Chapter Text
He was so caught up in his nerves about Hiragii wanting to talk to him in private that he didn’t notice when Nirei and Sakura started walking towards the exit until Sakura spoke up, “Oi, Suo, we’re leaving”, he sounded mildly confused.
Okay, Suo had to focus, make things look normal. “Ah, I’m afraid I’m not, Hiragii-san asked me to stay behind for something”, Sakura frowned at him and he could see the questions brewing behind those eyes that he was definitely going to ask later.
Still, Sakura kept a small frown as he declared he’d be seeing him for patrol the next day, and Nirei left quickly after him with a “See you tomorrow, Suo-san!”. Well, at least he wouldn’t have to see them after the talk, he was dreading it.
As Umemiya made his way out, Hiragii and Suo were finally left alone at the rooftop. The sudden lack of people, the silence and the light wind that had started blowing, only made the tension in Suo grow. But he had to keep up his mask, especially if Hiragii was about to reprimand him for lack of responsibility.
“Well, now that everyone’s left, what is it you wanted to discuss, Hiragii-san?”, he thought he sounded composed and calm enough, he could feel his usual polite smile on his face, that was good. He could see how Hiragii took a deep breath, for a second, he was convinced he was going to raise his voice at him, after all Hiragii had quite the tendency for screaming at his kouhais.
Suo braced himself and then Hiragii finally spoke, “Are you okay?”, wait what? That was it? There was no screaming, and no reprimand, just concern, for some reason. “I’m just fine but I don’t understand what prompted this question?”. Truly, why would Hiragii even ask him that, Suo was clearly functioning just fine and he’d just missed class one day and had an excuse already. Most importantly, nobody else had asked him that today, even though Nirei had asked him over text yesterday, everyone had taken his excuse in stride.
He was shaken out of his confusion by Hiragii answering his question, “Well, you missed class yesterday and took a while to notify people, and before you say you had business to attend to, you look pale and like you didn’t sleep well last night, did you have a bad headache again?” He’d clearly underestimated how observant Hiragii was and the fact he had seen him having a headache already. It made more sense now that he was sort of worried.
Damn it, Kiryu had definitely noticed the paleness and maybe the fact he had slept poorly that morning and that’s why he’d tried to pry, but Hiragii wasn’t Kiryu, he wouldn’t let Suo just deflect and get away with it. He remembered then his encounter with his upperclassman on Wednesday and decided maybe that would help him convince him that Suo was just fine.
“I didn’t get a headache this time, and even if I had, I just got new meds, you knew that”, damn, that came out more defensive than he wanted it to be. Hiragii looked at him and then raised his eyebrow in light disbelief, “okay sure, then why do you look like this?”
Damn it, Hiragii was not going to let him brush this off, even if it hadn’t been something too noticeable, why did he have to care? And about Suo of all people, he was supposed to be the one who never needed help, the one people didn’t have to worry over. Maybe he could veer towards the truth but keep it vague enough?
“Well, the important business I had to attend to might have been more tiring than I had expected”, hopefully Hiragii would let him off the hook with that, he was starting to really feel the brain fog acting up again. “Yeah, and what were these businesses that apparently were going to take a couple hours and suddenly took your whole day?” Right, Hiragii wasn’t going to let him off the hook, the way he wasn’t even budging in the face of Suo’s deflection, reminded Suo a bit of his oldest brother, it was a
resemblance he didn’t want to ever have to think about.
“Isn’t that a bit of an invasive question, Hiragii-san?”, he was actually starting to feel very uneasy with this whole conversation, the casual reminder of Kyōgetsu hadn’t helped him untense either. He could only hope this would finally put an end to the conversation. Hiragii still looked determined though, Suo wasn’t even sure what he wanted from him at this point. He’d never liked not knowing what people expected from him.
“You’re entitled to your privacy, but if I’m going to be honest I’m kind of concerned about you, I just want to know you’re safe”, okay, Suo was officially lost, Hiragii did truly sound worried, but when he’d asked him if he was okay he hadn’t expected that the older teen was actually concerned. He’d been convinced it was more of a formality to then try and figure if he had skipped the meeting for a valid reason.
Hiragii didn’t sound like he wanted to hear a justification, he sounded like he truly wanted to know if he was okay, like he had actually been worried about Suo. Now Suo felt horrible for having made the older teen worry, he was supposed to be the least troublesome, the one people didn’t have to worry about.
He supposed he could tell Hiragii the bare minimum without being as vague, it was the least he owed him for the worry. He took a calming breath, exhaled and then “I am safe, I just had to go to the doctor”, Hiragii gave him a bit of an sceptical look, still clearly unconvinced about Suo’s excuse, “And that took you the whole school day?”.
Suo could understand the disbelief, for any normal person missing a whole school day due to a single doctor’s appointment would be outlandish, still, Hiragii must have enough medical experiences to understand Suo’s situation if he gave him the right notions. “It wasn’t supposed to and technically it didn’t”, he was threading on thin ice by that point, and maybe he was more tired than he had thought because at Hiragii’s expecting gaze he just caved in, “I had a blood draw and I uhm, I passed out so I had to spend more time there than expected and I was kind of tired after that so I went home”.
He wasn’t going to explain all his issues and how that was the regular, but hopefully this explanation would be the thing that put an end to this conversation. Hiragii stayed looking at him with an expression that he couldn’t quite read, seemed like he was considering something. Now that he’d reminded himself of his older brother, he couldn’t stop seeing the similarities in expressions and he just needed Hiragii to say something, anything at all so he could stop spiralling. “I’m sorry for skipping the meeting and making you change your schedule; I probably could have come”.
And Suo was right, he could have pushed himself past the tiredness and the cotton in his head and the faint dizziness, he’d done it before, but then he’d been selfish this time and now Hiragii was probably disappointed in him like Kyōgetsu had been countless times.
He was maintaining eye contact despite everything, the last thing he wanted was for Hiragii to think he was affected by the conversation, that’s how he caught the moment Hiragii broke out of his thoughts the moment Suo had spoken. He expected a “You should have, but what’s done is done” or a “keep it in mind for next time”, instead he got a furrowed brow and a “You don’t have to apologise for going home to rest, specially not when you were probably feeling like crap. I know how shitty blood draws can feel, and I can only imagine passing out makes the feeling worse. You made the right call staying home and resting, in fact, I would have been upset if you hadn’t”.
The sudden relief that Hiragii really wasn’t mad at him had the tension leaving Suo’s body so fast he thinks he would have collapsed if he didn’t have such a tight control on his body. He knew Hiragii was likely hoping for an answer and honestly, Suo could give one anyways, make it seem like he hadn’t felt the floor shift under him from overwhelming relief at Hiragii not being mad at him.
“Ah, well, I’m right I made the right call then, is that all Hiragii-san wanted to talk about”, he knew his smile was back to being intact, he hoped this was really the end of the conversation, he was exhausted now that the tension had basically bled out of him. “Yeah, that’s all. Next time don’t be so vague, I wouldn’t have worried at all if you’d just told everyone you had a routine doctor’s appointment”, he didn’t doubt Hiragii’s words, but he couldn’t explain that he had to be careful about his excuses because he made more trips to the doctor than were normal for the average teenager and that his classmates were entirely too often.
This was his out from the conversation though, “I’ll keep that in mind, Hiragii-san, now if you don’t mind I’ll be taking my leave”, “Sure, rest up”. Honestly, Suo almost bolted from there after a small bow of his head in acknowledgement. The moment he left the rooftop and made it to the exit of the building he let himself lean against the wall in a crouch a bit. The stress of the conversation had fully left him and he felt jittery now.
He pulled himself together after a couple deep breaths, just in case Hiragii had left the rooftop and was making his way down and then made it out of Furin, only to come face to face with Sugishita, who had apparently been waiting there for a while. Okay, Sugishita he could handle, he had probably stayed behind for Hiragii, he wasn’t as close to him as he was with Umemiya, but they were close regardless.
“Oh, Sugishita-kun, if you were waiting for Hiragii-san I think he’s still in the rooftop”, Sugishita just looked at him with his eyes narrowed and brow furrowed, but that was pretty much his standard gaze when he was thinking, “I wasn’t waiting for him”, “What’s up then?”, honestly he was at a loss, if he wasn’t waiting on Hiragii then what was he doing there?
Sugishita just kept looking at him for a while, “I….I was waiting for you”, it came mostly mumbled, but Suo had pretty good hearing and he caught it, that didn’t mean he was any less confused, “Did you need something from me then? Is this a patrol thing?” Sugishita frowned further, and then shook his head, then he seemed to struggle with his words for a bit before finally speaking up “Are you okay?”
Well, at least his musings were answered, Sugishita had been able to see the tells in him just like back during that one patrol. “I am fine Sugishita-kun, just a bit tired, the important things I had to do yesterday tired me out a bit. But I’m right as rain”, he made sure his smile looked just as usual, that seemed to settle Sugishita enough. The taller teen just nodded and then left, presumably towards his house.
Suo breathed a sigh of relief and then set on his way back home, it was going to take him a while, and it was getting a bit late. Night would probably start falling before he made it home, so he’d have to take the longer path home and make it there in the dark. He was probably going to be freezing by the time he made it home, the evenings had become chiller, and the breeze didn’t help matters much.
At least tomorrow was Saturday, even if he had an afternoon patrol with Nirei and Sakura, at least there was no school. Suo could just wake up a bit later and maybe he’d be able to eat both breakfast and lunch for a change and actually go back to normal.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Suo had taken a hot shower when he got home that night, he was freezing after all, his hands had had a purplish tint to them, that was normal for him though. He had managed some miso soup for dinner, which was already an upgrade from the day before.
His sleep had been a bit fitful, vague memories involving his oldest brother, which was expected after that conversation with Hiragii. Regardless, he’d managed to fall asleep after waking up from one of those dreams at around 6 a.m. and he’d stayed asleep until it was past 9 a.m.
He’d made rice porridge for breakfast, managed half a portion and put the rest on the fridge, drank some tea. He did a load of laundry as well and aired out his futon. And then he organised his school notes and did some light reading to pass the time.
He managed some braised tofu with the rest of the rice porridge, probably one of his most complete meals since his master had left. And then he got ready for patrol.
Nirei and Sakura had greeted him just as usual, all sunshine like in Nirei’s case and then just sort of mumbled from Sakura. He found it endearing that Sakura still greeted people like that regardless of how comfortable he grew around his friends.
They were halfway through the patrol when Nirei ceased his regular ramblings and his questions about the next training sessions to ask him about yesterday, “Suo-san, what did Hiragii-san want to talk to you about yesterday?” Suo had known they were going to ask, Sakura would have looked uninterested to anyone else, but Suo knew he was just as curious to learn the reason.
“Ah well, Hiragii-san just wanted to ask about what had kept me from the meeting on Thursday, see if everything was in order, obviously I told him I just had to tend to very important business, the spirit wouldn’t like it if I divulged the secrets to everyone, now would it?”, “Yeah, right, I suppose so”, was the answer, Nirei had clearly given up on counteracting Suo’s talk on the “ancient Chinese spirit” in his eye and Sakura was clearly annoyed at it. It truly worked like a charm when he wanted to deflect.
After that, the patrol proceeded as normal, they helped unload some boxes for a store, didn’t find any fights to stop or anyone causing trouble. All in all it was a good patrol, calm, nice, he got to tease Sakura and talk about training with Nirei. He felt normal again, part of their little leadership group, how he had managed to get people as amazing as Nirei and Sakura to stand by him was still a wonder, Suo would cherish every moment he got with them for as long as he could.