Chapter Text
While Shannon was gone, chaos ensued.
“Oh my fucking god! THE GOVERNMENTS GONNA GET US! IM TOO YOUNG-”
Tweek began hyperventalating into a pamphlet. By this point, Craig and Clyde were pissed. Craig sat down next to Tweek, attempting to comfort him, but was met with no accomplishment.
“I’m done,” Clyde said, “Where's the door?”
Clyde tried to leave, but he was redirected about three times. Each time more infuriating than the last.
“Why are they trying to trap us in here, man?” He sighed, waddling back to the group.
Tolkien leaned toward Stan. “This is the dumbest thing we’ve ever done.”
Stan nodded.
“I know, and once I followed a towel into another dimension.”
“Hey guys…” Kenny chirped up, “Where's Butters?”
Everyone looked at each other. Where WAS Butters?
…
Suddenly, the door burst open.
The person who stormed in shocked nearly everyone, except Cartman, of course.
Tom Cruise.
“WHO THE HELL IS CLAIMING TO BE AN INSPECTOR?”
Cartman stood abruptly and dramatically, “I am.”
The room was silent.
Tom Cruise stared down at him, a baffled expression on his face, “...You’re a child.”
Cartman crossed his arms.
“And you’re short, but that's not the first thing I brought up now, is it?”
Stan’s eyes widened, “Dude…”
Tom Cruise clenched his fists. “Do you have any idea what you’re doing right now?”
Cartman nodded. “Yes. Speedrunning the Scientology cult building.”
There was a long pause. Tom Cruise blinked.
“...What?”
Suddenly Cartman yanked a random binder off the counter.
“Alright guys, this must be the final level lore.”
Kyle flipped through it. “Dude, this is insane."
Kenny muffled his laughter.
“SO IT’S ALL ALIENS?” Tweek screamed.
Suddenly, a loud crash was hear inside one of the rooms and Butters was thrown out.
“Butters?”
“Golly fellas,” He huffed, “Sorry, what did I miss? I think I accidentally joined a seminar.”
Everyone just stared at him.
“Okay, I'm done, this is stupid.” Craig said, standing up.
Cartman shouted, “NO, CRAIG! WE’RE AT THE FINAL BOSS YOU GAYBO!”
Tom Cruise stopped him, stepping forward.
“There is no ‘boss.’ This is a religion you imbecile!”
Cartman pointed at him, “That is exactly what a boss would say you- YOU!” He jabbed accusingly.
“You’re done.”
Security was called and within seconds everything devolved into chaos.
Tweek tried to run but ended up hitting a wall, at the same time, Clyde had tripped and was already being tackled to the ground.
“I am so sorry Shannon!” Butters apologized.
“Stop apoligizing to people Butters! YOU DON'T OWE THE ALIENS ANYTHING-”
Suddenly, a loud alarm began blaring.
Kenny was snatched by a security guard and thrown out next to Craig, who had already willingly walked out.
Cartman, being dragged away amidst the chaos, yelled:
“WE ALMOST HAD A WORLD RECORD!!!”
…
Aftermath
Outside, the boys sat on the curb, defeated and tired.
“Well, that was pointless.” Stan sighed.
Kyle nodded in agreement. “We learned nothing from that fatass.”
“See, Kahl, that is where you are wrong, sweet boy,” Cartman smirked.
Everyone looked at him as he held up a certificate.
“I beat the personality test.”
Congratulations, you are…everything.
Kenny burst out laughing, and Craig rolled his eyes.
“Fellas, that was kind of fun.” Butters smiled.
Cartman leaned back proudly, “I am not inviting you next time, Butters.”
Stan groaned, but Butters frowned.
“No, no next time.”
“Sure, Stan, sure.”