Chapter Text
After coming back from their little vacation, Aether and Paimon got to return home and spend some time around Mondstadt, hanging out with friends, beating the fuck out of mobs, stuffing their faces with food…Everything was back to normal, ..well mostly.
Who remembers when Varka fucking passed out on Hiisi Island? Yeah turns out this motherfucker got a kuuvakhi infection! Is that even possible? Yeah, kinda, according to Lauma. There haven’t been that many instances and it’s extremely rare for this to happen, but it looks like Benny decides to transfer his shitty luck to the Grandmaster that day.
The duo had just come back from exploring Doorman Port, when their noticed a familiar face.
“Lohen, what are you doing here? Paimon thought you were still at the port pretending to be a target so that someone will shoot your ass”
“As much as I wanted them to shoot me, they were big pussies. Oh, and Jean caught me so I was forced back to work. Now I’m stuck delivering mail as a punishment. Speaking of which, do you two know where Varka lives? I’ve never been to his house before, so I don’t fucking know. I usually force Mika to do my job”
“Varka’s house? Oh yeah, I know where that is. Me and Paimon were going to visit him either way. Why don’t you come with us?”
“Sure, lead the way”
…
“Can you shoot me after this?” Lohen randomly asked
“Brotha what the fuck?!”
Making their way to the Grandmasters house, the trio found another familiar face knocking, no more like trying to break the fucking door of Varka’s house.
“Varka, I know you are in there. Get your ass out right now!”
“Hey Jean!” Paimon greeted
“Hi you three”
“What are you doing?” Aether questioned.
“Trying to get Varka’s bum ass out of the house. Do you know how much paperwork stacks up when he’s gone? There’re already three fucking towers of them!!”
“Girl chill, this poor man’s sick as fuck”
And on cue a gut-wrenching sound that would trigger the author’s emetophobia was heard from the other side of the door. The group winced in sync when they heard it. Damn was it that bad? It’s only been three days since it happened, how bad of a case did he catch?
The door suddenly opened, causing Jean to almost eat her face on the floor since she was leaning on it. From inside Varka emerged cleaning his mouth with his sleeve. He was pale as fuck!
“Jean, I heard you the first time” he muttered, his voice hoarse from the illness. “I have a terrible headache; I can’t be hearing your fucking voice first thing in the morning”
“I apologize for that Grandmaster. I just came here to ask for your return at work.” stated Jean putting on a more formal tone
“At first I came here to deliver you a letter, but now I need answers. What the fuck happened here?” asked Lohen dragging a finger up and down while checking out the fucking mess Varka was
“Let’s just say I got sick while picking up some flowers to ask my crush out” he replied shyly, scratching the back of his neck
“Hold up, wait a sec. So you mean to tell me, you went on vacation, leaving us alone for a week to suffer while doing your job and then your ass went and got sick just to IMPRESS A FUCKING WOMAN??!! Are you out of your mind?!”
“Hey, she isn’t just a woman!” Varka shot back. “Shut your bitch ass up, your ass is dating fucking Batman!” He didn’t hold back. Then he turned and pointed a finger at Lohen’s direction. “And his ass is fucking Russian Ed Sheeran.”
“Wait what?!”
Everyone snapped their heads towards the Vice Captain’s direction, who found the floor more fascinating, his face as red as a tomato. Still Varka didn’t seem to stop, no one insults his woman, who isn’t even his woman, like that
“Don’t act so oblivious, I know you two did it at the Thousand Winds Temple…TWICE!!”
“Ayo, what the fuck?!”
“N-n-no?” he stuttered. “Did the bard tell you that? Cause that motherfucker tells the most random shit when drunk?”
“Actually yeah………………Because I was there with him when it happened!! Both times!!”
“Now if you excuse me, I would love to insult you more, but I feel another one coming up” Varka declared, discomfort painting his face. With that he shut the door and rushed to spill his guts out again
“I’mmmmm just gonna leave it in the mailbox”
“But he doesn’t- Aaand he ran off”
‘Cmon man I wanted to be the one who assassinates him but looks like he did it himself’ Anaxa junior said as he ran off to who knows where
“Who the fuck is Russian Ed Sheeran?”
“Well, that was something” muttered Jean as the three of them passed through the doors of the Knights of Favonious headquarters.
“I agree” replied the flying marshmallow
“I guess I’ll be going back to work” the Dandelion knight declared making her way to her office
The Traveler stopped her tracks just before she reached the door handle. “Nah ah ah” he waved a finger. “No more work for you today, Jeanie. You’re coming with us”
“What the fuck did just call-“
Jean was dragged to the library without her consent. Inside she found the other Captains and Knights, joined by Lisa and Noelle, gathered around a table patiently waiting and having some idle chit chat. Their faces lit up when they noticed the Traveler and the Acting Grandmaster coming down the stairs
“Look who decided to show up. We thought you weren’t gonna come~” teased the librarian who should stay ten feet away from me. DON’T COME NEAR WOMAN!
“What the fuck is happening here? Are yall skipping work!?”
“We all decided to take our lunch break now” answered Kaeya
“Lisa doesn’t even have breaks, she sleeps like at the time while on the job”
“Imma pretend I didn’t hear that”
“Why the fuck am I here?” asked Batm- I mean Diluc. Who the fuck even invited him?
“To listen to the tea Aether has prepared for us”
“Yep that’s right! And it’s extremely juicy~” said the twink forcing Jean to sit down
They spend hours listening to the Traveler yap about their adventures, and by adventures he means gossip about the Grandmaster’s love life.
“What happened next?” asked an excited outrider
“He then blurted: ‘Nicole are you a fart, because you blew me away?’” Aether said holding back laughter
“Ain’t no way bro!”
“Naaaaah, bro fumbled bad”
“I’m cringing just imagining it!”
“Ah yeah, I remember that” said a particular alchemist
“Wasn’t your ass engrossed in that book or some shit when it happened?” asked the screeching ant
“Paimon, I have ears” Albedo shot back. “Just because I wasn’t looking, doesn’t mean that my ears were turned off”
“Oop, my bad then”
“Okay now who wants to hear about the flower scheme?” interrupted Aether
“The flowers scheme?”
“Yep, you heard me.”
“Do tell please”
“Okay, so basically, me, my good pal Flins and Varka himself were sitting at the Flagship having some drinks. His ass was feeling down cause he hadn’t asked Nicole out yet. Me and Flins tried to help him and then his dumb ass pulled out this!” .The Traveler pulled out the small notebook he stole, I-I mean borrowed from the Grandmaster and showed it to his audience.
Upon noticing his notebook Kaeya spoke up. “Is that the dating guide I gave him?!”
“You gave him a what now?”
“Yeah, he had been using it this whole time!” exclaimed the blonde
“No way” Kaeya burst out laughing. “I gave that to him as prank before he left! I can’t believe he actually believed I was serious; I was just joking! I thought he would have thrown it away after seeing it was a prank; I didn’t expect him to keep it!”
“He did and he’s been using it for the past 7 years!!” shouted Paimon and everyone burst out laughing
“Is my bro dumb?”
“Everyone turns dumb when it comes to love”
“I can’t breathe bro!” Amber yelled trying to catch her breath
After they calmed out a bit, Aether continued. “After that Flins told him that the best way to pull a baddie is by buying her flowers”
“Aww that’s actually so sweet! I remember when Eula got me flowers on our first date. Oh, it was so romantic! Do you remember that babe?”.
“Yeah” Eual muttered locking eyes with her bunny
“Ehem” Lohen cleared his throat. Wait, when the fuck did he get here? “Do you two need a room or….”
“No-no, continue.” Both their faces became red like a beet (see no more tomatoes!!!)
“I don’t know what happened next, but my Moonchanter friend told me that she found him passed out near her house with a really big bouquet of some flowers that are so rare, that that was her first time seeing them too! And that’s how-“
At that moment the door of the Imaginarium Theater flew open, revealing two figures. It was Alice and Nicole! They had finally decided to join in the fun. Wait a sec, they only invited Alice!! Why was Nicole here? Even worse they were literally talking about her and Varka. She shouldn’t even be here!
“Hello my darlings!” Alice greeted. “I heard we were doing a “tea” party, so I decided to bring my pookie Nicole with me”
Nicole waved.
“Sorry we’re late. Someone took too long getting ready” Alice shot the Angel a look which didn’t go unnoticed
“Said the one who thought it was a good idea to make a stop to Fontaine and buy Klee a cart full of toys” Nicole shot back, her hand crossed over her chest
“I’m sorry that I am a good mother! Anyways, what did we miss?”
“Oh Aether was just telling us about those flowers that Var—mmmmmm” Mika started before Eula shushed him up by covering his mouth with her hand
Looking around the library, the Angel noticed someone was missing. “Where’s Mr. Varka?”
“Oh he’s extremely sick at home and won’t be com-“
“He’s sick!?!?!! I gotta go check up on him”
Nicole rushed out of the library in search of an ill Grandmaster. Does she know where he lives? Who am I asking bro? She’s a Mage, she can figure it out
‘Who the fuck tried to assassinate him before me?
“Nicole, where are- Great she left.”
“Does she know we can hear her, right?”
“Wait that’s Nicole!!!” Amber finally registered. “Like Nicole-Nicole, the one the Grandmaster has a crush on?”
“Yep that’s her”
“Holy Barbatos, she’s gorgeous!”
“And extremely tall” Kaeya added. “Looks like Varka made a good choice”
“And she seems really sweet as well” Noelle finally spoke for the first time in hours
“Did my ears deceive me? Did I just hear about the Grandmaster having a little crush on my best friend?” Alice teased
“Girl, small is an understatement. His ass is head over heels for her. He even got sick just for her” Lisa chuckled
“I wanna hear everything. Cmon tell Auntie the tea, include every single detail!”
“Come and sit here, we’ll tell you everything”
Oh oh. Looks like Alice found out which means she won’t leave Varka alone after this, teasing the fuck out of him
“You gotta eat, you know”
“Why should I if I’m going to throw it up in an hour?” Varka pouted, his arms crossed over his chest, not daring to look at his daughter who was trying to help nor the warm radish soup in her hand. He was in his pajamas, sitting under the sheets with a wet cloth on his forehead for the fever.
“Why should I feed you if you are going to die anyway?” Rosaria shot back. “It’s not my fault your ass got sick. What the fuck were you even trying to accomplish?
A knock was heard from the door. It was extremely gentle for it to be Jean and too loud for it to be Mika. Who could that be? You and I both know who it is ;)
“I’ll go get it”
Varka’s gaze followed Rosaria as she rose up from her seating position on his bed all the way to the door of his room, where his gaze remained at. He nearly chocked on his water upon hearing Nicole’s voice come from downstairs
“Can I help you?”
“Is Varka home?”
“That old man? Yeah he’s upstairs”
“Can I see him?”
“Yeah sure, follow me”
The footsteps kept getting louder same goes for Varka’s heartbeat. His heart felt like it was going to pop out of his chest at any moment.
‘Why is she here right now? I can’t have her see me like this, I look like shit!’ he cried out to himself
His thoughts were caught short when he heard her voice calling out to him. “Varka?” He could tell by the sudden wind change that she was standing by the doorframe looking down at him
“I’ll leave you two to it. Besides I have work to do”. And with that Rosaria left, leaving Varka alone with her
“Varka?” she called out to him again, but he still refused to face her. He’s not wrong for doing that tho, who would want the person they love the most to see them in such a terrible state?
Nicole gently sat on his bed, the mattress bending a bit under her weight. She reached out a hand and started petting his leg. “Varka what happened?” she asked once more
Not bearing hearing her worried voice anymore, Varka decided to turn to face her, only for a wave of nausea to wash over him. There was no time to reach the bathroom. In that moment he wished he had died back on Hiisi Island. To his surprise Nicole immediately found the nearest bin and gave it to him. She rubbed small circles on his back as he let out his breakfast.
“There there. Let it all out”
Despite the horrible sight in front of her, Nicole didn’t move a muscle, cleaning his face with a napkin when he was done, not daring to running away
“Nicole I-“ Varka started, his voice hoarse from the vomiting
“Kuuvahkhi infection” she stated
“Huh?”
“You’ve got a Kuuvahkhi infection”
“How did you? Oh wait, I forgot, you’re an angel. You probably saw this happen a lot of times, didn’t you?”
“Actually no, but I could sense it inside of you. Don’t worry tho it’s curable.”
“Yeah I know that”. He tried to chuckled, but it caused him to go into a coughing fit
“Don’t exhaust yourself too much. You need to rest.”
“Thank you”
“What for?”
“For not judging me”
“Why would I judge you? Every living being goes through this”
“It’s just that, this whole thing happened because I was trying to-“ He exhaled. “Never mind”
“Say, Miss Nicole, can I ask you for a favor?”
“Sure!” she smiled
“Do you mind staying a bit longer, it gets lonely being by myself. Maybe you can tell me about some Teyvat lore too? I really enjoy hearing you say it”
Nicole’s face flushed. The Grandmaster liked hearing her speak? Did she hear that right? She hesitated at first but then obliged to his request. “Oh course, I would love that!”
The angel stayed by his side the whole rest of the day tending to his need: changing his wet cloth once in a while, helping him eat, telling him stories he had never heard before
“And that’s why the Dragons…”
Nicole stopped when she noticed the Grandmaster was fast asleep. He seemed peaceful. Yeah he snored loud as fuck, but he wasn’t suffering like before. Her hand found his blonde hair. She tugged his hair aside and pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead. She wasn’t in the mood of returning home just yet, so she decided to stay a bit longer in case he woke up in the middle of the night to throw up.
The silent Mage found an empty spot on the bed next to the Grandmaster. She sat there, careful not to wake him up and pulled out her diary. Since she was going to spend the night here, why not think of any new novel ideas. She just had one about an Angel helping an injured Knight back to health.
Out of the blue, Nicole felt Varka wrap his arms around her torso and found his head snuggling on her lap. He must have mistaken her for a pillow. Heat rushed to her ears. Still she didn’t move as he looked so comfortable laying on her. She slowly dragged her hand into his hair, petting him as if he was a puppy, while her other hand moved in a concentrated pace writing her novel
With the help of her magic she turned off the lights, only leaving the lamp on the night stand next to her so she could see in the dark
“Rest well my Knight”