Chapter Text
‘why did we think this was a good idea’
[1 User is now Online]
[the birds and the bees]
what the fuck
why did i woke up to a hundred messages of you guys simping over me
and why am i in riddle’s bed
[1 User is now Online]
[stop committing murder]
gm silver!!
[the birds and the bees]
morning
is there anything you guys want to tell me??
[1 User is now Offline]
[the birds and the bees]
well okay
…
what
what was that
[4 User is now Online]
[eat the rich type shit]
HELLO
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT
[parasite]
It sounded like an explosion?
[suffering]
i swear to the sevens if it’s another ac
[eat the rich type shit]
ION THINK THAT WAS ANOTHER AC EXPLODING LOWKEY
[the birds and the bees]
crowley really needs to start repairing the ACs
[the better parasite]
i ws an ac once
[parasite]
No you were not
[eat the rich type shit]
can anyone go like
investigate n shit
[parasite]
Where are you all right now?
[the birds and the bees]
hall of mirrors
i just left heartslabyul
also @stop committing arson im borrowing one of your sweaters
[eat the rich type shit]
cafeteria
holy fuck that was loud
[suffering]
i’m in the west wing
also the building just shook the fuck
[parasite]
Me and Floyd are in the courtyard
[the birds and the bees]
theres another one
[eat the rich type shit]
wAS THAT LIGHTNING
[parasite]
Oh wait
Isn't it around the time for today's housewarden meeting?
Riddle duck beneath the table as another fireball flew above his head. He sighed, staring longingly at the windows surrounding the mirror chamber, before looking at his fellow second-year housewardens.
Azul was cowering beside him, hands clasped in a praying motion. Turning again, Riddle could see Kalim peeking his head just above the round table, a phone in hand.
“...Kalim, are you seriously recording this?”
“Ruggie asked,” Kalim shrugged, grinning a little too wide for Riddle’s comfort. Another fireball was flung their way, and they both immediately ducked again.
“What’s wrong Peacock? Tripping over your own heels?” They could hear Leona taunting Vil, who fired off another spell in return. Riddle sighed again.
“So much for a meeting,” He glanced around, where he could see Malleus—for once actually attending the meeting—and Idia—surprisingly not his tablet—in their own argument. Crowley, as usual, was nowhere to be seen.
Idia said something to Malleus, his hair burning bright orange. Lightning struck outside as a response.
He looked to his side when he heard the rustling of movements. Azul was now also peeking from beneath the table, looking at the fighting third years with an expressionless expression.
“Are you done praying?”
“It’s more of the fact I realise that I would probably still die anyway,” Azul fixed his glasses. Another lightning struck, flashing the mirror chamber and giving him an ominous green lighting for a moment. “As you can probably tell,”
Kalim hummed, his tongue stuck out as he adjusted the angel of his phone once more, trying to capture the chaos of the entire room.
The fight became a four way battle now, with all four of their upperclassmen yelling at each other and firing off more and more spells at each other. Riddle wasn’t too worried—the mirror chamber is, after all, magically reinforced and protected inside and out. And he has a bit of trust that their upperclassmen won’t actually try to kill each other. Maybe.
What he was worried about, though, was the fact they barely got anything done in today’s meeting. RSA would be visiting in a week, and they haven’t even decided where they would stay.
“Damn,” Riddle turned around at the voice. Yuuha, the Ramshakle prefect, was standing in front of the open doors, a pile of papers in hand. She looked around the chamber, before locking eyes with Riddle.
“...Is this a bad time to come in?”
“You’re fifteen minutes late,” Riddle said instead, because that’s more important. Yuuha huffed, turning around to walk back out again.
“They’re serving tarts in the cafeteria today by the way,” She said over her shoulders, before slamming the doors shut.
“...Some tarts sounds good right now,” Kalim quipped, looking back and forth between the doors and the men they had the unfortunate luck of calling their upperclassmen. “...Should we just run for it?” Azul suggested, looking warily at the fighting upperclassmen. Kalim nodded enthusiastically. Riddle thought for a moment.
Oh well. Strawberry tarts do sound good right about now.
He nodded.
“Let’s book it,”
‘why did we think this was a good idea’
[5 User is now Online]
[suffering]
someone explain why i just saw riddle, azul and kalim running down the hallway with fireballs chasing them
[parasite]
Strange
The housewarden meeting isn’t supposed to finish until another hour
[eat the rich type shit]
holy shit theyre alive
oh they jst entered the cafeteria
[the birds and the bees]
omw there save a seat for me
[eat the rich type shit]
:salute:
[3 User is now Online]
[stop committing murder]
[Sent 1 Video]
[eat the rich type shit]
holy fuck he actually recorded a vid
LMFAO?? LEONA-SAN HELLO
[the birds and the bees]
how are you guys not dead
[stop committing murder]
cameraman never dies
[stop committing fraud]
Money
[stop committing arson]
Spite
@the birds and the bees Which sweater did you took
[the birds and the bees]
the black and green one
where are you guys
[stop committing arson]
The table near the window
[the birds and the bees]
…
which one
[stop committing arson]
The one in the corner
Riddle looked up from his phone just in time to see Silver waving at them.
“Hey,” The silver-haired guy said, sitting down beside Ruggie. “Nice to see none of you are dead,”
“Thank you for the concern,” Riddle replied, stabbing his fork into his strawberry tart with a little too much force than normal. Azul also started eating the fries he bought, though with less force and a little more gloom. The octopus merman offered a fry to Kalim, who stared at it for a second before shaking his head. Azul shrugged and chucked the fry into his own mouth.
“So like,” Ruggie vaguely gestured towards the three of them. “What the fuck happened in the meeting?”
“Some bullshit went down. You know, the usual,” Riddle let out a heavy sigh, taking another bite out of his tart. He’d already eaten half of it at this point, and he glared at Silver who raised an eyebrow at that fact.
“A lot of bullshittery went down on a daily basis in NRC here, you gotta be more specific,” They all looked up at the comment. Jamil waved his hand as he approached their table, Jade and Floyd flanking him on both sides.
“Heyyyyy Goldfishie~!” Floyd vaulted over the table (to the dismay of everyone) and was about to drape himself on Riddle. Already sensing this would happen, Riddle flicked his pen, sending Floyd crashing onto the ground.
“Do tell us what happened at the meeting,” Jade said with his usual polite smile, sitting down on the bench and completely ignoring his brother’s whining. “Yeah, what the hell happened up there,” Jamil asked as he gave Kalim a boxed lunch.
“The upperclassmen went for each other' s throats, the chamber almost burned down, our documents were also almost burned,” Riddle started listing out, using his fingers to count.
“Oh! Both Idia-senpai and Malleus-senpai actually attended the meeting today! They pissed each other off though,” Kalim added, before putting a spoonful of rice into his mouth. He offered another spoonful to Floyd, who had draped himself on Kalim instead with a pout.
“Was that why there were thunder strikes all over?” Silver asked, idly playing with the straw sitting in his glass of juice. Kalim nodded. “It was because of both Malleus-senpai and Leona-senpai that the building kept shaking though,”
“And the fireballs chasing you guys?” Jamil crossed his arms, one eyebrow raised in question.
“Vil-senpai,” Azul answered plainly.
“Huh. Thought it was Idia-senpai,”
“The fireballs were supposed to be targeted at Idia-senpai,”
“Being a housewarden sounds nice,” Silver piped up. Six pairs of eyes stared at him in silent judgement. Silver shrugged.
“Dude, I’ve broke down over the stuff I need to do and I’m only an honorary vice, let alone being an actual fucking housewarden,” Ruggie grumbled.
“And we still haven't discussed anything about the RSA program,” Pushing away the plate of fries (which Floyd happily took over), Azul huffed, before letting his head fall onto the table with a dull thud.
“YEAH THAT!” Riddle suddenly stood up and slammed the table, making the plates and glasses sitting on it shake with clatters. “At this rate we might as well do nothing!”
“Fuck it ‘till we make it, or so they say,” Ruggie said, stealing a fry from the plate across him (ignoring Floyd's glare).
“Hmm…” Jade put a finger on his chin, humming in thought. “If that's the case, we may as well just cancel the whole thing, no?”
“...And risk NRC’s reputation? Crowley would hunt us to hell and back,” Jamil sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Jade only smiled. “Since when do we care about that damn crow?”
Riddle looked at his fellow sophomores (he refused to call these degenerates his friends), looked up at the chandelier that his freshmen once destroyed back at the start of the school year, then at his half eaten tart on the table.
“I’m going to burn this fucking school down,”
Ace, who was halfway sitting at a table near theirs, immediately stood up again, ushering his friends to go look for another table (“Housewarden is fucking pissed he has never swore that loudly before holy fuck Juice we’re gonna die-” “-STOP CALLING ME JUICE.”).
And maybe Riddle shouldn't have said that loudly, considering the other students who were also sitting near them started slowly, fearfully, scooting away.
Ruggie’s ear twitched once. Twice. He snapped his head to look at Jack, who flinched and immediately turned around from where he was whispering to Epel.
“Riddle, when you do, spare the freshmen; they did nothing,”
Jack gave him a pair of thumbs up while Sebek nodded rapidly beside him.
Riddle raised an eyebrow at Ruggie. Silver coughed.
“Are we sure,”
Sebek visibly back tracked and started shaking his head rapidly. Silver ignored him. It was clear he was trying to stop himself from grinning.
“We could probably make two whole pages of a list containing all the war crimes they’ve committed,” Silver continued, because why not.
“Actually, it would be three!” Sweet, sunshine child, Orbit Blaster 2000 Ortho chimed from where he was floating near the other freshmen. Deuce and Yuuki immediately tried (and failed) to drag him away.
Floyd wrapped his arms tighter around Kalim, leaning his head on top of Kalim’s. “Nee~ But didn’t Firefly squid-senpai and Sea slug-senpai almost ended the world? They commited more war crimes than the fresh fishies didn’t they?”
The now somehow quiet cafeteria provided them with the wonderful ability of hearing Idia spluttering and Malleus choking on his tea from the table half-way across the room. Cater wheezed out a laugh beside them.
“Oh true yeah,”
“...Why are we even talking about this? No wait more importantly,” Jamil waved someone over. “Someone wanted to talk to us I think,”
“Hey!” Thank the great seven, Riddle thought, as Yuuha approached their table, a juice box in one hand and exactly eight file folders in her other. “Got some news for the housewardens!”
She gave three of the folders to Riddle, Azul, and Kalim, trying to look non-chalant (she wasn’t succeeding; Riddle could see the beginning of a shit eating grin growing on her face). “Special messages from our beloved headmage,” She scoffed for a moment, before looking at the three second-year housewardens. “Try not to blow anything up after you read them,” Yuuha saluted them with two fingers, before running away to the table where the third-years were sitting, most likely to give the rest of the files to the other housewardens.
Riddle didn’t even need to read it to the end to know what it was about. Judging from Kalim’s immediate frown and Azul starting to repeatedly hit his head onto the table, they didn’t need to as well.
“I’m seriously going to fucking burn this school down,”
This time it was Jamil’s turn to slam his hands onto the table.
“SEVEN’S DAMNIT RIDDLE STOP TRYING TO COMMIT ARSON!”
Somewhere in the distance they could hear Lilia cackling.