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Chapter Text

Waking up in the morning, I could immediately tell my Gigases didn't have a lot left in them. Sui-Ki was alright for a little more, but my wrestler shadow demons just weren't up to it. Wordlessly, I dismissed them… and immediately fell to the hard floor of the basement.

I meant to do that.

But it was morning! And that meant getting up and starting my day. Thankfully, when you didn't live in a house anymore, that meant no brushing your teeth or picking out your clothes or anything like that. It meant standing up and figuring out what you were going to do today. It was a good thing I had leftovers.

I looked over… to see my leftover burger splayed out over the ground where the Gigas had been holding it.

Right.

I did a fierce bit of mental math, considering whether or not I would stoop so low as to eat food off the dusty floor… before deciding to look around. I had no idea what time it was, I admittedly kind of let myself crash after getting back to the lair, and it's not like there was any light down here.

Whatever. I was a criminal now. And apparently the food I had was pretty filling, since I wasn't all that hungry either. That's good at least!

Still, knowing I'd just made my debut as a cape was exciting! I knew there would be a thread on PHO and everything. I wonder what people thought of me? The anticipation of not knowing made me want to get moving and find out. Hopefully the library was open!

"Come on, Sui-Ki! Let's go!"

"Whatever you say boss."

Oh. Another talker. Wonderful. I put on my balaclava, just to be safe, and carefully made my way up the stairs, my chilly companion lumbering behind me. Unfortunately, as soon as I got to the ground floor, I could immediately tell that I woke up way too early… or maybe I went to bed way too early. The stars were still out in force from what I could see through the window.

Did it still count as a window if it only had like, twenty percent window left? Probably.

Well, shoot. There was no way the library was open at this time of night. That definitely put a damper on my plans… that and I didn't think I was going to be able to get back to sleep any time soon.

I guess I could go shopping?

I had all this money after all… wait, I should probably count that. I pulled open the bag and quickly starting setting the money out in piles as Sui-Ki watched me. I quickly came to a conclusion…

"Only a hundred and three bucks?!"

I knew, intellectually, that robbing Fugly wasn't exactly high rolling, but I expected more money than that! I couldn't help but be disappointed. Crime was supposed to pay! And, I mean, if you compared how much money I made vs how long I worked, it still beat working a minimum wage job, but come on! A hundred bucks?!

This is so beneath me…

I knew I was poor, but I wasn't so ready to accept it that I was going to waddle into a Walmart at 2am or whatever time it was and buy the awful, Great Value cheapo versions of every little piece of food I needed. How was I supposed to save money if I only had a hundred bucks to my name?!

I sighed… then looked over at my giant ice ogre demon standing bored next to me.

Of course. I'm a criminal. I can just… rob the store.

I mean, it's not like anyone's going to be crying if a nefarious criminal shoplifts from Walmart. Plus, if I just steal all the groceries I need, I can save money to potentially buy a Dragonphone. I can set some money aside to use the showers at the truck stop, and with another quick payday, I should be good to take it easy for a while.

I can't say I was planning on committing a second crime so soon after the first one, but well, beggars can't be choosers. And a part of me felt… oddly excited to be getting back into costume. Being Henchmistress was really fun!

So, in the dead of night, I donned my full costume once again, and set out on the streets of Brockton Bay, headed for the site of my next heist…

Walmart!

"Heeeelp!"

I sucked in a breath.

Right. It was the middle of the night… in Brockton Bay. Of course crime was happening. Heck, that's what I was up this late for.

A part of me was tempted to ignore it. After all, getting yourself involved in gang business was never a good idea, but some part of me felt I couldn't just… ignore it. I mean, that's the kind of thing that made you a bystander. I remember my ethics teacher talking about it. Just because I was a villain didn't mean I had to be a jerk. That's part of why I'd decided to try and be a joke villain after all!

Making up my mind, me and Sui-Ki rushed to the source of the voice. I was kind of expecting this to be taking place in an alleyway for some reason, but turning the corner, it was just happening out in the middle of the street. The woman who had made the scream had, between her scream and this moment, had a bag shoved over her head. Two bald men in loose tank tops and jeans were corralling her to a car in the middle of the road.

People often thought crime only happened in back alleys, but in Brockton Bay, it happened anywhere without prying eyes. I didn't need to be a genius to realize their intentions.

This wasn't funny in the slightest.

Right over the car, a little shadow puppet looking thing appeared, the air around it swirling violently. The two men stopped, shocked by the sudden appearance of the creature.

Their friend in the driver's seat bravely attempted to floor it and leave his friends behind. I didn't let them get anywhere. Sui-Ki stepped out of the alley way and conjured a hail of icicles before launching them at the car's tires. They rapidly popped, and as the two thugs dropped the girl, reaching for the guns in their holsters, I shifted their focus again. My new Malachite Bolero danced in the air, forming a symbol in the air before whipping up a tornado around the two men, cutting off their line of sight as the green winds whipped around them.

Just in time for Sui-Ki to make into melee.

In one swift motion, Sui-Ki's club crashed through the gale, just weakened enough by the wind that it didn't instantly break every bone in the first skinhead's body, instead only breaking a couple of them before knocking him into his friend out the other side of the mini tornado.

The guy in the car, realizing his predicament, opened the door and made a mad dash for a nearby alleyway, only to be pushed right back into Sui-Ki's loving embrace by a gust of wind from my Bolero. In one swift thwack, he joined his friends.

The woman finally managed to get the bag on her head ripped off as I made my own way over.

"Greetings! You have been saved by-"

The woman wasted no time. She stood up, glanced at the extremely badly beaten thugs stacked in a pile a few meters away from her, and ran for the hills. Like, wow, the woman was making mad distance… totally understandable, but I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

It made sense she wouldn't want to talk to the supervillain and her two little demon companions, but it still sucked. It was frustrating doing the right thing and no one thanking you for it.

"Sui-Ki? Crush that car all you like."

"With pleasure, boss."

Sui-Ki proceeded to beat the license plate-less sedan into the street like it had personally offending him. I mentally commanded the Bolero to float down into my arms and hugged it like a teddy bear while watching my ogre demon mutilate the car. It was better to destroy this thing utterly. The Empire could probably reuse cars that got impounded, and there wasn't much point in calling the cops when so many of them in Brockton were on gang payroll. I'd basically be rolling the dice at this point on whether these guys or the car just got recycled for more gang violence.

See, this is why Brockton needed a humor villain like me!

How is anyone supposed to laugh alongside heinous acts like this? It was absolutely disgraceful! I suppose it was fun watching those gangsters flail around against my minions, powerless to stop them, but that was only because they were so hate-able! Detestable people like this were the enemy of good humor.

I'd rather people be laughing at me than be afraid of me. Maybe that's why seeing her run away from me felt so bad?

Bah! Whatever. I had a grocery store to rob…

"You done, Sui-Ki?"

Sui-Ki looked back at me from the pitiful pile of scrap he had beaten the car into. I noticed the gang members had a few more bruises too, but I wasn't about to shed a tear for their sorry lot after what they just tried to do.

"Oh yeah, this thing's a hunk of junk now, boss!"

He sounded strangely happy about being ordered to turn a car into paste. I suppose he was quite the brute at heart after all…

"Come along then. We've got a store to rob."

Walmart.

Reading up on PHO in my bed gave me a very different perspective of what cape life would be like. All the articles and fights posted online usually feel so separated from the mundane parts of life. But, with the exception of Monster Capes, it's easy to forget that capes all come from the same salt of the earth types of people that make up ninety nine percent of the rest of the world. They still have to do all sorts of normal things, like fill up their cars, work their day jobs, and go buy groceries.

Well, lots of capes make their powers their day jobs, and who can blame them? You may as well get something out of the whole 'getting powers' deal. I grabbed an adult sized cart, placing my Bolero into the child seat and walking in at a leisurely pace. There's… no sense in stealing everything in the store after all. May as well shop around for what I'll need.

The sound of thirty year old songs that are probably nostalgic to people like Ms. Agnes or other old people mindlessly fills the air as I skip over the vegetable aisle and head straight for the sodas. I'm trying to decide between Mountain Dew and Kool Aid when I hear a voice clear behind me. I turn around to see a middle aged dude in one of those tacky blue Walmart vests looking at me nervously.

"Um… can I help you?"

"Are you, uh, robbing us?"

"What's it to you?"

The man sighs.

"Well, it's Walmart Corporate policy to-"

"Abababa! Corporate Policy? I'm not listening to someone prattle off corporate policy!"

The man, who seems to age several years in the span of just a moment, sighs and drags his hands down his face.

"Look, I'm a night manager. I just don't want any trouble, and I can't ask my mostly teenage staff to talk with an unknown villain…"

"As they shouldn't. They don't get paid nearly enough to deal with a rapscallion like myself."

"I'm starting to think I don't get paid enough either… anyways, would you mind if I followed you around the store?"

"And why, pray tell, would I let you do that…" I trail off, looking for his name-tag. "Stephen Milking?"

"It's Millikin." He frowns. "I'm not going to stop you from stealing anything, that's against policy for villain situations, I just want to make sure you get in and out in a timely fashion before some other cape or gang member shows up and causes property damage to the store."

"...does the amount of effort you are putting in to save a multi-billion dollar company what amounts to a fraction of a fraction of pocket change not drain your soul of its vitality?"

"Every day." The man replied, eyes especially empty. "Look, I'll help grab stuff you need if you'll have me."

Undeniably, it'd get me in and out faster, but like, half the fun of grocery shopping was picking out what you wanted and making impulse decisions. Kinda took the wind out of my sails robbing the store if the manager was just going to trail me like a lost puppy or something.

Ugh, this felt lame.

But I mean, I was shooting for lame, so I swallowed my mild disappointment and got into character.

"If you wish to be my gopher, then so be it. Your Henchmistress desires candy, and lots of it! Head to the candy aisle and bring me some!"

Stephen Milkman shook his head and walked off. I grumbled a bit under my breath as I grabbed a few things of Kool Aid and Capri Sun and put them into my cart. I commanded Sui-Ki to push the cart and started looking at the wine aisle before Stephen came back.

"You aren't thinking of stealing wine, are you?"

"Nonsense, that would be illegal."

Stephen gave me a long look before apparently getting over himself and throwing a bag of candy in my cart, I gave it a look over to see what he'd grabbed-

"My good man, what on earth are these?!"

"...Werther's Originals?"

I stared at the man, completely aghast.

"The day you started considering 'Werther's Originals' candy was the day you officially became old! You are going to take this back, and bring me some real candy!"

Stephen nodded with a look of exasperation on his face before walking to the next aisle. Oh, right!

"Tootsie Rolls and Twizzlers barely count!"

"If you're gonna be so picky, you do it!"

This was going to be a long shopping session…

"You don't think I can cook?"

"I did not say that, I'm just surprised you aren't grabbing any frozen dinners." He said as if he wasn't backhandedly saying I couldn't kill it in the kitchen. "You strike me as the kind of girl who likes chicken nuggets."

"Well, you aren't wrong. Chicken Nuggets are wonderful, but I don't have a freezer… or a refrigerator… or a microwave…"

"Oh."

"Yes 'Oh'! I'm being very conscientious of what I buy, thank you very much!"

"You mean steal."

"Yes, I mean steal! Thank you for reminding me Stephen, I almost forgot about that part!"

"The boss takes what she wants!" Sui-Ki added. Stephen looked at my ogre with a look of surprise.

"They talk?"

"Sometimes. And sometimes, it's getting them to shut up that's the hard part!" I say haughtily, before turning to my ogre and fondly rubbing his bicep. "Not you, Sui-Ki, you're remarkably well behaved, darling!"

"...does that mean I can get some sake to go?"

"We're Walmart, we don't have sake."

"...but you do have alcohol, yes?" I inquire.

"I may be a forty something white guy, but I'm like, seventy percent sure you aren't supposed to give oni alcohol…"

"You are if you don't want your little head popped like a grape." Sui-Ki replied with a casual flex of his arms.

Stephen paled and backed away from my minion.

"Sui-Ki! I didn't give you permission to pop anyone's heads like a grape!"

"You didn't?"

I blinked.

"N-No! Of course not… is that a problem?"

"Nope! Not at all!" Sui-Ki replied just a little too hastily.

…

Well, I'm sure it was fine.

"Stephen?"

I turned to see another night shift worker. Some college age woman with bags under her eyes, freckles, and long brown hair tied back into a ponytail.

"Clair, surely whatever it is can wait until I help this lady out?"

"Uh, right. I was just wondering where you were. I just got out of the bathroom."

"Well, I'm helping this villain pick out food."

Clair tilted her head in confusion.

"And she's not picking out her own… because?"

"If you must know, I can't store food at my lair! Nor can I reheat anything… so I'm taking my time to buy stuff that lasts."

"Well, stuff like Beef Jerky is nice in the short term, but if you want stuff that stores long term, stuff like canned foods is ideal."

"And you know this, how?"

"I was homeless and couch surfing for a few months." She answered blithely. "Here, let me help, you're gonna want some canned vegetables…"

I tried not to let it show how the combination of the words 'canned' and 'vegetables' made me shudder. What a horrible pair of words to use together.

"I don't own a can opener."

The woman glanced at the giant ogre demon pushing my shopping cart.

Right…

Sui-Ki took this as a challenge, however.

"Please!" He barked. "I can open a measly tin can!"

He grabbed a can of chunky chicken pot pie off the shelf, gripped the lid, and ripped!

…splattering Stephen and I in gross, canned soup.

"...canned food is off the table."

"Corn Meal?! What am I, a chicken?!"

"Look, I asked around for advice, and I was told that Corn Meal was great when you just needed something to eat." Clair replied. Sure but… just look at it! It looked like the kind of thing a farmer would put in a literal hog trough! I'm convinced this was the human equivalent of eating dog food.

…no, I was not entertaining that idea for any length of time. I'm pretty sure I'd rather die that eat Alpo's dog food. I have some shame.

"I don't need it to store for that long, I can just rob another store when I need to stock up!"

"Is that really a good idea?" Clair asked.

"Who's going to stop me? Heroes? What hero is awake this late at night?"

"Miss Militia." Stephen said. "She doesn't have to sleep. She's awake twenty-four seven."

"Oh."

I… I forgot. Well, I mean, what were the odds she was heading here this late at night? Whatever, it'd be fine.

"Why is all the food that stores long some weird, gross thing and not like, candy?"

"Sugar itself stores well in the absence of moisture. So stuff like Chocolate stores well, and pure sugar stores for a years, but sugary drinks need constant refrigeration or it'll go bad fast."

I did not learn this in school.

"So… get more chocolate?"

"Um, no, I'd normally recommend stuff like popcorn, powdered milk-"

"Is it even still milk at that point?!"

"I mean, Jerky is your best bet, but that's a lot of salt, so you'd have to intersperse it with-"

Beef Jerky. Got it.

"Sui-Ki, be a dear and go grab as much beef jerky as you can find."

"You got it boss!" Sui-Ki said before stomping off through the store. Stephen gave me a strange look.

"Was it really wise to send your only bodyguard away?"

"I've got my little Bolero!"

Said Bolero floated up from his seat in the cart and bobbed through the air, trailing sparkles like Tinkerbell.

"I'm gonna admit, I thought that was a stuffed animal." Clair commented, eyeing my Bolero with a sparkle in her eye. "Can I hug it?"

Ah, a woman of culture.

My Bolero, Mally I decided to name, flew down to her chest height. She carefully pulled it in and squeezed him. Funnily enough, Stephen Milkers actually looked a little jealous.

I know, my Mally was such a cutie.

"Huh, I thought it'd be softer. Something about this feels weird."

"This is a weird kinda day, don't worry about it." I added as Sui-Ki came back and dropped a truly gigantic amount of beef jerky into my shopping cart.

"You, of all people, have no right to be saying that…" Stephen said, shaking his head.

Finally finished, I pushed my shopping cart to the stills at the front of the store.

"Here, I'll check you out." Clair said as Sui-Ki pushed the cart into the aisle. I took a moment to stuff some magazines and candies into my backpack as Clair rung us up.

Oh wow, I didn't know Narwhal was into that! That's wild!

"That'll be three hundred seventy-nine." Clair said tonelessly.

"That'll be zero dollars because I am an evil criminal." I corrected.

I could see Clair's brain rebooting as she remembered that I was, in fact, here to rob the store. I guess it was easy to forget when she spent the last twenty minutes helping me fill my cart.

"Right. Right… sorry, I have college classes in the daytime at Brockton U…"

"Please, spare me the excuses. I understand completely. I'll be on my way. Thank you very much for your help by the by."

"Oh, uh, no problem kid. You take care of yourself now, you hear?"

"I will, thank you!"

This was fun. I should do this again sometime. Sui-Ki pushed the cart behind me as I walked out of Walmart, smile on my face and ready to get back to my lair.

"Henchmistress."

Well, that made me two for two on getting interrupted leaving the crime scene. I turned to the voice, expecting to see Miss Militia. I mean, she was on the mind, right?

Nope. Pretty sure Miss Militia didn't like ominously looming under lighposts… or wear a big metal cage around her head.

Oh. That was Cricket.

"What the heck are you doing awake at this hour?" I asked, genuinely confused. I thought even criminals had standards for their sleep schedules. Then again, I guess they do say evil never sleeps...

"I got a call from one of my boys saying they got jumped by you."

'They shouldn't have been doing something like that.' I thought, before translating that into something more appropriate for Henchmistress to say.

"Figures those immature little children would cry for their mommies when they came upon someone they couldn't push around like that poor woman."

"And you're that someone?" Cricket asked derisively. Her harsh tone made me shrink in on myself a little. I had Mally and Sui-Ki form a line between me and her. She was one of the Empire's known killers after all. It paid to be safe about things.

"Of course! You've heard of me, after all. I am the Henchmistress, and these are but two of my myriad henchmen."

Cricket seemed to regard them for a moment before letting out a horrible shriek. The sliding glass doors behind me cracked as I put my hands over my ears. I only had a second to register one of my summons going down before I ordered the other one to grab me.

The sound faded and my eyes cleared as Mally charged into me, pushing me off my feet. I looked up to see fading red lines of energy where Sui-Ki had been standing. Cricket looked down on me swinging her Kama as though to get blood splatter off the blade, and I tried not to freak out.

And failed.

In front of me, three black metal balls the size of those orbs you'd see in front of a Target appeared, bouncing in place. They had cartoony white eyes and comically large white teeth that snapped open and closed they hopped in front of me barking like dogs.

"S-Stay back, villain! You wouldn't want my pets to tear you to shreds, would you?"

Cricket glanced at the new variable warily, before charging again. I ordered my Chomp Pups to bite her, but in a display of supernatural grace, she flowed around the clumsy things like they were just pedestrians and closed in on me again. I had Mally produce a gust of wind to try and blow her back into them, but seemingly anticipating something like this, she threw her kama at me. I let out a very valiant 'Eep!', grabbing Mally and pulling him to the floor.

Still, Mally's gale did manage to push her down. I scrambled to my feet and evaluated my options.

I could try to run, but not only would I have to leave behind my food, I seriously doubted I could outrun her. She was an experienced adult cape, and I was a 15 year old who got winded from climbing a flight of stairs. I couldn't outrun her, and if she just left my minions in the dust, I'd be defenseless…

So my only option was running back into the store.

Turning around, I commanded my Chomp Pups to follow me as I ran inside. Cricket hadn't stayed on the ground for long, but thanks to Mally's wind powers, I was able to keep ahead of her as I made for the aisles.

"Oh, did you forget someth-"

"Sorry! Can't talk! Trying not to die!"

I zoomed past Milker and by the stills thinking about where to go in the store to shake Cricket off my tail. I chanced turning around and-

Holy shoot she's fast! Forward it is!

I make for the clothing racks and mentally command Mally to whip up the wind behind me. A little rune appears in the air before a gale force ballooned out from behind me, sending branded t-shirts flying everywhere in our wake.

Cricket doesn't even slow down really. The shirts almost seem to fall around her. If I didn't know better, I'd have assumed I just got unlucky, but no way. She moves too well for literally none of the shirts to have hit her.

I wrack my brain thinking about what I can do…

Right! I've got some room! The Chomp Pups are lagging behind, but I can still pull a last minute summon on her! She can't react to something that doesn't even exist yet!

I rush to the changing rooms in the middle of the section, feeling the killer cape closing in on me as I turn the corner. I wait around the corner… but not that close to the corner. I don't want her to see my shadow or something.

As soon as I see her black costume enter my line of sight, I summon a new minion.

Appearing from thin air is… a rock. It's got some hands growing out of it at odd angles, but only three. Unfortunately for me, Cricket took the corner wide for some reason, so it's not close enough to grab her. My Rock… er, Basalt, floats in the air before gliding at her…

…slowly.

To which Cricket easily vaults out of the way before running past it right at me.

Power! Please stop giving me slow, clumsy minions!

I all but scramble for the food aisle in an attempt to get away, my Mally proving he's the all-star minion today by sending gusts of air to keep Cricket from getting too close. Even with the power of miniature tornadoes on my side though, Cricket is just too agile to shake completely…

Then the fire alarm starts up.

It's not like in school where it's so loud you can barely hear yourself think. Since the ceiling is so high, it doesn't blare as loudly as I feel like it should, but the effect is immediate. Cricket stumbles, a first at this point, which is enough for Mally to conjure another gust of wind and hurl her into a snack rack, several containers of Jell-O falling off the shelves and onto her.

I don't waste any time, trying to circle around the meat section to make it back to the entrance. I mentally command my Chomp Pups to cut through the produce aisle and meet me halfway there, and order the Basalt to keep chasing her from behind. They're slow, but maybe I can still get them in the right spots to help me.

Whatever caused Cricket's brief hiccup, however, didn't last long. I heard her footsteps rapidly gaining. With how much more open the meat aisle was compared to the clothing section, however, she had much more room to maneuver, meaning Mally couldn't keep her pinned. The best he could do was corral Cricket and force her to take slight detours instead of catching up with me immediately.

Cricket seemed to have had enough wind, however.

In one swift motion, she threw her kama faster than I or Mally could react. With how much Mally was focusing his gusts on knocking her off balance, he had nothing in the way to protect himself. The Kama embedded itself deep between his glowing yellow eyes… and Mally popped.

And now, it was a trained killer and a tired teenager in a race through the produce aisle.

I ran as straight a line as I could, seeing my Chomp Pups rushing to meet me and feeling a smidge of relief well up in my rapidly beating chest.

That relief was swiftly killed when I glanced back and saw Cricket parkouring on top of the vegetable displays, jumping at me with both Kama drawn. I felt my legs give out, or maybe I just went deer in the headlights seeing a cape descending on me from above, but whatever the reason was, I stopped moving.

And then she screamed. I felt my world go dizzy. I wasn't getting out of the way in time. I called for help.

And of course, help appeared. Standing between Cricket and myself as she was about to skewer me was a tall, feminine shadow-like being. Unable to change the trajectory of her attack, Cricket doubled down, hoping to catch the part translucent Hollow off guard.

But the Hollow was much faster than she expected. It brought up its staff, catching her right in the stomach as she fell and knocking the wind out of her. Not giving her a chance to recover, the Hollow swung it's staff forward, encasing Cricket's feet in ice, preventing her from leveraging them to get up faster.

I of course contributed by taking a coconut and hurling it at her. Unfortunately, Cricket seemed to see it coming, swinging a kama and deflecting my hastily thrown projectile. The coconut milk, however, managed to splash through her cage and get on her face.

Cricket took a swing at her feet before the ice could spread further, freeing herself from the ice and rushing forwards straight towards me. I finally regained control of my faculties and started booking it to the entrance. Cricket's feet followed where I was running exactly.

But she ended up running directly into my new Hollow. It was like she couldn't see her.

Hitting the floor for the third time, my Hollow repeated the same trick as I booked it for my shopping cart, freezing Cricket's feet in place before retreating with me. Unlike last time, however, when Cricket raised her arm to break herself free…

"BARK BARK!"

One of my Chomp Pups bit onto her arm! She let out a cry of pain before raising her other arm and stabbing my poor Chomp Pup in the eye, forcing it to let go of her before fading into a spat of dust, but the damage was done. I could tell how much damage my Chomp Pup had done to her arm, and she wouldn't be able to use it in it's mangled condition. And with the other two Chomp Pups and the Basalt closing in with her feet stuck to the floor, she had to abandon the chase just to fend them off.

Meanwhile, my heart was beating in my ears as I pushed my shopping cart through the parking lot and into the streets in the middle of the night, my Hollow helping me along. I ran for what felt like miles, somewhere along the way feeling the last of my Chomp Pups bite the big one, followed shortly by the Basalt, stabbed in the eye-holes of its mask.

When I finally made it back to the basement, I was run totally ragged. The wheels on my overfilled shopping cart had strained me to the core. If I didn't have my Hollow's help, I don't think I would have gotten all this back to my lair.

I flopped on the dusty floor, thoroughly drained, and finally let myself process what just happened.

The Empire had sent a cape to try and kill me.

Not only that, but she'd come way, way too close to succeeding.

I knew, intellectually, that this is what happened to capes without teams in Brockton, but having it almost happen to you was a different thing entirely. I casually freaked the fudge out, hyperventilating about almost dying while my Hollow looked over me with expressionless white eyes.

Okay. Compartmentalize. Analyze.

I got very unlucky. My power's summons have always been… inconsistent, but after Sui-Ki went down, it gave me two in a row that were terrible matchups for Cricket. I knew the word on PHO was to always target the Master/Thinker first, but wow, that was an alarmingly effective strategy for someone as nimble as Cricket, especially when my power decided none of the summons I got today were allowed to have legs apparently…

I looked over to my new Hollow, who had bailed me out. No legs, but she was fast. I thought back to what happened in the vegetable aisle. Cricket, blinded by the Coconut Milk, didn't seem to realize she was there. And earlier, the alarm made her stumble… plus, she took the corner in the clothing section wide.

Those were all connected, surely.

I mean, she had a sonic scream, right? Maybe she was like a bat and echolocated or something. I remember reading online that Bat habitats could be disrupted by noise pollution and interfere with their senses… maybe that's why the alarm made her trip up? And my Hollow is kinda see through. Maybe she was relying on her echolocation to track me and the sound waves just went through my Hollow, so that's why she bumped into her?

Now that I think of it, I don't think her sonic scream was that effective on my Chomp Pups or the Basalt. Maybe that's why my power gave them to me?

Clearly, I need to do some research on capes in the area and their powers. Not knowing this stuff almost got me killed…

Imagine that as a cape career. Robbing Fugly Bobs and getting shanked in a Walmart at 2am on the same day..

The thought made me chuckle. Oh gosh, I was so in over my head.

Suddenly, I felt a weird sensation on my scalp. I glanced up to see my Hollow running it's hand over my head. I don't remember telling it to do that, but it made me smile. My latest summon really saved me. No matter how hard things felt, I didn't have to do this on my own.

I was never alone.

I stood up, reaching around to hug my Hollow. She was very… airy? It wasn't an unpleasant sensation, but it definitely wasn't the warm hug most people would be used to. I knew she'd probably be gone in the morning, but for the time being, I ripped open a bag of beef jerky and attempted to share some with her. My Hollow just vacantly stared at the bag like it was some strange phenomenon… oh well, more for me.

I didn't usually connect much with my summons on account of them disappearing after a day at most, but sometimes, I did like to remember my favorites. I wrote down their names in a little pocketbook. I pulled it out and immediately began drawing from memory. Sui-Ki was dull, but he was very funny, Mally was adorable, and my Hollow had something quite cute about her.

Plus she saved my life. I decided her name would be Holly.

After finishing up with my little sketchbook, I sighed, feeling my adrenaline crash setting in. That and the entire bag of Jack Links I'd just inhaled had my body trying to force me into nap mode, and I didn't really feel like arguing.

First, though, I had to summon the nightguards.

The first was a masked white snake with… male and female gender symbols dancing around it. It swayed in place, the symbols rotating around it in a strangely hypnotic pattern..

The other was just a giant spider.

Lovely. Sharing a basement with a giant spider. Every girl's dream.

I set the spider to guard the door, figuring it could set up a web to stop any unwanted entrants from barging in, and set the snake to set up in the rafters to ambush anyone who thought they could sneak in. As for my Hollow, I had it hug me from behind as I absentmindedly daydreamed on the floor.

I was going to take it easy tomorrow. I'd go check out my debut reception at the library, assuming it was still open by the time I woke up, and decide my next steps as a villain after that. After that, well, I'd probably try to spend a day or two doing low stakes stuff. Two crimes in under 24 hours was a lot, and it wasn't even remotely a sustainable pace. I didn't want the heroes to come down on me all that hard. That was the point of being a Joke Villain after all!

I pulled the sheet over my body. I felt my body lulling me to sleep, and let it carry me away to dreamland…