Chapter Text
The car was silent as they drove down the road. They stopped as the traffic light flashed red. The brothers sat shoulder to shoulder bodies thrumming with tension. Theo fiddled with his fingers and bounced his feet trying to release his restless energy. He glanced at Alvin from the corner of his eye who had a stern and deeply concentrated expression on his face. His brows were furrowed and his lips set in a thin line. Theo blinked.
Sometimes he was surprised that Alvin could be serious. Out of all of them he was the least likely person to act appropriately in a serious situation. He was the fun one, the one who cracked jokes when the silence got too much, the unpredictable, energetic untouchable one. His quietness was unnerving at this moment. Theo looked past him onto his other brother. Simon just looked bored. He leaned his face on one of his hands, looking out the window. His eyes were glossed over, lost in thought, completely checked out.
It was like they’d switched personalities which was strange because Simon was always scolding Alvin about his tendency to get distracted. Theo shifted his gaze forward to dad. Their eyes met in the rearview mirror. His face held something solemn but also hopeful. He gave Theo a small smile of encouragement. Theodore gave a half hearted one back.
The light turned green. They went on, passing various shops and buildings as the sunlight flickered throughout the car. He closed his eyes and settled into the rhythm of the car, listening to the engine rumble, the birds outside chirping and his brothers breathing. His body slowly began to relax. It would all be fine. He would be okay. They went on.
The alarm went off in a shrill cry and the sun filtered in through the tall windows. Her eyes creaked open as she sucked in a breath and yawned. She groaned and rolled over to her back and stretched out the arm that her head laid against, the other arm resting around her abdomen. She sat there for a moment before sitting up, back hunched weighed by the lull of sleep. She lazily wiped away the crust from her eyes and glanced at the clock. 7:15am. She stared at it for a moment before her brain caught up. Her eyes widened and her pulse jumped in realization. She jumped up from the couch in a quiet frenzy, tripping over liquor bottles as she stumbled to the bathroom.
She caught herself in the mirror. Her hair was spilling out of the hair tie she wore the day before. Eyebags prominent, and the whites of her eyes were red from crying. Her clothes didn’t look much better. They were ruffled and the hem was coming loose. Her pajama pants had smeared tobacco on them and smelled like ash. Her tank top was worse; it was stained with wine and her lips were dry and cracked. She brought her shirt up to her nose and sniffed. Her face wrinkled in disgust and disappointment. It smelt like vomit and a migraine.
I should’ve got the good stuff. But the cheap wine burns better.
She grabbed her toothbrush, turned on the sink and brushed. When she was done she spat in the sink, wiped her mouth, and set the face towel on the rack on the wall. She looked at herself once more. She looked as tired as she was. The deep bone kind of tired that made her question her own existence. The day ahead would be long, she knew. And this was a matter of will. She huffed, bowing her head low as she leaned heavily on the counter. She closed her eyes trying to find some determination.
Should I even go? Would they want to see me? Would they hate me for what I’ve done?
She sighed deeply and shuffled out of the bathroom into her bedroom. It was starkly different from her living room. Clean and crisp sheets, bare walls, and plain muted colors. It looked more like a hotel room than a personal space. She slept more on her old beat up leather couch than her own bed. Honestly she thought it was quite pathetic. But, it just never felt right.
Even with the heat of California she still felt cold, hollow. For the upteenth time that morning she sighed, letting her exhaustion out with every breath. She set her jaw straight, she had things to do and people to see. There would be time to cry over memories of a dead relationship later, she’d promised Danielle she’d be there and for her —the boys. She walked over to her closet and picked out a nice blouse and some jeans. She quickly hopped in the shower, the knot in the pit of her stomach growing.
This is going to be a shit show. She thought.
He opened his eyes when they started to slow. At first he thought it was a red light, but they didn’t move again. Then the car turned off. The comforting sound of the rumbling engine stopped suddenly and Theo’s stomach dropped. His heart started to speed up, he breathed harshly through his nose. It was time it seemed. They all sat for moments, in limbo. Simon was alert now and staring at him.
Dad looked at him with concern and so did Alvin. Then Theodore exhaled forcefully, trying to shake himself out of his nervous state. He grabbed the car door handle and scooted out of the car. Alvin came after him, then Simon and finally Dave. They stood on the outside of the car quietly shifting on their feet, waiting for his decision.
The shop was right across the street, he could easily see inside where Ms. Danielle stood casually, flipping through a magazine. She must’ve been waiting for them, since they were the earliest customers.The shop’s bricks were painted yellow and the sign was in all black cursive letters. He shuffled forward, legs wobbly. He sucked in a breath and blew it out. A hand slipped into his. Alvin squeezed his hand as Simon grabbed his other hand. Slowly but steadily they walked toward the shop.
The door opened with a bell ringing and he noticed the beautician immediately. Theodore looked her over. She was an average height woman, with tawny brown skin and dark coiled hair, braided in the front and the back out in an afro. She wore a decorative long sleeved satin v neck shaped shirt with a simple pair of jeans and flats. Ms. Danielle perked up with a smile, greeting them warmly. Theodore chuckled nervously as Dave explained why they were here. Simon and Alvin hung behind him, listening.
As the adults conversed, the boys took a chance to gaze around the shop. It smelled of coconut oil and hairspray. The walls were brick. And there were several stations of different things around the room. A row of dome shaped machines with chairs underneath them sat on the far side of the shop. Hair dryers he suspected. And beside them several big sinks. On the side, closer to the front were rows of chairs that looked like recliners, in front of them were mirrors with lights on them. In between each chair was a little rolling table. Above the mirrors were dark wood cabinets, spanning the whole length of the wall.
This was nothing like he imagined. It didn’t seem so terrible and it helped that there were no other people.
“Well, if you don’t mind Theo I’d like you to sit in my styling chair so I can show your dad how to do your hair, understand?” She asked. Theo smiled meekly and slipped into the chair feeling his stomach twist. Dave smiled at him kindly and rubbed his shoulder in comfort. Ms. Danielle went to a cabinet and took out various hair products and set them on a rolling cart. She rolled the cart over and pulled Dave up it. She held up a comb with a metal stick at the end of it and looked at the paler man pointedly.
“This is a rat tail comb, it’s for parting the hair, you will use this a lot.” Dave nodded. Then she held up another type of comb. It was shorter in length overall but the teeth of it were spaced out farther apart from each other and were longer sideways than the rat tail.
“This is a wide tooth comb, it’s for combing the hair out. Don’t comb the hair dry ever. Ever. It will break off. Understand?” Dave nodded quickly. Then she went on the greases and conditioners. She held up a blue cylinder container with a white top.
“Blue Magic, for greasin’ the scalp. Make sure his hair ain’t dry. If it’s still dry, you didn't do it right. You separate the hair first then grease the part after. Alright that’s enough for now, let’s put it into practice. Ready?” Dave nodded determinedly as Danielle smirked. She gently guided Theodore’s head back so they could have a better view.
“That’ll alright baby?” She asked the boy with a friendly laugh. Theo nodded softly. Dave leaned forward and pecked him on the forehead.
“You’re doing really well so far Theo, I’m proud of you.” Dave whispered in his ear. Theo despite his swooping stomach gave a wobbly smile as he clenched his sweaty hands in his lap. From the waiting chairs by the window, Simon and Alvin sent him an encouraging thumbs up. Then she sprayed Theo’s hair with water, softening it.
Danielle grabbed the rat tail from the cart again and handed it to Dave.
“Okay, you’re gonna start at the front of his head. Put the comb in the middle of his hairline and drag it to the back of his head.” Dave started to split the hair down the middle, sectioning off parts with elastic bands at Danielle’s direction. Then rubbed the grease in between each part. She nodded in approval.
“So when’s Nurse Brown coming?” He asked carefully.
“She’ll be here soon, she agreed to be here by eight. You were early.” She replied. Her phone buzzed in her pocket. It was Vinny and Another from Beatrice. Danielle smiled at the message they both sent and tucked her phone back into her pocket. Dave looked at her curiously.
“Vinny is on her way now and Beatrice is coming with her family.” She grinned. Dave nodded and continued his parting, occasionally checking on Theo. He looked calmer and boys weren’t watching him like a hawk anymore. Alvin spoke up from his chair. Dave realized he hadn’t said a word since they got there.
“Uh dad, who's Mrs. Beatrice?” He asked, confused.
“She’s uh a colleague of mine at the office. She’s friends with Nurse Brown and Ms. Danielle here. They’re here to help me with Theo’s hair y'know?"
Alvin didn’t say anything but nodded. He observed his father for a moment then the beautician. Danielle caught the boy's eye for a moment, flickering to his brother then back at him. Her gaze intensified and calculated all at once. She turned back to Dave showing him how to cornrow.
“You know my nieces and nephews love you guys' music. Real big fans. You boys are talented.” She complimented casually. Dave chuckled. The boys thanked her for her praise. They all faded into comfortable silence for a few minutes until the bell on the door sounded. In walked Beatrice, a man and three kids behind her.
“Hey Dani!” She said cheerfully. Danielle walked over and hugged her while greeting the others. She noticed the man and the children and hugged them as well. One of the kids looked about sixteen, he wore loose clothes and had a cap on his head, the next was another boy who wore basketball shorts and a t- shirt and finally a little girl, maybe five. Alvin and Simon studied them waiting to see what would happen. It seemed they all knew each other.
“Hello Dave, how’s the hair going?” Dave smiled a little embarrassed momentarily setting the comb down. He gestured for Theo to stand up so he could stretch his legs out.
“Hi Mrs. Williams. It’s uh going. Not sure if I’m doing this right though.” He admitted. Mrs. Williams chuckled looking over Theo’s cornrows. She shrugged with a grin, gently tracing the parts with her fingers.
“You ain’t bad for a beginner. Still you need more practice though. This should last him about a week.” She gave him another once over and nodded in approval. Dave beamed. He turned to Theo.
“Well bud we’re almost done, nearly halfway so let’s get this done, yeah?” The boy nodded and turned to sit back in the chair. One of the boys called out to him. His voice was shrill with excitement. Theodore had a few suspicions why. Everyone turned towards him simultaneously.
“You’re Theodore from AATC! I’m a huge fan! Is it okay if I get an autograph?!” The boy was vibrating with joy and Theo couldn’t help but smile at him. Alvin and Simon slipped in beside him grinning. They looked genuinely happy. It was always nice to meet fans who weren’t crazy.
“You got a pen?” Alvin smirked, confidence reeking from him. There was the Alvin he knew. The boy was practically glowing with happiness. He quickly rummaged through his pocket and found a pen and a piece of paper.
He took the pen and paper and signed his name, along with Theo and Simon. The boy thanked them profusely, gushing about his favorite songs they made. All the adults looked at him with varying levels of amusement.
After a few minutes the shop lapsed back into silence. Theo’s hair was nearly done. From the corner of his eye Dave watched his children quietly conversing with Mrs. Williams' kids about school, sports and singing. He grinned to himself.
I’m glad they’re able to have normal conversations with other people without getting swarmed by the press. They deserve to live their lives without people demanding their voices. He grimaced as he was reminded of Ian and what Alvin told him at dinner the day before yesterday.
Danielle’s phone buzzed again. She read the message. She beckoned Beatrice over with a silent urgency. Beatrice stepped forward and leaned towards her, eyes gleaming with worry and excitement.
“She’s in the parking lot.” Beatrice’s eyes widened.
“Is she ready to see them?” Bea asked. Dani shook her head.
“She’s been avoiding this for a year. You know how she is with the guilt.” Dani murmured back. Bea nodded. They both paused breathing deeply before glancing at the boys then at Dave. Bea leaned forward again, her eyes flickering to Dani’s.
“She won’t go through with it. Not trying to be mean but she'll get scary and bow out.” Dani nodded.
“What should we do?” Dani asked. Beatrice's gaze landed on Dave again.
“Well we should at least warn him of what’s coming.” Dani sighed heavily. Lord help them. She waved Dave over, he came to them with a smile, curious. His smile slowly faded as he picked up on their serious expressions. His brow furrowed, his eyes darting between the two women.
“Is everything okay? Did something happen?” He asked, keeping his voice low. Dani stuttered on her words. She looked at him deeply, trying to find a careful way to dump this situation on him.
I’ve gotta give it to him straight. There’s no other option.
“Dave… Vinny’s outside of the shop waiting. You need to talk to her now. It’s important. We’ll watch your boys.” Her voice was tight. He pursed his lips and swallowed. He gave a little nod and turned towards the entrance, feeling a dread pooling in his gut. He paused, meeting his son’s confused face.
“I’ll be right back, stay here. Ms. Danielle and Mrs. Williams will watch you. I have to talk to Nurse Brown.” They each nodded. He stepped out into the warm California sun. And there she was clenching her hands at sides, face burdened. She perked up at the sight of him, expression contorting into fear.
“…hello David.” She muttered.
“Hello Nurse Brown.” He responded with an edge to his voice. What’s wrong? Why is she acting so strange?
“I— I felt like I should’ve stayed away. I saw them on tv. They looked happy and were successful. I felt like… they didn’t need me or want me.”
Her voice trembled as her eyes began to water. Dave could only look in utter confusion.
“What?” He responded. Her eyes widened slightly before her brows furrowed in understanding. She nodded to herself in determination.
She inhaled shakily and started to dig in her purse for something. She handed him three pieces of paper. He took them carefully as she stared at him unwavering. He looked them over. They were birth certificates. Last name Johnson - Brown. His gaze flickered to hers not understanding.
“Read the first names.” She commanded softly.
He did. Last name Johnson - Brown.
First names… his eyes widened as he stared at her in disbelief.
This has to be fake. It was not.
Official Certification by Los Angeles Hospital.
1997.
First names… Alvin, Simon and Theodore.
Oh Fuck. No, this can’t be real.
His gaze slowly lifted up to meet her guilty face. She handed him another photo. Of her and three babies. One baby had sandy blond hair, another with copper colored hair. And finally the last baby, dark hair with little glasses.
“You’re…their mother?” She nodded through her tears.
“Where— How long have you known?” He stammered.
“I’ve… They were put in the system at six, I lost contact when they were nine. After that my parental rights were terminated.” She said grimacing. He nodded, dazed. 3 years. Damn, that's relatively recent.
“I’ll… uh… go get them.” She nodded, but as he turned to walk away she grabbed his wrist. Her eyes were heavy with grief.
“I’m sorry David.” He blinked. Then he softened.
“I’m sure you had your reasons.” He whispered as he slipped from her grasp and stepped back into the shop. His eyes found his children. They looked at him with worry. They ran up to him. He just… stared at them. Then at Danielle and Beatrice who had little sympathetic smiles. Back to his children—- their children (him and Vinny) apparently. Simon with his glasses, Theo with his freshly done corn rows and round face, and Alvin who was her fucking twin. That copper hair, that brown reddish skin and those eyes. Yes, he was Vivian Brown’s child. They all were.
He ran a heavy hand over his face and sighed. How do I tell them that their long lost mother is right outside? Do I just say it or show them? In his silence, their worry grew.
“Dad, are you okay?” Theo asked softly. He stared down at them once more, feeling lost.
“There’s someone you need to see.” And he turned on his heel and walked out again, letting them follow. They bombarded him with questions but he did not answer.
They caught sight of her and their cacophonous voices died in their throats. Only the wind, the birds and far off traffic could be heard. It felt real when she started talking.
Her babies had grown big. They had strong minds and strong voices. She felt proud. They had done well for themselves.
It felt as if she were a stranger and she was in some ways. She’d not seen them in years. Suddenly she was very aware of her own being. The heat of the sun, the feeling of her hair tied up, her sweaty hands that gripped the worn leather strap of her purse. She felt her stomach twist and her heart speed up. She wasn’t sure what to say.
Their eyes were blown wide with shock. Theo’s jaw hung open as Alvin’s face looked angrily surprised. Simon just stared back intently, trying to wrap his head around it. She opened her mouth to speak, the words came out imperfectly and jumbled. Each sentence came out faster and faster, as she stood stilted, hands clenched unbareingly tightly. She practiced what she'd say in the car but the words flew out of her mind the moment she saw them.
So she said the things she’d been holding onto for the last five years. They deserved the truth.
“I— l know you must have mixed feelings about seeing me. I know that… I wasn’t there when I needed to be. I sent you letters for a year hoping they’d tell me where you were…. But they didn’t. There’s no excuse for it… I’m so sorry.”
Their faces contorted into something wounded. She had touched a nerve. She could feel her throat tightening with every word. Still they let her continue.
“I ruined a lot of things with my absence. I thought— thought you’d be better off without me. I wasn’t sure if I was wanted or needed anymore. I’m sorry.” This came out rasping, clinging to the edges of the idea that maybe they would approve.
“And I’ll explain everything if you want me to but… I wanted to see you and I wanted you to know that I’m still around if you need anything.” Breathless and bare, exposed she was.
There. She said what she wanted to say out loud. If they rejected her, they rejected her. If not, then… they move forward.
“They lied.” It was Simon who spoke. She blinked.
“What?” She whispered. He swallowed numbly and finally met her eyes. God, he looks like his father.
“They lied. We never got any letters or phone calls.” Alvin looked at him in increasing anger. Like he remembered something, whatever it was. Theo nodded in agreement.
They had no idea I was trying to get them back. They thought I left them.
It was a sobering experience, being stripped of what she loved most. Theodore shuffled forward and she automatically stiffened. She swallowed her tears along with her grief waiting for his reaction. Whatever she expected he did not fulfill. She felt his arms wrap around her, burying his face in her shoulder. All the breath left her body as Simon joined in. Alvin came slower, just a half a second after. She noticed. She wrapped her arms around them. A muffled sniffle sounded from one of them. She kissed their foreheads and wiped their faces.
Alvin pulled away first, then Simon and finally Theodore. Their eyes shone with tears.
“Hi Mama.” Theo whispered. Ah, yes. My undoing.
“Hi mom.” Simon uttered. I haven’t been called that in so fucking long.
“Hey Ma.” Alvin completed. Five goddamn years.
She yanked them back in the hug and they met her just as fiercely. They were crying hard now, snot and hiccuping sobs encompassing them. And she did what she knew best. She soothed. And soothed. She finally had them.
I’d be a damned fool to let them go again.
The car ride home felt lighter than he expected. Theo couldn’t help but smile to himself. He slipped his hands into Alvin’s and Alvin slipped his own into Simon’s. He met the red head's softened eyes.
“Mama’s back.” It was a warm unfurling feeling in his body. Alvin nodded, a bittersweet expression on his face.
“Ma’s back.” He confirmed. He looked worn. Tired. Shallow eye bags, drooped posture and old memories in his mind. Theo did not push. He squeezed his hand and Alvin squeezed back. They looked forward now, lost in their own thoughts.
He met Dave’s eyes in the rear view mirror. Him and Mama traded contact information officially. And they’d agreed to see each other next Saturday. It had been an emotional day. Even so he was glad that it went the way it did.
Theo smiled at him first this time. Dave smiled back, driving down the sunlit street.