Chapter Text
Snowflakes swirled through the hospital courtyard. Morning frost dusted the bushes, and a light chill nipped at their faces. Baku walked toward the entrance holding a bouquet of white roses, which earned him a round of teasing from Gotak and Suho. Sieun and Juntae carried balloons with the words "Get well soon!" and "Welcome back!" printed on them.
Baekjin waited for them by the window of his room. He'd cracked it open, letting snowflakes drift inside. Spotting him, Baku quickly hid the flowers behind his back and waved.
"Close the window! You'll catch a cold!" he called out, laughing awkwardly. Baekjin's face spread into a smile the likes of which no one had ever seen there before. He'd never felt this happy. In that moment, he almost believed he could start over with a clean slate.
His heart raced at the sight of Humin. He was laughing loudly, joyfully. Baekjin loved seeing him like this. Carefree. And now, he wanted to be one of the reasons for his smiles.
The group disappeared from view, leaving only the echoes of their laughter behind. Soon they'd be coming up to him, flooding the hospital corridors with their warmth. Baekjin sat on the edge of the bed, hands folded on his knees, and waited.
They burst into the room like a whirlwind, bringing a gust of cold air with them. Baekjin's smile returned the moment he saw Baku. The white roses looked unexpected in his hands, but they stirred a sweet thrill in his chest. He took the bouquet from Baku's cool hands, and Baku pulled him into a tight embrace.
"Get well soon! Welcome back!" the others cheered and clapped.
Baekjin held Humin close. Chest to chest. He'd almost forgotten what it felt like to hold someone. Baku's hands rested on his back, pressing gently. Warmth spread through him.
"Excuse me, everyone," said Dr. Chwe, entering the room. The two pulled apart. "The patient needs to change. Only one visitor can stay."
The group nodded and filed out without a word. Gotak gave Baku a quick wink before leaving.
"We'll wait in the hallway!"
The doctor turned to them with a bright smile.
"Glad to see you're recovering, Mr. Na. Be sure to come in for your checkup next week."
Baekjin nodded in thanks.
"Thank you, Doctor," Humin said warmly, bowing deeply. "Thank you for saving Na Baekjin. I'll be grateful to you for the rest of my life."
"Take care of yourselves," Dr. Chwe said with a wide smile, raising a mock-threatening finger. "No more school fights!"
Baekjin and Baku exchanged a startled glance. The doctor let out a rueful laugh.
"I know how cruel kids can be."
She gave them one last gentle smile.
"Seriously, take care."
She left the room, and they were alone.
"I'll help you pack," Humin said, heading for the closet. Baekjin stood frozen, watching him, gripping the white roses in his trembling hands. He waited until Baku brought him the clothes: a black jacket, jeans, and a white turtleneck.
"Don't you have anything warmer?" Baku asked.
Everything Baekjin owned now was what he'd been wearing when they found him, plus his phone. Baku moved to take off his own jacket, but Baekjin stopped him.
"It's okay," he murmured, meeting his friend's eyes. "I won't be cold."
"You could've at least taken a blanket. You idiot!"
Baku slapped his own forehead and let out a frustrated groan. Baekjin gave him a soft smile at the words of concern. He set the bouquet on the bedside table and took the clothes from Baku.
He started to change. Humin stared openly for a moment before catching himself.
Look away, he thought.
He bit his lip and turned back—and met Baekjin's gaze. Baekjin stood in just his jeans. His porcelain-white chest looked even paler against the snowy landscape outside the window. Baku's heart clenched.
Baekjin quickly pulled on the turtleneck, hiding the bruises and cuts. Humin couldn't stop staring, and the attention made Baekjin increasingly self-conscious. He put on the black jacket over the turtleneck and sat on the bed with his back to Baku.
"What is it?" Baku was immediately on his feet, pulling a chair in front of him. "Jin-ah..."
Baekjin clasped his hands on his knees and dropped his gaze. Suddenly, he felt so ashamed in front of Baku. He wanted to push him away. To bury his feelings behind a mask and run somewhere he couldn't be found.
Or to die. For real, this time.
"Baekjin-ah..."
How could he have believed, even for a moment, that he could change anything? He wasn't worthy. Humin had real friends. Friends who never hurt him, never left marks. Unlike Baekjin, they were decent people.
It was like a dam had burst inside his chest, flooding him with black bile. Humin's fingers wrapped around his hands. They were so warm, so needed. Baekjin flinched and looked up.
"Talk to me," Baku pleaded, his tone almost begging, not realizing how much it hurt. "Don't shut me out. I don't want to lose you again."
Desperation colored his voice. Baekjin's heart ached.
"We should have talked before. It's my fault. I'm sorry I pushed you away."
"No!" Baekjin cut him off sharply. "No, I'm sorry. I should have told you I had problems. I didn't want to drag you into them, but I did anyway..."
He dropped his head, pressing his forehead against Humin's hands. He sniffled.
"I was never good at being a friend."
"It's not your fault," Humin said softly, pulling one hand free to grip his shoulder.
"I should have tried harder..."
Baekjin stared down at his knees, ashamed.
"You were just a child who made a bad choice."
Baekjin looked up in surprise. Baku's face was full of sorrow.
"I should have… I should have helped you! Done something. Some friend I am…"
He choked on a sob, also looking away. Baekjin watched him with a tenderness he didn't quite understand.
"You couldn't have done anything. You were just a child too."
Their eyes finally met. They were both barely holding back tears.
"Do I have a chance to make any of this right…?"
The question sounded rhetorical. Baku gave a sad laugh.
"I'm still here. I think together we can… try."
Baekjin gave a tentative smile, squeezing Humin's hand tighter.
"Thank you. For being there. For waiting for me."
Baku shrugged awkwardly, pressing his lips together.
"How could I not…?"
They sat in silence for a while, holding hands. Baku's gaze drifted to the flowers on the table.
"Those'll wilt."
Baekjin followed his gaze and let out a small laugh.
"Thanks for those, by the way."
"It's nothing!" Baku said with a grin, letting go of his hands. They were quiet for another moment, watching each other, when Baekjin asked, surprising even himself:
"Did you cry at my funeral?"
Baku's eyes went wide.
"Who told you that?" he asked with a surprised laugh. "Gotak?"
"So you did cry…"
"You're happy about that?"
"No. It's just… it's nice to know I still mean something to you." Baekjin regretted bringing it up, but it was too late now. Besides, he really wanted to know.
"Wasn't it obvious before?" Baku teased.
"I wasn't at my funeral. I didn't see."
They both laughed.
"Good thing. It wasn't any fun," Baku said with a smirk.
"Weird. I don't think I was very well-liked," Baekjin said, playing along. When they were kids, they'd sometimes joke like this.
"Who ever said I didn't like you?" Baku shot back indignantly, waving his hands—then stopped. "Oh…"
Baekjin had been so lost in the past that it took him a moment to register what he'd just said.
"What…?"
He stared at his friend. Baku shook his head and let out an awkward laugh.
"The guys are probably waiting for us."
He stood and headed for the door, but Baekjin grabbed his wrist. They stared at each other. Without meaning to, Baekjin tightened his grip and pulled. Baku lost his balance and had to sit on the bed. He saw Baekjin's pupils widen. Something strange passed between them, like the air had become charged with electricity.
Baku's lips parted. Acting on impulse, he gently cupped Baekjin's face. A spark seemed to flare between them. Baku leaned in and kissed him, his fingers brushing their lips as if to hide them. The trance broke quickly, and he pulled back in alarm.
"Sorry… I don't know what came over me…"
Baekjin stared without blinking. His face was a mixture of shock and something else. The air became impossible to breathe. Baku coughed, got to his feet, and stood frozen, looking toward the door. Suddenly, he realized he couldn't run. Running would destroy everything between them. He clenched his fists, trembling.
Baekjin seemed to have lost the power of speech too. He looked up at Humin, biting his lip.
"Sorry. I'm an idiot."
Baku ran a shaking hand through his hair and licked his lips, still unable to meet Baekjin's eyes. He felt like he was about to pass out. So did Baekjin.
They stood frozen, stone statues, and when a knock came at the door, they both jolted.
"Are you done in there? We're going to a café without you!" Gotak shouted.
"We're hungry!" Suho joined in, and the others laughed.
Baku finally looked at Baekjin. Baekjin dropped his gaze. He looked as lost as Baku felt. It snapped him back to reality.
He held out his hand.
"Let's go, Jin-ah."
Baekjin looked at the outstretched palm, then at Humin's tentative smile, and finally placed his hand in his. He got to his feet, and they nearly bumped noses. Baku let out a flustered laugh. Baekjin couldn't help but smile.
"Sorry. You go first," Baku said, stepping aside. Baekjin took the bouquet of white roses from the table, and they walked out together.
"Finally!" Gotak cried, throwing his arms up.
"We were about to starve to death!" Suho added, clapping Baekjin on the shoulder and shoving him forward. "Come on, let's go!"
Without waiting, the group set off down the corridor, chattering loudly. Baekjin and Baku walked beside them. Their hands brushed, and instinctively, their fingers intertwined. Baekjin looked up at Humin in surprise, but seeing the faint smile on his face, he relaxed. Baku tugged his hand, and they hurried to catch up with their friends.
It was the beginning of something beautiful.