Chapter Text
Colin took his house keys out of his pocket as he listened to his son chatting away to Pen about all the things he wanted to do for his birthday party, still five months away. Nevertheless, it was just another topic of conversation Leo had launched into.
He knew Pen wouldn’t mind. He had probably done the same to her when they were young. Colin could never unsee how much Leo reminded him of himself, always racing from one thing to another. If he weren’t a father now–a single parent, in fact–he probably would never have slowed down either.
Today went so well. Colin had been anxious about how it would turn out when Pen said she wanted to come over and spend the day with them. He was excited to see his best friend again, excited for Leo to spend time with her. But the anxiety never stopped buzzing in the back of his mind. The longing to call Pen and ask her to move back to London. The desire for something more than just phone calls and check-ins. The scattered kisses throughout their lives that never turned into anything more.
To be honest, it was his fault. If he could go back in time, he would smack that younger version of himself, the boy who decided that because he and Pen never talked about what came after their first kiss at Aubry Hall, the kiss that meant more to him than any fling he had during his time in Greece, he had no right to ask for more. And when Contessa told him she was pregnant after one silly drunken night, Colin felt he lost every right to ask anything of Pen. So, he never did.
When he met Pen again in Greece after his marriage had fallen apart, and after Contessa decided that Colin hadn’t spent enough of his wealth on her and tried to use Leo as a bargaining chip, Colin went to Pen’s place looking for normality as he wanted a homely environment for Leo. In the midst of the worst time in his life, she was the only solid ground he could depend on. So when they shared a kiss that night, just before he took Leo back to London, it took every bit of willpower not to drop to his knees and ask her to come with him, to be with him. But he couldn’t. He knew who he was: a father, and forever the best friend of the love of his life. And he told himself he was okay with that. He could live with that.
He looked back at her now, holding Leo’s hand and chatting with all the enthusiasm she always had. He could hear them clearly as the topic had changed again and now they were talking about dinner. Leo was launching into another story about one of the takeaways his dad always ordered from. Colin finally stepped in.
“Okay, Leo, we need to decide what we’re doing for dinner tonight.”
With the mischievous grin of a five-year-old, Leo said, “Takeaway! Please, Daddy, it means we get to play more.”
Colin smiled at his son’s antics and glanced at Pen, who had the biggest grin on her face, clearly enjoying the mischief just as much. “Alright, let’s get some fish and chips. I bet Auntie Pen would love something totally British. She is probably bored of all that fancy food she eats on her travels.”
Leo beamed at his dad’s decision and looked up at Pen. She laughed. “Oh, I would love fish and chips. Can we get curry sauce as well?”
Colin and Leo both laughed. “Of course, and mushy peas!”
They all headed inside. As he started ordering the food, he hoped it would arrive early enough for him to start getting Leo ready for bed. Meanwhile, Pen and Leo had moved into the living room, the boy clearly exhausted from his busy day. Colin went into the kitchen to set a few things up, wanting to keep the evening on schedule. After that, he went to Leo’s room to straighten up and grab his PJs, hoping he could convince the little boy to change in the downstairs bathroom. He figured he could coax him away from Pen for a couple of minutes.
But when he walked back into the living room, he wasn’t prepared for what he saw. His throat went dry and his eyes stung as he took in the sight of Leo curled up in Pen’s arms while she read Zog in a soft, soothing voice. Watching Leo relax against her, Colin couldn’t help thinking how much easier life might have been, if he had said something that night, if time could go back, if Leo hadn’t been born from a broken marriage. But he shook the thoughts away. This was his life now, and he had the best child he could ever ask for. So, he stopped dreaming and pushed forward.
Pen caught the look in his eyes, then glanced down at Leo. “Leo, I think Daddy wants you to do something.”
Colin swallowed and said, “Leo, can we change into your PJs? It’s already late. It'll be bedtime after dinner.”
To his defence, Leo did look tired enough to fall asleep without eating. But Colin didn’t mind; he knew the boy wanted every minute he could get with Pen. So, he gently pointed Leo toward the bathroom, helped him change into his pajamas, and returned with the boy looking deep in thought.
“Auntie Pen, I have a question,” Leo announced.
Pen looked up. “Yes, Leo?”
Leo hesitated for a moment, then asked, “Do you think Princess Pearl would want to live in one place?”
Colin glanced at Pen with amusement, curious about the line of questioning coming from his overthinking son. Pen looked a bit taken aback. “I think she wants to help people,” she said. “She wants to be a doctor, not a princess.”
Leo frowned thoughtfully. “But… can’t she help people from one place? Like… not have to move all the time?”
Colin understood immediately what Leo was really asking, his son was always gently trying to push for the same thing: he wanted Pen to live in London, not travel around the world. Deciding to intervene, he said, “Leo, what Princess Pearl is doing is amazing, helping all those animals. It’s a gift. We shouldn’t be selfish. We should just hope she keeps doing what she does best.”
Knowing he needed to stop the conversation before Leo pushed further, Colin shifted to his usual distraction tactic. “How about we set up the marble run for Auntie Pen to see before dinner?”
As always, Leo fell for it instantly. “YES! I’ll go get it!” he shouted, racing out of the room.
Once Leo disappeared, Colin finally looked at Pen. Her eyes were glistening with tears, a sad smile tugging at her lips. He wanted to go to her, to make that look go away. But before he could take a step, Leo burst back into the room, full of energy.
“Let’s do it!”
Pen quickly composed herself, smiled, and lowered herself to the floor to help build their marble run.
After dinner and once Leo was tucked into bed, Colin suggested they sit out in the garden with a couple of drinks. The evening was still warm, making the garden a comfortable place to unwind. They chatted easily, trading anecdotes about traveling, jobs and Bridgerton siblings.
Then, without warning, Colin leaned back on the grass and stared up at the stars. “So… how’s the rest of the week looking, Pen?”
Pen smiled and mirrored him, lowering herself onto the grass beside him. “Well, I’m planning to see my sisters tomorrow. I expect my mum will be there, too.”
Colin winced at the mention of her mother. “How’s that going? Do you… talk to her now?”
Pen hummed thoughtfully. “Yeah. I actually don’t mind it anymore. It’s weird, but I guess she’s softened some of her edges. The only sore point is still my traveling, but I think she knows it’s partly because of her, so, it hurts her, too.”
“You’re doing an amazing job,” Colin said softly. “Your mum should be proud.”
Pen’s face lit up at the praise. “Thanks, Col. You’ve always been my biggest cheerleader.”
Colin held her gaze. “Well… I always will be.”
Pen smiled, inching her head a little closer to his. He saw her eyes flick down to his lips, and as he watched her, he instinctively leaned in as well. And as if their mouths didn’t know how to exist this close without touching, they found themselves kissing again under the stars. He didn’t know whether he had started it or if she had but here they were, kissing as though it was the only way they were ever meant to exist.
When they finally pulled back for air, their foreheads remained pressed together. Colin looked into her blue eyes, worry creeping in, worried that once again he was leaning too much into her, crossing into a place that wasn’t his to claim.
“Pen, I...”
Pen hushed him gently, placing her fingers over his lips. “Colin, don’t worry. We always end up here.”
He looked at her, wanting so badly to say it, to tell her he loved her, to tell her he wanted her, to tell her he wanted them. But he knew that wanting this was selfish, and that he couldn’t let himself be.
“Pen,” he whispered, “you are the most amazing woman I know. I’m so proud of you, and in awe of what you have achieved."
Pen smiled softly. “Well… I guess it’s getting late. I should probably head out. I just got a message from Agatha. Apparently, I have a work meeting in the morning.”
Colin looked at her, feeling that familiar ache at the thought of letting her go. He knew that if she stayed any longer, he might lose what little control he had left, and he couldn’t risk compromising one of the most important relationships in his life. “Pen, I’m sure your week is already overly busy. We’ll definitely see each other at the wedding.”
Pen nodded with a smile and began gathering her things. When she tried to help clear up, Colin stopped her. “Don’t worry about it, Pen. I’ll take care of everything. Let me walk you to the door.”
“Thanks, Col,” she said warmly.
As they reached the doorway, Colin pulled her gently into his arms, exhaling in quiet contentment grateful for just a few more moments of holding her close to carry him through the night.
As the weekdays passed, Colin found himself juggling work and childcare, his hands full as always. With everyone in his support system wrapped up in the final preparations for Eloise’s wedding, he knew he could ask his mum for help if he really needed it, she would always show up for him, even with a hundred other things on her plate. But he didn’t want to push her; he knew these days were hard for her, too.
On the day he usually had a late meeting at work, he called his mum to ask whether he should cancel it, worried she might not be able to pick Leo up from his after-school club. To his surprise, his mum refused to let him rearrange anything. She insisted she already had plans for Leo and that everything was handled. As always, she was firmly in control.
Relieved, Colin went to his meeting, which ended up running much longer than expected due to unforeseen issues at one of the company’s branches in Milan. By the time he finally got into the car to drive home, he already knew his mum would be at his house with Leo, helping him wind down for bed. With the wedding happening tomorrow, he had taken the day off and hoped everything would go smoothly for the weekend.
The moment he stepped inside, he heard a voice shout, “Daaaddy!”
Leo barrelled toward him, and Colin dropped to his knees, catching his ever-growing boy and pretending the impact knocked him over. Leo burst into giggles and said, “I had the best day with Grandma Violet, Auntie El, and Auntie Pen!”
Colin laughed along with him, though he couldn’t help the small spark of jealousy, his son had seen Pen today, and he hadn’t. While he held his little one close, his mum appeared from the kitchen, looking ready to leave.
“Mum, is everything okay? Sorry I got delayed in my meeting.”
Violet smiled and glanced at her watch. “Yes, don’t worry. Pen and El will let me know where they are so I can catch up with them. Leo had a great day. He even had a nap in the car, which I didn’t expect. But we had dinner, and he’s all ready for you now. I’ll see you tomorrow, darling.” She touched his face, and he leaned into the gentle gesture, his constant source of support.
“Yeah. I’ll get things sorted here with Leo and hopefully meet you at Aubrey Hall early in the morning. How’s El?” Colin asked, already picturing his sister bursting with excitement and busyness, even though everything was already taken care of.
“She’s actually enjoying Pen’s company more than anything else,” his mum chuckled. “I think she’s inventing tasks just to keep Pen running around with her. Anyway, I’ll go relieve Pen and let them all head to bed to get some much-needed sleep.”
Colin kissed his mum’s cheek, still holding Leo against his legs. “Thank you for everything, Mum. Leo, did you say goodnight to Grandma? Then we can brush your teeth and read a book, especially since you had that nap in the car.”
Leo gave a mischievous smile that made Colin curious. “Sure, Daddy. Night-night, Grandma.” He hugged her tightly, and she whispered in his ear quietly.
“Be a good superstar for Grandma”.
“Yes, yes, Grandma! I’ll go brush my teeth now!” Leo announced, then bolted up the stairs with a wide grin. Colin looked at his son and smiled at his mum. “See you tomorrow, Mum.”
He followed Leo upstairs, knowing his mum had already let herself out quietly, as she’d done countless times before. He helped Leo through his bedtime routine, and after they took turns reading from the book, Leo gave him that familiar “thinking face.”
“Daddy,” Leo began, “would you mind if Auntie Pen moved in here? Apparently, it’s a long process for her to get a place.”
Colin blinked, completely thrown by the question. But before he could respond, Leo pushed on with his train of thought.
“We have the guest room, and no one ever uses it. I know you thought mum would stay sometimes, but she doesn’t, and now it’s just extra space. We could give it to Auntie Pen! Even just until she finds somewhere else.”
Colin tried to interrupt his son’s unstoppable stream of ideas. “Leo, Leo, Auntie Pen is not going to live in London, she probably will have another assignment somewhere else.”
Leo grinned up at his dad. “No, she’s not. They all thought I was sleeping, but I was just relaxing my eyes, like you do on our movie nights. I’ve been practicing so next time we can do it together. But they thought I was asleep and started talking. I just kept practicing for a bit.”
Colin had no idea how to react. “Relaxing his eyes” was his own trick for avoiding being caught napping during the same movie for the hundredth time. But now his kid was using it to spy on his aunties. He schooled his expression and switched to his “dad voice.”
“Leo, we do not eavesdrop on people when they think we’re asleep. That’s not good behaviour.”
Leo’s face fell immediately. “I’m sorry. It’s just… When Auntie Pen started talking about being in London, I didn’t want her to stop. I really want her to live near us, so we can see her more.”
Colin knew Leo’s love for Pen was pure and uncomplicated. He hadn’t meant any harm. Still, Colin kept his tone firm. “Well, you’ll have to apologize and say sorry for doing that. We don’t know whether what you heard was meant for you or not. We’ll talk to her tomorrow. Alright?”
Leo looked sad but nodded. “Do you think she’ll be mad?”
“I don’t think so,” Colin said gently, “but that’s because you’re going to own up to it.”
Leo looked into his father’s eyes and then leaned in for a hug, one Colin gladly wrapped him in. “Don’t worry,” Colin murmured into his hair. “I’ll help you. Okay?”
Leo nodded again, then asked softly, “Would you ask her to move in?”
The question hit Colin like a punch. He knew his son must have misunderstood something. Pen loved her job. She wasn’t going to move back, not with everything she had built abroad, not with her family's complicated relationships. But Leo was already upset, and Colin couldn’t bear to disappoint him again tonight.
“We can ask her if she’s really staying,” he said carefully. “Is that okay, Leo?”
Leo’s whole face lit up. “Yes! Thank you, Daddy. I love you.”
Colin kissed his son’s forehead. “I love you, too.”
After leaving the room, his mind spiralling, he went into his own bedroom. He changed out of his work clothes and skipped dinner altogether. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he could feel thoughts crashing into each other.
What if? Just… What if Leo was right? What if Pen decided to stay?
He groaned in frustration, letting himself fall backward onto the pillow, staring up at the ceiling.
No, It's not true. Things like that didn’t happen to him. He had learned that the hard way.
The wedding was magical. Eloise looked stunning, and Colin couldn’t help stealing glances at Pen. He shared a slow, gentle dance with Pen, and it nearly broke his already fragile heart. She was so beautiful, so close, and yet so impossibly out of reach.
As the speeches ended and guests drifted outside to enjoy the grounds of Aubrey Hall. It started to get late. The children were being gathered to head inside to bed, while the celebration continued under the night sky.
Colin knew he needed to talk to Pen with Leo before the boy went to sleep. He didn’t want Leo going to bed feeling guilty again. Leo had tugged at Colin’s hand several times throughout the evening, wanting to get it over with, but the timing had never felt right.
When Leo tugged on his hand once more, asking with his eyes if it was time, Colin knelt down to him. “Yes, let’s try to find Auntie Pen now. After that, you need to go with Grandma and listen to her when she puts you all to bed.”
Leo nodded, though his eyes were full of nerves. Colin squeezed his hand. “Don’t worry, Leo. It will be okay. You’re being very brave.”
Together, they walked through the crowd until they found Pen. She lit up when she saw them and crouched down to Leo’s height. “Are you coming to say goodnight?”
Colin knelt beside her. “Leo has something to tell you, Auntie Pen.”
Pen looked puzzled, glancing between the two of them as if trying to piece together what was happening. Leo’s eyes shimmered with tears as he said, “I’m sorry for… for eavesdropping yesterday. I shouldn’t have practiced ‘resting my eyes’ like Daddy does on movie nights, especially in the car. You all thought I was asleep, but… I was listening to what you were saying.”
Pen’s eyes widened in surprise. She looked to Colin, silently asking for guidance.
“So,” Colin explained gently, “Leo knows he should have told you he was awake when you all thought he was napping. We don’t listen to conversations we’re not invited to.”
Realizing this was a lesson Colin had walked his son through, Pen softened. She took Leo’s hands. “Thank you for telling me, Leo. I know that was hard. You’re very brave.”
Colin smiled at Pen’s response as she pulled Leo into a warm hug. When Leo looked back at his dad, hesitating, Colin leaned in and whispered, “Well done. Now go to Grandma.”
“But I want to know,” Leo whispered back, anxious.
Colin’s tone turned gently firm, activating his father's voice. “Leo, I’ll speak with Auntie Pen, and I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.”
He could see that Leo wanted to protest, his little face tightening with the urge to ask more. But Colin also knew he couldn’t handle hearing the truth and comforting his son at the same time. Not in front of him. Not tonight. So, he forced his expression into the one Leo never argued with, the one that meant the discussion was over.
Defeated, Leo looked between Pen and Colin and murmured, “Okay. Goodnight.”
Leo sprinted towards his grandma, who was watching this interaction. She got Leo in her hug, who started talking to her so urgently. Colin could see her smiling at his boy and giving him a hug. He knew his mum would be able to deal with his son, she did it with him and his siblings. And she has been his support system since he moved back to London. He watched his mum guiding his son towards his cousins whispering reassurances to him.
He looked next to him to see Pen’s eyes on him, he tried to decipher her look. It reminded him of their time in Greece, when he would fall apart and she would catch him at the end of the day.
Is this what is going to happen, is he about to fall apart again? He wondered if he could ask her about what Leo said. Before he spiralled, Pen's hands slipped into his and tugged him into the trees.
As soon as they stopped, Colin looked at Pen. She seemed as nervous as he felt. So, he decided to just get it over with.
“Pen… Leo thinks you’re staying in London. Is that true?”
Pen bit her lower lip, her gaze dropping to his shoes. “So… I told you Agatha wanted a meeting with me, the one I had to take. She basically offered me a promotion to choose and mentor new writers. It’s an incredible opportunity, and it also means I’d get to stay somewhere for a while. To be steady, you know? Prudence and Philippa, and your sisters, they all kept telling me how much the niblings missed me.” She exhaled shakily. “So, I said yes to the promotion yesterday. I know I didn’t tell you. I just… didn’t want to say it over the phone. And with El and everything, I never got the chance.”
Colin felt his heart pounding. She was staying. She was staying. And as he looked at her, he could see she was spiralling. For the first time in their lives, neither of them was preparing to leave in a day or two. They were standing still.
Part of him screamed to pull her into his arms and kiss her until the world disappeared. But another part couldn’t ignore the fact that his name hadn’t come up once in her reasons for staying.
She kept looking at him, waiting for an answer. Colin decided to go for the safe answer. “Pen, that’s great news. Congratulations.”
Then he opened his arms, she stepped into them, and he felt her relax against his chest. “It’s amazing,” he murmured. “I’m so happy for you. You deserve it.”
She let out a long sigh against him. “Thanks, Col. I was worried about your reaction.”
Colin pulled back just enough to look at her, confused. “Worried about my reaction? Why?”
Pen stumbled over her words, and she gave him a sad little smile. “Colin, you never asked me to stay once. Everyone else did. You never did, you never asked me to visit. I did not think you wanted me here.”
A jolt went through him. If she thought for a second that he didn’t want her here, he couldn’t live with that. The words tumbled out of him, raw and unfiltered.
“Pen, I never asked you to stay because… because I don’t have the right. I can’t ask you to change your life or your dreams for me. I’m the one with responsibilities, with limits, because of my own choices. It was never for any other reason.” His voice broke, as vulnerability creeped into him. “I’ve stopped myself a million times from begging you to stay. From falling to my knees. But I couldn’t… I wouldn’t put that on you.”
He swallowed hard, meeting her eyes fully now. “I’ve always wanted you. Pen… you’re everything to me. So, never think I don’t want you here. I wish I hadn’t walked out of this garden the night we kissed for the first time. I come here sometimes, wishing for a different life where I stayed. Where I never left. Where you felt the same as I feel.”
Colin exhaled shakily and pulled her closer to his chest. He’d said it all and strangely, it felt like relief. At least now she finally knew.
“Pen, I will always want more,” he murmured, “but it’s not mine to have. I lost that right long ago. I’ll be happy just being your friend, having you nearby. Just… don’t push me away when the right one comes along.”
As the last words left him, he felt Pen shift. She pulled back just enough to look directly into his eyes.
“Colin,” she said softly, firmly, “there will never be anyone else.”
He stared at her, trying to understand what those words truly meant. But Pen closed the space between them and kissed him. He melted into it, losing himself, until a thought broke through the haze.
“Pen,” he whispered against her lips, “I love you… I’ve loved you since that first kiss. I’ve loved you through all these years.”
Pen smiled, her eyes shining. “Well, I’ve loved you since I didn’t even know what love was.”
Colin kissed her again, pouring into it every desire, every need, every ounce of love he’d held inside. They kept kissing, until they finally pulled back for air, foreheads resting together.
“Move in with me and Leo,” he said quietly.
Pen jerked back slightly, startled. “What? No, Colin, that needs time. You can’t do that to Leo so quickly.”
Colin gave a crooked, sheepish smile. “Pen… Leo is the one who suggested it. When he overheard you in the car. He even had a list of reasons why it would help you. But honestly, I think he just wants you around more.”
She let out a soft, breathy chuckle as tears gathered in her eyes.
“Yes, Pen,” Colin whispered, brushing his thumb along her cheek, “we want you. Both of us. We wasted enough years. Let's have forever now.”
Pen’s voice broke as she smiled. “Forever, you want forever.”
Colin looked into her eyes. “I wanted forever with you years ago, let us be your forever, Pen. Let's start forever now” as she nodded with tears in her eyes.
He kissed her again, holding her knowing he will never let go this time. “I love you, Pen” he whispered in her ears, as she sighed.
“I love you too Colin”.