Chapter Text
Philip was getting his books out of his locker when a voice next to his ear startled him.
"Hey."
He jumped, holding onto his notebook tightly, and turned around to see his boyfriend smiling sheepishly at him.
"Hey," he greeted back once he had recovered. "What are you doing here?"
With here, he meant next to him. A few days had gone by since Lukas had told Rose about them. They had been afraid she would tell the school, despite her having promised Lukas she wouldn't, so they had kept their distance as always. Philip had watched Lukas from the distance, noticing the awkwardness that had taken over Rose and Lukas' table after they had revealed their breakup.
Rose had kept her word though, so Lukas had visibly calmed down. Enough to walk up to Philip before class, it seemed.
"I just wanted to say hi before class, that's all. How are you doing?" Lukas asked.
"You mean since you texted me this morning?" Philip joked.
"Ha, ha," Lukas laughed sarcastically, but he was smiling. "I actually wanted to ask, has Rose approached you today?"
Philip frowned.
"No, why?"
"I don't know. She keeps looking at you. I think she's planning something," Lukas said, lowering his voice.
"I'm sure it's nothing," Philip reassured him. "You have to stop freaking out. She's not going to tell, Lukas."
"I know, I know," he replied, leaning his body against the locker next to Philip's. His head bumped against the metal as he sighed. "Maybe she should."
"What?" Philip asked, shocked.
"It's just… It's making me anxious, all this waiting for someone to find out. Maybe I should just tell."
"If that's what you want…" Philip said, supporting as ever. "I told you, there's no rush. You can do whatever you want, to hell with them."
"It's not even about them." Lukas run his fingers through his hair in exasperation. "I look at you across the room, but I can't come closer," he explained, ignoring the fact that it was exactly what he had done. "I see you, all alone, and you look so good—"
Philip blushed. Lukas was not one for big compliments, and Philip took it in like a man dying of thirst. He was also not one for big speeches, so he let him go on instead of paying one back.
"You look really good right now, and it makes me want to kiss you, and I can't. I can't kiss you, and I can't hold your hand or even sit next to you at lunch, and it kills me."
Lukas looked at Philip in desperation, hoping the other boy could understand. Philip looked back with sadness in his eyes, suffering for the blonde.
He was about to say something when the bell rang, startling them both. They looked up, seeing their conversation interrupted, and Philip sighed.
"I'll see you after class, okay?" Lukas asked softly.
Philip nodded and watched him walk away before closing his locker and heading in the opposite direction.
Philip was alone at lunch. Again.
Since they had started to get close, what seemed like months ago, Lukas had been acutely aware of Philip's presence in the room at all times. It was especially noticeable at lunch, when Lukas' friends were having loud conversations around him and ignoring Lukas' eyes drifting through the room.
Philip was scanning the cafeteria for a place to sit, tray in his hands. His eyes met Lukas' briefly. He gave him a small nod in acknowledgement before continuing his search. Finally he seemed to find an empty table in a corner and headed that way.
Lukas sensed a pair of eyes on him and turned to find Rose staring directly at him. He looked around in alarm, checking nobody else had caught him staring at his boyfriend, and lowered his eyes to his food. Rose snorted.
"Don't worry, nobody saw you," she informed, voice slightly mocking. "But maybe try to be a little less obvious next time."
Lukas went beet red.
"I don't get it. What's so good about him anyway? I thought he was just your little stalker," Rose asked with a whisper so the rest of the table wouldn't hear.
"He wasn't. I, erm, I made that up," Lukas answered, biting his lip.
"Oh," Rose exhaled, realisation downing on her face. She shook her head. "Right."
They fell silent. Lukas didn't know if he should feel glad Rose was talking to him again, of scared that she was asking questions about his boyfriend.
"Well, you messed that up, didn't you?" She stated the obvious. "How are you gonna fix it?"
Lukas turned towards her, confused. "Fix it?"
"Well, you're not gonna just let people treat him like they have been, right? This was your fault."
Lukas was frozen in place, processing what Rose was saying. Did she want him to come out? Right there? Or was she saying—
"Philip!" Rose bellowed. Half the cafeteria turned at her voice, including the boy in question. His eyes were wide, body rigid next to the table he was about to sit in.
Their friends at the table also wore confused looks. Mike muttered something that sounded like "what the hell, Rose", while Olivia and a few others looked at the girl as if she had grown two heads. Lukas as petrified, pure horror painted on his features.
'This is it,' he thought while Rose made a beckoning sign at Philip, 'this is how I get outed'.
Philip approached carefully, eyes darting between Rose and Lukas. He stopped a few feet from the table, keeping a safe distant.
"I know Lukas has apologised already," Rose explained, voice friendly and open, "but I wanted to say I'm sorry, for how we've treated you."
Philip's eyes shot up, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he found his voice.
"It's okay. Don't worry."
Rose elbowed Lukas lightly. Finally understanding her intentions and sensing his opportunity for redemption, Lukas sent Rose a mental thank you.
"Yeah, I'm sorry too," he said to Philip again.
The brunet's face softened. "Forget about it."
"Do you want to sit with us?" Rose asked, sounding more like an order than a question. She pulled at Lukas' shirt so he would clear a space for him.
Philip hesitated, looking at Lukas for permission. Lukas scooted closer to Rose in an open invitation to sit next to him. Philip sighed in relief before taking his seat.
"So, Philip," Rose started. "How are you finding Tivoli?"
Philip, still bewildered about the previous exchange, took a few seconds to respond.
"It's nice. Things are so much quieter here—especially at night. And I still can't get over the fact that everyone knows everyone."
"I guess a small town like this is a big step-down from the city," Rose commented.
"Nah, it's not bad. Just different."
Lukas, sandwiched between his ex-girlfriend and his current boyfriend, followed the conversation looking side to side like a ping pong match. He suddenly felt Philip's hand lightly touching his leg, attempting to soothe him, and Lukas jumped in surprise. The hand immediately retracted. The blonde cursed himself internally. He stretched his hand towards Philip's, taking it and putting it back where it was before covering it with his own. Philip smiled.
Lila asked something about a show she saw the night before, starting an animated conversation around the table. Nobody was looking at Lukas or Philip, nobody cared he was there. It felt sort of secure, knowing he could hold his boyfriend's hand under the table without fear. Maybe one day, Lukas would even be able to do it above the table, in everyone's sight.
After that incident Rose made a point of shouting at Philip across the cafeteria at every lunch. She would invite him to sit with them, Lukas would open a place next to him and the table would continue with their conversation as always. On the third day, Mike rolled his eyes and suggested Philip sat with them from then on, "otherwise she'll just yell at you every day until you do".
So he sat there, day after day, always next to Lukas, and got to know his friends. He found that they were loud and obnoxious, that they could make him laugh until his sides hurt and that they cared about each other with deep passion. If he was in the city, Philip would have never spared a second glance at them. But this was Tivoli, not NYC.
Somewhere along the way, Philip started considering it his table. His people. His friends. Not just Lukas', his.
Since he was part of the group, there was no reason why Lukas couldn't be seen with him in public. Philip noticed the change in Lukas. The blonde sought him out between classes, drove him home after school and was not so secretive about who was the one who filmed his jumps.
They were walking towards the bike one day, helmets on their hands while they pushed each other playfully when Rose stepped in front of them. She was smiling mischievously, which put both boys on edge.
"Philip," she started. "Would you walk me home today?"
Lukas opened his mouth to tell her he would be driving Philip home when said boy laid his hand in the blonde's shoulder.
"Is there something wrong?"
"I thought we should have a chat," she said, then looked at her ex-boyfriend. "In private."
Philip frowned but eventually agreed. He turned around to look at Lukas, who wore an uneasy expression.
"Call me when you're done, okay? I'll pick you up."
Philip nodded, and after giving his hand a squeeze—looking over his shoulder at any possible witnesses—Lukas put on his helmet and sped off.
Philip smiled at Rose uncomfortably. She pointed the way home with a nod of her head and they started walking side to side. They passed the first two blocks in complete silence, not knowing what to say or where to start.
"I-I wanted to thank you. For, you know, inviting me over the other day," Philip said in the most awkward way possible.
"It was nothing. You know, I was really mad at Lukas at first, but I've decided to let go of the anger and pettiness and be a good samaritan." She offered Philip a toothy grin.
"Oh, really?" Philip countered with a sarcastic tone. "Because you made Lukas squirm a little with that."
"Well, maybe there was payback involved too." She rolled her eyes.
They laughed softly, both remembering Lukas' panicked face when Rose had called Philip over. When she talked next, Rose's voice had gone deeper, passionate and firm.
"I might still be mad at Lukas, but that doesn't mean I dont want him to be happy." She stopped walking, forcing Philip to halt. Rose looked up until their eyes locked. "Don't break his heart."
Philip wanted to say something, explain how he could never do that, but he sensed Rose wasn't done talking. He waited patiently for her to continue.
"I know he makes mistakes, but his intentions are always good. He is more vulnerable than he lets on. He's guarded, and it's not easy to get to know him, really know him, but somehow he's trusting you with his secrets. So don't let him down."
Philip didn't even realise he was shaking his head until she stopped talking. He gulped, looking at the uncontrollable force that was the girl in front of him. He had never known her to be so protective of her friends, but to be honest, he had never gotten to know her very well.
He liked her.
"I won't."
"Good. Because if you do, there's gonna be hell to pay."
With that she continued walking, without waiting for Philip to follow. He hurried behind her.
He caught up to her and watched her with newfound respect.
"Nice speech."
"I know, right?" She beamed at him. "I've been practicing all week." Philip was struck by the sudden change in her demeanour, tripping on his feet and almost falling face first to the sidewalk. "Lukas doesn't have any brothers, and none of our friends know yet, so I thought it was my duty to give you the warning," she explained.
"You did well," Philip encouraged her. "Nowhere near as scary as Bo's, though."
Which was true. Lukas' father had been too shocked when he had first come out to say much to Philip, so he thought he was off the hook. He wasn't. Bo had waited a few days before pouncing on Philip.
It had happened one day when Lukas had invited him over to watch a movie. The blonde had left their cocoon on the couch to refill the popcorn bowl when Bo appeared and sat in the armchair next to Philip. He then proceeded to issue a series of threats that had Philip gripping the armrest tight, knuckles white. Once he had finished his warnings, he had offered a hand to the brunet, who shook it weakly, and disappeared through the door. That was, of course, the moment Lukas came back. He sat down next to his boyfriend, so close he was practically on his lap, and noticed Philip was shaking.
He spent the rest of the movie trembling, unable to concentrate on the screen, no matter how many hugs or kisses on the neck Lukas gave him. He was still distracted when they had said goodbye, looking over his shoulder before kissing him lightly on the lips and darting off on his bike.
Looking back, it was endearing how much Bo cared about his son.
"Bo knows?" Rose asked, bringing Philip back from his memories.
"Yeah, Lukas didn't tell you?" Philip confirmed. "He came out to him before you."
"Is he okay with it?" Rose wondered, voice filled with worry.
"He seems fine with it. They've been talking a lot lately. He's okay with us, too. Or at least I think he is. It's hard to tell with Bo," Philip explained.
"He was always so worried about disappointing his father."
"They're getting closer than before, actually."
"So Lukas coming out mended their relationship. Go figure," she muttered sarcastically, rolling her eyes. Philip let out a laugh.
They reached Rose's house. She turned to Philip and smiled.
"You should call Lukas. I'm sure he's going out of his mind trying to figure out if I've murder you yet," Rose pointed out.
Philip retrieved his phone and checked for new messages.
"I'm surprised he hasn't called already," Philip confessed.
Silence fell over them while Rose fished her keys out of her bag.
"This was a nice talk," she said. "Very… enlightening."
Philip smiled at her and watched as she got into her house. Then he opened a text and sent a 'done' to Lukas.
The blonde showed up at Rose's driveway in less than five minutes, making Philip think that he had been driving around the neighbourhood waiting for him.
"What did she want?" He asked immediately in panic.
"Its fine," Philip reassured him. "We just talked about you for a while. Everything is great."
Lukas sighed, offering the helmet to Philip. He got on the bike and held on to Lukas as they sped off. Philip knew there was an interrogation coming his way.
Philip and Rose got closer after that. It was as if they had found some common ground and built a tentative friendship there. They got on like a house on fire, which both relieved and terrified Lukas. Their friends could see it too, and they commented on it at lunch, jokingly warning Lukas about how his new friend was going to steal his ex.
Philip shut them up by telling them he was gay. Lukas barely flinched—Philip had left it very clear he didn't want to go back to the closet. He was okay with Lukas not telling them yet but refused to lie about himself.
Lukas decided to use it as a test trial. He could examine his friend's response to Philip's coming out, see if they were fine with it before his own confession.
Most of their friends wore similar shocked expressions, which they quickly recovered from before resuming the conversation. Nobody commented on it. Lukas felt the tension ease from his shoulders, and he felt Philip's hand give his a squeeze for a short second. He turned back to look at Rose, who simply winked at him and looked away.
That was the moment he made the decision to come out in school. Most people in his personal life already knew and supported him, and the rest didn't seem openly homophobic. He knew there was still a chance some of the people sat with him at the moment would turn his back on him, but he was willing to risk it. He was tired of hiding, and lately the impulse to kiss Philip in the middle of the corridor between classes had spiked so much he found himself clenching his fists and looking away in frustration. It had to end.
He still needed to talk to Philip. Even though the decision was his to make, Lukas needed Philip's support through the ordeal. And he couldn't just kiss him in public without giving him a little warning first.
After school, they drove to the lake and had a long and hard talk about the possibilities. They decided to make it simple—they would just start acting like a couple, and if anybody asked, they would answer honestly.
Next day Lukas picked Philip up and drove him to school. He feigned confidence when in reality he felt like his insides were made of putty.
Philip asked, for the hundredth time, if he was sure, to which Lukas responded with an exasperated look. He took Philip's hand and locked their fingers together, pulling his now official boyfriend towards the school entrance.
They were by the gates when Philip checked again. "You can still let go of my hand."
Lukas kissed him, catching the attention of a few people around them.
"Too late."
They walked to the locker, where Rose was waiting for them. She smiled when she noticed their joined hands.
"Oh, so you're doing this then."
"Yeah."
"He's freaking out," Philip supplied.
"I'm not-! I'm not freaking out," Lukas lowered his voice, gripping Philip's hand tighter.
"Honey, you're freaking out," Rose said, making Lukas groan in exasperation.
He let go of Philip's hand and opened his locker. Rose approached the brunet and wrapped his arm with her own, resting her head in his shoulder.
"I'm happy for you guys," she said honestly. "Also, if you need help kicking someone's ass, count me in. Nobody wants to kick a girl back." She smiled menacingly, and both boys laughed.
"We will," Philip promised as Rose straightened back up.
"Great. I'll see you two at lunch." And with that, she was gone.
Philip looked back at Lukas, eyebrows up and an amused smile on his face. Lukas laughed again, shaking his head. He closed the door of his locker and took Philip's hand again. As if on cue, the bell rang. They walked to class together, making heads turn at their wake.
By lunchtime the tension had grown so thick it could be cut with a knife. They took their trays and approached their usual table with apprehension. Everyone was already sat there, and a few heads rose when they got close. Rose turned around and smiled warmly at them, patting the seat next to her.
Lukas and Philip sat down in silence, making no move towards their food. Lukas looked up and scanned the table. Some people were looking at them with interest, others were talking amongst themselves, not paying attention to him. Lukas thought that maybe he ought to make some sort of announcement. Before he could say anything, Mike, always the spokesperson of the group, looked up and cleared this throat.
"You," he said, pointing at Philip with his fork. Philip tensed. "Rose gave you the talk?"
Philip nodded.
"Good. She speaks for all of us. Don't forget that," Mike continued, voice as low and threatening as possible. Philip gulped.
"And you." He turned his fork to Lukas. "Stop freaking out, dude. You're fine. You should have told us earlier."
Lukas froze, head all over the place as he tried to process what had just been said. They were okay with him being gay. They were okay with Philip and him. Philip's hand sneaked under the table and grasped his knee.
"Also, we like Philip. Don't fuck this up," Linda warned him next to Mike.
"Wasn't planning to," Lukas muttered, tired of everyone assuming he would be the one to destroy their relationship. Although to be fair, he had usually been the one to put it at risk before.
Just like that, the silence broke and everyone went back to their previous conversations. Philip looked at Lukas with a smirk.
"You've heard," he said. "You better take care of me now."
Lukas tried to hide his nervousness by letting out a shaky smile.
"I can work with that."
The adrenaline was starting to seep out of his body, leaving him unusually tired. He leaned against Philip's body, just because he could now, and picked up his fork. He suddenly felt very hungry.
Philip was waiting outside when the last bell rang, standing next to the entrance and playing on his phone. Lukas said goodbye to Rose and approached him from behind, resting his hands on the brunet's hips and making him jump. He smiled as soon as he saw Lukas, putting his phone away in his pocket.
"Hey, how was the rest of the day?" He asked, putting his hands in Lukas' arms.
"Alright," Lukas answered. "A couple of freshmen came to me and asked me if I was gay. That was weird."
"Yeah, me too. People don't know when to shut up."
They smiled at each other. Lukas raised his hand and caressed Philip's hair slowly. There were still people around, waiting for the bus and saying goodbye to each other. A few turned around and watch the scene curiously, but Lukas didn't seem to be worried. It was like the shame and uncomfortableness had all gone away that morning.
Lukas leaned in, so slowly Philip could have pushed him away. He didn't and their lips met firmly. The kiss was sweet and tender, nothing more than an innocent sign of affection. After all, they were still in school grounds. Philip wrapped his arms around Lukas' waist, the blonde's hands cupping his face. When they parted, their foreheads bumped together, tip of their noses touching still. Philip felt Lukas smile.
Philip thought of the father he had never known and the mother who was trying to get better for him. He thought of his foster parents, who were nice and understanding and very loving. He thought of Lukas, who was finally able to be himself, without having to hide a part of who he was. They could be together, proud and unapologetic. Kiss in public without having to drive miles away, talk and hold hands without worrying somebody will see.
"You're kissing me in front of people. Again."
"Maybe I'm not scared anymore."
Philip raised his eyebrows.
"Okay, I'm still scared. But not as much," Lukas admitted, combing the hair in Philip's nape with his fingers. "I've got you, don't I?"
"Of course you do." Philip said, and sealed his words with a kiss.