Chapter Text
* * *
I
* * *
The wind tugs on the tassels of Asuka's sweatshirt as she walks home with Rei. It's February, and though the unceasing fall of snow from above has finally stopped, it's still too cold to warrant anything else but thick pants and long-sleeved tops. The sidewalks are clear, have been clear for the past weeks, and yet there's just enough ice (clinging persistently as icicles to rooftops, or thawing on lawns that were never shoveled) that Asuka can justify holding hands with Rei- to keep them warm, of course.
Rei, her face tucked into another scarf of her own making, this one knitted to match Asuka's, squeezes Asuka's hand. This is a new habit of hers; she always does this whenever they're holding hands, a ritual confirmation of her relationship with Asuka that, if not done, will threaten to unravel her.
Asuka squeezes back, offers Rei a small smile. As many times as they've done this, she can't get tired of it. It isn't some strange phenomenon where every squeeze feels different- it's just that it's Rei, and so Asuka will always find herself wanting more.
They pause at the intersection where they usually part, Rei going one way and Asuka continuing straight on to her house. "Are you going today?" Rei asks, her fingers beginning to slip through Asuka's.
"Can I come over?" asks Asuka. Her hand moves forward, catching Rei's before it can fully escape.
Rei pulls Asuka back toward her, pressing her hand flat against Asuka's before linking their fingers again. "You can always come over. You know mom doesn't mind. Anyways, Kaworu's practically living in Shinji's room, now."
"Think I can get away with living in yours?" Asuka asks, finishing with a laugh. It won't happen, but she can dream; imagine, for a moment, that the world is perfect and she and Rei will be inseparable. "I'm sorry. Just... my stepmom's back to her good old overbearing self."
"Asuka." Rei's arm wraps tight around her waist. They stand there for a long moment, hugging, ignoring the cold and the occasional rushing of cars passing by. Then Rei is stepping away, Asuka's hand firmly in hers, and they're walking down the street towards Rei's house.
From the state of the porch- covered from the stairs to the door in puddles of slush- Kaworu and Shinji have already made it home. Rei knocks on the door, and Yui answers it soon after, that warm smile that Asuka's come to know on her face.
"I was beginning to think you two had run off," Yui says. "Hello again, Asuka. Will you be staying for dinner tonight?"
"Yes," Rei says, looping her arm under Asuka's. Her eyes dart to Asuka, narrowing slightly, daring her to object.
"What she said." Asuka knows better than to deny this invitation- it's worth more to her, Rei's happiness, than insisting on answering Yui herself. She inclines her head as Yui steps to the side, welcoming them in; she and Rei slip off their shoes, and then they're heading down the hall. They pass by Shinji's room, the door just barely cracked open, sounds of music coming from within- Shinji's cello and Kaworu's violin, no doubt.
"They're still doing that?" Asuka murmurs, stepping into Rei's room and shutting the door behind her. "It's been what, a month of string duet noises now?"
"At least they haven't tried to start a garage band," Rei sighs. Her shoulders slump as she drops her backpack by her desk; Asuka's already tossed her bag into the corner of Rei's room, over by the closet, they've designated as her space.
"A garage band would be better. They'd be in a garage."
"But then we'd have to put up with Kaworu's singing. Or Shinji's."
Asuka throws herself on the bed, landing on her stomach. "God," she says. "I'll pass."
She rolls onto her back, meeting Rei's eyes. Rei cracks first, her mouth spreading into a wide smile as she leans on her desk, laughter shaking her body. Asuka curls up on the bed, hands crossed over her belly. "Oh, that's good," Asuka gasps. "Shinji singing."
"Or Kaworu."
"K-Kaworu singing-!"
The laughter tapers, eventually, into a silence. Asuka grins vacantly at Rei, the purpose behind it having dwindled away. She realizes now that Rei is still standing; she's taken up all the room on the bed, occupying a space that isn't hers. "Sorry," she says, and shuffles off to one side.
"It's fine." Rei hops up beside her, swinging her legs from the edge.
"You're lucky." Asuka lies flat on her back, one hand extended in Rei's direction. "Your mom doesn't mind that both her kids are gay."
Rei leans over, lacing her fingers through Asuka's. Her lips touch Asuka's forehead, gently, with none of the hesitance she has when touching others.
"Still thinking of that?" she asks.
"Sometimes. When they're fighting again, mostly. Wouldn't that be great? One more thing to yell about," Asuka sighs. No, that won't do. Moping in Rei's room is something that shouldn't be done; the room is too airy, too bright, to house something depressing. That, and Rei is here. "You know, the week after you told Yui we were going out, Shinji came up to me after class."
"What'd he say?"
"He told me if I broke your heart, he'd..."
"He'd what?"
"I don't know. He just sort of trailed off." Asuka smirks, tilts her head to nuzzle against Rei's neck. "I think he's still working on it."
Rei smiles, giggles as the top of Asuka's head grazes her chin. That does sound like something Shinji would do; he's probably forgotten his attempt at a threat by now, or maybe he's just realized nothing he can say will faze Asuka. Rei rests her head atop Asuka's, wraps an arm around her waist.
"It sucks that we only have two classes together this semester," Asuka continues. "Last semester together, and they only give us two classes. And one of them is math; that doesn't even count."
"We always have lunch together. And we go home together, too."
Asuka flails her free arm against the bed. "It's not the same," she grumbles. To her, the definition of a high school romance includes passing notes in class and stealing kisses in the hallways, things that she and Rei haven't been able to do, that Asuka is afraid they will never do. "And what happens when we leave for college, huh? We won't even have this."
Rei shifts against Asuka's body, stares up at her. Her eyes shine under the sunlight; she sucks in a breath like she's about to reveal something, lets it whoosh from her lungs in a single sigh. "Well," she says. "I guess we'll have to make the time we have count more, won't we?"
"You say that like it's easy."
"It's a Friday, Asuka. We have an entire weekend to ourselves."
"And next week we have a quiz in history, a test in math, and a paper due for literature."
"Those can wait."
Asuka rolls her eyes, pulls Rei into her a little more. She looks down at Rei with the same fondness she once saw in Rei's gaze, a fondness she's grown to know intimately. "Rei Ayanami, ditching studies? The world must be ending."
"I didn't say that."
"Well, we're lying on your bed instead of huddling around your desk, so that's a start. Unless you want to insist we study something right now."
Rei slides her fingers apart from Asuka's, rolling to the opposite side of the bed. She props her head up with one elbow, squinting past the sun shining in her eyes. "I am studying," she says. "I'm studying you."
Asuka's cheeks burn red; it could just be the reflection of the sun off her skin, but Rei knows better. There comes, in this moment where nothing is said, the crooning of Shinji and Kaworu's instruments from the room over; the chirping of birds nestled in the barren trees; the wind rattling against the frame of Rei's window.
Asuka sits up, shuffles over to Rei's side. She dips her head reverently, her hair tickling Rei's skin as it cascades over them both, like a fiery curtain, to block out the sun. Rei's fingers graze her cheek, rest on the curve of her chin. Her lips are parted slightly, like that thing she'd wanted to say before is trying to slip out, but Rei only tilts her head, looking expectantly at Asuka.
They kiss again, softly, and the hunger that Rei had expected Asuka to kiss with is there, but only just. It emerges more in their other touches, in hands that refuse to be untangled from each other and the hugs that feel, more than anything else, like it's Asuka begging to be held forever, to not be released.
"I'm sorry," Asuka says once they've caught their breath.
"Sorry for what?"
"That I have to keep coming over here all the time."
Rei leans back, eyeing Asuka thoughtfully. "You're happy here, aren't you?"
Asuka rolls her eyes and lets herself descend, falling onto the sheets beside Rei. They both know what the answer is; it's obvious, but Rei will still want to hear it, and that side of Asuka that only Rei has been allowed to see will relish in telling her.
"I'm happy when I'm with you," Asuka says.
"Then it's fine."
Rei's fingers navigate under Asuka's; she lets their hands rest, one atop the other. The sound of the music from Shinji's room has stopped; where he and Kaworu are now, Rei doesn't know, but it doesn't seem to matter, either. "Asuka?" she says. "You know what you said about leaving for college?" She receives a nod in reply, a twitching of fingers- Asuka's way of telling her to get this subject over with. "That night I came over. I saw where you were applying to."
"And?"
"I did the same."
Asuka turns her head, stunned, to gaze out the window. Outside the sun has begun to set, tinting the trees with gold. "You did?" Asuka whispers, her fingers curling around Rei's. "You didn't have to."
"I know."
"You shouldn't have."
"I know." Rei moves closer, reaches around to place a hand on Asuka's cheek and guide her gaze back. "But like you said, I'm happy when I'm with you."
Asuka's grip on Rei tightens, the force almost crushing. "You're so stupid," she mutters, biting her lip. "That sounds like something I would do."
"Maybe that's why I did it."
Asuka groans, shakes her head, but stops protesting. "Sun's setting. You wanna watch it?"
"Sure."
Rei pushes herself up, sitting next to Asuka. Asuka leans against her, and it's like that time before on the park bench; only this time it feels too warm instead of cold, the sun is setting, Asuka is happy- no, there's nothing wrong with that.
Yui's voice echoes down the hall, calling to Rei, telling her that dinner is ready.
"One more minute," Rei whispers to Asuka. Of course, she means five. Asuka opens her mouth to protest. Rei motions to the sunset, a knowing twinkle in her eyes.
Asuka kisses her instead.
* * *
II
* * *
Rei, having wheeled her bike over to the side of Asuka's house, finds the last stage of her master plan interrupted by something she hadn't been expecting: Asuka's window is closed.
The original plan went something along the lines of, go to Asuka's house, surprise her, ask her out, and sneak away. That Asuka's window is closed means either of two things; she's not home, or she's still asleep.
Rei cups her hands around her eyes, peers through the window. There's Asuka, fast asleep in bed, the blankets tangled around her feet and half-draped on the floor. Rei taps at the window, and within a moment she knows that she won't be waking Asuka up- not with so pitiful a sound.
As her fingers brush the window again, an idea occurs. Rei places her palms flat on the glass, pushing upward and out. The window shudders beneath her hands, grinds a little, then slowly begins to climb up the frame. Of course, Rei thinks with a shake of her head. Of course Asuka wouldn't lock her window.
Asuka doesn't stir as Rei climbs through her window, landing awkwardly on the cluttered floor. Some things, she notes with a roll of her eyes, never change. Asuka's room is still a mess- littered with clothes and papers, her desk covered in half-finished assignments, her shoes tucked under her bed to rest with the boxes and dust bunnies. Then there's Asuka herself- sleeping with the covers up to her chin, a pair of thin white cords leading up to her ears. No wonder she hadn't heard Rei knocking.
With nothing else to do, Rei decides to clean. Asuka's clothes go into the hamper, the papers are stacked and deposited on her chair to go over later, and when all that's been finished and Rei finds herself standing in a room that could, by Asuka's standards, be considered clean, she goes and sits at the foot of Asuka's bed.
Asuka grunts, shifts from side to side under the covers. The sun, high above her window, has begun to shine on her face. Rei watches her shuffle, slowly, from one edge to the other before opening an eye, having surrendered to the brightness assaulting her eyelids.
Rei watches Asuka wake with unwavering interest. She sees the subtle furrowing of Asuka's brow, the light reflecting off Asuka's eyes as her pupils contract, retreating from the sunlight. Her gaze passes over Rei- no more at the moment than a shadow in the room- and she blinks.
"Rei?" Asuka mumbles, sitting up and rubbing at her eyes with one hand. "You're... in my room."
"Yes. Congratulations, you won't need your vision checked this year."
Rei slides from her perch, moves closer to Asuka, blocking out most of the sun. So far, this is a typical Asuka reaction. Or perhaps Asuka's mind, still trying to rouse itself, hasn't fully grasped that Rei is standing, somehow, in a place she shouldn't be. Asuka scrunches her eyes shut, yawning and stretching her arms. When she opens them again, Rei is still there.
"You're in my room," Asuka says again. She doesn't sound surprised, merely curious, like waking up and finding her girlfriend standing there is somewhat of a recurring event. "How'd you get in here?"
"You don't lock your windows."
"Oh... right." Asuka looks around, her head rotating slowly. "It looks different."
"I cleaned up your things," Rei says. "And I moved in."
"Wait. Really?"
"No, not really." Rei chuckles, reaches forward to brush some hair away from Asuka's eyes. "Good morning, Asuka."
"It's too early. It's what. Ten? What are you doing here?"
"I was going to surprise you. Ask if you wanted to go somewhere with me."
Asuka groans and falls back onto her bed with a thump. "Rei. I have homework."
"We can do it later. I'll help you."
"Alright, geez... better be somewhere good you're taking me."
"I thought I would let you decide where to go."
"So what," Asuka says, rolling out from under the sheets and staggering to her closet. She pauses with one hand on the door and the other braced against the frame, peering up at her clothes. Is today more of a red shirt day, or blue? "You come into my room asking me to go somewhere with you. Is this a date?"
Rei looks away as Asuka turns, succeeds in avoiding her gaze. Despite their relationship approaching the three-month mark, there's still some things Rei finds difficult. Calling anything a date is one of them. Asuka knows this; she's changed, while Rei is looking away, from her pajamas into jeans and a blue shirt. "Never mind," she says. "Let's go."
Asuka pulls on her shoes and grabs a few things from her desk, shoving them in her pockets as she goes to the window. Rei asks, "Did you ever imagine we'd be here like this?"
"Like what?" Asuka replies. "Me climbing out the window with my girlfriend?
Rei's cheeks turn an even darker shade of pink. "I meant us. Together."
Asuka, with one foot already out the window, turns to face Rei. "All the time." She slides out the rest of the way, landing audibly on the ground below, where a small patch of grass has taken hold and is spreading, somewhat rapidly, towards the remains of Kyoko's garden. "What about you?"
"You know all those times I was daydreaming in class?"
"Oh."
Rei slips her hand into Asuka's and squeezes it gently. They reach out together to push the gate aside, treading quietly across the lawn. The grass, still damp, wrinkles under their feet, little green blades twinkling under the sun. Rei looks up, her gaze finding Asuka's, and that same light is there. Rei cannot help herself- she smiles.
* * *
Asuka's wanderings have led them to the park where not long ago (though it seems like an eternity to them both) Asuka had fled. Rei lets Asuka guide her down the concrete walkway, past the bench where she'd found Asuka, to the swing set at the far end.
Asuka had run here, Rei notes. Why here? She'd never asked. It'll probably just end up being one of those things she'll accept about Asuka, never questioning it, but even then those things are few; she wouldn't, if prompted, be able to provide one right away.
Rei feels Asuka release her hand. A moment later, Asuka throws herself down into the seat of one of the swings, the structure creaking softly as it receives her. "Come on," she says, and points to the second swing. "Rei."
"Aren't we a bit big for this?"
"They were built for us. People our age. It's not like they're kid swings."
Asuka has a point. Rei seats herself, gently, hands gripping the swing chains. From beside her there comes a scraping sound: Asuka, dragging her feet through the wood chips. "Remember when we used to come here every week?" she asks.
Rei nods, says nothing. There isn't any response to that kind of a question that'll come across as right. Asuka isn't looking for such an answer, either- she just needs to talk. Asuka continues: "We used to run around, hide behind trees and see if anyone would find us. Your mom always did. Never Shinji."
"Did you want him to find us?"
"No. I just thought it was funny." Asuka smiles thinly. There's something she hasn't mentioned, Rei thinks, that Kyoko was never the one who tried to find them, because she was always tired. Asuka kicks at the woodchips, leaving a mark like the front of her sneaker in the dirt beneath, then pushes off from the ground. "I'm sorry," she says. "I'm talking about shit like this again."
"If you're talking about it, it must be bothering you." Briefly Rei wonders if Asuka brought them here, to this park in particular, to release that pent-up energy of hers on the swings. If she did, well- it would mean Asuka's finally stopped bottling up her feelings. Even if she can't tell Rei about them directly, this is still something.
Rei bends her knees and, with a push, launches herself into the air. The wind whips past her ears, through her hair; beside her she sees Asuka turning her head and smiling. Asuka extends a hand into the space between them, fingers outstretched.
They shoot past each other, swinging in opposite directions. Rei is seized by a sudden vision, of taking Asuka's hand, the shifting in their motion causing the swing set to topple. It's such a silly thing to be worried about- only Rei would worry about that. Asuka wouldn't pay it any mind; she'd grab Rei's hand if it was offered to her, consequences be damned.
Rei unfurls her fingers from around the chain and reaches for Asuka. Their fingers brush on the next pass, join on the one after that. Rei's swing jerks backward, and for a moment she thinks she was right to worry, expects to find herself falling- then her swing moves in tandem with Asuka's; Asuka is laughing, and Rei laughs along with her.
The swings, propelled now by the motion of two bodies instead of one, begin to climb close to the height of the bar overhead. Asuka drops Rei's hand to grip her chain; Rei extends her feet, slowing herself down. "Asuka!" she calls. "What are you doing?"
"I wanna jump off!" Asuka shouts back. She shoots past Rei, her face flushed with excitement; rockets backwards before Rei can get another word in. "I've always wanted to try this!"
"At least slow down," Rei says, but Asuka's already let go. For a moment she is borne through the air, supported by it, her hair flowing out behind her in streams of brilliant orange. Then she starts to fall; Rei sees the shift on her face, the excitement yielding to wariness. Asuka must have realized now how high she is, what Rei was concerned about before..
She hits the ground, rolls a few feet, lands flat on her back with the wind knocked out of her and woodchips clinging to her clothes and hair. Rei drags herself to a stop, even more woodchips piling the base of her swing as she leaps off, running over to where Asuka lies.
"Asuka!"
From where Rei is crouched over Asuka she can't see any blood, just the fragments of wood coating Asuka like she'd been doused in a shower of them. The rise and fall of her chest is evident, but her eyes are closed- Rei doesn't know what to make of it. Her hands clutch at Asuka's wrist, at her face, at her shoulders. "Asuka?" Rei says again, shaking her. "Asuka!"
Asuka sits up, sucks in a breath, and bursts into laughter. "Oh my god," she laughs, holding up her hands to ward off the angry hammering of Rei's palm against her arm. "Oh my god, I got you."
"Stupid!" Rei shoves Asuka's shoulder one last time, then sits with her back turned to Asuka, hands folded over her chest. "Don't do that to me!"
"I'm sorry. I just wanted to see..." Asuka's laughter tapers, ends with one final, raspy sound. "I'm sorry, Rei. Really."
"I should be mad at you for that." Rei turns her head slightly, just enough so Asuka can see the stern frown on her face. It's funny, in the larger sense, that after so many years spent worrying for Rei's well-being, Asuka's the one who jokes around with it. Rei will understand that later, but for now she glares, an obvious show of her disapproval.
"Rei..."
Asuka doesn't plead; she's far too proud for that. But if she did, Rei thinks, this is the closest to a plea that she will receive from Asuka. Rei sighs, gets to her feet, and offers a hand to Asuka. "You owe me," she says. "Ice cream will do it."
"Fair enough," Asuka replies.
Their hands connect. Rei hauls Asuka up, holding her at arm's length for a moment. She jerks Asuka toward her, kissing her just long enough for Asuka to realize what Rei is doing.
"Come on," Rei says. She does not relinquish her grasp on Asuka's hand as she heads for the edge of the park, guiding them towards the nearest ice cream shop she knows. "Rocky Road, right?"
"Actually? I was thinking bubblegum."
Rei squeezes Asuka's hand, gives her a shake of her head. "You're just saying that because bubblegum's my favorite, aren't you?"
"No, I really do want some right now." In spite of her confidence, the certainty of her voice, Asuka seems nervous. Her fingers twitch against Rei's, her lips curling into a puzzled frown. "Na denn man tau," she says softly.
"What?"
"It means 'let's go'. I remembered."
Asuka's fingers move again, tightening against the back of Rei's hand. In that motion Rei senses a question, maybe more than one. Would Kyoko be proud that Asuka remembered, would it matter to her that Asuka is so persistently clinging to her memory? Rei squeezes back- yes, she hopes Asuka will think, Kyoko would be proud, it would matter to her.
Asuka's hand relaxes in hers. Rei looks up. She can tell, from the smile on Asuka's face, that her message has been received in some way.
* * *
III
* * *
Of course this was all too good to last. Asuka doesn't remember the slow descent of her life into chaos, only her own arrival there. It's April; her parents are fighting like before; her homework is no longer something that can be put off over the weekend; Rei, the ever-constant presence, has been reduced to occasional appearances at school and the rare Saturday outing.
It's a Wednesday; the lunch bell has rung, and students are already shuffling from their classrooms to congregate at the tables, to gather under the shade. Rei, released from her class in the next hallway over, is no doubt waiting for Asuka to push her way through the stream of bodies and find her.
Asuka's feet scuff the carpet as she rounds the corner. Rei is there, but there's someone else with her, talking to her.
"Tai," Asuka says, her voice taking on the specific, pleasant-sounding note that to her and Rei will translate as loser. "Since when did you talk to Rei?"
"Since when did she start hanging around for you?"
Contained in that single sentence is everything Asuka could possibly hate about the boys who pursue her, still, and Tai in particular. She's always thought his most annoying aspect is his voice- nasally, scratchy- or his eyes, constantly twitching. But no- it's his persistence. He won't leave until he has his answer, or until Asuka's taken a swing at him.
"If you hadn't noticed, idiot, we've been friends since before high school. No wonder you're still stuck in geometry."
"Nah, something's different." Tai narrows his eyes, like he's squinting into the sun. Asuka follows their motion as they sweep from her to Rei and back, what might be a hint of realization dawning behind them- no, Tai couldn't figure it out. It took Shinji the better half of a week, and even then, he'd overheard Rei talking to Yui.
Rei shifts, blinks nervously. Asuka realizes now that Rei's been staring at her this entire time, and her legs freeze under her. "Get lost," she snaps, but it comes out as a child's frantic declaration, not like the command she'd hope it to be. "Lunch is only half an hour long, and I've already wasted ten percent of it on you."
Tai nods, not to Asuka but to himself. His eyes drift to Rei again. Rei's moved closer to Asuka; she clutches her wrist with her hand, holding it in front of her. Asuka sees everything unfurl in the moment before it does; sees Tai suck in a breath to proclaim his triumph, sees Rei take another small step back.
What Asuka is wrong about is what Tai says- she'd expected something different, something worse. But his mouth is open and moving; that stupid voice of his proclaims, to the hall and the three other students in it, "Rei likes you!"
"Asuka..." Rei speaks for the first time, moving forward to seize Asuka's hand before she can leap at Tai. "Asuka, he's not worth it."
Asuka hisses out a sigh through clenched teeth, allows Rei to begin pulling her towards the doors. "He's an idiot," she grunts, her voice low so only Rei will hear.
"That's why he's not worth it."
From behind them comes Tai's voice, carrying through the hall and probably into the next one over. "Aw, look. She's holding your hand. The dyke's gotta keep her guard dog on a leash."
Asuka's hand slips out of Rei's. In the time it takes Rei to realize this and turn, Asuka's already covered half the distance down the hall. "That's it!" she roars, and jumps, her arms catching Tai around the shoulders and throwing them both to the ground.
They skid on the rug, a tangle of arms and legs; Asuka, above him, raises a fist and drives it down into Tai's arms, crossed over his face. "You take that back!" she shouts, and the rest is a blur of color and sound. Asuka rains down punches upon Tai's meager defense; his elbow connects with his face, and that brings a satisfied grin to hers. Then there are voices not her own, raised and drawing closer; footsteps, loud even against the carpet. Rei's voice is not one of them. Asuka cannot see Rei between the mess of arms reaching down to pull her away from Tai, and hopes Rei's wandered off, so she won't have to be dragged into this mess.
"Get a teacher!" someone, one of the people holding Asuka down, says. Asuka recognizes them all as boys from her year, and she wishes nothing more than to spit in their faces. As she'd thought, Rei is gone- hopefully not to get Shinji; that would be more embarrassing than whatever punishment is forthcoming.
The pressure on her limbs lets up. One of the teachers has come, drawn by the commotion, speaking phrases that Asuka's already committed to memory. Principal's office, fighting (again), detention. As she marches away, she sees Tai sit up, his lips oozing red onto the sleeves of his sweatshirt. She thinks, as she passes through the doors and out into the open, that she might have seen Rei, peering at her from behind a tree. Asuka smiles, just in case it was Rei, and also for herself. After all, someone had to punch Tai before they graduated.
* * *
There hasn't been any word from Asuka herself, but there are rumors. The most common one Rei's heard is that Asuka's been expelled- though more likely, she's been suspended. Tai has a bloody nose, Asuka will be gone for who knows how long, and Rei is left to wait for news of her with only her phone, which refuses to ring, and the fluttering sensation of hope dying in her chest.
What Rei is hoping for, she doesn't quite know. She'd hoped, as she and her family ate dinner, that maybe Shinji would know something she didn't. She hopes now that Asuka will text her, but the odds are that Asuka's already asleep, having burned herself out yelling at her parents.
Rei's hands curl around her phone and pull it close to her body. Maybe Asuka will text her first thing in the morning. There's no sense to her worrying; Asuka is probably fine, and they'll talk sometime soon.
She hopes.
She sits up, gazing out the window. Was this how Asuka felt, Rei wonders, when she decided to run away, this overwhelming need to be out in the fresh air and heading for somewhere that could ease the pressure in her chest? But in a sense she'd promised Asuka, on that night when Asuka came to find her, to leave the running away from home to her. Or possibly, maybe Asuka's already on her way.
Rei sighs, dangling her phone from her fingertips. Her thoughts refuse to be steered from any subject other than Asuka, and will no doubt linger into her sleep. Maybe she should call, rather than just wait for Asuka- and as she thinks this, the phone vibrates between her fingers.
She drops it onto the bed, startled by the sudden movement. It's not a call from Asuka, but a text, every word of it oozing exasperation. Finally got my phone back, it reads. Guess who took it. She forgot it when she left the house though.
It strikes Rei as strange that Asuka's stepmother would leave, especially in a situation such as this. It's yet another disruption of the order of things, and it makes Rei wonder. What else, before the week is over, will change?
I'm suspended until next Monday, Asuka's next text says. I'll be fine. Stay close to Shinji, yeah?
Rei responds, Okay. I will. Her fingers linger over the keys. Should she tell Asuka she misses her? It might be too much; such an obvious thing, Rei thinks, is best left unsaid, especially when she won't be seeing Asuka at school for the rest of the week. Do you want to talk?
It's okay. I'm tired. Just watch yourself while I'm not there.
Alright. Good night.
Rei sets her phone to the side, stares at the lit screen until it dims down. She feels as though something more should be said, but whatever she sends now will be forced, an attempt to keep Asuka bound to a conversation that should be over. She's heard from Asuka- isn't that enough? No, Rei realizes, it isn't; she should have said that she missed Asuka before. Saying it now will sound too desperate, and the last thing she needs is Asuka getting into more trouble.
Paradoxically, what she needs now is Asuka.
Rei lies awake for a long while, considering this, wondering too if Asuka is doing the same, or if she's fallen asleep and is dreaming of happier things.
* * *
Asuka's bedroom is shrouded in light, a gentle white tinged with blue from the curtains, the first sign of early morning. Her phone, in its usual place by her nightstand, sings a song into the air. Asuka opens one eye- who would be calling her at ten in the morning?- and grabs for the phone, answering the call without looking at the screen.
She snaps, "What is it?"
"Asuka?" Rei's voice, quiet as always, emanates from the phone. "I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?"
"Don't you have school?"
"Well..." A pause. There's a crackling over the phone, like Rei's shuffling something around. "Not really."
Asuka sits up, stretches one arm towards the ceiling. "What's going on?"
"Can you come out?"
"Doubt it. My stepmom put duct tape on the outside of my window, and I'm pretty sure she got a sensor for the front door when she went out last night. Anyways, I'm suspended. I can't go to school."
Another pause, this one longer than the first. Asuka hears Rei inhale sharply, hints of laughter seeping through her tone. "What about your backyard?"
"Wait. You're- why are you in my backyard? Are you ditching?!"
"I thought you'd want some company."
"Rei, you realize if you do this it'll prove Tai's point about you liking me."
"You matter more. Now come on."
The call clicks off, leaving Asuka staring at her phone. It takes all of a moment for Asuka to leap off her bed, pulling from the closet the first things she sees. On goes her favorite red shirt, her shorts, her sweatshirt. She thunders down the hall with her feet half-tucked into her sneakers- fuck subtlety; her stepmother's already left for the day- and bounds through the back door at a run.
Rei, kneeling in the soil by the former garden, looks up. "Good morning," she says. The smile she greets Asuka with is immensely affectionate, like that's what's been cultivated in the garden rather than weeds.
"You know Yui's gonna kill you when she hears you ditched," sighs Asuka. "Are you gonna ditch tomorrow, too?"
"Let me worry about that. It's you I'm here for."
Asuka walks over to Rei's side, staring down into the clumped soil. Rei's been pulling out the weeds, throwing them to one side, where they lay stranded between the stones in the path. "Why are you doing that?"
"I don't know. I find it relaxing." Rei stands, dusting her hands on her jeans. Somehow, Asuka notes, her nails remain impeccably clean despite her digging in the dirt- that's Rei for you.
"How'd you even get here?" asks Asuka.
"Biked. I hid it up in the forest this time, in case your stepmother checked." Rei reaches down to Asuka's side, slides a hand into hers. "Let's take a walk."
Another reversal- this time, it's Rei who leads them as they hike into the woods. She follows the path they took before, past the tree they'd climbed, going higher into the hills. From this point, Asuka thinks, they might as well be climbing a mountain; the city below has blurred from individual buildings into a mass of grey and red, painted walls and brick-red shingles.
At one point, a little wisp of a cloud might have drifted past. It could be her imagination; it might not be. Rei is here in spite of everything, so anything is possible.
The two of them walk on with no destination in mind, though it seems as though Rei is leading them somewhere. Asuka squeezes her hand, draws a mildly curious glance.
"Hey," she says. "Rei. Your birthday's in two weeks. I don't know what to get you.
"I don't need anything, you know." Rei squeezes back, continues her slow ascent up the slope. "I have you."
"Just tell me something. I don't want to get you something stupid."
"Get me another book. Something you'd like."
"Hah," Asuka laughs. "I don't read outside of school. Don't you know that by now?"
"You should."
Hands still entwined, the pair pick their way between the trees, which are growing denser as they near what Asuka assumes is the highest point in the hills. She wonders if that's where Rei is headed, to see if they can find that place where they will tower over everything: the city, their troubles, that fear of the future.
"We've avoided it long enough, don't you think?" Asuka mumbles. "What we should be talking about."
"Which is?"
"Well... for starters, what did Tai say to you yesterday? When I saw you two together."
"He was asking what he could do to make you like him." The curve of Rei's mouth rises slightly into a smile, the kind that makes Asuka want to lean in and kiss it. "I told him he didn't have a chance."
"No one does when you're around." Asuka leans in, only to feel the touch of slender fingers upon her lips.
""Wait," Rei says. "Your stepmother. Does she know?"
"About us? Don't think so. Is it a problem?"
Asuka's question comes out clipped, and there's an edge to it that Rei hasn't heard from her in a while. She stops, slides one arm around Asuka's waist. It's a simple embrace, but she's hesitant to do anything more; Asuka, in this state, is easier to agitate than soothe.
"I'm sorry," Asuka mumbles, lifting her hand to slowly drag her fingers through Rei's hair. She dips her chin, pressing her lips to Rei's forehead. "I'm being stupid again, aren't I?"
"Shh. It's alright."
They disengage, resume walking up the hill. Asuka clings a little tighter to Rei's hand, like she fears it might slip away if she doesn't hold on well enough. "She doesn't know. All the school did was call and say I got suspended for fighting." Asuka grinds her teeth together, breathes sharply through her nose. There's no reason to be afraid, she tells herself. Her stepmother knows nothing of the incident beyond that simple fact. "It's a stupid suspension, anyway. He got what was coming to him. Shouldn't have been picking on you in the first place."
From the corner of her eye, Asuka sees Rei nodding. No doubt this is another of her shows of support, just like the joining of their hands and each of Rei's little smiles. She'll be there as long as Asuka needs her, until-
Until the next summer has come and gone, and they'll have to go to college. Asuka hasn't brought up the subject of where she's been accepted to; she's avoided that topic, as she's sure Rei has as well, to prolong the time in which she can imagine them being together past the coming season.
"Huh," Rei says, slowing to a stop. There's another sound now, besides Rei's footsteps and the rushing of the wind. Running just past the tips of Rei's shoes is a little stream, maybe a foot or two in width, flowing down further into the forest. Rei wanders after it, pulling Asuka with her, their apparent quest to find the highest point abandoned. Or, maybe this was what Rei was trying to find.
"You know how to find the way back, right?" Asuka asks. Once they've left the city, their only reference, behind them, there will only be trees and this stream to guide them back.
"I will. Don't worry."
"I won't. That's your job."
Rei laughs, and the stream beside them bubbles with her. "When you put it that way, I guess it is," she says. "By the way, Asuka. Did you get your acceptances yet?"
"Maybe. Did you?"
"Yep. Got in everywhere."
"Of course you did. Teacher's pet and all. You with your impeccable grades and personal library."
"And a good study partner, whenever you focused."
Asuka's cheeks flush red, and she staggers briefly in her stride. Rei just shakes her head, like she's expected this kind of a reaction.
"Where do you think you'll go?" Asuka asks.
"I don't know. Wherever you decide will be good. That's why I was asking."
"Was it really?"
"Maybe."
Asuka scoffs and rolls her eyes. Leave it to Rei to turn her own words back upon her- but since it's Rei, she doesn't really mind.
After several long moments, Rei stops again. They've come, rather suddenly, upon a clearing, or rather the stream has led them there. Here, nestled among the trees, is something that's neither a pond nor a lake, but something in between. Asuka can see from one shore to the other; the pool of water spans maybe ten yards in length, and yet Asuka cannot see the bottom from where she stands.
She steps forward, kicking pebbles into the water. "Huh," she says, her tone mimicking Rei's. "What's this?"
"Something," Rei says. She kneels, as she did in the garden, to scoop water up between her fingers. "Care for a swim, Asuka?"
"Rei, we didn't bring a spare change of clothes."
Rei rises, flicks her fingers at Asuka. Droplets of water fly from them to pelt her face. "Come on, Asuka," says Rei. "You got suspended for trying to punch someone's lights out, and you're going to let clothing stop you?"
"Well." Asuka folds her arms over her chest and sighs, eyeing the pool. The wind ripples across the surface, buffeting the shore with little waves. The sun reflects off the water, hiding whatever might be beneath it, but really- what could be under there? Fish? Small fish, maybe. Nothing Asuka can't handle, that's for certain.
Asuka grips the bottom of her sweatshirt and pulls it over her head in one motion, tossing it onto a nearby tree branch to hang. She slips out of her shoes and socks, then wades out into the water, arms extended to balance her as she treads the rocky floor. "It's not that bad," she says. "It's warm."
She turns, and Rei is behind her, sliding out of her jacket and hanging it on the same branch. "Is it warm, or are you just hot?" Rei asks.
"Hey!"
"Just kidding." Rei walks to the edge of the shore, dipping her toes in the water. "It isn't that bad at all."
"What, you don't believe me? Come here."
Asuka offers Rei a hand, watches as she takes it and slowly walks out after her. They press on until the water reaches their thighs, the biggest of the waves reaching up to lap at their joined hands. Rei turns her head slightly, meeting Asuka's eyes, and an understanding seems to pass between them. Why proceed cautiously when nothing has happened? Or, just maybe, some of Asuka's recklessness has rubbed off on Rei, and ditching class to climb into the hillside with Asuka has brought the rest of it out.
They release each other's hands, take a deep breath, and jump.
The water isn't truly that deep, maybe eight feet at most, but Asuka's clumsy descent makes it seem like so much more. She opens her eyes, blinking slowly, and sees Rei a few feet away, swimming towards the surface. Their gazes meet; Rei smiles, expelling a steady stream of bubbles from her mouth, then continues on. Asuka allows herself to sigh, to immerse herself in the warmth of this place that Rei has seemingly found for her.
Her feet touch the sandy floor, and Asuka pushes off on instinct. Was she meant to be suspended, she wonders as she travels upward, so she and Rei could be here to see this pool, the light filtering into it, to let it permeate them? Would it be too fantastical to think of that? No- because Rei is here.
In a moment she will surface, the water cascading over her head and the sun spilling from above, blinding her eyes. Her mouth will suck in more air than she can handle; she'll end up coughing most of it back in Rei's face, but it won't matter too much. Rei will be there, as she always has been- and so long as she is there, the world will be bearable, maybe even perfect.