi Yan scowled but didn't pull his hand. Instead he buried his face in Wu's neck licking his pulse point.
"Can you calm down. I'm not a fucking ghost that you've to jump every time you see me. I'm real. As real as you are. That boyfriend of yours is. Don't be afraid of me, peach. Relax."
After some moment Wu felt himself calming down despite his mental protest. The man still wore the same clothes. Wu could feel the warmth of his tongue on his skin. His body started growing hot.
"Don't yell, and I'll remove my hand. I don't want that loser to disturb us here, okay?" He said.
Wu Suowei swallowed, then nodded. The man looked at him for a few seconds then smiled evilly, "Peach, don't try to act smart. So what if you shout right now? Your loser boyfriend will be here but he won't see me. Once again you will think that you're going crazy. Isn't it better if you rather listen to me and I answer all your questions?"
Wu looked at him fearfully, then after a long time he nodded again. This time the guy let go of him. Wu Suowei slowly started to turn around. He maintained eye contact, afraid that the man in front of him might vanish again. When he finally turned back, he was still there. Wu Suowei looked at him carefully. Now that he noticed, The man looked identical to Chi Yan, but not exactly. Chi Yan's features are not so sharp. Also this man seemed to emit some sort of dark energy, there was a gloomy aura around him that screamed danger. Unlike Chi Yan who was full of warmth and security. To simply put, now Wu Suowei could see those two beings were stark opposite of eachother.
Finally Wu found his voice and asked trembling, "If not Chi Yan then who are you?"
"Chi Cheng." The man replied.
Chi Cheng. Wu tasted the name. Both of them had the same surname. Could it be that he was Chi Yan's twin brother that playing prank on Wu? But that seemed unlikely because Chi Yan had nobody as family. If he had someone he would have surely told Wu Suowei.
"We're not related." Chi Cheng clarified his doubt.
Wu asked again, "That night, was it you outside the bar?"
Chi Cheng nodded.
Wu's eyes widen, "But..."
Wu had many things going on in his mind. Why the man was there. How did he find Wu, why he looked like Chi Yan, how did he come here, what was he. Chi Cheng promptly held Wu's head in his both hand and grinned.
"Easy peach! Don't explode your head. Whatever you want to hear, I'll tell you everything. I'll do everything for you."
Wu shove his hands away looking repulsed, "Don't touch me."
Chi Cheng scowled taking one more step, "That's not what you said that night though."
Wu flushed recalling the previous night. He stammered, "I....I"
"You wanted me." Chi Cheng grabbed his chin making him look at his blazing eyes, "Whoever you thought I was, the core fact is you, wanted me. And now I'll make you mine."
Wu struggled in his hold, "Leave, leave me. Ugh! Chi Ya-"
He couldn't finish his sentence, Chi Cheng pressed his lips on his swallowing his scream. Wu fought, pushed Chi Cheng but in no veil. Chi Chengs grab was so strong that he couldn't get out of it. Chi Cheng pressed their lower bodies against the basin counter and started rubbing against Wu. Despite after all day's exhaustion Wu felt his body growing hot. The friction incited a moan out of him but Chi Cheng swallowed the sound. Before he knew he felt himself going hard. Wu's face burned, he pushed Chi Cheng with all his strength. This time Che Cheng moved away.
Wu struggled for air, "You....you are not real. You're my imagination. The issue is with me. There must be something wrong with me."
Chi Cheng nodded sarcastically and pointed at the bulge in Wu's pants, "Yeah, a very big issue. Let me help you solve it."
He went to touch the clothed bulge but Wu slapped his hand stepping away and said panicking, "Don't touch me."
Chi Cheng's face grew angry, "I hate that my mate won't let me touch him."
Wu frowned, "Why do you keep saying that word?"
"Because you are. My fated mate." Chi replied.
Wu didn't stand there anymore. It was like he was going round and round about in his head. He turned back to leave the washroom but just like in the morning, Chi Cheng magically appeared in front of the door again. This time his face serious.
"I'm not letting you go, unless you accept me?" Chi Cheng said.
Wu replied with stone face, "Accept what? That I'm schizophrenic? I'll once I talk to a psychiatrist."
Chi Cheng laughed rolling his tongue and pulled Wu by waist, "For someone as dumb drunk as you, you've got quite strong psych. If it were someone else in your place they would've run for the hills by now but you, my mate really proving your worth. Till this morning I had my doubts but now I'm certain that the moon goddess has not made the wrong decision."
Though Wu thought it was all in his head, he couldn't help but think the person in front of him is a maniac. Wu closed his eyes taking a deep breath and repeated in his head
"this is not real. This is not real. When I open my eyes he'll not be here. He's just a fragment of my illusion. He looks like Chi Yan. I created him. Why I don't know. But I'll find out. He's not real. He's not here."
When Wu opened his eyes again he was still smiling at him indulgently. Chi Cheng said, "You're cute when you run the marathon in your head. And I am very much real. Touch me."
Chi Cheng took Wu's hand guided it to his face to neck down till his exposed chest where the warm heart beat. Unconsciously Wu felt a tug in his own heart. A few more seconds and their heart beat came to in synchrony. Wu felt it.
Who are you?
Wu wanted to ask but at that time there was a knock on the door.
"Dawei!" Chi Yan called.
Wu flinched taking away his head. He looked at Chi Cheng and held his hand. Chi Cheng looked surprised when Wu did that and then opened the door. Chi Yan stood on the other side. His eyes groggy from sleep when he looked at Wu worriedly.
"You were gone for so long, l was worried." He said.
Wu bit his lips then asked, "Do you see something?"
Chi Yan looked at him confused. He looked past Wu to see if there was something inside the washroom. Wu could still feel Chi Cheng's hand in his grip but Chi Yan looked like he didn't see anything unusual. Wu felt his knees giving up. But before he could fall, Chi Cheng's hand came to support his waist keeping him still.
Then he whispered, "He can't see me, peach. The day he does it will be his last day."
Wu felt his grip getting loose around air. The touch on his weight vanished. He looked at his side, there was no one. Wu exhaled holding his chest.
"Dawei!" Chi Yan held him, "What happened?"
He shook his head, "Nothing. Let's go to bed."
When he lied down with Chi Yan beside him, he said, "Don't be afraid. I'll always be by your side, babe."
Wu felt relieved but only for a second. Next moment a whisper came through his ear, "Don't worry, peach. I'll never leave you alone."
Then Wu Suowei felt a hot breath right by his other side. His body went rigid. He stared at his empty side blankly then shook his head. He needed to see a psychiatrist asap.
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The next day Wu made an appointment with a psychiatrist through his friend. He called in sick at work. Seeing Wu's distressed state Chi Yan also didn't go to work. The day spent uneventfully with them doing their regular chores Wu kept feeling the constant presence beside him. It came with subtle touch on his hands, the lingering warm breath on his neck while doing the dishes and with strong grip on his waist when Chi Yan stood too close to him. Wu kept repeating in his head that it wasn't real and acted like he didn't feel a thing.
On the day of appointment Chi Yan dropped Wu Suowei to the psychiatrist and left as per Wu's request. When Wu reached there he saw the psychiatrist was almost his age, sitting peacefully in his chamber. He smiled upon seeing Wu.
"Hello, I'm Jiang Shuai. Please take a seat." He said.
Wu Suowei smile nervously, "Hello. I'm Wu Suowei. I called the other day for your appointment."
Jiang Shuai smiled offering ease, "I figured. So, Mr. Wu do you mind if I call you Suowei?"
Wu shook his head, "Not at all. Whatever you like."
Jiang smiled again, "Thank you. You can call me Xiao Shuai if you like. For better ease."
Wu nodded. They stayed in comfortable silence for some time. When Wu looked at Shuai awkwardly, he offered a reassuring smile, "I'm waiting for you to open up on your own. You can talk about anything. It doesn't necessarily have to be the main reason you're here for today. Just some warming up."
Wu took a deep breath and nodded. Then said, "I've been seeing things these days."
Shuai didn't say anything. He silently urged Wu to continue. Wu swallowed, "More specifically, someone. I'm not seeing him now but I'm feeling him. Right beside me."
Shuai raised his eyebrows, "Right now?"
Wu nodded half smiling, "Crazy, right? I've been feeling like that too."
Shuai shook his head, "Not at all. People have different layers of psychological trauma. Many causes are unknown, many are left unattended. You deciding to come here already says how much of a strong, intelligent man you are. Please be at ease. Don't go hard on yourself."
Wu nodded looking decisive, "I have to do this. I want this, what that's wrong with me to end as fast as possible."
Then he narrated the whole thing since the beginning and then stopped. He ended with a sigh, "I know all these are in my head but I want to know why I'm imagining it like this. I'm not a fantasy fiction reader type. I don't even know where this imagination is coming from."
Shuai hummed looking invested. Then asked, "pardon me if I ask some very personal questions regarding your personal life and relationship." Wu nod promptly.
Shuai said, "Would you mind opening up about your relationship with your boyfriend, how you met?"
Wu re-encounter how they first met. Wu had been working part time in a library in Wuxi and Chi Yan was a regular visitor over there. They bonded over books, shared interests and gentle nature. That was how it had been till this point.
Shuai pinched his glasses. Then asked, "What about your family? Both of your family approved your relationship?"
Wu said slowly, "Chi Yan doesn't have any living family. And my family doesn't care much about me. They are fine as long as I don't show up with a trouble."
Shuai wrote something on the note, "So basically you two are your only family if I put it that way?"
Wu nodded. Then Shuai asked again, How is your relationship with your boyfriend."
Wu replied without thinking, "Good."
"How long have you two been together?"
"Almost 5 years."
"If you don't mind may I ask how intimate you two are?"
Wu flushed looking down, "we are taking it slow."
"How far have you gone regarding your physical intimacy?"
Wu closed his eyes, "We've never done anything beyond kissing. I was not ready yet."
"What about your boyfriend?"
"He has always respected my decision."
"Has he ever shown any resentment regarding this matter?"
"No. Not at all."
"Who initiates intimacy first between the you two?"
"We both take part."
Shuai prodded, "Okay, how often do you have arguments?"
Wu pursued his lips thinking, "Almost never. Both I and Chi Yan are very rational about conflicts. If we face any problem we weight both of our reasons and settle accordingly."
Shuai looked at him through his glasses, "So, you two never experienced any emotional outburst?"
Wu shook his head, "No."
"Are you happy with it?" Shuai asked
Wu stared at the table blankly, then smiled, "Yes. I and Chi Yan both are the type of people who like to maintain peace. Isn't that how love is supposed to be? Easy and comfortable. Why act irrationally and bring difficulty in relationship?"
Shuai nodded contemplating, "That's a way to paint love."
Wu hummed in agreement, "That's one of the reasons I love Chi Yan and also the reason why we've managed to go long run. We both are calm and like the ease. Unlike Chi Cheng."
Wu spoke his mind without thinking and then froze. He looked at Jiang Shuai with wide eyes and discomfort. Shuai's gaze on him assessing.
"I.....I didn't mean it like that." Wu said awkwardly, "Chi Cheng doesn't exist."
Shuai moved his hand forward to hold Wu's cold ones and gave him a nonjudgmental smile, "That's fine. You don't have to be so guarded. Even if he exists just in your fragment of imagination, he's still there. He's a part of your healing process."
Wu looked at his side but didn't feel any presence. He felt relaxed. Talking to the doctor has surely paid off.
Shuai talked, "So Suowei, tell me, you have not known Chi Cheng for long. So what made you think that way about him?"
Wu bit his lips thinking carefully then replied, "Even though I know he's my imagination but I couldn't help but notice how different he is in my imagination from Chi Yan. Their faces are identical but their natures are totally opposite. Chi Yan is calm and gentle. He always knows when to give me space, how to handle me. But Chi Cheng, he's..... overbearing, possessive to the point of obsession. Like a tornado. It's how he never gives me a room to breath. Always at my neck being angry every time Chi Yan is around me. Chi Yan knows how to keep me grounded but Chi Cheng agitates me and he doesn't even seem to realise it. To him claiming me is the only goal as it seems, my preferences are nothing. And I know myself. I'd never want to be together with someone like that."
Shuai didn't speak for a long time. Then asked,
"Have you spoken to your boyfriend about this matter?"
Wu shook his head looking guilty, "I couldn't bring myself to. I already feeling like a fool myself, then imagine how absurd all this would sound to him. Chi Yan and I have lived for so long in harmony, telling him that I'm imagining a different version of himself felt like I'd unconsciously hurt his feelings. He might think I'm not happy in our relationship, which is not true."
Shuai nodded understandingly. Then said, "Well Wu Suowei, looking at your primary symptoms it can be said that you are prone to paranoid schizophrenia. It can happen due to many reasons. Now I want you to listen to me carefully. From your given info you are someone who has spent his whole life in loneliness. Later you found someone who also doesn't have a family. So naturally you two bonded over the solitude of your missing parts of lives."
Despite your relationship being thriving I think somewhere in the back of your brain, you still crave a companion who would stick with you till the end. Chi Yan's nature of agreeing to everything with you may please you logically but I think it might have subconsciously influenced your mood. He may have or not come to you as someone detached. Suppressing that inner thoughts for too long and being heavily drunk that night had made you psychologically weak. When you've let yourself loose, your own brain has made you psychologically seeking relief from this. So your brain has conjured a companion for you which explains why this companion looks like Chi Yan, who's ready to be at your service just like your subconscious part craves."
Jiang Shuai held Wu's hand, "Asking something more from the other person doesn't necessarily mean you're unhappy in the relationship. Maybe Mr Chi is also holding back thinking he might make you uncomfortable some way. Now I'd suggest you be open with yourself first and with your boyfriend. This would help both of you to be clear about where you stand. And the sooner you'll figure out your inner conflict, so faster you'll be free of your psychological burden."
"So...." Wu's voice shook, "until then I'll have to continue seeing him?"
By him both Shuai and Wu knew who he was talking about. Shuai asked, "When you first entered you said Chi Cheng was here with you. Is he still here?"
Wu shook his head. Shuai smiled, "There is your answer. When you first entered, you were tensed, scared, barely holding it together. But as time went by you slowly allowed to unravel yourself, arranging your thoughts, baring your inner thoughts. So that little part of insecurity inside you momentarily vanished. You're intelligent Suowei. You guessed why you're not seeing him right now, right?"
Wu swallowed nodding. The. Shuai said, "Not necessarily you'll keep seeing him. And even if you do, even if you feel his presence as prominent as a living human being, you now know that his existence is real only in your head. We'll discover more about this matter in future. For now I'm suggesting some low dose meds that you try until we meet next time. Any side effects and you'll inform me immediately. Also no pressure. You take your time figuring things out. The more relaxed you'll be, the less he'll bother you."
Wu Suowei came out of the chamber feeling lighter in his chest. He went down and found out Chi Yan is standing at the front gate waiting for him. Wu smiled genuinely happy seeing his boyfriend.
Chi Yan hugged him, "How did it go?"
Wu hugged him back, "Good."
Chi Yan didn't press anymore. He opened the passenger door for Wu. As Wu got in he felt the hot breath in his ear, looming and possessive. But suddenly it didn't bother him as much as it did before. He took a deep breath closing his eyes.
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