Chapter Text
What pissed Leo off most about speech therapy was the way his brother looked at him. Donnie meant well, and the normally blank faced brother would try his best to help. But he always seemed slightly saddened. Maybe Leo was projecting, seeing something that wasn’t there. Pushing his heavy emotions onto his brother's face. Or maybe this whole situation was something that Donnie disliked seeing, maybe Donnie didn’t want to see his brother struggling. Either way when the knock at his door rose him from his fake slumber and eventually ended with him in the lab it continued to ruin his already horrible day.
Once April left for whatever reason, Donnie took it upon himself to go see if Leo was awake, ignoring the previous message to ‘leave Leo alone'. And because Leo was awake, Donnie dragged him to the lab and made him do this god forsaken work. Their sessions usually started like this: the two would sit at one of Donnie’s tables, whichever had the least amount of chaos on it, and Donnie would walk him through the exercises they were going to do. Then Donnie would help him through the exercises and once time was up he was back on strict vocal rest.
Simply, Leo did not want to be here. He didn’t want to do lip trills, humming, and reading out loud. He just wanted to play video games or do literally anything else. This whole speech rehabilitation is some kind of embarrassment ritual, Leo is 90% sure of it. Either way Leo never really paid attention throughout the session even though he sat through the whole thing. He used to run from Donnie’s info dumps, now he was stuck in a room with information being thrown at him for an hour usually three times a week. No matter what they did, the hour in the lab always felt like years. Donnie would go on rants about the exercises and why they worked and what part of speech they were helping restore, Leo would nod along but quietly tune his brother out.
Donnie flicked Leo’s forehead, Leo hit his hand away glaring as he rubbed his forehead. “Try to pay attention, this is for your benefit,” Donnie scolded, before going back into a spiel about the exercise. Leo made it appear that he was paying closer attention. But let his mind fall back into neutrality as he thought about litterally anything else. “Do you understand?” Leo’s ears perked up and he brought his attention back to his brother. Donnie must have seen his confusion cause he groaned and started explaining again, “hum up and down, don’t forget to breathe steadily.”
Leo nodded, that’s all needed to hear. He took a deep breath and started to hum up and down and up again. Trying to push through the cracks where his voice would skip. After about a minute Leo stopped looking at Donnie. They’ve been at it for a while, his voice hurt.
Donnie seemed to notice and nodded slowly “we’ll stop there we don’t wanna push it.” He took a deep breath looking over his notes he’s made throughout the session. “It’s improved Leo. We’ll get there,” Leo didn’t know who he was trying to convince with that but the words fell on deaf ears. Leo just nodded and signed ‘thanks’ before heading out of the room.
——-
Mint tea with honey always felt nice after speech therapy, what didn’t feel nice however was Raph hanging around the doorway trying to make the decision between talking to Leo or leaving him alone. Before the Kraang Raph would come in and just talk, none of this anxious hovering before. Leo can’t really blame him, Raph almost killed Leo and Leo almost sent his entire family, the entire world rather, into an apocalyptic nightmare. If Leo was Raph he wouldn’t want to be around him either.
Leo took a sip trying his best to ignore the tall turtle staring holes into the back of his head. It would only be a matter of time before Raph got the courage to speak to him, and until then Leo didn’t mind sitting in his own silent bubble. If anything he didn’t want to face Raph yet, he didn’t want to look at the bandage covering the scars everyone refused to tell him about. It’s his fault that Raph would have to deal with being blind in one eye for the rest of his life. And maybe Leo, even without his voice, still got off too easily for hurting his family. He didn’t hurt them directly, but all of his actions led to it. He saw the pattern, he understood it. It was his fault.
Leo wondered if his future self saw this pattern too, if the great hero found a way to fix himself. Not that it mattered, Leo would probably grow up to be nothing like him. Still, he compares himself to the leader, the strong willed force, tthing he would never become. Now he was back to having no idea what the future held, and maybe it would have been better for everyone if he never made it out of the prison dimension.
Leo nearly jumps out of his skin as Raph’s hand makes contact with his shoulder. He goes into a defensive pose looking around, when did Raph get so close anyway. Leo relaxes and looks at the tea he spilt over the counter in his jolt of adrenaline. Raph clears his throat, “I, uh, didn’t mean to scare you. I called your name, you weren’t responding, so I thought.”
Leo shakes his head, it was probably a good thing Raph interrupted his train of thought. They were getting too depressing for comfort anyway. Leo goes to the sink to grab something to mop up the tea, which he mourns the loss of. Raph stands awkwardly staring at him. Leo looks at him, nonexistent eyebrow raised.
Raph rubs the back of his neck, “we uh… never finished talking earlier.” Leo pauses, what were they even talking about earlier? Raph saw his confusion, “about you leaving,” he supplied, voice showing he’s already a little more done with Leo’s shit.
So Raph was still on that, Leo honestly thought they did finish the conversation. He certainly didn’t know what else there was to add, he left secretly, he apologized, it should be over. Still Raph looked at him insistently, “I’m worried Leo.” Raph states. Leo pauses from cleaning the spilt tea to make eye contact with Raph, confusion mapping his face. “You’ve been acting different," Raph says, leaning against the counter looking Leo over.
Look, Leo knows he hasn’t been acting how he used to act. He’s usually loud and outgoing, now he's quiet and pretty tame. When he recovers he’ll bounce back, he always bounces back. He’ll get confident and boisterous again, and at that point his brothers would be missing these days of calm quietness. But he had to get better first. Leo’s voice is what made up his charismatic personality, now he’s left without one. He doesn’t really know how to continue on without it.
Not to mention everyone in the house has changed, that’s what going through an alien invasion does to a person. So why was Raph singling him out? Shouldn’t he be worried about everyone else, including himself. Leo shouldn’t be at the forefront of his mind, that's for sure.
Leo put on his best smile and pulled out his phone typing out a message after sitting up on the counter, ‘you’re just saying that cause you don’t hear my beautiful voice anymore’ Leo sends. He would redirect, play it off as a joke. Leo really couldn't have his brother worrying about him anymore. Raph didn’t deserve that, he deserved to move on. Leo’s caused enough problems, he can handle whatever is wrong with him on his own.
Raph looks at the text and rolls his eyes, “Leo” he says in that classic tone “I’m trying to talk to you.”
Well, it’s not like he could talk so why Raph was trying so hard was baffling. Leo brought a knee up to his chest, half expecting Raph to shame him for putting a foot on the counter. Apparently this conversation was more serious than that because Raph said nothing. Leo rubbed his eyes, how was he going to handle this?
There were really two main options. He could talk about his feelings, go through the tangle of a mess that are his emotions. Make his family focus on him and his weaknesses more. Come clean and face the truth. Or, he could lie. Put on a show, act like everything is normal again. Let his family heal, because maybe he was never supposed to heal with them anyway.
Leo hopes of the counter and starts the kettle again to make himself another tea, then he pulls out his phone again. ‘You’re worrying too much Raph. I think I know how I’m feeling better than you, trust me when I say that I’m fine. It’s just a change that’s all, not being able to use my voice has made it harder to annoy you but because you miss it so much I’ll get back to it’ Leo smiled as he sent the text, following it up quickly with ‘tea?’
Raph read the text as Leo maneuvered around the kitchen, getting his mug that was previously spilled on the table and pouring the perfect amount of honey into it. He hears Raph sigh but they both knew this wasn’t a fight Raph was going to win. Leo can be stubborn, and when he puts his mind to something it’s hard to get him to change.
Raph groans a little, “I’ll make myself a hot chocolate.” Leo smirks and pours the hot water into the mug, then grabbing a fresh tea bag and plopping it in the water. The warm liquid calms Leo and his throat as he sips it. He feels a truck of tiredness hit him, and suddenly he remembers he hasn’t really slept well in a couple days. Still he smiles as if nothing is wrong. Raph sits next to him sipping his freshly made hot chocolate. The silence feels out of place.
“I do miss you talking all the time,” Raph says quietly, “it feels hollow without it.” Raph looks in his cup the entire time he talks, Leo looks at his face trying to find the reason he was saying all of this. Leo didn’t know how to fix that, he couldn’t fix that. “And I know you probably miss it more than me,” Raph laughs a little, “but it’s quiet without your shenanigans. And, I always thought I’d be grateful for it, but I don’t like how silent you are.”
Leo picks at the handle of the mug, now resulting in staring at the liquid instead of looking anywhere near Raph. “Things have been tense for a while between us. Even before the Kraang.” Leo freezes as Raph continues. This is getting too serious, too much of a downer. Leo swears his heart beat gets loud enough that Raph can hear it, “and I’m-“
Leo stands up “tired, gonna nap,” he croaks out. Ignoring how his throat is pissed at him for talking, ignoring how Donnie would be even more pissed. Leo turns on his heel and quickly walks out of the room, well as quickly as he can now. It’s a small miracle Raph stays seated and doesn’t follow him. Tears threaten to fill Leo’s eyes, he shoves it down.