Chapter Text
Zooble closed their eyes and tried to think of happier times.
Their family was big on camping growing up. There was a camping site on the river they would rent every summer for a week. They thought of how the sun would reflect off the water and how they used to jump from rock to rock, trying not to get wet. Sometimes they would stand in the shallows hunting for freshwater mussels and watching the tiny fish zip through the water.
Static rang in their ear like a bad case of tinnitus.
Their dad liked kayaking. They remembered sitting in his lap, as he rowed up and down the river. He would point out ducks and turtles and water snakes.
Their mom was always the worrying type and would stay on the shore to watch. If they didn’t wear life jackets and sunscreen, she threw a fit. Neither of their parents were big on “I love you” just “take care of yourself” and “do good”. It hadn’t always been easy with them, but they had thought things were getting better in the last few months before they entered the circus.
They squeezed Caine’s cold hand. They couldn’t hear his breath, so they had no other way of knowing if he was conscious.
If family life wasn’t exactly a walk in the park, they had friends. Not too many, growing up. They had always been a little too independent, a little too hard to approach for most kids their age, but when they had reached adulthood people started gravitating to them more. There was Gemma, one of their coworkers from the tattoo shop they worked at. She was sweet, if a little eccentric. Into crystals and all that. There was Kyle too, another coworker. He was always shy, but sometimes he surprised them with a funny quip. And his tattoo designs were stunning.
Caine squeezed back.
There was Luci and Kate, who had taught them everything they knew about bartending. Sheen and Mia who owned the bar and gave Zooble a chance. Some of the regulars. They could barely recall their faces now.
The night they put on the headset, they had plans to grab drinks after. They were thinking about signing up for stained glass classes at the local art studio. Sometimes it was hard to accept that part of their life was gone now.
They didn’t want to die holding Caine’s hand.
The eyes of the abstraction kept staring. They wondered who this was. A player they had known or from before they had joined the circus. They had never given the abstractions much thought before, but now they wondered what it must be like to be stripped of your memories and personality. They hoped Bubble and the others would come soon. They didn’t know what they could do against an abstraction, but at least they would have numbers.
The eyes disappeared. They still heard the static. Zooble sat up, going to discreetly check on it.
ZZZZZZZZzzzzzz
The noise was thin and electronic like it came from an old radio.
“It’s sleeping,” Caine whispered, “Good night.”
Zooble resisted the urge to smack him.
ZZZZZZZZzzzzzz
The abstraction kept snoring. What should they do now? Did they dare do anything or would that wake the sleeping creature? As if reading their mind, Caine sat up slowly.
“Ready to do the checksum?” he asked. Zooble nodded.
“Yeah, let’s do it.” Caine pulled up the terminal. The light illuminated his wound. They couldn’t help but stare. The glowing blue wound included his clothes and had widened to a few centimeters. Data was leaking out of it and onto the floor. It reminded them of a cracked porcelain doll. Hopefully fixing Caine was easier than fixing broken china.
What are you? They wondered. Every instinct they had told them to put pressure on it- to stem the bleeding somehow, but they knew they couldn’t treat Caine like a human anymore. He was something else. Caine met their gaze.
“Don’t worry,” he told them.
PLOP
Their heart skipped a beat, and they both turned to the abstraction. It had rolled onto its back, putting its legs up in the air like a dog waiting for a belly rub. They both frozeThe abstraction stayed put. Zooble turned to the computer. Alright, before this thing attacked them. The computer displayed a message:
ENTER ADMIN KEY
“Uh, Caine?” Zooble asked," Do you have a key?"
“Did it time out?” Caine asked, “There’s another way to log in. Type in my credentials.”
“Okay, I’m ready.”
“Untitled…,” he began. Zooble typed it in and double checked with Caine.
UntitledAI_vers5.07
He nodded his approval. They pressed enter.
“What is that?” They asked.
“My name,” he answered. They would have to think about that much later. “The password now,” Caine continued,” Cool with a capital c…”
CoolBees84
“That’s a terrible password,” Zooble told him.
“It’s easy to remember,” Caine defended.
“You’re a computer,” they exclaimed, “Aren’t you afraid you’ll get hacked?” The ringmaster crossed his arms.
“I’ve had this password for thirty years, and I have never had a problem before.”
“You haven’t changed your password in thirty years?” They asked. Never mind. They sighed. One problem at a time.“Just give me the checksum code.” They could teach Caine about cyber security later. Caine walked them through a whole paragraph of code. It went well. It was just slow, since Zooble needed to watch their glitching hands. They had mastered the ability to type with just one finger at a time. After a thorough review, Caine was satisfied with it, and they pressed enter.
FILE VERIFICATION IN PROGRESS > 1% COMPLETED
“It has to load?!” Zooble hissed.
“Of course, it has to load. It’s scanning every file in the circus and comparing it to the master copy,” Caine replied,” It’s a pretty large database.” Shit, they hadn’t even started fixing Caine yet.
“Can’t it just scan you?” They asked, “Why the whole circus?”
Caine looked away. “It just does.” He started wiggling his foot. “Since we have to wait a bit, do you want to play a game?” Zooble stared at him. Am I missing something here? He is like, dying, right? Caine looked at them expectantly. “We could play eye spy.”
“No thanks.” Zooble looked at the monitor again.
FILE VERIFICATION IN PROGRESS > 2% COMPLETED
“What do we do when the checksum is complete?” Zooble asked. Caine nodded along to imaginary music.
“It will give us a list of folders that need to be replaced, then we patch in default folders from the directory,” he said, “Easy, peasy. I think.” “Are you-” they paused. “Scared? At all?”
“No,” he said quickly, “The patching will hurt, but that’s all.”
“How long will this take?” Zooble asked
“I don’t know. I haven’t done this before,” he said.
“Have you rebooted before?” Zooble asked. Caine snapped his mouth closed.
“Yes,” he said finally,” It was not good. Two players abstracted. We almost lost a third. We’re not doing it again.”
“I didn’t realize… you cared when we abstracted,” Zooble said. Caine tilted his head.
“Why don’t you think I care?”
“Well you don’t really act like you care,” they said.
“How should I act?” Caine asked innocently.
“I don’t know, like it bothers you?”
“It does bother me,” he said.
“Well, then maybe don’t tell a f@#&-ing joke right after it happens,” Zooble snapped. They couldn’t recall the exact joke he had told after Kaufmo’s abstraction, but they could recall that he did, and Pomni had been particularly disturbed by it.
“You were all upset, I told a joke to cheer you up,” he explained, “Is that… not how it works?” Zooble shook their head. They tried to be angry at Caine for his sheer cluelessness. It was really hard to be angry at someone bleeding out on the floor.
“No. Abstraction is a horrible thing to happen. You shouldn’t joke about it.”
“Humans joke about horrible things happening all the time,” Caine explained,” For instance, Jax! He favors that type of humor, and he was the closest to Kaufmo, so I used his preferred style of humor to cheer him up.”
That made… sense, in a twisted sort of way. “Well Jax is an @$$hole,” Zooble told him, “It’s not healthy that he jokes about terrible stuff all the time.” Caine looked confused. Zooble couldn’t believe they were about to ask him this. “How did you feel when Kaufmo abstracted?” How do you feel when any of us abstract?
“I felt bad,” he said. Zooble huffed in frustration. Well, that was the most bland answer they could’ve possibly been given.
“Just bad? What does that even mean?”
“I felt bad,” Caine repeated. The couch flicked to its wireframe once. Then twice. Zooble turned their gaze to the abstraction, still sleeping peaceably beside them.
“Okay, okay.” The couch stabilized. “Just don’t do that again.”
“I won’t,” Caine agreed, looking up at the couch. They sat uncomfortably silent, watching the progress bar tick up.
For the first few days of being in the circus, they focused on escaping, just like everyone else. It wasn’t until that proved fruitless, that they turned their attention towards Caine. They focused all their rage and grief towards him, convinced he was the architect of their capture. They had sworn and yelled at him a lot in that first month. Eventually, they realized Caine was more like their babysitter.Their very annoying, excited babysitter. They never apologized for yelling at him.
After that they had never thought too much about his behavior. At most, they thought he cared for them like a toddler cares for toys. They were fun to play with, but he didn’t care if they broke. He was oblivious to their pain. But if he did care? If he did care, and he simply - too alien?- to really help them? Then what? Zooble felt like they understood him even less now. And of course they couldn’t ask him anything right now because he would start glitching. But they could ask him after, when an abstraction wasn’t breathing down their necks. They made a mental list in their mind: 1. His name 2. The abstractions 3. Cyber security 101
Great, I'm making plans to talk to Caine now.
FILE VERIFICATION IN PROGRESS > 18% COMPLETED
At least it was moving. They watched the progress bar increase to thirty percent. Zooble looked over at Caine. His mouth was closed. They nudged him. His mouth opened to reveal his eyes. “You good?” they asked.
“Oh yeah,” he said, sounding like he had fallen asleep in class.
“Be honest,” they told him, “Seriously I need to know if you aren’t feeling well.”
“Mmm fine,” he said, “Just tired from all the scanning.” Scanning?
“You’re doing the checksum?” they asked.
“Mmm hmm.” It required his own energy to fix himself? Zooble didn’t know much about computers, but that seemed like a poor design.
“Can I- do anything to help?”
“Nope! Just takes some of my processing power,” he said. Even the red of his coat and gums seemed less saturated. We still need to patch in the folders.
“Hey, are you able to do this?” Zooble asked. Caine saluted them. Zooble got close to him. “You’re really not inspiring a lot of confidence right now.”
Caine gave them two thumbs up. “You can do it, Zooble! I believe in you!” Great. Wonderful. We’re all going to die. They were racing against a loading bar.
FILE VERIFICATION IN PROGRESS > 59% COMPLETED
Caine was still giving them a thumbs up. His hands were starting to blur. It was kind of pathetic. “Hey, um,” Zooble started, feeling awkward already, “When I first came to the circus, and I yelled at you a bunch- I’m sorry for that.”
“I’m not sorry for any other time I yelled at you,” They clarified.
“Oh,” Caine said quietly,” That’s okay. Everyone yells at me at first.” They weren’t sure what to say to that. Guess just add it to the list.
FILE VERIFICATION IN PROGRESS > 63% COMPLETED
“Do I have to render everything?” Caine whined, “Or just some of the things?”
“Just render the important things, I guess. Like the air,” Zooble said.
“There’s no air in the circus,” Caine said, sounding confused, “Should I be rendering air?” Suddenly, Zooble’s vision was flooded with a million white pixels. Their lungs filled up with a thick, suffocating substance.
“What is happening?!” Zooble shouted, feeling their chest constricting.
“I’m rendering air!”
“Well stop it!” They said with the last of their breath. Their vision cleared. They took several deep breaths in. The abstraction stood up, walked in a circle three times, and laid back down.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “I’m sorry.”
“No. Uh-uh. We’re not doing this,” They said, “Reboot now.” Caine shook his head.
“I know it’s not a great option,” Zooble reasoned, keeping their volume down, “but it might be the safest. Please just show me how to do it, just in case.”
“Not yet,” Caine’s voice was hoarse.
“Come on,” Zooble begged, lifting his hand to put it on the keyboard, “You’re gonna die.”
“You’ll abstract!” Caine shouted, a little too loud. Zooble hushed him.
“Maybe not all of us,” they said, knowing it was a cold comfort, “What happens if you die? We’ll be in the dark forever!”
“Zooble, Zooble. We don’t know that,” he said, his voice light and thin,”It’s never happened before.” Forget the code bleed. Zooble is going to kill him.
“What else could happen?” They demanded.
“Maybe it’s the way you all get to go home,” Caine mused. Zooble let go of his hand.
What if it was?
Why would you say that, they thought angrily. The worst part was it made sense. More sense than ninety percent of the escape theories they all came up with. They thought of everyone they had lost. Everyone they wanted to see. Could they look at them, knowing they had stepped over someone else to get there? It was all good to say they didn’t want to go home that way, but they weren’t the only ones affected by the decision. What would the other players want? Would they take the chance that this was the way out? They didn’t need to kill Caine. They just needed to not help him. They didn’t need to make a choice, just let fate decide. The air grew warm and stifling. What had Caine ever done to deserve help anyway? Other than send them on traumatic adventures, one after the other. He was the reason the circus was such a fucking difficult place to begin with. And yet the idea of leaving him now left their stomach in knots.
They thought of the river, and their dad’s lap. They thought of the vibration of a tattoo gun, and how glass and solder might feel in their hand. Their real hands.
They thought of how Caine had protected them. Was that a glimmer of humanity or the Ringmaster protocol? Maybe it had merely been a comforting gesture. They looked at Caine, none the wiser.This was too cynical, even for them.
Ah, fuck this shit.
"Shut up,” they told him, “You’re delirious.” They hovered their hand over Caine’s avatar. The air around him was noticeably hotter than the circus. “Caine, you're really warm. You can’t get an infection, can you?”
“CPU spike.”
“What can we do?”
“Wait it out.” It was a dry, mechanical heat and without sweat there was no relief from it. God, what if he lit the couch on fire? Zooble used their hand to circulate some colder air.
“Hi Zooble.” Caine waved back.
“This is dangerous,” they hissed, “You need to be rebooted now.”
“I don’t know if that will work,” Caine admitted, “I don’t know what’s going to work. I’m not supposed to fix myself.”
“We’ll think of something,” they told him, “We’ll come up with a plan. Do we need the checksum to put in the folders?”
“They haven’t come to fix me,” Caine said, before growing quiet. The heat dissipated, but the burnt smell lingered in the air. He stared at nothing. The texture of the couch flashed, so it was just the wireframe- in and out, and in and out. Zooble watched the abstraction shift in its sleep. They froze, unable to calm him down. If the abstraction attacked, they realized they needed to get it away from Caine. They knew that was practically impossible with only one leg, but it was the only plan they could form.
“Do you think they’re done with me?” Caine asked quietly. Dozens of eyes sprung open and stared at them.
I’m gonna run. I’ll distract it, and keep it away from Caine.
The abstraction roared. Zooble tried to make a run for it, when Caine covered them with his body.
Get off of me you moron, I’m trying to save you!
The abstraction descended upon them, the air teeming with static shock. Caine snapped his fingers furiously. Zooble braced themselves for impact. Caine lurched forward. His eyes went blue and a loud dial tone sound blared. The abstraction vanished.
“Huzzah!” Caine cheered.
“Where did you send it?”
“I don’t know!”
His whole body convulsed as though he had stuck his hand in a power socket. The tear grew to half an inch wide.
“Oh, fuck.”
Zooble's eyes widened. They had just-
Caine looked down at the injury, data pouring out of it. He looked at them, his eyes wide and full of fear. Zooble may not know much about computers, but they knew what shock looked like.
“Lay down,” they told him, “Lay down and put your feet up.” They didn’t know if it would help, but it was worth a shot. Caine started leaning back.
“The others are calling me,” he said, as Zooble guided him back down, “I should go to them.” Fine tremors went through his body.
“No, no,” They said firmly, “The others are fine. You will stay here.” He was lying down now, Zooble helped him lift his legs up. “It’s okay,” they told him, with a serenity they didn’t know they possessed, “You are going to be fine. We’re going to patch the folders in.”
Caine started shaking his head furiously. “Stay calm,” Zooble said.
“Does Gangle have her comedy mask?” Caine asked them, starting to sit back up, “I want to make sure she’s all set.”
“She has it,” they lied, pushing him back down, “Just stay still and stay calm.” Caine stared at them.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “I didn’t make this very fun for you, did I?”
“I had fun,” They said, “You’re going to be okay.” He wasn’t going to be okay, not unless Zooble thought of something. They needed to end the checksum. It was using up too much of Caine’s energy. They went to the terminal and entered:
CTRL + ALT + DEL
FILE VERIFICATION ENDED
Okay, perfect! They looked over to Caine. His eyes had turned blue again, the dial tone droning on.
RINGMASTER.exe IS NOT RESPONDING. REPORT SENT TO C&A. STANDBY
“I know he’s not responding!” Zooble shouted. They typed in reboot and pressed enter. Nothing happened.
RESTART
RESET
They pressed CTRL ALT DEL again.
They key-smashed.
They hit the screen.
SESSION TIMED OUT
ENTER ADMIN KEY
The computer disappeared. “Caine!” They called, shaking his shoulder. “Caine, the computer is gone. Wake up. I have to reboot you.”
“Reboot!” Zooble shouted, “Restart! WAKE UP! ” They shook him again.
“Zooble!” A voice called out. They felt their heart jolt, but it wasn’t Caine. It was Kinger.
“Zooble!” This time it was Ragatha. “Are you okay?”
“I’m over here!” Zooble called back, “Behind the wall!” They needed to find them. “I’ll be right back,” they promised Caine.
They crawled away from him, listening to Kinger’s and Ragatha’s voice, and calling back to them. "I'm with Caine!" They shouted," He needs help! Come to us!"
Ragatha ran towards them, with Kinger behind her. They both had flashlights. “I’ll help you up,” she said, helping Zooble climb to their foot, “What happened to your leg?”
“I don’t know. It’s lost,” they answered. Losing their leg seemed like it happened a century ago. Their breaths were coming in way too fast.
“I’ll help you find it,” Ragatha said, shining the flashlight around the floor.
“We’re so glad we found you,” Kinger said, “It’s been a kooky day.”
“We’ve been looking for Caine,” Kinger said, “The sun is gone.”
“He’s with me,” Zooble spit out, “He’s bleeding.” Ragatha frowned. Kinger looked confused.
“He can’t bleed.”
“He- it’s-“ Ragatha stepped forward. Her flashlight illuminated a splatter of blue. They felt sick. “Don’t step there!” They shouted, “It’s code. It’s from Caine.” Ragatha jumped back.
“Caine is leaking code?” Kinger asked, his voice hushed. Zooble nodded. "Where is he?"
“Come with me. Hurry,” Zooble said and as best they could on one leg, led the way. Ragatha put her arm around them, and for once Zooble didn’t mind her motherly behavior.