Chapter Text
Fern quietly tiptoed to the Toothpaste Speaker Box crusher, where the crushed remains of TSB (Toothpaste Speaker Box) still laid littered on the platform.
After weeping over his Speaker Box (and promptly replanting him somewhere else) he wanted to go see Toothpaste Speaker Box, seeing as how she appeared at the start of the episode and was immediately crushed.
Maybe that would help him get over his LOT (Lack-Of-Toothpaste) Syndrome.
Sidewalky had snitched on him (Needy invited him to her daily spy fly where they saw them talking at the TLC) to Announcer which caused him to leave Fern with a warning, saying that if he ever returned to the Titanic Loser Chamber he would be automatically eliminated.
Reason? It was cheating apparently.
Sticker is RIGHT THERE Announcer!
Hence, being unable to get his daily dose of intimate gremlin contact, he always ended up feeling depressed and lonely after challenges, which says a lot because this was the first challenge after that whole mess and he was already feeling like this. It just wasn’t the same without her chaotic and full energy.
Sure, Sticker was wacky in his own little way, but he was more annoying than maniacal (not to mention he STOLE Fern’s Speaker Box. Cheater!)
Money and Sidewalky were that ‘rude and evil’ type of chaos. Nothing could ever replace that special ingredient that only Toothpaste seemed to possess.
He snapped out of it, realizing he was just standing idly by next to the crusher in plain sight. Gah, stop dreaming off in the middle of a heist Fern!
Swiftly and sneakily, he snatched the broken pieces of TSB and snuck off into the forest.
Now he would have taken her to the secret garden but for some reason the mountain where it was located was surrounded in a ring of fire that was still burning until now. He sighed. Hopefully in the morning it would dissipate.
He had no choice but to run off and find a suitable and quiet area to revive the TSB, and as he was searching for one he figured out the perfect place to put it.
It was almost as if he had never left.
The trees towered over the quaint little patch of grass, surrounding it in a circular formation.
The rocks were just as smooth as he last saw them, the mushrooms still glowing that mystical light blue color.
The moonlight cast a spotlight down onto the center of the trees and rocks, as if yearning for someone (or some people) to hop in and dance underneath its soft touch.
He giggled, picturing him and Toothpaste waltzing under there just as they had about a week ago. Oh, how time flies.
After basking in the evening breeze with a big smile on his face, he knelt down and began to fix the Toothpaste Speaker Box up.
Just as before, he climbed up the trees, picking out the perfect set of leaves and branches and stitching them onto the TSB before stuffing it into the ground, shuffling dirt over her white boxy head.
He added a little drizzle of water and after making sure the soil was moist enough, he waited.
After about 5 minutes of waiting it looked like no progress was being made. He continued to water and cover it with more dirt, stuffing in more leaves and branches, but nothing was working.
Weird. His Speaker Box was able to regrow in just a few seconds, what was taking this one so long?
He tried again, picking new leaves and branches and restuffing it back into the ground.
Again, nothing happened or changed in the slightest. It still crumbled back into pieces when he took it out.
He groaned in frustration. “Why won’t you work?!”
Maybe there was something he wasn’t getting. How did the other contestants fix their Speaker Boxes?
Sticker’s Speaker Box just had to be stuck together to be fixed.
Needy’s Speaker Box was like glass and had to be glued piece by piece.
His Speaker Box had to be grown probably due to the fact that he was a plant.
So maybe Toothpaste’s Speaker Box also operated on her own terms.
A lightbulb ignited in his mind as he finally knew what to do, skedaddling off in search of a certain amalgamate tree.
After a few minutes he returned with a tube-shaped fruit, colored blue and streaked with white stripes.
How could he ever forget the abominable fruit tree he and Toothpaste grew together? It was a miracle it was still producing fruit.
He cracked it open and took a generous blob of toothpaste from the inside, grabbing each broken piece of the TSB and coating their every crack and edge with fresh from the tree dental paste.
It was just like how Toothpaste fixed the Glass Heart for him all those weeks ago, now he was here fixing her Speaker Box with the same method. If that’s just a coincidence then I don’t know what is.
It took a while but finally every little smudge was plastered with toothpaste. He carefully grabbed each piece and gently stuck them together, one after the other, until it was fully glued and pasted back in her original form.
He squeezed his chin, waiting and hoping the Speaker Box would awaken.
……….
“Ow!” The Toothpaste Speaker Box suddenly jolted awake, shaking off the excess toothpaste that lined along her body, revealing it to be perfectly intact with no more holes or cracks.
Fern gasped in delight, clapping his hands together. “Yay, it worked!”
“Where Am I?!” The Speaker Box yelled, whirling around wildly as it hopped to and fro.
“No no no it’s ok! You’re safe here!” Fern assured, stepping back to give the TSB her personal space.
TSB was able to recognize that voice, having heard it from her creator almost a million times. “Fern?”
Fern’s eyes widened in surprise. “Ah yes! That’s me! Good ol’ Fern!”
“Fern.”
“Yeah!”
“Fern…”
He laughed nervously. “Yes?”
An awkward silence settled between them, Fern twitching and fiddling with his hands and the Speaker Box staring at him dead on.
“...You Are Much Less Impressive Than My Creator Says You To Be.”
He gawked. “What?”
“Her Descriptions Of The Cutest Most Beautiful Piece Of Fern Are More Or Less Inaccurate.”
“E-excuse me?”
“But Thank You For Putting Me Back Together. I Will Be Sure To Alert My Creator Of Your Kind Deed.”
“Oh, um no problem-”
“Now I Shall Go And Find Announcer To Kill Him For Destroying Me And Eliminating My Creator!” TSB began hopping towards the exit, brandishing a knife from a compartment in her body. “I Will Avenge You Creator!”
What? She was leaving already? “Wait!” Fern called out.
TSB stopped and turned around.
“Um…” Fern bit on his lip. “Could you stay here for a little while? I kinda miss Toothpaste and you’re the closest thing I have to her right now…”
“Huh.” The Speaker Box paused before hopping back in the middle and sheathing her knife arm. “Alright. Only For A Few Minutes.”
He smiled, her on the head. “Thanks.”
They sat down in the middle of the circle, face to face with the Speaker Box underneath the moonlight.
It was super weird thinking that the Speaker Box in front of him was actually ‘Toothpaste’ as a Speaker Box and not Announcer painted in her colors.
It was also beginning to get awkward, with neither of them speaking up, so Fern decided to try and break the silence.
“So,” Fern said, turning to look at the Speaker Box. “You’re like a Speaker Box version of Toothpaste, right?”
“Correct.” TSB explained, “I Was Created Based On Toothpaste’s Image And Demeanor, Hence She Is The Reason For My Creation.”
Fern nodded. “You must have the same thoughts and feelings as her then?”
“No.”
“Oh. Do you know anything about her at least?”
“Unfortunately I Do Not Know That Much About My Creator As I Was Just Born Today, But One Thing I Know Is That She Has A Serious Amount Of Affection For You.”
He giggled. “Yeah, I kinda figured.”
“That Which I Do Not Understand.”
“Mhm… wait- huh?”
The TSB began looking him up and down. “Your Calm Demeanor And Patheticality Prove To Be Very Endearing To Her For Some Reason. Even Though You Barely Qualify My Standards Of ‘Cute,’ ‘Handsome,’ and ‘Tuff’ As My Creator Says You To Be.”
“I-I don’t like how you’re describing me-”
“Somehow, Despite All That, She Still Finds You Attractive And Fun. I Myself Still Do Not Understand, But I Will Not Question The Decisions Of My Creator.”
Fern snorted. “You really worship Toothpaste huh?”
“Toothpaste Adores Me.” The TSB said, “She Says I’m Like Her Child. She Says One Day We Will Go Out Hunting All Our Enemies To Extinction And After That She Will Retire And Live In A Small Cottage With Her Husband Whose Description Matches Yours.”
Fern blushed. “Oh wow.”
“An Intricate Vision Of Hers. She Speaks About It All The Time.”
“Really? She never mentioned that.”
“We Had A Day’s Worth Of Conversation In Under A Second After My Creation. That Is How I Obtained All The Information I Have Gotten From Her.”
Fern groaned silently. How many secret superpowers did his girlfriend have already??
He was still curious (disregarding the secret superpower shtick) about this Speaker Box’s take on them being together. If this really was like her child then maybe it would be wise to ask her how she felt about their relationship, kinda like a stepfather trying to bond with his stepchildren.
“So uh, Toothpaste Speaker Box?” Fern asked. “You said it’s confusing for me and her to be together, why is that?”
“My Inferred Guess?” The TSB replied. “I’m Guessing It Is Due To The Fact That You Two Appear To Be Polar Opposites Of Each Other. She’s Ready To Kill. You’re A Pacifist. She’s Strong. You’re Not. She’s A Dental Product. You’re A Plant. Not To Mention You Both Started Out As Enemies. Nothing About You Two Should Click, Yet It Does.”
Fern had to chuckle at the thought. “I guess that’s what they mean by opposites attract?”
The Speaker Box nodded. “Like Two Sides Of The Yin And Yang. Whatever They Call It, I Don’t Listen Too Much To The Philosophical.”
Fern nodded, but TSB still had more to say. “Although I Think I May Have Formulated A Reason On Why Your Relationship Works. My Guess Is That You Two Fill Out Holes In Each Other That You Never Knew You Had. Toothpaste Needing Someone Who Can Balance Out Her Chaotic Nature, And You Needing Someone To Help You Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone Of ‘Forever Kindness And Weak Muscles.’”
Ok. The Speaker Box was just dissing him on purpose at this point. “For someone who doesn’t listen to the philosophical, you’re getting really philosophical right now.”
“Wisdom Can Only Be Achieved When We Defeat Our Enemies, Toothpaste 2026.”
Dang, she had quotes now?
He was definitely going to tease her about that when she got out.
“I Have To Ask, However.” The Speaker Box said, hopping closer to Fern and examining him up and down. “I Require Proof Of Your Faith And Love To My Creator. She Is Still In Disarray From Her Encounters Of You And Jammy Together.”
“Oh.” Fern didn’t realize she was still irritated about it. He had honestly partially forgotten about Jammy but still hoped in the back of his mind that she was ok after the Valentine’s incident.
“So Tell Me, Fern. Do You Love My Creator?” Toothpaste Speaker Box asked. “Do You Love Toothpaste?”
Fern, with a face as firm as a brick wall and confidence unwavering, answered clearly “I do. I love her.”
The TSB paused, before turning away in understanding. “I Detect 93.672% Sincerity In Your Confession. You Pass, Although I Hope One Day That Will Turn Into A 100%.”
“Huh?” Fern furrowed. “You mean I’m not sincere enough?”
“I’m A Robot. I Do Not Understand Object Emotions So It May Be An Error, But If My Readings Are Correct Then You Need To Up Your Love Game If You Want To Reach Full Sincerity, Fern.”
He glanced down at the ground. Was he not loving her enough? No, that couldn’t be true. He knew he loved her, so so so much.
It was probably an error like she said. But what if…
Nah. Did it really matter though? 93 percent is a pretty high number. He shouldn’t start doubting himself now, not after he promised to win this for her.
He laid down on the ground, exhausted from all this wisdom speak.
If he really wasn’t sincere enough… he was going to do everything in his power to make that sincerity percent a full 100. Toothpaste deserved the world.
He began to stare at the night sky, watching the stars twinkle above them. He swore he saw a bunch of constellations form little figures that looked just like him and Toothpaste, holding hands while skipping past galaxies and black holes.
Maybe when they left this Earth they too would wander around the universe, gone from the mortal realm but still together in every form of being.
Quite poetic for something that started out as a rivalry.
It brought a tear to his eye.
Oh if only Toothpaste was here to see it with him…
At least there was the Speaker Box rendition of her. That was enough for him to feel her presence.
“You know…” He whispered, “I’m glad you’re here, even if you aren’t the actual Toothpaste.”
The Speaker Box “No worries. Just Don’t Expect Me To Get All Romantic With You As I Do Not Possess Any Attraction To You Unlike My Creator.”
“I’m not. It would be weird trying to flirt with a Speaker Box anyway.”
“Indeed.”
“Maybe I could bring my Speaker Box over, you might get a connection with him.”
“I Am A Speaker Box. My Job Is To Speak And Fulfill The Will Of My Creator, Which Is To Kill All Our Enemies!”
He sighed. She really was just Toothpaste in a Speaker Box body. “I’m sure she would be proud of you, you’re basically her spitting image.”
“...You Really Think So?”
“Don’t doubt yourself.” Fern assured, stroking the top of the Speaker Box’s head. “You're a great Speaker Box.”
“...Thank You Fern.”
“No problem.” He sighed longingly, his eyes sparkling in the evening light.
Maybe someday they really would retire to some old peaceful cottage, living out the rest of their days in harmony with their Speaker Boxes as company.
But Speaker Box or not, all the company they needed was each other.
He smiled. “I can’t wait to see her again.”
…
…
…
“Ok I’m Off To Kill Announcer Now.”