Chapter Text
Yuri looked at themselves in the mirror and was decidedly unsure of how to feel about their reflection.
They didn’t look bad but they didn’t look right, either. They thought their reflection looked very much like a man wearing a dress and that wasn’t really the look they wanted. Then again, it was hard to escape that look when they were not only broad-shouldered but also tall and muscular.
Yuuri had done a good job, though, of picking out a dress that didn’t look too bad. Yuri didn’t know what you called it was it was sleeveless and mostly made of straight lines. They found that it was a little too short for their liking. It’s straight fall emphasized their lack of chest or hips but they suspected that was what it was supposed to look like.
The color was nice, a blue that complemented both their hair and their eyes, and they were pretty sure they didn’t hate the dress. They still knew they weren’t confident enough to wear it outside the safety of their bedroom, let alone their apartment.
Yuri hummed to themselves, turning to get a look at the back. They thought they heard the front door open but they knew that couldn’t be right. They’d locked the door before coming inside so anyone who was trying to get in would need to knock. And if someone was breaking in then, well, they had bigger things to worry about than a dress.
They sighed, leaning their forehead against the mirror. What were they doing? They had no idea who they wanted to be and that was probably the scariest thing. How could people tell whether they were doing something for themselves or for someone else?
“Yura?” Yuri whipped around, panic flooding their veins when they realized there was no escape.
How could they forget that they’d given Beka a key?
“I– don’t– stop– I can’t–” Yuri had no idea what to say, unable to focus long enough on Otabek’s face to actually read what he was thinking. His voice didn’t sound malicious or disgusted but it was hard to focus on that fact when Yuri couldn’t focus on his face.
Finally Yuri settled for hiding their face in their hands, begging their eyes and throat to stop burning. Begging their cheeks to stop burning. They just wanted their entire body to either set itself ablaze or stop burning them up.
“Stop looking at me.” They decided on, their words muffled by their hands.
“Okay.” Otabek turned but Yuri couldn’t see him do that, their face planted securely in their palms.
“Just go.” Yuri spoke too softly to be heard, they knew that. But they were having trouble raising their voice without shouting. “Leave me alone.”
When Yuri let their hand drop, they found Otabek gone. How had he heard Yuri’s commands?
He left like Yuri wanted but Yuri thought he would have understood they never actually meant it.
Yuri’s knees buckled and they let themselves collapse to their knees, letting the tears out.
Yuri’s biggest fear had been realized and they’d ruined everything. They screwed it all up. Otabek hated them and had never really liked them for who they were. They wanted to blame this on someone else – Yuuri or Viktor or Beka – but they just came back to themselves. They’d screwed everything up by being an idiot. If they’d just kept everything the same then nothing like this would have happened.
“Do you want– Yura?” Yuri looked up, surprised and confused to find an equally confused Otabek in the doorway. He looked concerned and unsure for only a moment before rushing over to Yuri, his face painted with more emotion than even Yuri had ever seen on it. “I’m sorry, what’s the matter?”
“Why are you apologizing?” Yuri murmured as Otabek wrapped his arms around them. “I told you to leave.”
“I didn’t hear you.” Yuri shrunk into the shorter skater’s embrace. “If I had, I wouldn’t have left. I was locking the front door.”
“Oh.” Was all Yuri could manage through their ever increasing tears. Even when it was Beka, Yuri hated crying in front of people. They knew nobody thought of them as weak but it still felt like they were.
“Shh.” Otabek murmured, pulling Yuri onto his lap. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” Yuri buried their face into Otabek’s chest. “I fucked it all up, didn’t I?”
“No, you didn’t fuck anything up. Why do you think you fucked up?”
“We were in a comfortable place and I did this.” Their voiced was muffled by Otabek’s shirt. “I fucked us up.”
“No you didn’t.” Otabek was practically cooing. Even Yuri wasn’t sure they’d ever seen this soft of a side from the man they considered their best friend. “I don’t care what you wear, you’re still you. If this is you then I don’t care.” Otabek carefully titled Yuri face up and away from his chest, his face serious. “Yura, I love you.”
Yuri felt their face get hot and they rubbed at their eyes, hoping to hide their deep shade of red behind their hands and arms.
“This is sudden.” Yuri finally decided on, letting their arms drop but not looking Otabek in the eye either.
“Not really.” Otabek shrugged, “I knew I liked you for a while now, over a year I’d say. And I’ve always loved you as a friend so it didn’t take too long to feel that way romantically.” He blinked, “Was I too forward again?”
Yuri shook their head, giving a small noise of disagreement. “It’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting that is all. I thought you were just, I don’t know, in it for the other stuff…”
Unexpectedly, Otabek laughed. Yuri loved the sound, though they found the Kazakh man rarely laughed, and it made them smile even if they were pretty sure they were being laughed at.
“Yura, I’m not even into you like that. I mean I enjoy the kissing and stuff but like it’s not why I spend time with you.”
“Not into me like that?” Yuri tried to look hurt but smiled instead, their anxieties not gone but faded into the background hum of their minds. Even at their worst, Otabek had a way of calming Yuri’s anxious thoughts. “What? Am I not good enough?”
It was Otabek’s turn to color a little, “It’s not like that… I’m just not, I don’t know… What’s the word?” Yuri frowned at his stilted words and lack of eye contact. Otabek was rarely at a loss for words. If he had something to say, he said it. Otherwise he didn’t try and fill the air with useless words. He was even less prone to awkward embarrassment. “Asexual?”
“Oh, okay.” Yuri shrugged, snuggling up to Otabek. “Beka you know you can always tell me if you’re uncomfortable with something, right?”
“I know.” Otabek was tempted to just keep the both of them there on the ground so as not to break the comfort he was feeling. He didn’t like to admit it but he had a lot of overwhelming insecurities that kept his mind preoccupied and his voice quiet. He had a tendency of being too blunt or of saying the wrong things at the wrong time and so he talked as little as possible, but when it came to Yuri he knew he didn’t have to worry. Yuri’s presence eased his negative thoughts and he worried less about saying something wrong. “Do you want to lay down? You’ve had a tiring day.”
Yuri nodded and the two untangled themselves from each other. Yuri did feel tired, the day had been emotionally draining, and all they wanted to do was cuddle with Beka and sleep.
“Do you want to change?” Quickly he added, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“You’re sweet.” Yuri said, Otabek’s face turning red. Yuri rarely voiced those sorts of thoughts, instead keeping them inside, and Otabek had not gotten used to the blond’s occasional endearing comments. “This isn’t really sleeping material, so I think I’ll change.” They’d already started to strip of the dress, “I’d really like it if we just went to bed now, I’m so tired.”
“What about your mom and grandpa, won’t they be coming back here?”
“So what?” Yuri turned and Otabek’s eyes, like so many other people’s today, were drawn to the handful of bruises on Yuri’s pale skin. Honestly, he felt a little back about them but mostly because of the fallout. “Why don’t we just tell everyone we’re dating?”
“Are you asking me out?” Otabek tried to sound like he was challenging Yuri but instead it came out a bit awed. Otabek found that Yuri had the irritating affect of turning him from a mysterious bad boy into a pining high schooler.
“I guess I am.” Yuri smirked at Otabek, pulling on a pair of pajama pants before sauntering over to where Otabek was perched on the bed. Yuri leaned in close, their forehead almost touching Otabek’s. “Will you go out with me.”
“Of course.” Otabek bridged the gap between their lips, pulling Yuri into a long kiss before finally pulling them down onto the bed.
“I mean, everyone was going to find out something was going on.” Yuri let Otabek cuddle into their chest, their chin resting on the shorter man’s head. “Yuuri saw when we were getting coffee. He’ll probably tell Viktor. And maybe Phichit. And Viktor will probably tell Chris.”
“Well even if Yuuri doesn’t tell Viktor, he knows. And so do Georgi and Mila.”
“How?” Yuri pulled away slightly so they could give Beka a bewildered look.
Their boyfriend smiled and pulled his shirt off. He turned over and Yuri made a small, surprised sound. Had they really left so many small bruises on Beka’s back?
“I didn’t even realize they were there. Mila and I decided to go get some practice in since, as Mila said, you and Yuuri were off having fun without us. Georgi and Viktor, and Gerogi’s girlfriend, tagged along. When we were changing Viktor noticed the marks.” Otabek chuckled. “Apparently someone gave him the idea that I was straight because he immediately asked me if they were from Mila. He seemed really worried that I’d somehow enchanted Mila into cheating on Sara. Mila was very offended when he asked her if they were her doing.”
Yuri smiled, imagining that Viktor had probably gotten quite the earful from the redhead.
“Yah, I might have implied you were straight without realizing it.” Yuri admitted, snuggling themselves into Otabek’s back. As much as Yuri liked being little spoon, they found they liked the way it felt to wrap themselves around Beka. “Mostly because Viktor is an idiot though, so it wasn’t really my fault.”
Otabek chuckled again, the sound soothing to Yuri’s ears. Yuri wasn’t sure he’d ever really heard Otabek laugh as much as he had today and that was really lovely in their opinion.
“I’m sure it wasn’t.”
They stayed like that in silence, content with each other’s warmth and proximity, and Yuri soon found themselves falling asleep.
“Beka?” Yuri murmured.
“Hmm?” Otabek was obviously also close to sleep.
“Do you really not mind?”
“What?”
“That I’m not a guy and that I can be kind of… girly sometimes.”
“I swear I don’t mind.” He laced his fingers with Yuri’s, using Yuri’s hand to pull them closer. “I more than don’t mind. I love you for you and that’s that.”
Yuri hummed into the back of Otabek’s neck. “When did you get so sappy?”
“It’s your fault I’m like this.”
“It’s fine, I like it.” Yuri’s voice was barely audible.
Otabek just hummed in response and Yuri sleepily admitted to themselves that may they and Beka were nearly as disgusting as Viktor and Yuuri. Not that they’d admit that to Viktor or Yuuri.
Yuri felt Otbaek’s breathing even out and they smiled, more comfortable and content than they’d been in a while. They kept smiling as they let their boyfriend’s slow, even breathing being to lull them to sleep.
Mind swimming and fuzzy Yuri found themselves murmuring quietly into Beka’s neck.
“I love you too.”