Chapter Text
Darrel’s POV
Warning mentions of: shaver,slight bleeding,slight mental issues,abuse
Man to be real I worry about Johnny. I worry about that kid a whole lot. His parents have beaten on him since I first met him.
He’s always been a real anxious quiet kid and that’s fucked up. My heart goes out for him. Sometimes I feel like I’m a piece of shit for not filing for custody of him but I can hardly care for for Pony and Soda plus Twobits freeloading ass.
I got up for work about two hours before anyone else at 5:30 sharp. I like to shower with warm water before everyone that way when Soda goes to shower the waters warm again. Pony doesn’t mind the cold showers or if he does he don’t show it a whole lot.
I hate working but most the time I just dissociate and afterwards the only thing I remember is my bosses silhouette in the darkness of the night congratulating my hard work. Soda usually sleeps past his alarm and I let em for a bit.Pony gets tired but Soda works real hard and I know there’s things he’s hiding from me especially recently I found an inhaler under his bed but I’d rather not pick a fight with Soda cus of how messy and upset he can get if someone pushes him past his limit. I brushed my teeth real good and brushed my hair per usual before picking at my skin for any pimples. I swear every time I look at myself I look older. I feel like I’ve been raising Ponyboy and soda for 17 years but I’m only 20 and mom and dad only died..how long ago has it been? I don’t tend to think about it because if I collapse the whole family does..or atleast I like to think of it like that.
Pony walked up from behind me as I picked up my shaver
“morning Darrel..” PonyBoy always seems on edge around me.
“morning pony.” I say bluntly no affection in my voice. I hate how I treat the both of them but I can’t help it I’m so exhausted all the time I have no energy and being around soda he sort of gives anyone around him energy but then it feels like he’s the only one putting in a effort in our relationship. I wasn’t built out for being a “dad” which I hate to call myself. Mom and dad were real good except for every now and again mom would slap up soda but never for anything he didn’t deserve.
“Sleep well?” He asked trying to lighten me up and I and inhaled.
“Yeah actually and you?” I don’t have a lot of bonding time with my brothers in between work so honestly mornings are the only time we get to talk. It’s sort of repetitive and sad.<br />
“Not really.” Hearing pony’s lack of sleep made my stomach turn
“The dream?” I asked
“no. Just worried about Johnny” he responded and I sighed in relief. Pony had this sort of dream of mom and dad often but he’d hadn’t had it in about..43 days. Yes I keep track.
“I’m sure you’ll see him in school today Pony.” I tried my best to reassure him but I can’t. Something’s probably wrong with me but I’m to employed for that schmuck.
“Yeah yer right.” He didn’t seem soothed by me and he walked out of the bathroom.
“Did ya need something?” I finished shaving leaning back poking my head out of the doorway
“Nah. I’ll talk to soda instead.”
Fuck. He really did wanna talk to me and I just screwed it up. Whatever. “Alright.” I said finishing up whatever else I needed to do.
I just let him go back to his room and he got dressed for school. I opened the cabinet to see an half empty off brand Cheerios box. I wish I could provide for this family man. I pulled it out and poured it into a bowl with a glass of milk next to it and a plastic spoon and put it on the counter for Ponyboy. I looked at the jug of milk and it read “3/14/67” it’s the 8th. God milk goes bad too quickly but I’m sure Twobit will just steal more milk or Pony could bring some from the school cafeteria. Occasionally Twobits mom a sweet middle aged lady who went to church with my mom would bring us a baked treat or a bag of groceries despite money not being any easier for them. I think we all have cried in her arms before but I had only once at my parents funeral in secret. I always have to look tough around my little brothers.
I walked into Soda and Pony’s room and saw Pony sitting his back turned to me writing down in a journal and I smiled. Fuck why can’t I ever smile infront of him? Make him feel like I’m proud. Damn why the fuh am I just picking on myself this morning. I turned my attention to the baby in the bed.
“Soda.” I called out and he had an odd breathing pace which explained the inhaler under his bed but still don’t want to talk to him about it. His eye fluttered open and he coughed violently and pony turned around
“Uh Soda?” Pony raised his eyebrow standing up leaning over him and soda pushed him away rubbing his eyes sitting up
“Back up your gonna get sick from me” he teased stretching. Yeah sick my ass somethings wrong with sodapop but I’m no fit for this conversation.
“Get ready for work little buddy” I called walking out the room sooner then I usually did to avoid going off on Soda. I had more patience for Soda then Pony probably because me and him were closer in age and he despite being childish was more mature in my eyes. I walked into the kitchen to wash the dishes and our special guest Steve Randle walked in
“WOOH! Good morning Curtis household” he shouted right on cue slamming the door behind him like he always did. He had a fresh mark on his face which means his dad had recently let him have it for god knows what now. PonyBoy instantly ran into the bathroom shutting the door behind him with his shoes just so he could avoid Steve as long as he could. He’s had a hatred for Steve since he and soda met in third grade.
“Did ya eat Steve?” I say unamused hoping he had.
“Yeah don’t worry Darrel. I ain’t never come around here on an empty stomach.”
“Is that how you got that mark?”
“Yeah man my dad ain’t the most giving person.” He muttered and soda hopped out his room doing some sort of handshake with Steve.
“Yo man that mark makes ya look tough” Soda smiled. He’d probably had overheard our conversation and was hyping him up and it worked real well I saw Steve’s eye slight up and for a moment maybe even a blush? Nah it must’ve been in my head he ain’t no queer.
“Thanks Soda” he tackled him and the two wrestled on the floor for a bit before I broke it up
“Soda go eat yer breakfast” I had to remind soda because sometimes he’d genuinely just forget to eat. I remember a conversation from when I was younger in the car with soda after he had gotten kicked out of school in the second grade for not paying attention? Mom and dad had clocked the both of us out of school early and I remember sitting in the middle of Soda and Pony.Pony was coloring in some kids book and Soda seemed ashamed and I remember hearing mom and dad whisper something about if Soda might have been special. Not to make out Soda as some health issues kid. He’s a real tough guy who has some weaknesses here and there.
“Alright alright.” He smiled and of course it was infectious and I smiled too as he walked over to the counter getting a small portion of the “Cheerios” and putting them in a bowl and eating it raw with his hands. I turned back to Steve and he had a loving smile on his face that quickly faded after he noticed I was looking. Odd but whatever don’t judge the Randle he’s just that guy after all.
“What shift yall got today?”
“I got 7am till 10pm the usual.” Soda said. Soda worked full time and Steve worked part time occasionally goin to school. Soda had a rough schedule during the week but he had weekends off most times. I worked crazy hours but I usually have about four breaks in a day that range from thirty minutes to two hours.
“7am till 1pm” Steve said blowing a raspberry at Soda
“Lucky duck” Soda said
“Don’t overwork you two.” Steve mostly overworked himself. He had this thing where he had to prove he was better than his dad or some shit.
“You watch yourself Darrel” Sods pointed to me throwing a offbrand cheerio into Steve’s mouth and pony came out from the bathroom
“Yeah you really should” pony agreed.
“Alright alright.” I teasingly put my hands up in surrender before looking at the clock that already read 6:40 “Hurry it up yall.” I said handing Ponyboy his bowl and glass of milk then yawning.
“Ay Dar you aten?” Soda asked and I realized I hadn’t but at my job they fed us sacked lunched occasionally.
“No not yet.” Soda instantly handed me his bowl but I pushed it away laughing
“Don’t you worry bout me Pepsi cola”
“Oh but I will.” He said
“Thanks little buddy but I think I got a protein bar in the car.” It’s probably melted which is crazy because I didn’t even know protein bars could melt.Soda gave up on my stubborn ass and put the rest of the cereal in a ziplock bag to bring to work which was one of the reasons he didn’t add milk. I looked over to Ponyboy who hadn’t changed the way he eats since he was a little toddler. Times I miss.
“Alright everyone in the car.” I announced and Steve was the first out the door since he loved to flip off the gate.
“Yer gonna bang your head” PonyBoy muttered
“Shut it kid.” He said turning towards soda “aye watch this” he did this everytime before he flipped but it never failed to sort of impress soda.
Steve flipped having a harsh landing but he didn’t grunt or nothin.
“Woohoo!” Soda cheered clapping slowly laughing.
I got into the car warming it up as Ponyboy climbed into the side next to me and Steve and Soda sat next to eachother in the back.
Soda pulled up a magazine off the floor I’d picked up at the DX that read “the release of the Beatles” and brought it up to him and Steve flipping through it letting Steve do all the reading while he checked out all the ladies in the magazine. I looked in the car mirror smiling at the both of them. I couldn’t imagine if their friendship ended. I brought those two to the DX for their shift first as Ponyboy didn’t start class till 7:40 yet he could arrive anytime after 7:15iam-ish which worked in my favor since my first shift as a roofer started at 7:25am and my first break after that was at 3:50pm-4:15pm which gave me just enough time to bring Pony home from school at 4:00pm and then get back to work. Then my shift ended at 9:50pm which was perfect to go get Soda before my next shift at the club at 12:00am and ending at 1:00am.
“Alright here’s y’all’s stop” I teased parking at the DX as Soda filled me up with free gas and Pony got out to hug him goodbye like he always did. He never hugged me goodbye but him and Soda have been attached at the hip since Pony was first born to be quite honest with you so it doesn’t really bother me as much as it might sound.
I waved goodbye to Soda and Steve who made silly faces as I drove off with Ponyboy.
“Any fun school plans or anything?” I asked to break the silence.
“Probably just hang out with Twobit and Johnny.” He said looking down at his feet.
“Cool. Enjoy these days in school they don’t last forever.”
“They have for Twobit so far.” He said bluntly
“He only got held back in first grade twice” I said laughing. Twobit and Pony had met on the kindergarten playground since first and kinder shared recess but Twobit was already 9ish?
“How did he even fumble that bad still baffles me.” Pony said and I laughed
“I’m sure you, Johnny , and Twobit will have fun at school.” I said quickly to sum it up as we quickly pulled up to his school
“if Johnnys here today.” I don’t know why but just right then in that moment my stomach churned. My heart just dropped and I felt a harsh anxiety.
“Yeah tell the kid I say hi.” I said clearing my throat with the odd feeling..god how wierd I’ve felt off this whole morning. Johnnys only been gone half a day practically I’m overreacting.
“Will do.” He closed the door without saying goodbye or anything but it didn’t bother me much.
I drove off to work in silence. No music or anything which wasn’t normal for me. Before going into work I leaned onto my steering wheel anxiously. Man up.
I got out my car and greeted my boss per usual. Before quickly getting to work and before I knew it,
*****
it was 3:45. I cracked my knuckles and stretched wiping dirt onto my clothes looking at my bleeding hands cursing before walking to my boss “I’m goin on break.”
“Ight.” He called back not looking up from his clipboard. I got into my car putting music on and quickly getting back into thought about Johnny as the upbeat music felt unnecessary. God I hope that kid didn’t get into any trouble.
I didn’t realize it but I was speeding and a cop pulled me over
“Where ya goin pal?” He called out approaching my window and I had my head in my hands “just picking up my little brother.”
“Your name?” He asked shining a bright flashlight into my eyes which was extremely uncalled for. What the fuck.
“Darrel Curtis.” He recognized my last name
“Curtis huh? Sorry bud.” We were a big case in police files since mom and dad died and they kept an eye on us occasionally. “Ya know what I’ll let ya go.” He said to my shock but I guess me saying I was gonna get Ponyboy and he knew context to it worked in my favor.
“Thank you so much officer.” I said with great gratitude
“Yeah yeah whatever don’t lemme catch it again.” He said walking off with his flashlight fidgeting with it like a little kid. And I turned the car towards pony’s school. Fuck I’m 5 mins late he’s probably already walked home. Pony expected the worse in me so whenever I wasn’t there he’d just assume I could make it and leave. I switched directions to the way pony would walk him but to my surprise he wasn’t there so I yet again had to drive to the school.
I found him and two bit chatting and honked since I didn’t have all day.Usually Johnny would come with us too and Twobit liked to “hit the gym” which usually meant he’d just walk to pick his sister up from after school program and bring her home if his mother couldn’t.Not the most complex workout really but somehow that lazy bum didn’t get fat. Twobit ran up to my car window with a look on his face and I rolled down the window. It was the only window that didn’t get stuck when you rolled it down.
“The kids a wreck.” He muttered
“The fuck does that mean??” I asked
“Been talking my head off bout Johnny not being here today. I think you and Soda got in his head with all that Johnny chatter.” He replied
“Johnny was absent?” Okay it really wasn’t THAT off for Johnny to miss school but..my gut feeling is strong.
“Yeah. Kid probably got a cold or sumshi” he replied shrugging as Ponyboy opened the back car door throwing himself inside crossing his arms
humphing. If Johnny had a cold he’d probably be at home waiting for us since hated being at home. He was vulnerable enough there now imagine having a flu.
“True. I’ll catch you later Kieth.” I was the only one who ever called Twobit that except maybe his mother but she didn’t always refer to him like that. I said it to remind him he had a name to be quite honest with you. He shot me a look of disgust
“Uh huh” he said as I backed my car away turning my mirror to pony
“So Johnny was a no show?”
“Yea..”
“Maybe he’s at home waiting for us.”
“Sure. Whatever.” He had an attitude and honestly I would’ve started an argument but I just rolled my eyes and focused on the road and getting us home safely.
I pulled into the driveway and I didn’t have time to go inside “don’t forget to study kid.” I said
“Yeah whatever.” God with the attitude pony. Pony stormed inside and I quickly drove back to work keeping my eye out for Johnny on the streets. Relax he’s probably at home or something. Either way the kids fine right? Johnny was real tough even when his mom would pull a broom on him,his dad hit him occasionally even ch*king him, or when a Soc..fuck..no he’s fine.
I pulled into my works parking lot wiping sweat off my face looking at myself in the mirror. Older everytime.
“I’m back boss.” I announce and he smiled “welcome back Darrel how was your break?” The only time someone was genuinely happy to see me. No that’s a lie..
“Funny ..actually got pulled over.”
“Oof..did ya get a ticket for somethin?”
“Nah he let me go with a warning”
“Wow cool” he smiled turning back losing interest and focusing back on his clipboard. Sometimes I see my boss as a father figure. I think me and my brothers all have different parental figures but we don’t admit it because no one could replace mom and dad.
I began disassociating again practically in another universe while I worked with precision my hands sore,blistering,and bleeding I saw the day go down and inhaled in relief seeing how quick the time had passed and I could go home. Sadly soda wouldn’t get out of work for an hour and I’d still have to get him but i couldn’t wait for a back massage from him man.
“Leaving.” I announced to my boss and he gave me a big ol thumbs up and I groaned walking off happy to be going home.
I got into my car and rested my head on the wheel the car still on. I woke up to my boss tapping on the window
“Darrel” his muffled voice said “Ya ever gonna leave bud?” I jolted up
“Fuck” I rolled down the window “what time is it?”
“About 10:30” fuck. Soda probably had to walk home.
“Awh shit” I realized the car was off and I tried to start it and failed to my bosses surprise
“Need a ride?” He asked
“Nah I’m all good you should get home.”
“You give some good advice Darrel” he smiled “take care” he said leaving
“You too” I called out and once he got far enough I banged on the wheel “FUCK.” I shouted putting my head in my hands on the wheel. Trying over and over again for atleast half an hour.I thought of a plan. My coworker was real car savvy if I stayed till the next mornin he could help me. Fuck that would work though we don’t start work till after Ponyboy gets to school and so does soda..they can walk..FUCK!!!! Do I walk home? It’s not all that far.
I tried the car again and to my surprise it worked like a charm “oh thank god” I let out out the most relieving sigh of relief as my muscles softened from being tense. FUCK. I hope Johnnys okay. I quickly tensed up again him coming to mind.
***
It was late now about 11:00pm and I practically dragged myself out of the car. I had hoped to take a nap before my next job but I guess I technically already did. I opened the door to see Soda on the couch watching tv with Ponyboy leaning onto him and as he shushed me with a glare. Pony had looked like a baby fallen asleep after hours of screaming.
“What happend ?” He asked quietly not very mad and a tone of worry.
“Fell asleep with the car on and that shit wouldn’t work” I didn’t whisper and Ponyboy woke up
“Hm?” He mumbled and NOW Soda was mad at me.
“Fuh” soda rolled his eyes and it came to me that it must have had been important pony slept and I thought of the mood he was in. Maybe he was just upset over Johnny or something I assumed. Soda turned his attention back to Ponyboy and I saw them how we used to be when we were all younger for a split moment.
“Pony get to bed I’ll be there in a moment kiddo” soda said and pony dazed half asleep groggy stumbled into the room
“Is the car working? Or do ya need Steve to fix it?” He asked still pressed over me wakin Pony up.
“Works like a charm.” I said softly. Silence fills the room “is pony alright?” I asked
“I got home and the kid went on some angry rampage about Johnny not being at school today before he fell into my arms exhausted. I knew he went to sleep late but I didn’t know how late..” something about it made me mad at soda.
“Your the one who got in his head..” I mumbled
“What?..Dar.. you genuinely can push this on me. Not to make this pony’s fault but the kid was just worried about his bud
and I was too.” He desecalted it from being an argument. It was hard to pick an arguement with soda since he was so good at stopping things before they escalated.
Why did I feel an impulse to argue all the time? This wasn’t about Soda getting in Pony’s head itwas about Johnnys safety and how it’s getting to Pony.
“I think you two are both just anxious it’s only been a day.” I said as if I wasn’t a wreck the whole day.
“Yeah.” Soda agreed “I’m gonna head to bed Dar.”
Something in me wanted to bring up the inhaler but I didn’t.
“Goodnight PepsiCola” I sighed turning back as he walked past me and he paused in his tracks.
“Night Darry.” He said closing his door.
I went to the bathroom and changed into lightweight pajama pants and no shirt . I refused to sleep in just boxers like Soda would. Well actually he usually slept in a oversized shirt of dads and boxers since his ex Sandy had made some weird comment that it was weird he slept shirtless with Ponyboy but in my opinion if you see an issue with it you have your own problems. I looked in the mirror as I moisturized my face. Older everytime I swear. I shook my head and went into my room kicking of my shoes. Dammit I guess I’ll have to get my back massage tommrow. I leaned back looking at the ceiling. I hope Johnnys alright. Him just disappearing for even a day was unusual but maybe Dally had taken him to newyork or some unexpected other thing.Fuck my life. Fuck my impulsive decisions,fuck my work hours I thought. I rested for a few minutes (like ten) before I got up put on my work briefs,leather pants,a tight black shirt, and a strong scented cologne that I could still smell in the places I’d walk through an hour later but the ladies dug it. I headed to work shutting off the lights behind me. Ladies at the club had asked me out a couple times but I couldn’t even think about a girlfriend in my living situation. Sometimes playing along got me tips though and tips meant pizza for dinner for the whole gang and bills paid . I drove to work parking three blocks away so no crazy lady could follow me home and got out fixing my hair and clocking in knowing I would do the same thing tommrow.