Chapter Text
“You’re just boring.”
Those. Those were the words that he last remembered.
It’s bright, like he’s still lying down on the dirt path facing the bright lights staged to highlight the track. They hadn’t even made it past the first checkpoint before Adam got off his board and swung at his face, before he attacked.
He remembers thinking it was some kind of new trick Adam taught himself until the pain of a skateboard to the face registered. He remembers hearing the shout of Kojiro and the feeling of being lifted into the air. Then the words Adam spoke directly to him. The poison, the hatred, the grudge in his eyes was something he couldn’t get over.
His body feels heavy but he knows he’s lying down. Kojiro must’ve brought him back to his apartment to rest. Even he’ll admit he needs a little before going back to skating.
Beep
Except Kojiro knows that Kaoru prefers the lights off when he’s resting from a headache or injury.
Beep
So, is he in the hospital?
Beep
He didn’t need that. The fall wasn’t that bad.
Beep
“Kaoru.”
“Kojiro…?”
He feels a thumb wipe over his cheek and his eyes to clear the gunk off. Kaoru’s eyes flick open before squinting from the bright LED light. He sees Kojiro sitting next to him.
Their hands are intertwined together on the hospital bed and Kojiro looks like a mess. There’s hair in his face and his eyes look puffy. Was Kojiro crying… over him?
“...messy…” Kaoru has to say something, to make it seem like everything is normal. There’s nothing wrong. It’s just a broken arm, a severe concussion, and chronic dizzy spells. He can live with that. It’s not impossible.
“I know Kaoru. I’m a mess right now.” Kojiro clings to his Kaoru’s hand. His best friend, his reason for living, his heart and soul, his Kaoru, is hurt. Seriously injured to the point he isn’t thinking correctly. “I’m such a mess.”
“...not my fault.” Kaoru blinks softly at Kojiro. This man rarely cries, it’s causing a reaction in him. An urge to comfort, protect, and dote. Is this what Kojiro feels everytime Kaoru is having an issue?
“No! Not your fault. It’s Adam’s fault. He’s the one who hurt you. He’s the reason you’re in this hospital and on this bed. I wish I could’ve beat him up. The asshole deserves it.” Kojiro wraps his arms around Kaoru’s waist, careful of the wires and tubes connected to his body. He rests his forehead against Kaoru’s stomach and lets out a shaky breath.
“...yeah, he’s an asshole…” Kojiro has been this upset before but there’s a line that even he hasn’t crossed. Not this panicked. Last time he was in the hospital, it was just concern for him. What has changed?
There was a gasp of breath coming from the man lying on Kaoru’s stomach. He’s crying so hard that he can’t breathe.
“Kojiro…?” Kaoru does his best to sit up despite the pain and weight. He’s terrified. Kojiro doesn’t break down in front of people. He’s always been one to go hide before crying his eyes out.
Kaoru glances around the hospital room. Miya’s switch is sitting on one of the chairs, Shadow’s makeup bag is sitting on the floor, Reki’s gloves are chucked onto Langa’s, Kojiro’s hair tie sits on the table next to Kaoru’s own. Most importantly, all their boards are lined up against the wall. Like a found family protecting each other indefinitely. No signs of the others despite their stuff having taken over the room.
“Please breathe Kojiro.” Kaoru is horrible at comforting people, so why is Kojiro collapsed over him? “Please…”
Kojiro takes noticeably deeper breaths after that. As if trying to stay strong for Kaoru. His face is resting in Kaoru’s lap, nose nestled between his thighs now. If it were any other situation, they both would be flustered messes. It’s not the time for that at this moment.
He doesn’t lift his head but the sounds of crying slow to sniffles. “Kojiro… what…”
“I’m terrified. I’m scared this is a dream and that you died in my arms in the back of Shadow’s car. I’m scared that this is going to ruin you, that you’ll let it ruin you, that you already have. I’m scared that I’m not brave. I’m scared that you’ll never be able to skate again. I’m scared, Kaoru. Tell me I’m being stupid.”
“You’re being stupid.” Kaoru picks Kojiro’s head up and forces eye contact. He remembers when Kojiro had done that to Kaoru during a moment of panic like this. “But I know it’s justifiable this time. I’d be lying to say I wasn’t worried about what this injury will cause me.”
“What-”
“I’m not done.”
“Oh, continue…”
“Thank you. I’m just as scared as you. I want to cry. It just feels too real. The words spoken, the actions, everything. I also know that you’re trying to stay tough. And that’s why you’re being idiotic.” Kaoru holds either side of Kojiro’s face, trying to get him to understand that he doesn’t always have to be the tough guy. “Kojiro, you can be scared and still support me. I know you’re struggling to wrap your head around that.”
“Kaoru… but you’re hurt and you need someone there for you.”
“And you can be that. It’s possible to be brave and terrified at the same time. Trust me, Kojiro.”
Kojiro’s breath hitches for a moment and noticeable tears start welling up in Kojiro’s eyes. Kaoru tries to wipe them before they fall, but fails. Kojiro lets out another sob, one that echoes in the hospital room.
Kaoru glances up, hoping that a nurse won’t come in. It’s going to ruin this moment between them, make it awkward.
Why is his heart telling him that it’s now or never? That he must voice his feelings or it’s never going to come true. He can’t say that now. It’s selfish and unbelievably rude when someone is breaking down.
Kojiro leans his forehead on Kaoru’s shoulder with as little weight as possible, not wanting to hurt the man more. Another loud sob escapes his mouth when he only feels one of Kaoru’s arms wrap around his back. The other one is placed awkwardly between the two of them in a cast and sling.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should’ve stopped you. I should’ve been the one to skate him instead. You’re have less muscle so you’re much more fragile, not that you’re like that-”
“Kojiro.”
“...yes, Kaoru…?”
“As foolish as it sounds, this is useful. It gives me a break from my daily life and a chance to breathe.”
“Kaoru…”
“I was crazy to think Adam, deep down, still enjoyed our presence. While harsh, it’s the wake up I needed to finally get over him fully.”
“That doesn’t help! He shouldn’t be hitting people with his skateboard! He’s seriously injured people, you saw what happened yourself. It’s not just you, Kaoru. It’s the repetitive and increasing reports of people in this area coming in with skateboarding accidents.” Kojiro suddenly stands and Kaoru follows him with his head. His head is pounding and Kojiro’s pacing is not helping in the slightest but he can tell that Kojiro needs this.
Kojiro suddenly stops and rests his hands on the edge of the hospital bed. His head is hung low. “That final skater he brought on the other track, he’s paralyzed from the waist down and can’t live on his own anymore. That shouldn’t have happened.”
“That didn’t happen to me though. You were worried that would end up being me, didn’t you?”
“Terrified.”
“We are horrendously stupid, you know that?” Kaoru tries reaching for Kojiro, getting him to come closer. Now he knows how Kojiro feels when Kaoru is constantly in this state. There’s so little annoyance present, that it’s just concern bubbling over.
Kojiro, like a magnet, clings to Kaoru’s side. “We need to be careful, Koaru. I don’t think I could take it if you…” He starts to zone out but blinks rapidly to stay focused.
“What are you saying…?”
“I can’t live without you, Kaoru.”
Kaoru can see Kojiro’s hands shaking. Whether it’s terror or nerves, he doesn’t know. Kojiro is staring at him, his eyes are watery and puffy from all the crying but if you look at just the right angle…
Love…
It’s impossible. Kojiro cannot be in love with him, they’re best friends who are just insanely close with each other.
“I need you by my side. Without you, I feel empty and bland. When I was in Italy, I felt depressed being away from you for so long. Kaoru, I love you.”
“You- what?!” Kaoru isn’t mad, nowhere near it. The complete opposite in fact, his heart is pounding and aching. He felt his face heat and he looks away, staring down at the thin blanket resting over his legs.
“I love you.”
“Yes, I heard you! It’s just-”
“I get it, Kaoru… you don’t…”
“Did I say that?” Kaoru crosses his arms as best as he can with the cast on his arm. It looks like he’s resting his broken arm on his good one more than it would if he was actually crossing them.
“No?”
“I’m just shocked. I never said I didn’t love you back.” Kaoru tilts his head toward Kojiro and lets his walls crumble. He lets his emotions show.
Kojiro leans forward and presses a soft kiss to Kaoru’s forehead and takes his good hand in both of his. Their foreheads rest against each other’s, noses brushing as they let their confessions to each other sink in.
“How long… have you felt this way Kaoru?” Kojiro’s breath is shaky and his voice is quiet, like if he talks too loud it won’t be real anymore. Kaoru still feels the urge to comfort the other man but knows it’s not for the same reason anymore.
“I only realized it a few years ago but I believe that it’s been some time.” He responds just as quietly. In the silence, you can hear the footsteps outside the room and the tiniest swear from a very familiar voice.
Kaoru glances to the side just in time to see the boys, no, their boys, all peeking inside the room with varying degrees of happiness and disgust. Kaoru takes a quiet sigh before speaking again. “What about you, Kojiro?”
“For as long as I can remember.” Kojiro’s eyes flutter open and stare into Kaoru’s own. He himself is vaguely aware of the kids watching them. He almost wants to shoo them away but fears it’ll break the moment between them.
“So, not very long?” Kaoru can’t resist teasing the man and he gets a gentle smack on the hand and then the best feeling he’s ever felt. Kojiro is kissing him, softly and slowly.
Kaoru’s eyes flutter closed as he leans into the kiss himself. He feels at home, and knows Kojiro is calming down too. This is where they are meant to be. In each other’s arms and loving the entirety of the other.
There’s quiet giggles from the doorway and shuffling of feet leaving again. Finally, some peace and quiet. Pulling away is something he doesn’t want to do. Kojiro is his world.
“I’m still terrified. Recovery is another massive part that I know you despise.” Kojiro’s words wash over him and suddenly the pain is back. His head aches and he feels his nerves tingling from getting scratched up on the dirt. “I don’t think I can be brave enough.”
“It’ll be challenging Kojiro, but be yourself and you’ll end up my biggest support. I promise.”
“We’ll make it?”
“Yes, stronger than before.” Kaoru leans in first this time, kissing him softly and pouring the words he’s too shaky to voice. Kojiro holds him tighter, as if they aren’t already taking over each other.
“I already feel stronger. Knowing that you’re going to try and recover. That you won’t give up.” Whispered words against his lips from the man that healed his heart. The very same person who he grew up with, who he learned to skate with, who he spent every waking hour with, who he loves.
Instead of dying from the injuries caused by the most emotionally unstable man he’s ever met, it might just be because his heart is fluttering so fast. “What have you done to me, Kojiro? My heart can’t stop pounding.”
“I cause that big of a reaction for you?”
“Maybe a little more too.”
“Absolutely not… not until you’re healed at least.”
“Mmm.”
Laying against the warm skin of Kojiro elicits a yawn from Kaoru. He nuzzles his nose into the crook of his neck and rests his hair away from the sensitive skin of Kojiro's neck.
“Just go to sleep, Kaoru. I know the boys are anxious to come back in.” Kojiro gently presses Kaoru back down to lay on his back. Kojiro gets up off the bed and Kaoru refuses to acknowledge the whine he let out after he left.
He squeezes his eyes shut since he’s looking directly at the overhead light. He glances over to see Kojiro slowly dimming the lights so Kaoru can sleep properly.
Then the heavy weight of Kojiro’s skating jacket is on top of him. It smells vaguely of sweat and the cologne he wears. Kaoru finally settles in and shifts to have his nose pressed against the pillow and hand curled up to his chest.
As he drifts off, Kojiro’s fingers run through his hair, avoiding the mats from the fall and manhandling needed to take care of him. He’s the only one who he trusts enough to touch it. The only person he trusts enough to take care of him and let Kaoru take care of him.
Kojiro, I love you more than I can say.
~
His second least favorite part of being in a hospital is the discharge process. There’s nurses and doctors and concerned loved ones flocking around you for what feels like forever.
On the plus side, he’s out of the hospital.
Kojiro is driving him home in a car he didn’t know he owned. A dusty pink 1960 Cadillac DeVille Convertible, not surprising for someone like him. Muscular, a gentle giant, flirty… his.
“I adore the boys as much as you do Kaoru, but damn were they getting on my nerves.” Kojiro uses a tone that he only used when his family from Italy came to Okinawa to visit for a month. The one he uses when all his younger cousins would not leave him alone.
“I was shocked that they didn’t interrupt us.” Kaoru turns his head to face Kojiro, who glances his way for just a second before focusing back on the road.
“Reki explained that they’ve been betting on us. At least, he, Miya, and Shadow have. Said, and I quote, “Langa’s confused,” and didn’t explain anything else.”
“There’s quite the shock.” Kaoru rolls his eyes before looking out the window to his right. His tone is full of sarcasm with a hint of endearment.
“So, you are feeling better. Sarcasm’s in full force.”
“Just being away from that horrid place makes me feel better.”
Kojiro hums, not knowing how to continue the conversation. It’s finally just them. While they were alone in the hospital room, the boys were watching from outside and it didn’t feel the most personal.
“What happened after I fell unconscious?” It’s the topic that’s been floating around his head since he woke up. There’s parts he doesn’t remember from the journey to the hospital from S.
“I almost beat Adam to a pulp.”
“Almost?”
“Shadow drove up and got my attention, he’s the one who drove to the hospital. Basically he was there long enough to make sure you got taken care of then got the kids. He’s been transporting them back and forth from school and home and the hospital.”
Kojiro continues to talk after a moment of letting Kaoru process what had been going on.
“Reki wasn’t aware that you had gotten hurt until he and Langa had made up. Shadow took time off work, his manager was also quite concerned, to make sure we were both taken care of. Miya… that’s the worst I’ve seen the kid. It’s scary to see him cry.”
“He cried?”
“Multiple times. He was scared to his core. Kept muttering about how he didn’t want you to die.”
Though he doesn’t say it, he’s surprised to hear that Miya was the most concerned. He’s always making gagging sounds at them when they are even slightly affectionate toward each other.
“I swear I heard him say something along the lines of us being the best parents he’s ever had?” Kojiro glances to the side again, knowing Kaoru once felt the same. The old owners of Dope Sketch, an older couple, took him in after they first came into the store. They took them both in.
“How serious do you think it is?” Kaoru feels like he’s shaking but he knows he’s not. They’ve taken on the role that they once looked up to. Found parents, someone to support and guide them without the stress that blood family gives.
“Miya’s a Japanese hopeful. His parents probably only see that instead of their child.” Kojiro removes a hand from the steering wheel and places it over Kaoru’s, the one sitting in his lap. The other is fidgeting with Kojiro’s jacket zipper. It still rests in his lap, one of the few things keeping him calm during his recovery.
“That sounds worse than what happened with my family.”
“I think I’ll give the poor kid the quiet offer to stay close by, that he can have a place in the apartment.” Kojiro is already thinking about the spare bedroom, the one that Kaoru takes over on particularly long S nights. Kaoru can just share a bed with him, doesn’t seem like something he’d be against.
“He can take my room. I’ll need to be close to someone who can care for me in the night anyway. You’ll be right there.” Kaoru speaks up, interrupting Kojiro voicing his thoughts. He uses the medical situation as cover for just wanting to be close to Kojiro. Yes, he’s admitted his affection for the man but acting on it so soon is different.
“Are you just saying that because you want to sleep with me or because you mean it, precious?” Kojiro rubs his thumb over the back of Kaoru’s hand, the gentle caress makes him take a shaky breath.
He knew that Kojiro was affectionate, they’ve known each other for so long that it’s almost impossible to go an hour without some loving nickname or brush of their bodies. But now that they’re… together, partners if you will, he’s become increasingly doting and it’s overwhelming.
“Does it matter? I made the offer.” Kaoru puts his walls up yet again, but Kojiro knocks them down with a loving look. Oh, how this man could ruin him, has ruined him already.
“Not necessarily. I could overrule and just get a bigger apartment. So you could have your own space. I want you to feel at home, Blossom.” Kojiro pulls the car behind Sia la Luce and gets out of the car. He saunters around to the passenger side and opens the door for Kaoru. “My house is much homier when you’re around.”
Kojiro unbuckles Kaoru and picks him up despite the yelp from Kaoru. He knows it was just from shock. He’s been laying on thick to be completely fair. He shuts the door with his foot, silently apologizing to his gorgeous car. He’ll need to wash it again.
“That’s so cliche. It’s disgusting.” Kaoru pouts in Kojiro’s arms but even the most foul of humans could recognize the not so hidden love in his eyes.
“You like it. I know you, sunshine.” Kojiro transfers his hold on Kaoru to one arm and carefully opens the backdoor. He closes it behind him and holds Kaoru until he’s resting on the couch in the main room of the apartment above Sia la Luce.
It’s dusty around the apartment, Kojiro truly hasn’t been here since Kaoru was admitted into the hospital. The only places where dust hasn’t settled is the couch and the countertops in the kitchen. He’s stayed long enough to probably make the kids some food and change clothes then go back.
“The kid evokes something in me.”
“You become maternal.”
“And you don’t?”
“No, I become paternal.” Kojiro pokes fun at Kaoru. The kids(excluding Shadow) have started calling them Mom and Dad in their own variants. Yet, they all collectively call Shadow Peepaw. Kojiro and Kaoru have joined in as well, though they are older by a handful of years.
Kojiro wraps his arms around Kaoru gently from behind the couch. He nuzzles his nose into Kaoru's cheek and smiles. He plants a kiss on his temple before standing and moving to the kitchen.
It’s a familiar sight. Kojiro cooking away in his stupidly endearing shirts, Kaoru curled up on the couch with a book or his laptop. There’s a small bookshelf inside the TV stand that hosts a fraction of Kaoru’s books.
Part of him wants to start fixing Carla, the other wants to rest. His head hurts too much to start coding again. The doctors said he can’t look at blue light anyway. So he can’t.
“If you want to sleep, you can. I can carry you into the bedroom if you want. Shadow and the kids are coming over. I promised them dinner.” Kojiro’s voice echoes from the kitchen. The lights are off even though Kojiro is a firm believer in cooking with the overhead light on. It’s the only time it comes on.
“It’s alright. They’ll flock over me either way.” Kaoru calls back, doing his best to ignore the pounding present. Kaoru holds onto Kojiro’s jacket tighter, something to ground him.
“You’re freaking me out!”
“I’m alright. My head hurts.”
“I'm going to murder Shindo.” Kojiro declares. He cannot believe the audacity he has. He’s dragged people off the track but never actually hit them. It’s a whole new level of fucked up.
Kojiro doesn’t notice his hand shaking as he holds the frying pan. What he does notice is the freezing cold hand over his.
“Are you okay, handsome?” Kaoru is limping awkwardly on his sprained foot and leaning against the countertop to keep him upright but either way he made his way over to comfort Kojiro.
“No. I’m pissed.”
“I get it, truly. Your mom’s lesson on this… the best revenge is to live a better life. Let’s do that. I have you and you have me.” Kaoru lifts his head and pulls Kojiro in for a distracting kiss. One to calm down the simmering anger.
This moment is one that will live in his head forever. Kojiro holding Kaoru after the longest week of his life, cooking their favorite food, the sound of the swaying wind chime with rain far off in the distance. “Il mio cuore…”
“Yes?” The patter of rain sounds louder, he knows he should close the balcony door. He refuses to leave his home. He will never stray from Kaoru. The knowledge that Kojiro
“I’m home.”
“Yes.”
The food is ready and the rest of their family aren’t here yet. They should wait, be together once again, but Kaoru needs his rest, Kojiro decides. They eat quietly in the kitchen, sitting on the island. The quiet song flowing from the wind chime has never felt more nostalgic.
“Off you go. It’s rest time for you, il mio unico e solo.”
Kojiro gently pulls Kaoru from the island and into his arms. Kaoru hasn’t spoken a word since they’ve started eating. That’s how you know he’s exhausted. The sun has started to set around this place they call home.
He gently lowers Kaoru onto the bed and reaches for the lamp. They become bathed in soft lighting, not unlike the light that shines from Kaoru’s soul. The light that comes from within and shines through his golden eyes and heart-stopping smile.
Kojiro wants nothing more than to hold Kaoru while they both rest, but again, he promised their family food. He promised to show that he cares. Kojiro never breaks his promises to his loved ones.
Kojiro watches Kaoru fully fall asleep and turns the lamp light off. The only noise that can be heard is the gentle sound of waves crashing in the distance and that song of the wind chime.
Their love is like a wind chime. It can look boring from someone who doesn’t understand it. But to them, there’s nothing better. They sway in harmony, love, together, creating a song that only affects them. They don’t often show this off to the world. Only an outside wind, their family, can bring out the beautiful side of them.
He’s leaning against the doorframe and watching the sea and the wind chime when the knock and familiar noise of Reki talking about skating, Langa’s quiet hums of comments, Miya’s video game sound effects, and Shadows blabbing on about his manager fills the space.
He needs to get a real dining table. One with six chairs. As ugly as Kaoru would call it, cushions with colors that represent them. Mismatching but perfect.
Kaoru was right, this side of himself is the best one. He’s the only one that can truly bring it out. He hasn’t felt this much peace since long before S, long before mastering skateboarding, long before meeting Reki and Langa, long before taking Miya in, long before becoming friends with Shadow.
Meeting Kaoru, his heart and soul.
That’s when he first felt peace.
He’s never been one to believe in soulmates, but perhaps they’re real. This peace that can only be found with one person, his person, is a feeling that cannot be recreated.
~
Kaoru wakes up in the early morning. Early to Kojiro at least. Despite this, the man is not in bed. Kaoru gets up and notices that his limps don’t feel as heavy and that his heart feels light. There’s a small smile plastered on his face.
He quietly walks down the hallway toward the main heart of their home. It’s still dark out and somehow just as windy.
There’s the smell of food overtaking the apartment. Does Kojiro have work today? Why would he be cooking this early in the morning for work? He reaches the end of the hallway and looks toward the balcony.
Kojiro is leaning against the railing, hair down, and gazing off into the distance. Kaoru steps outside and leans against the railing, his own hand brushing against Kojiro’s. Neither of them speak.
The wind has picked up again, causing the wind chime to make noise again. Kojiro smiles and Kaoru just knows his heart has melted.
Still, neither of them make any noise. They just stand and watch the sunset together. Maybe one day they’ll be standing like this together after a wedding night. Standing as husbands instead of partners.
Kaoru can imagine it now, it’s not a habit he makes. An old villa in Florence where they’re surrounded by the sun and the sea. Kojiro leaning against the railing in his pajamas and Kaoru standing in his robe. A forest green, perhaps to match Kojiro’s hair.
“You’re thinking too loud.” Kojiro’s voice almost comes as a surprise. They’ve been relaxing in the silence for so long that he became so lost in his thoughts. “What are you thinking about?”
“Our life together. What the future may look like.”
“Sentimental much, princess?” Kojiro’s arm wraps around Kaoru’s waist as the sun finally rises over the horizon. It’s bright and creates a hope that can linger between them and in their hearts.
“Yes, Kojiro.”
“Ti amo tantissimo, mio fiore di ciliegio.”
“I love you too, handsome.”