Chapter Text
As Ollie walks into the paddock, he tries to put yesterday behind him. Yes, qualifying was bad, but anything could happen in the race. That was why he loved racing at Suzuka. It was unpredictable, it was fast, and it was difficult. Especially with the new regulations.
He could make up places from P18, easy. He's done it before and he'll do it again. As long as he can focus on himself, instead of Kimi.
His mind flashes back to the end of qualifying yesterday, Kimi practically glowing after his second pole. He was proving it wasn't just a once off, that he was a driver to watch. And Ollie couldn't be more proud.
The race will be fine, he just has to focus on himself.
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The lights are out and they're off the line, Ollie's instincts kicking in. Lap after lap goes by as he puts the times in, hitting the apex, braking just late enough.
It's not going to be easy to make it through the pack, but he's getting into the flow.
"Colapinto ahead, you're 1.2 seconds back." His race engineer updates him. "Copy."
Ollie gets a good exit out of the final corner, and down the straight he's gaining, gaining.
Until suddenly he's gaining too fast. Colapinto's off the racing line. He swerves to avoid him. He's off the track, he's sliding. And he's going so fast.
He runs over the speed markers at the side of the track, the rest of the world a blur. Pieces of gravel clatter as he bounces up and down, and the barriers come flying at him. The car slams them side on, and pain shoots up Ollie's leg. He squeezes his eyes shut. Race over.
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The Mercedes car of Kimi Antonelli rounds the final corner down onto the straight. He's out in front, but he hasn't pitted yet. Thanks to that terrible start, where he managed to drop all the way down to P5. It was his fault, he knows it, but it doesn't matter now.
Kimi puts the start out of his mind as he turns the first corner into the S curves. He's lapping fast now, faster than George, faster than Oscar. A rush of adrenaline fills his body every time he sees his next purple sector show up.
He's running through sector 3 when the yellow flags come out. Seconds later, a safety car is deployed. Kimi feels a twinge of worry for whoever's crashed, but the timing is perfect. "Box box" his engineer calls, and he pulls into the pit lane around the last corner.
A fast stop under the safety car means he keeps the lead, meaning a possible second win in a row. Not to get ahead of himself. But he would love another win.
Kimi starts his first lap on the new tyres behind the safety car, and his race engineers begin to update him on the safety car situation.
"We expect around 5 laps until safety car is in. Bearman-"
Bearman. Oliver Bearman. His best friend, Ollie.
"Had a fast crash into the barriers, after gaining too quickly..."
Kimi heard the voice continue speaking but he couldn't understand any of the words. When was the last time he even spoke to Ollie. Oh god, was it when he told him he was too busy to text him now? His hands felt numb. His whole body felt numb, actually.
"We will keep you updated-"
"Is he okay??" Kimi interrupted.
"Of course, we would have told you earlier if he was not."
"Is he injured?"
"He was seen limping after getting out of the car, but he will be at medical now." His engineer explains in detail, sympathy in his voice for Kimi's friend.
Limping? He could have broken his leg, he could be out of racing. He knows it might be irrational, but it's his best friend. Who he's basically been ignoring. Kimi's thoughts speed as he makes his way through sector 2. When he gets to the turn where the crash happens, he has to restrain himself from gasping as he sees the HAAS in the wall. He forces himself to look at the road ahead.
It's lucky they're still under a safety car because Kimi's focus is all over the place. He can't stop thinking about the last few weeks, and how Ollie probably thinks he's been ignoring him. He replays every conversation, every time he brushed him off for a team event or a celebration. Oh, he really messed this up.
"Safety car in next lap."
Kimi forces himself to put the thoughts in the back of his mind. He numbly places all his attention on the track, shoving away emotion corner by corner.
And it works.
He puts in the times, each lap improving where he lost time in the last. It's all a blur as he pushes himself through each sector, setting fastest laps again and again. Finally, he makes it across the finish line for his second grand prix win in his Formula 1 career.
But he can't focus on Ollie yet.
As he climbs out of the car, as he jumps into the arms of his team, as he waves to the crowd, he smiles and pretends he's okay. He laughs and sprays champagne on the podium, screeching when it gets in his eyes. He sits through interview after interview. He thanks the team, his family, everyone who supported him.
The whole time, he tries not to think about the boy alone in the medical centre. His best friend.
Ollie, who's always been there for him.
Ollie, who never gets mad.
Ollie, who always listens, who always cares.
Finally, his media duties are over, and Kimi rushes through the paddock in a daze.
He makes it to the medical centre and stops at the desk. Out of breath, he asks "Whe-where's Ollie?"
"Just down the hall, first door on your right, sweetie." The receptionist replies, and before she can say anything more, Kimi is disappearing down the hallway.
He opens the door to see Ollie sitting on the bed, and he looks up to meet eyes with Kimi.
"Hi." Kimi whispers. "You're okay."
He stumbles into the room and stands in front of Ollie, checking him up and down.
"Kimi! Congrats on your win." He gives a weak smile.
Kimi breathes another sigh of relief. "Can I sit?" He asks gently.
Ollie shakes his head. "You should be out there celebrating. Not in here with me, where I can barely walk."
"I want to be here with you-"
"Really? Do you?" Ollie interjects, a touch of bitterness in his voice.
Kimi's face drops. "I could never go out there and celebrate more when you're here alone, injured. I was so worried."
"Oh, so now you'll only hang out with me when I'm hurt. You feel guilty that you won because of me, is that it?"
"No! Of course not, I-"
"Kimi, it's obvious you want to celebrate instead of being here, so go." Ollie interrupts.
"Just listen to me!" Kimi yells, struggling to keep his eyes from becoming wet.
He sits down without permission, looking at Ollie.
"Listen, I- I fucked up, and I'm so sorry. The moment I heard you crashed I realised how bad it had been, and I know it's shitty that I didn't think about it before then and I know that an apology can't fix it, but I just need to try. I just- you're so important to me Ollie." Kimi's voice shakes, and he can't read Ollie's reaction.
"And I know I wasn't making that clear and I feel so fucking guilty. I wish I'd never gotten caught up with the team and the celebrations, and I- I mean as soon as I realised I had stopped replying it was too late to start again and I was worried you hated me already and I just didn't know what to do." Kimi's gaze focuses on the floor, too scared to look up to see Ollie's reaction. "It was easier to pretend everything was fine and focus on the racing, than to let how much I really care show."
Kimi pauses. "But that crash could've been worse, you could've been gone." His voice cracks. "Seeing you in the wall, I didn't know if you were okay, and I realised- I realised I can't just pretend I don't love you."
The words slip out, the truth he'd been trying not to consider. Kimi pauses and bites his lip, looking up to meet Ollie's gaze, which has softened since he started.
"If you never forgive me I'll understand. I just needed you to know that-"
Ollie closes the gap between them and their lips meet, Kimi leaning into Ollie at the contact. It's soft and sweet and inevitable. They fit together like everything was leading them to this moment.
Kimi's eyes flutter as Ollie pulls back just to whisper, "I love you too."
They didn't say what it meant. But they both knew.
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