Chapter Text
CENS - Cap
[5 November]
Shane: Hayes.
Shane: I need to talk to you.
Wyatt: Of course!
Wyatt: What is it about?
Shane: Your wife.
Shane: You’re all aware that I’m in the WAG gc right?
Shane: In the private one, where not every WAG is allowed, I’m special.
Troy: No??
Troy: What do you do in there, that’s the funniest thing ever.
Shane: Talk about our husbands, or BOYFRIENDS.
Shane: Do something about that, Barret.
Shane: Because I’m clearly the WAG of me and Roz.
Zane: Isn’t Cassie the founder or something?
Luca: I guess now Shane surpasses her, he is like the ultimate WAG.
Shane: Thank you, Luca.
Shane: DON’T tell Ilya.
Shane: Or I’ll make sure that there are consequences.
Shane: I have my ways.
Wyatt: What did you want to talk about?
Shane: Your wife is requesting a dick pick from Rozanov.
Shane: Like she wants a picture of his penis.
Shane: Via me.
Shane: And asking if he’s really nine inches…
Luca: I just choked on my drink, WHAT??
Zane: She…what??
Shane: Oh shush Cassie isn’t any better.
Zane: Shane what does that mean…
Wyatt: ???
Wyatt: She what??
Wyatt: What do you even talk about that in there?
Nick: They gossip about us, though I don’t think Caytlin is in the super private one.
Shane: No, sorry, It’s only for wives LOL.
Shane: And Harris for some reason.
Zane: What does that mean Shane...?
Zane: Shane…?
Zane: What does Cassie do in there?
Zane: What does she tell you about me?
Shane: They thirst over me and Roz, anyways, unimportant.
Luca: That's not unimportant, it’s SO funny.
Zane: When you get a girl I’m sure she’s gonna expose you as well, don’t worry.
Luca: I’m gay??
Luca: Ever thought that maybe there was a reason why I had a shirtless poster of Roz in my room when I was a kid?
Zane: Oh, well then HE will expose you just as bad.
Troy: What does Harris say, oh no.
Shane: Harris is pretty tame! Only word that could mean something to you is childhood bedroom, but that’s about all he shared.
Troy: Oh thank god.
Shane: I wanted to ask you, HAYES, if you could please send her a dick pick or something.
Shane: Please.
Shane: It’s like you never have sex.
Shane: I’ve taught her things I thought that I’d never have to tell a woman.
Shane: You know what I’m talking about, you have me to thank for that.
Wyatt: SHE TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT??
Shane: I taught her how to…
Wyatt: I wanna jump in a hole and die.
Wyatt: I’m so embarrassed.
Shane: You shouldn’t be!
Nick: What is he talking about LOL.
Zane: It can’t be that bad right?
Shane: They tell us everything Wyatt and Zane (And Troy, kinda), everything.
Shane: I know everything.
Zane: Well what does Cassie say?
Shane: I’m not saying anything else!
Shane: WAG secrecy, oh and don’t talk about this to them.
Shane: Or I’ll make sure next practice is hell.
Shane: Anyways, I have to go!
Shane: Your wives are funner anyways.
Wyatt: Shane…?
Wyatt: Did she really tell you that?
Wyatt: Shane.
Zane: Shane.
Zane: Shane please, what does Cas say about me?
Zane: How can I be better?
Troy: He’s gone! Accept it.
Luca: God I’m so glad I’m gay.
Troy: Same here!
Troy: I’m just glad that Harris has some common sense left, about what he should and shouldn’t say.
Luca: Maybe this is the correct moment to say that I’m seeing someone?
Zane: Congrats man!
Troy: YES!
Troy: We really are the gayest team in the NHL!
Wyatt: Is it really bad to say I wish I was gay.
Shane: See! You’re already starting to sound more like her!
Wyatt: What does that mean??
Wyatt: She said she wants to be gay?
Zane: You’re not getting anything out of him, man.
Zane: Like he said, WAG secrecy.
Shane: Oh! And Hayes, one last thing. I want you to know this: I don’t look at your dick (Or anyone’s except for Ilya’s for that matter) in the shower.
Shane: But she told me that you guys all do.
Shane: So I wanted to ask: What??
Wyatt: Oh you mean our list!
Wyatt: You’re fourth, don't worry. And your man is first!
Wyatt: What do these women talk to you about?
Wyatt: What are your conversations?
Wyatt: And I still can’t believe she told you that.
Troy: Oh.
Troy: Shane.
Troy: Is it what I think it is?
Shane: Yes.
Luca: Oh.
Luca: HAHAHAHA.
Troy: Don’t be embarrassed Wyatt!
Wyatt: I am going to kill all of you.
Shane: Don’t, from who would you get your tips from after?
Shane: Xx