Chapter Text
Hayden
SHANE HOLLANDER
WHAT THE FUCK
why are you eating mcdonalds with ILYA ROZANOV
I have spent YEARS trying to get you to eat a single fucking fry
and instead you go and do it with ROZANOV
missed call
missed call
missed call
Hayden
pick up your phone!!
this is a betrayal of our friendship
why the hell would you eat fucking MCDONALDS with rozanov and not me!!
WAIT
HOLD ON
OH FUCKING HELL
TELL ME ITS NOT SO
TELL ME ILYA ROZANOV IS NOT ‘BOSTON LILY’!!
SHANE HOLLANDER PICK UP YOUR PHONE
I WILL CALL YOUR MOTHER
missed call
missed call
missed call
missed call
missed call
missed call
Hayden
I am not going to stop
not until you pick up your phone!!
you fucking traitor!!
how could you!’
Wait
shit
Not like that!
I mean im certainly shocked
but i am not pissed at you for the rozanov thing
well i mean a little
but not in the way you would think!
Shane
You are so fucking lucky that Jackie saw those texts before i could
and that she had the good sense to text me a warning
because what the fuck dude!! Do you know what that sounds like??
also fucking delete those Hayden!
what the fuck!
are you trying to fucking out me?
Hayden
shit! sorry sorry
I deleted them
and shit no
i didnt mean it like that
not at all
im so sorry
but dude!
Shane
I know
and listen Hayden
Im really sorry i didnt tell you
Its just that coming out was already so stressful
and i know you dont like him that much
but i love him
Hayden
ok first
dude i love you
nothing will change that
you are my best friend alright?
you would have to like kill one of my kids
or Jackie
to make me hate you
alright?
i need to know that you know that
Shane
I do
Tho you are so fucking lucky I saw Jackies texts first
Though I am going to admit
I don’t know what else could have you so mad
Hayden
really??
you cant think of anything??
nothing at all??
Shane
No??
Hayden
you can't think of any reason why I would be mad
that YOU ate fucking mcdonalds with ILYA ROZANOV
Shane
Oh my god
You are not fucking serious
Hayden
9 YEARS SHANE
FOR 9 YEARS I HAVE WATCHED YOU TORTURE YOURSELF
for 9 years i have been begging you to try a single fucking fry
and yet you betray me by going out drinking with him
and then you went to fuckign mcdonalds
this is the worst thing you could have done to me
Shane
you are
you are actually fucking serious
oh my god you’re a bigger drama queen then he is
how is this my life??
Hayden
do not try and turn this on me!!
I am the wronged party here!!
how the fuck did he get you to do this??
his dick is surely not that good??
Shane
I mean…
kind of yeah
also delete that!
Hayden
I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT!!!
(yep deleted)
Shane
Then maybe don’t fucking ask??
Hayden
IT WAS RHETORICAL
I hate you both
Jackie says you have to bring him to dinner
But Im banning your bird food in my home now
Shane:
Oh really? Because I am pretty sure you’re not the one doing the cooking
and also Jackie wouldn’t do that to me
Hayden
FUCK
LET ME HAVE ONE THING
ONE THING
Shane
✨No ✨
@ho11anov
sooo is now a good time to admit im a little confused as to why that photo that ilya had of shane was such a big deal??
@ho11anov
Like I know, I know he was wearing a raiders hoodie but in the video he only really reacted when Ilya threatened to show it to Pike?? Like wtf was that about?
@ilyarozanov81
is because @pikehayden5 is a drama queen
@ridingfortheraiders
did- did rozy just reply to a fucking HOLLANOV account??
@pikehayden5
oh fuck you rozanov. it was a justified and proportional response to a massive fucking BETRAYAL of our friendship!!
@hollandersgirl
I am so confused
@shanehollanderhockey
Oh for fucks sake Hayden - it was one time!! one fucking time!! Get over it!
@shaydenslover
oh i hate this
@hollanoverlyfer
oh i love this
@pikehayden5
9 years Hollander!! For 9 years I have been begging you to do this!! and you go and do it with fucking ROZANOV!!
@shanehollanderhockey
You are such a fucking drama queen, you know that? @jackiepike can you please come get your husband? Or at least talk some sort of sense into him??
@jackiepike
Sorry Shane, this is far too fucking funny to stop now. But I wish you luck!
@shanehollanderhockey
I had to try.
@ilyarozanov81
Sorry Pike, but I guess even your little crush on Hollander wasn’t enough to be able to show him a proper good time
@pikehayden5
…Shane I know your friends or whatever now. But I am going to fucking kill him.
@ilyarozanov81
ah ah, you already tried that. and failed
@shanehollanderhockey
OKAY. @pikehayden5 You cannot say things like that on the internet!! Our PR teams already dealing with enough of a crisis as is! and @ilyarozanov81 don’t you have a puck to go hit! If Boston loses their game tonight because you were too distracted by this, I will never let you live it down and thats a fucking promise. Now I have to go and make another fucking statement. Both of you are to fucking BEHAVE.
@h0ckeybitch
I- wtf is happening right now??
@ottawasgirl
I think that we might have just witnessed both a Shane Hollander and a Hayden Pike crash out. I do not know how I feel about this.
@montrealabby
Going to be honest, didn't think Hollander had it in him. Good for him tho!
@raidersgirl
Ok but did anyone else notice that roz was replying to a hollanov account?? Or are we just skipping over that??
@shaydensmistress
I think this may be the worst day of my life
@shaydenslover
no because same
@rozysgirl
I am begging you both to go touch grass. Or at least go outside. Please!
@shanehollanderhockey
Before my idiotic drama queen of a best friend can cause more fucking headlines, I’ll say it here. I stick to a fairly strict performance diet. Hayden has been trying to get me to adhere to it a little less strictly for years. The reason I didn’t want that photo sent to Hayden was because I knew he would react exactly like this. And because Rozanov is far too fucking smug about the fact that he managed to convince me to get drunk and break said diet with him. But when all is done and said, I would like to remind everyone that we are in fact (mostly) all friends and ask that you do not take anything either of them have said to each other seriously. Like ever. Please. I am begging. I have so many emails from HR AND PR in my inbox.
@metros4ever
Wait - is this what that fight between Pike and Rozanov in the last Montreal v Boston game was about??
@shanehollanderhockey
Unfortunately
@shanehollanderhockey
Why are my friends all such fucking idiots? (except for Rose and Jackie. actually I will rephrase that)
@shanehollanderhockey
why are all of my male friends such fucking idiots??