Chapter Text
Before, after the soldiers opened the portal and Sam was able to shut it down with the help of Thor’s hammer, Lucifer’s rage was incandescent. The fallen archangel returned to simply destroying Sam again and again, putting him back together again and again, no lessons, just pain fluctuating from agony to unbearable.
The lack of time as a record, Sam only knew it had been real because neither Lucifer nor Michael stopped ranting about it. Lucifer was angry about the portal being closed before he could escape, about the mere presence of the norse God, about Sam’s power to cross the border when he couldn’t, about Sam’s ability to use that ‘damnable hammer’ to inflict injury on him. He was angry about all of it.
Michael actually eased off his torment of Sam, who suspected it was because he wanted Sam to help him escape if the portal opened again. The archangel said as much a few times, more arrogant and demanding than cajoling, but when Sam just laughed at him, his own guts and blood gurgling up his throat from the acid that had been forcefed to him, Michael had roared, then screeched.
There was no death, no passing into or out of life, only pain. There was blood and gore and ichor and the soup that Sam found himself as sometimes.
Hot or cold, atomized or not, Sam was fully aware of every molecule as it froze or burned away, congealing and liquifying. He became a mist of acid, a pile of hacked apart chunks, scattered pieces that reminded him of shapeshifter flesh. There were deserts, oceans, frozen wastelands.
There were a few times, moments, days, years, eternities, where Sam found himself ‘out of the Cage’ and back with Dean. His brother would be the same, young, old, already dead, loving, hateful. Once he was a demon himself. There was joy, sorrow, anger, rage, indifference. Dean died. Sam died. It didn’t matter. Sam had hope that ‘this time’ it was true, but it was always Lucifer’s elaborate plan to make the pain all the worse when Sam blinked and heh was once again in the Cage, suffering for what he believed were his own failings.
He thought he was fully resigned to his fate, but he still had a miniscule nugget of hope.
When the ‘outside’ thrummed and pulsed again, there was a different cadence to it.
Lucifer roared, throwing up a hand to boil Sam into nothingness, a mist, as he surged upwards. But Michael was right behind him and the two archangels, Michael in Adam’s visage, Lucifer wearing Nick, tore into each other, fighting in earnest to be the ONLY one to escape this time. With Sam as a mist, neither were paying attention as he put real effort into pulling himself back together, working to be faster than the archangels, at least in time to close the Cage again and warn away those above.
The mist coalesced into a blob of liquid, molecules coming together into materials, as it struggled towards where the first faint outline of the pentagram was forming. He didn’t have ears yet, but he knew that voice, which gave him extra urgency to push in that direction. Bones grew from the blob, blood cells forming.
As the surface was breached, Sam knew it was Dean. His brother was the one opening the portal! He had to see for himself! Previously, he’d surmised that some of the power he’d had over Lucifer had also kept Lucifer from controlling what Sam sensed. This was his chance to really see Dean, see how he was doing. The way the archangels were fighting, they would never work together enough to fool Sam.
He pushed and struggled, feeling himself breach the void. He felt the sting and burn and buzz of every molecule combining, bubbling and popping in blood and gore. He could also feel the archangels still fighting in the Cage, like a hurricane mostly underneath. He pushed up above the storm, seeking out the warmth of the ‘outsiders’. There were eight souls of varying shapes and sizes, all warm, circling the portal as it firmed. One he recognized as Thor, from the last portal. The others were familiar, as well, but one, on the opposite side of the portal, was the one he knew better than his own.
Dean was here!
In his rush, he concentrated on his skull, his eyes, pulling the necessary materials together. When it breached the puddle of what was still forming of himself, he pushed to orient himself so he could see Dean. Dean was the only thing he wanted to see.
With a thought, both eyes were formed and he was looking up at his brother.
It was Dean!
Dean looked tired, older. It wasn’t enough to give Sam an idea of time that had passed earthside. He couldn’t see any new scars on the skin that was uncovered, but the sigil painted on his face glowed. He knew it was blood, could smell Dean’s blood, could see a faint, glowing line branching off from his brother to the other seven souls arranged around the portal. A glowing circle, pulsing. With Dean’s heart.
Sam could feel Dean’s pulse in the spell, from his heart. He could see Dean’s green eyes through the glow, watching him in hope, in horror. He could feel his own being bubbling and popping as he pulled more together, whirling around in the puddle of him. He could also feel the horror of the other souls, and as soon as he had hands, he reached out to pull himself further.
“Sammy.”
Dean’s breath blew over Sam like a gentle breeze. Sam wanted to force himself away to keep Dean safe. Lucifer and Michael were still engaged in battle below, so he knew he had time to look. Never enough, but it would have to be, would have to last as he would have to warn Dean away, which would upset Dean, something he despaired of.
Sam only had eyes for his brother, who suddenly looked so very sad.
“Sammmmmmy,” Lucifer called from where he was rising from the Cage. He had apparently subdued Michael again.
Around the portal, the glowing link brightened and solidified. Sam didn’t need to look to know that Lucifer was breaching the void. And he was wearing Dean’s figure. He’d done that quite often to inflict additional pain where he could. Lucifer had learned that if he put himself into the ‘freedom’ fantasies as Dean, Sam figured it out quicker because, not only could the archangel not replicate the real Dean, Sam could also feel the lack of his soul-mate.
After Ash had brought up the soul-mate thing at Harvelle’s, Sam had researched it in secret. He’d known it messed Dean up a bit, especially with the memories of Sam’s Dean had seen in Heaven. He assumed Zachariah had manipulated their Heaven to push them further apart, leaving Dean to relive his greatest moments with Sam, but showing Dean only the memories of Sam when he’d been away from his family. Dean hadn’t wanted to hear the ‘excuses’ for a while.
He might have been more open later, but later was too late and Sam had fallen. Now, Sam was tensing, eyes closed. He didn’t want to have to see Dean’s face on his tormenter.
“Hey, Sammy,” Lucifer said, using Dean’s voice. “Where you going? There’s so much left to try.”
Sam cringed that Dean might think that Sam was confused as to which was the real Dean, so he kept his eyes on his brother, the one outside the portal, with the glowing sigil on his face.
Sam knew Lucifer was pretending to be nonchalant, wearing Dean’s face, because he was attempting to knock Sam out of sorts to keep him from rising up and putting him down again.
“Well, well, well,” Lucifer chuckled, looking at Dean. “You think YOU are going to rescue Sammy here?” He put his foot into Sam’s back that had finally formed. The void was still bloody and ichor-filled, but Sam was nearly complete again.
“Not just me, asshat,” Sam’s brother growled, grabbing at something hanging around his neck with his bloody hand. For an instant, Sam thought Dean had found his stash, found the brass amulet Dean had worn since Sam had given it to him, then tossed away after the Heaven trip. His heart surged. However, once his hand closed around whatever it was, it began to rumble, adding a blue hue to the circle that connected Dean with the others.
Sam could feel the nervousness coming from Lucifer.
“I’ll never let you take my plaything,” Lucifer cried out as he melted between visages, out of control in his rage. Apparently, the presence of Thor meant that he was once again not going to escape.
“Brother!”
Michael must have regained himself. Sam could feel him rising up quickly, knowing just from familiarity that he was wearing Adam.
“What are you doing?” Michael growled.
Sam could feel the rage coming from both of the archangels as they both melted away the body’s, the visages. Michael sighed, probably finally feeling the open sky again and realizing what he’d really been missing by chasing his brother into the Cage. The flame and the frigid wind, bright white lights, multitude of eyes, multidimensional wings, crashed together, shrieking, piercing the air.
When Dean flinched away from the brightness and the sound, Sam had to call out.
“Dean,” came out. He wasn’t shocked that it was a gurgle as he was still pulling himself together. He had a renewed strength to pull himself up over the gore, trying to get as close to his brother as possible before he lost sight of him.
Dean straightened, chanting something Sam didn’t recognize, but he felt it zing through his body. When his brother raised his other hand with a strange blade and then stabbed downwards at the portal, Sam wanted to scream in frustration.
‘NOOOOOO!’ Sam cried internally as he realized the border, where the blade was impaled, was breached. The black void started spilling out of the breach and Sam felt himself being pulled towards the opening. He wanted to push back and hold the breach closed, anything to keep Lucifer and Michael from getting free.
Sam’s ears, fully formed, were ringing from the battle of the archangels, but he heard and felt the vibrates as five of the others, including Thor, smashed the devices, yelling something. He was groaning, fully fleshed, and startled when he felt his brother’s hand grip his.
At first, he wanted to yank his hand back, but noticed the glow from the border, from the connection, shrinking. He saw that it was completely containing the archangels, sliding down his own body, sucking at his skin, pulling at him.
Dean was gripping hard, refusing to let go, and Sam panicked, not wanting his brother to be pulled in as well. It was something he’d never experienced, even in the eternity with two archangels. His other hand was grabbed by Bobby. Bobby was here too! He’d been so focused on Dean that he hadn’t registered the other souls other than Thor, who shone brightly.
Sam felt himself sliding through the breach, the border scraping over his skin like the heaviest grade of sandpaper. Maybe it was just the newly formed nerve endings, or maybe it was finally feeling the real world, but the pain was extremely intense.
The border pulled hard against him, so Dean and Bobby pulled harder. He was certain they could hear the screeching in Enochian from Lucifer and Michael as both Bobby and Dean grimaced and their ears seemed to be bleeding a little. The border flickered off and on, many voices cursing, groaning, screaming, and Sam was sure one of them was his own.
The archangels grew louder and Sam focused his senses on them to make sure they weren’t going to make it through the breach with him, because he knew Dean and Bobby were not going to let him push back anymore. He screamed, every nerve on fire. The border flickered again, sliding down around his legs. Sensing that the archangels were nearly one being in their battle, also being pressed together by the shrinking portal border, Sam lifted one leg, feeling the naked knee press into the earth of the ‘outside’.
The sound rose, assaulting Sam in a way he couldn’t quite remember, his senses becoming overwhelmed by the reality outside the Cage. His heart was pumping, blood thrumming, lungs flexing, remembering how to be in the physical world again. The Cage had been all about pain and suffering, Sam having been drowned, shot, stabbed, taken apart in many ways that he’d never speak about, but reality was rushing over him in a way he didn’t know if he’d survive.
As the portal flickered for a final time, not returning this time, the chaos snapped into silence.
For a split second, Sam’s eyes rolled up to look at Dean, his real brother, holding him close. He thought he made a sound, but there was a whoosh of the Cage sealing and Dean breathing out his name again, washing over his face with scent of big brother, home, safety.
And Sam felt overwhelmed, his brain awash with happiness that he was free, concern that the archangels had escaped, but he couldn’t feel them.
Dean said his name again and someone else was yelling, then Dean was crying.
And Sam couldn’t respond. He could feel so much all at once that it felt like when the portal had sealed with him on the outside of the Cage, the rest of him shut down. Everything around him was Dean’s voice that faded with the whoosh of his own heart, Dean’s face, that shifted in and out of his vision as it greyed out.
Sam had been saved from the Cage and he was tired, as though he hadn’t slept in an eternity. He refused to close his eyes though, so just checked out, letting Dean be his anchor until he could what? Respond? Trust that he was out? Be real again?
Either way, his body was only on autonomic responses, his eyes open as his brain tried to process.