Chapter Text
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Ǝna lies on her messy and un-made bed, inspecting spots in the surrounding room while processing what has been occurring these past few days, her stillness brings good vibes, alongside with the cold air from the AC, blowing onto her smooth--uncanny-like skin, this moment is perfect she thinks, no loud noises, no people fighting, just.. Nothingness.. Except for the faint cry that is coming from outside, the cries make Ǝna's head throb more than it needs to, her silence has been interrupted by this mysterious noise that wont leave her alone, Ena's cries drive her crazy, minutes feel like hours, Ǝna just wants them to go away! But if she doesn't get up and do something about it, they won't go away.. Nothing more than a few minutes of interaction wouldn't hurt her, right?
Ǝna prepares herself for what would be something she would definitely regret, she attempts to sit up, failure, her arms are too weak but doesn't hesitate. Miserable after miserable attempt, it was like hell trying to sit up, trying to do a normal thing, Ǝna finally gets up--struggling to even stay upright, she slowly brings her legs over the edge and lowering them until they meet the floor, before Ǝna can get up, familiar thoughts creeps back into her head. "What now? Do you not want me to get up?" Ǝna mumbles to herself, she's always like that when she is alone. The Cries from outside get more painful to bear, it's ear-ripping worthy, no time to waste on dumb thoughts, just get to the door and you'll be alright! Ǝna forces herself on her feet, preferably shaky feet, it's almost impossible to stand up without wanting to fall over.. You know what forget that! Just. Get. To. The. Door! just get to the door! just get to the door! Ǝna's internal monologue isn't making her feel any better, but is certainly pushing her to do something. Ena, still outside the door crying her poor heart out (for Ǝna), starts to bang on the door, *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*, the sudden noise startles Ǝna, re-building that same ol' hesitation back into her, Is she gonna answer the door or not? lets find out! Unexpected noises makes Ǝna feel uneasy, thinking about the type of person she is, or was: Bold, out-going, brave, open-minded, that totally wasn't normal for her, but.. Like again, she ignores everything she feels and goes ahead to answer that damn door, it's always that damn door, what's so special about the door? What's so special about the crying girl outside? What's so special about the girl sounding so.. Familiar? It's fine. Ǝna makes her way out of her room and to the door, every step is a faint memory coming back, the cries sound so recognizable, too recognizable, but she just can't get a grasp on who it is, not yet, not until she opens the door.
Back outside, Ena can hear footsteps creeping, they sound so heavy, so unrecognizable, who is this? Does Ǝna live here anymore? Her anxiety calms back down, not a lot though, since she is still unaware of who it is, even if the house itself is recognizable. Ena stands back onto her feet, positioning the umbrella to cover her face, doing this will hide how she looks like, apparently because people always tell her she looks freaky and monster-like when her anxiety takes over, is that true, Ena? Do you really look like a monster when you're going through something that is out of your control? You know what, fuck it. Just stand there like a creep until the door gets answered. Back inside, Ǝna is face to.. Door, at the.... Door, she has truly achieved her goal, now.. All she has to do is grab the doorknob and open the door, but, that's too hard for her, she can't get her hand to grab the doorknob, something is telling her to not open it, as like if Ena is on the other side, as if Ena was the one who called her out, these.. Feelings are so, connected? connected without knowledge, earlier, Ena couldn't bring herself to knock, and with now, Ǝna can't seem to grab the doorknob, on the same door that they're at, the same door that they're at but just on the opposite side, the feelings are just too strong to give up, but too strong to stay, Ǝna attempts to resist the not surprising, strange feelings and emotions that are blocking her from the disaster that sits behind the. Damn. Door, in pure luck, she breaks through it, hand on the doorknob, sweaty hands gripping it like it's her life, but in reality, it is her life, one that she rejected and gave up on, with one twist, tug and determination, life would be something she had been hoping for. Ena's starting to get impatient, she can't wait for this slow-poke to open the door, her mind begging her to just open the door since it's unlocked, but, her heart is telling that she shouldn't, what if the person isn't actually Ǝna and gets mad? What if the person actually is Ǝna? She doesn't want to scare her, that would be a bad (Girl) friend! Ǝna's shaky hands rattle the door knob, not viciously, but more, subtle, Ena notices how shaky the knob has became, anxiety becoming replaced with anger, she snaps, "CAN YOU JUST OPEN THE DOOR FOR GODS-SAKE! I'VE BEEN WAITING HERE FOR AGES!" Ǝna's hands stop shaking, her whole body frozen, the voice that came from outside was.. Ena's, she's never been that Loud or pissed, ever, what has she got up to these days? Ena takes the risk, she grabs the door handle and yanks it open, shes had enough!
The door swings open, to reveal Ena, the girl who has been standing on the other side the whole time, Ǝna knew it already, at least to her own delusion, she actually never knew who it was, the suffering and pain blinded every thought with a smidge of happiness, her delusions decided it was the star of the show, until up to this point, it can't defend her anymore, the proof is standing right in front of her, no going back now, the happiness found her hiding spot from the world that she tried to block out, "Ena?! What are you doing here?! I thought you forgot about me!?" Ǝna stays frozen like a mannequin, not knowing if she should run or just.. Break down in front of Ena, Ena does the same, she can't believe what she's seeing, Ǝna.. Actually alive? She though that Ǝna was missing or.. Dead, the weeks of no texting or calling has been unbearable, "Ǝna?! I thought you moved out or something! You don't sound or even.. Feel the same at all!" Most of the words fly over Ǝna's head, except for "You don't sound or even feel the same at all", Ǝna can't believe what she just heard, becoming offended by what Ena just said, fearing what Ena does next. "What the hell do you mean by.. Don't feel the same, Ena!? Am I really that different now?! What do you see me as?! Am I just a lost friend to you?! What is wrong with you?" Ǝna runs up to Ena, grabbing her by the shoulders and getting face to face, anger masking the fear and denial to ease something she has been avoiding for months now, she pushes and drags Ena away from her front door, Ena resists, using her strength to stop Ǝna in her path, she begs to stay, she begs to stay and help Ǝna with the pain that has been tackling her for years now, she can't miss another day with her hurting, "Ǝna!! You are just trying to get me out of here so you can hurt worse! I know you want to hurt more! I know how it feels to want and want the pain to eat you alive! Just stop, please!!!" Ena jumps up into Ǝna, wrapping her arms tightly around, she sobs into Ǝna's chest, showing her pain, showing her desperation for Ǝna to love her again, Ǝna attempts to wiggle out of Ena's hug, but then, she gets hit with.. Comfort, something she hasn't felt in who knows how long, she can't remember, finally, that delusion fades away, for now, still leaving anger, fear and sadness, but sadness is what shines through, Ǝna breaks down, her legs weaken, her arms grip around Ena's neck, she can't take all of this emotion.. Anymore, she used to be a champion at hiding and masking her serious emotions, leaving people to nibble and dig at her feelings that don't mean anything to her, just some sort of glaze that you find on donuts, a sweet--syrup that covers the bland flavor of the cooked dough, fooling people who eat it, fooling people into thinking that the donut is good, when in fact, it is not, it is not good enough for people without the sugary coating, without the taste that tells them everything is fine, like the forced feelings that Ǝna puts on, to hide how bland, and how not strong she actually is, although, she is physically strong, she isn't mentally or emotionally.
Two girls crying outside with each other? So weird! Get back inside! Lesbians don't deserve to (sadly) thrive emotionally!
That exact mindset enters Ǝna's pathetic mind, these thoughts make her pull back from Ena, her delusions make their way back onto the stage of emotions, Ǝna thought she was free from the mind-numbing show, but no, the show brought her back, put her in her place, and continued, girls don't deserve each other.. Right? I am right? are my delusions benefiting you? are my delusions benefiting this moment I'm having? Yes, Ǝna decides on running, running back inside, almost shutting the door in Ena's face, unfortunately for Ǝna, Ena pushes the door wide open, making her way inside, chasing after Ǝna turn by turn, hoping to ease her back into comfort, and away from these delusions, but Ǝna is too quick, she makes it back to her room, fully shutting the door and locking it, Ena was inches away from making it, from being able to finally help, all she has left to do is beg Ǝna, again, that's what she has been doing, begging, begging for Ǝna to do something that she can never bring herself to do, or bring up, that's how she's always been, so it's worth getting used to...
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