Chapter Text
The light blinded my eyes as I opened them. I sat up straight and looked around in a daze. Where am I? I thought to myself. I could hardly feel my face, so I slapped myself. Stupid, but I snapped right back into reality. I was in my room, obviously... I couldn't see all that well even after my senses had fallen over me. I felt around for my visor, too tired to look over. I found it and attached it to my face, looking around. As always when I put it on for the first time everyday, I felt a sharp pain in my head.
"Gods... my head hurts so bad..." I muttered. I wasn't sure if I should call in sick today. It wasn't usually this bad. I grabbed my phone and dialed his number.
"Hello?" The voice on the other end said. It was Valk.
"Hey, Valk." I mumbled. I was already sick, but I made my voice seem like I was even worse for a better chance of staying home. "I'm not feelin' too great."
"Damn. What's up?" He asked. I plopped back into bed.
"Got a migraine." I lied. It wasn't a migraine. Just a headache. But whatever works for him—I just can't physically bring myself to go to a phight today.
"Oh. We'll have someone else take your place, then." Valk replied. "No worries, just feel better soon, m'kay?" I grinned happily, but kept a sick voice.
"Yup, thanks." I said. "Bye, Valk."
"Catch you on the flipside." Valk said with a flamboyant tone in his voice, and he hung up. My face scrunched up. His job really has him just saying that everytime he says bye. What should I do now...? I thought to myself. I got out of bed and stretched. I went to my bathroom and pulled my hair back into a small ponytail as I washed my face. I looked in the mirror, searching for any areas that needed make-up.
Nothing to note, I thought to myself. I fluffed up my dark grey curly hair, and peeked out the bathroom window. It was gonna be a cloudy day. I slipped on some lime plaid pajama pants and a lime tank top. I clipped on some rings on both of my horns. Then there was a knock at my door. I headed straight over and opened the door, seeing Skateboard and a shorter inphernal standing in the doorway. There was someone else behind them, but I was focused on the new face.
"Hey, Boom!" Skateboard greeted me. I waved and greeted him back.
"What's up? Who's this?" I asked. The blue horned inphernal averted their gaze to the floor, looking somewhat shy.
"This is Slingshot! She's my partner." Skate replied. I made an "Oh..." sound and smiled.
"Congrats, man!" I said happily. "It's nice to meet you." I reached my hand out to Slingshot, who shook my hand with her sleeve. Wow, I thought. Really shy.
"It's nice to meet you too." She replied, smiling. Her hair was long, white and straight. She had a frilly blue outfit on, looking like a baker.
"Hey, uh—you wanna go somewhere?" Skate asked. I thought about it for a second, before finally obliging.
"Sure! Where we headed?" I asked. Skateboard smiled, an excited look on his face.
"I was thinking we go to a skatepark in Craterdust!" Skateboard replied. I nodded. I wasn't the best at skating, but I also wasn't the worst at it. I completely forgot someone else was in the back, so I peeked over Skateboard's shoulder.
Oh, I thought. I saw Coil. He didn't see me. Completely the opposite, actually. He was avoiding me. I frowned, looking down at the floor. Everyone had quieted down, probably reading the air a little too well.
"Actually..." I muttered. "I was thinkin' I just stayed home today. Not feelin' all that well, ya know?"
"O–okay." Skateboard said, understanding and waving goodbye. I forced a smile on my face as Slingshot waved goodbye, the two of us not saying anything. Coil turned around and walked off with the two. I closed the door, upset about what had just happened. I locked the door and turned around slowly, looking down at the floor again.
"Coil..." I whispered, staring into his eyes as they glistened in the lamp's light. His fingers were intertwined with mine, and he was on top of my body, kissing the shit out of me. "Oh g–gods..."
Coil grunted slightly as he kissed my neck more, tightening his grip on my hand. I giggled softly, looking into his eyes again as he brought his head up and looked into mine. "Can I... take that visor of yours off?" He requested. I never took my visor off in front of people often. Let alone let someone take it off for me. All that left my mouth were hasty breaths for a few seconds, but I spoke up eventually.
"Why? You wanna see my eyes, dontcha...?" I teased, watching as Coil's face flushed a soft green, matching his current regeneration-coil state. He was dead silent, other than his shaky breathing. He then grumbled, squeezing my palms. "N–...Not as talkative as you were a c–couple minutes ago..." I said playfully.
"Shut the f–fuck up..." Coil hissed. I felt my cheeks heat up, probably from how precious he was right now. "I've never... felt this way for a g–guy before..."
"I have." I replied. I've had romantic feelings for many guys before, including some of my best friends, but funnily enough, Coil was the first. And it wasn't just cause we were making out on his bed. It really wasn't.
"Well, I... haven't." Coil said as he looked to the side. "I don't know why I–I wanna be... loved by a guy." I felt sorta bad for the guy. I felt like the next thing he was gonna say was that it was wrong to be gay. "Everyone around me just... told me it was wrong to feel this way..."
Bingo.
"Boom...box?" Coil said, his voice softer than it usual was. "Is it... wrong to feel this way?..." I could tell the distress in his face was geniune.
"Oh, sweetheart..." I whispered. "Of course it's not. You can feel any way you want to feel, alright?" Coil nodded, and I smiled, cupping his cheek. "You're so pretty when you get like this. I wish I could see this side of you more often..." We never saw each other often anymore.
Coil grumbled again. "I said shut up... Do you w–want me to beat your ass into dust?..." On any other occasion, I would've said yes without a doubt, but I didn't want to piss him off more than I needed to right now.
"...You wanna see me without my visor, do ya?" I asked. Coil nodded immediately.
"Y–yes, please." Without a second thought, I unclipped my visor and set it aside, revealing my face to Coil. I was... basically blind without my visor.
"Take it all in, cutie, cause I can hardly see a thing right now." I remarked. Coil observed my eyes, and he seemed vulnerable as ever.
"C–Can you call me that again...?" He asked me. I giggled softly, nodding as I rubbed my finger side to side on his cheek.
"What, cutie?" I teased. "You want me to call you that again?"
"Boombox!..." Coil whined. I giggled again, watching as the toughest inphernal in Playgrounds turned into the most soft lovable one. It was ethreal to watch.
"I'm just messin' with ya, silly." I responded. "...You want me to hold you?" Coil nodded, and rested his head on my chest. He murmured softly, reaching for my hand and interlocking his fingers with mine again. "Gods, you're so pretty..."
"You f–fucking... urgh..." Coil whined, burying his face in my chest. I stroked his hair gently, tucking a piece behind his ear. "I don't ever get like this... I've never got all weak and vulnerable like this for a girl before..."
"You usually the dom?" I joked, hearing Coil scoff.
"N–No?! Why would you say that?!..." He retorted. I gave him a skeptical look as he looked at me in disbelief. "...Yes."
"Figured." I replied. Coil stared at me again, pretty angry. I decided to test the waters. "So tough, so brave... and yet, here you are, Coil—being so soft and precious for me in my arms." I flirted. Coil's eyes widened and he looked away immediately.
"Shut the fuck up! K–...Keep talking and I'll b–beat your ass into d–dust...!" He snapped back, causing me to flinch and chuckle playfully. He really was pretty. There was no denying that. Then the basement door opened. Skate was back...
"Coil! Coil, man—"
"Fuck! Keep it down!" Coil yelped urgently, sprinting over to the doorway. The two rambled about something I couldn't really hear. I turned over in bed, smelling Coil's blanket which had his scent on it. Gods, I thought to myself. I missed him so much. I started to feel tired, and my eyes felt heavier than they usually did.
After a few minutes, Coil came back to me, finding me in a sleepy state. "Are you..." He began. "Gods, dude—"
"What's wrong...?" I queried. Coil started to groan frustatedly, and I sat up straight in bed worriedly. "Hey, are you—"
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just—..." Coil pinched his sinuses, seeming like he was done with something. His body started to shake and he licked his lips nervously. "I can't date you."
My heart sunk. I looked at him with my jaw agape, my eyes widening. "W–Why not? We were just—"
"Boombox, you're a dude." Coil stated. I realized what was going on now. He was back to his usual state. "We can't be together like this." He looked at me with tears in his eyes. Tears that I swear were not there a few seconds ago. "It's not right..."
"Coil...?" I asked, holding a hand over my mouth in disbelief. "But... I—"
"Y–You need to leave. N–...Now..." He ordered. There was a dead serious tone in his voice, but his voice also quivered. Like he was afraid.
I stared into his eyes. He stared into mine. But this time it wasn't out of love. I don't know what it was out of. I didn't say anything. I swiped my visor off of the table and sprinted out of the room in a daze. I sobbed silently as I headed for my car, quickly hopping in and driving away.
I wiped a tear from my cheek as I thought about that night again. Laying in my bed, I felt my wrists sting more than usual. I hated the feeling. I hated it so much. But I couldn't stop. I didn't know why. I didn't know anything, at this point. I thought about Coil again. I didn't understand. Everything was so perfect. I loved it. He loved it, too. I just didn't understand. I thought I never would till the day I die. I closed my eyes, letting the stinging overtake me into a deep sleep.
When I woke up I was greeted by immense pain on my wrists once again. It hurt so bad. I didn't move, however. My body went limp for a few seconds, and I was unable to breathe. I was partially stopping myself from breathing. But I also felt that I was not the one keeping myself in that state. I looked down at my arms, and just as I thought, there was a bit of blood trickling down. I groaned weakly, wanting to slap myself for relapsing. I breathed in deeply after I regained full control of my body, moving again.
There was a buzzing sound from my phone. Someone was calling me. I held the device weakly in my hand and raised it up to my ear. "Hello?" I mumbled.
"Boombox?" Skateboard called. I rolled my eyes. I didn't hate him. I really didn't. I'd just not talk to someone as energetic as him right now. "Hey, uh—can we talk about Coil?"
"Why?... Why me?" I questioned. I couldn't see his face, but I could tell Skate was a nervous wreck right now.
"I want the two of you to make up." Skateboard replied. I wished he was joking. But he wasn't. I knew he wasn't.
"Make up—fuckin' how?!" I retorted. "What makes you think that after a few days, I'm just gonna forget about what happened?!"
"I'm not saying you need to get over this shit, Boombox!" Skateboard shouted. "He hasn't been leaving his room often anymore! He's been crying to me about how "you two won't talk ever again!""
"What the fuck do you want me to do?!" I felt my head lose some weight, and I grunted as I stumbled a bit. "W—...Hah... Why should I—I be the one apologizing when he..."
"B–Boombox?..." Skateboard's voice rang out, though I was hearing triple of the same voice now. "Shit—Boombox, are you okay?!"
"Just—... I need to... lay down—" I began, though I barely finished my sentence as my body hit the floor. My vision was already fading black, but it snapped once I felt the impact. I couldn't think for a second. Then I just went to sleep.
"Coil, bud?" Skateboard called. He was looking for me. I couldn't help but feel upset for what I did to Boombox. I didn't want to go out of my room. Skate walked down the stairs to talk to me instead. "We gotta go to Boombox's house."
"Why...?" I mumbled confusedly. Skate looked concerned for me and put a hand on my shoulder.
"I think he collapsed."
My heart dropped immediately when I heard his words. My eyes widened and I shook my head. "I..."
"It's okay. He's just upset and wants you to say sorry. Can you do that?" Skateboard questioned. I hated it when people did that. I'm not a baby, I thought to myself. Stop... babying me. I brushed it aside and nodded. I couldn't bring myself to speak. I never knew why that happened.
"Let's just go..." I muttered. Skateboard nodded and motioned for me to follow him. I exited the basement, then the house, and then I took a seat in the car. I buckled my seatbelt while Skate did the same, and he sped over to Boombox's house.
The drive was mainly silent. Only radio music filled the car. I fidgeted with my fingers.
When we arrived I thought maybe talking to him when he woke up would be easy. But I was most likely dead wrong. I always was...
Skateboard took a set of spare keys he had, and unlocked Boombox's door.
"I'm not even gonna ask." I managed to say. We stumbled inside, sprinting to his bedroom, and to my slight surprise, there was Boombox, actually passed out on his bedroom floor. But my eyes that originally trailed on Boombox trailed to his wrists.
Oh... shit. I screamed loudly, Skateboard jumping in shock. "What?!" He shouted. I pointed to Boombox's wrists, and Skateboard covered his mouth in terror. My eyes welled up with tears. I slapped myself in the face, trying to stop crying. Fucking get it together...! I thought to myself. "I... I'll go find something to bandage him up!..." Skateboard cried. My breaths were shaky. I kept slapping myself. I needed to snap out of it. Snap out of it... Snap... out of it!! I'm not weak anymore...! I thought to myself, sobbing. I need... to be... strong!... I slapped myself right across the face as hard as I could, feeling my hand go numb and my face sting like hell. I breathed heavily for a few minutes, grunting in pain, before finally getting ahold of myself. I swooped Boombox up off the floor, and carried him to his bed. I pulled out a chair from his desk and sat in silence. Skateboard came dashing in through the doorway, and came with bandages in his arms. I didn't pay attention though. My mind was focused on the fact he could be dead. Not the fact that he could still be alive. I always hated that about myself. I always focused on the bad instead of the good.
I walked around a bit to clear my head. I was in a meadow of some sort, just wandering around all alone. It was dark outside. The moon was still up, I couldn't remember what I was doing there, but I looked behind me. Someone seemed to be out cold on the floor. I crouched down, and checked for a pulse on their neck. Not completely gone, I thought to myself. I felt sick and cold all at once. Then there was a voice calling my name.
"Boombox!" The voice called. I looked behind me and saw Coil, but a younger variant of him. I waved at him. His sweater was a little too big on him, and his hair was longer than he liked to keep it. I was beginning to wonder what I looked like right now.
"How's it goin'?" I asked. Coil smiled.
"Pretty good!" He remarked joyfully. Then his smile slowly washed away as he saw the unconcious inphernal on the ground. "...Could be better, though." I nodded, feeling myself start to get a little scared. We both walked a few feet away from the inphernal, sitting down on the grass.
"He's not... d-dead, though, right?" I questioned fearfully. I looked at Coil with a worried look on my face, and he shook his head.
"He'll be fine... I hope." Coil replied. I inhaled deeply, held my breath for a few seconds, then exhaled through my mouth. I crossed my arms.
"I'm... scared, Coil." I whimpered. "We're gonna go to jail..."
"No." Coil put his hand on my shoulder, looking into my eyes. "We're not. You're not, at the very least. This was my fault, not yours. Don't blame yourself for this, okay?" I tried to steady my breath, listening to his affirmations. I nodded worriedly. "Everything will be okay. I... know it will..." Coil said. I couldn't see through him like I used to. He used to act tough and cold, but on the inside, he was the complete opposite; fragile and compassionate. I used to be able to always tell. I couldn't anymore.
"Are you okay?..." I whispered. Coil shook his head and shifted his gaze towards the floor. I frowned, but an idea dawned on me. "Can I... hug you?"
"Why?" He asked. My face flushed a bit. Of course, I wanted to hug him, but that wasn't the main reason why I offered to do so in the first place... "You like me or somethin'?" Coil asked, a smirk creeping up on his face. I slapped him on the back, recieving a yelp from him.
"N-Now's not the time for topics like that! Shut up!..." I retorted, flustered. "There is an unconcious person like--5 feet away from us, and that's what you're asking me!?"
"Woah, Boombox," Coil began. "You're getting all riled up... I was just jokin'..." He looked up at the sky for a second, then back at me. I stole a glance at him, realizing he was looking at me. My eyes widened and I quickly turned my head away from him. "Do you... actually like me? Is... that why you got upset?" I stayed silent for a second, then decided to answer.
"...Of course I like you." I muttered, regretting my words halfway through getting them out of my mouth. Gods, that was stupid, I thought to myself. I didn't dare to look Coil in the eyes. The wind was blowing slightly harsher now, and the sun was rising slowly. Other than the breeze, it was deadly silent now. "I'm sorry if I made you mad or upset saying that." I mumbled, though my voice was starting to crack now.
"I'm... not mad." Coil affirmed. "I'm just confused. Isn't it... wrong for another boy to love another boy?"
"That's why I didn't tell you." I sniffled. "I feel gross, Coil. I don't know what's wrong with me..." I began to cry. "I don't know why I love you." Coil was silent, but I still avoided making eye contact. Sirens wailed in the distance, seeming to grow louder and louder. I felt a body press against mine. Coil wrapped me in a hug. My eyes were wide with shock, but I dug my nails into his back, crying into his chest. The sirens grew louder and louder and louder, until they stopped. "Why the hell did this happen?!..." I said under my breath in between sobs. I shook my head in distress. "Coil, d-don't..."
"Hey." Coil whispered, his voice quivering. "L-Look at me..." I looked up at him, our faces inches away from each other. Tears streamed down my face, but Coil didn't cry. "Don't cry... it's okay." By the tone of his voice I knew he felt betrayed and disgusted. "We'll s-see each other soon, okay?"
"Coil, I'm so... s-sorry..." I sobbed. Coil shook his head. "Don't go. Please." I tried to steady my voice and my breathing. I gave in and completely broke down, struggling to form words. In the midst of my sobs, I cried out, "I need you..."
"Boom, it's okay." Coil muttered. He was fearing for his life. His future. "You need to stay strong. I..."
We stared into each other's eyes, Coil silently hurting while I sobbed my eyes out, heartbroken. "Coil, I'm scared."
"I am too." Coil said, his voice cracking. "I am too."
I gasped, sitting up straight in my bed, breathing heavily and unsteadily. I grasped at my heart, feeling sharp pains in my chest. My wrists felt warmer than usual. I looked at my arms and saw that they were bandaged. A hand pressed against my shoulder. I'd recognize that touch anywhere. I looked to my right, and there he was. Coil, looking panicked, reached out his arms to me as I attempted to steady my breathing.
"B-Boombox..." Coil whimpered. I was clutching his arm and I didn't even realize it. I let go once I was calm again. "Are you okay?..." He questioned, his voice filled with worry. I did not want to deal with him first thing when I woke up.
"I'm fine." I lied. "Did you guys... see..." Coil nodded, sniffling. He looked extremely distressed.
"Why would you do that to yourself?!" He questioned angrily. I looked away from him, silent as ever. I didn't answer him. "I thought you died!" He cried.
"Well, I'm fine, Coil." I muttered weakly. "Seriously, I don't get why you're getting so worked up over this."
"Worked up?! Worked... up?!" Coil retorted. "I can't b-believe you..." I looked at him again, to see he had his head at the floor, and he was crying. I wanted to just look away again. I really did, but... His pitiful expression was just too much for me. My heart ached, and I could only grasp half of why.
"Coil, I... I'm..." I began, seeing him look up at me sadly. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."
Silence filled the room. That was so shitty. Just "I'm sorry." That was all I had to say.
"Boombox, why...?" Coil asked. "Why did you try to kill yourself?!"
It was only at that moment I had realized the gravity of the situation. He wasn't crying just because I cut myself. I could've died. He didn't want to lose me. "I don't know." I mumbled. "I didn't mean to hurt myself that badly."
"A-Are you sure?" Coil asked. I nodded, feeling myself get lightheaded. "Please, Boombox... don't do that ever again." I looked him in the eyes when he said that, and his eyes were piercing mine. "If you need to talk to me or Skate, please, dude... Come to me. I'll help in whatever way I can, I promise...!" He whimpered desperately. "Just please don't do something like that again...!"
I'd be full of it if I actually swore not to. That's not exactly something you can just magically stop. But in his state, I couldn't say that. "I'll make an effort not to." I mumbled. That was really the least I could do. I couldn't actually be sure I'd stop. Coil sighed in relief, sobbing while quietly saying "Thank you... Thank you, Boom..." under his breath. I looked down at my bed, thinking to myself for a bit. I then looked up at him again, and asked him a question. "Why do you have such a soft spot for me?"
"I d-don't." Coil muttered. I knew that was bullshit.
"Dude--Look at yourself. I know I used to always tease you when you got all vulnerable, but you're seriously so different..." I remarked. Coil wiped his tears.
"It's cause of you..." He whispered. "I don't know what you do to me, but when we're kissing and cuddling and stuff, I--" He stopped himself after hearing his voice quiver a bit. "I feel so weird inside. I'm nervous, and I feel safe, and I feel... I dunno, loved?" He stated, his face flushing softly. "Do you love me?" He questioned, to which I responded immediately.
"Obviously..." I replied. "I've loved you ever since we were young." Coil didn't say anything. Cat had his tongue, I guess.
"Is it okay for me to love you back?..." Coil stammered. I rolled my eyes, nodding.
"Of course it is. Love has rules, but having to be straight isn't one of them." I stated. Coil smiled a pretty smile.
"Okay. I'm sorry about what I did, by the way." Coil added. "I shouldn't have done that."
"It's fine." I replied bluntly. "You didn't do it just to hurt me." Coil nodded and sighed. I stole another glance at him. "Y'know, I'd like to see your smile one more time. You're adorable."
"D-Don't start with that..." Coil mumbled bashfully. I chuckled, watching him get flustered.
"You wanna hop in bed again?" I offered.
"Why do you always..." Coil began, not finishing. He hesitated for a second, before nodding. "Y-Yes..." He got under the blankets with me, and he just laid there awkwardly, staring at me.
"Whatcha got in mind?" I queried. Coil looked away shyly.
"I-...I wanna hold you." Coil mumbled. I felt my face heat up. I nodded, but warned him to be careful with me.
"Careful with my wrists, though." I said softly. "I don't know how long it'll take for me to heal up." Coil hummed in agreement, and spooned me. I got comfortable rather quickly, sighing satisfactorily. I felt the warmth of his body press against mine, accompanied with the pounding heart in my chest. It was funny how even though we had been intimate like this before, I was still nervous.
"Mnnh..." Coil murmured. "Goodnight... I love you..."
"Eh... I'll be awake for a little while." I remarked playfully, smirking. "I'm really enjoying this, dontcha know..."
"Well, I'm tired..." Coil yawned. "So I'll be goin' to bed, thank you very much..."
"M'kay. Love you." I returned, snuggling up to him some more. Coil planted a kiss on my head, giggling as he fell asleep. I chuckled, cherishing the warmth as he held me close. I was still in a shit ton of pain, don't get me wrong--but he made it slightly more bearable. I hope I don't die in my sleep tonight, I thought to myself. Going to bed, I thought about Coil again. His dark curly hair, his stubble, his sick horns, his build, his style, just--everything. I hoped he was thinking about me too. That would make me really happy.
...I'm still in pain.