Chapter Text
The scent of extra-strength hair spray always signaled the start of Jackie’s favorite hour of the day.
It was already thick in the locker room by the time she arrived, sweet, chemical, familiar. The kind of smell that clung to your clothes long after you left, that settled into your hair and stayed there, like proof of where you’d been. Jackie liked that.
She dropped her bag onto the bench and stepped into the mirror without hesitation, already pulling her hair up. Every movement was practiced, smooth. Tight enough to hold, tighter than necessary.
She didn’t wince when it pulled at her scalp if anything, she liked the feeling. It meant everything was in place.
“Can someone hand me another hair tie?” someone asked. Jackie reached into her bag without turning.
“Here.”
“Thanks, Jax.”
As Jackie pushed through the locker room doors, the sharp scent of hairspray followed her out into the quieter hallway. She reached back, tightening her ponytail until her scalp stung.
Passing the gym’s trophy case, she caught her reflection in the glass. Perfectly pleated orange skirt, pure white sneakers, and a smile she’d practiced until it came without thinking.
Perfect.
“GO WISKAYOK!”
Jackie didn’t even have to think through the routine, she felt it.
The counts lived in her soul, each movement moved cleanly into the next. Arms sharp, toes pointed, smile bright and unchanging with all the movement. This was the part of the day where nothing slipped. No awkward pauses. No second-guessing. No space for anything uncertain. Just motion, sound, and control.
When they hit the final pose, Jackie held it a beat longer than necessary, chin lifted, as the team came down around her.
A few girls were already breaking formation, shaking out their arms, laughing, the energy loosening now that it was finally over.
“Okay, listen up,” Jackie called out, clapping her hands once to get everyone’s attention.
She stood a few steps in front of the group, water bottle tucked under her arm.
“Playoffs in two days,” she said. “Okay, everybody, tomorrow after classes make sure that you have your uniforms picked up from the dry cleaners, because the bus for the playoffs is gonna leave at 7:30 a.m.”
A couple of groans rippled through the team.
“But,” Jackie added, “the Donut Hole agreed to donate four dozen donuts.”
The team perked up at that, but Jackie stayed indifferent. Food always got handled the same way, portioned, and decided a week in advance. It's easier that way.
“Got it?” Jackie asked.
“Got it,” the team echoed.
Jackie adjusted the strap of her gym bag on her shoulder, already half out of the moment, already thinking ahead to what needed fixing.
After practice, the air outside felt cooler. Jackie barely made it halfway across the parking lot before she heard her name.
“Babe, over here!”
Jeff was already waving her over, leaning against his car like he’d been waiting forever.
She smiled in the same rehearsed way from before, and walked toward him, adjusting the strap of her gym bag on her shoulder.
He smirked and pulled open the passenger door for her. “Get in.”
She hesitated for just a second, she knew what was coming next, then slid into the passenger seat of his car.
The car smelled faintly like fast food and Axe body spray. Jackie set her bag at her feet and smoothed down her skirt without thinking, pressing out wrinkles that weren’t really there.
Jeff got in on the other side, shutting the door a little too hard. Then he looked at her, trying to sound casual.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving,” he said.
” It's only a few hours before you leave for playoffs,”
“Right,” He shrugged quickly, like he was correcting himself before it could mean anything else. “Playoffs. I mean football playoffs. It’s weird thinking about you not being around.”
“Oh,” Jackie said, nodding like that made perfect sense. “Yeah. It’s only a few hours.”
“Right,” Jeff agreed a little too fast. “Yeah. Same thing.”
For a second, neither of them said anything. Then he leaned over and kissed her. It wasn’t slow or tentative. Just immediate… Wet.
Jackie blinked in surprise before kissing him back out of instinct more than anything else. His hand landed on her waist, pulling her closer as if she wasn’t in the passenger seat next to him. While he was leaning over the center console, the other hovered near her shoulder like he wasn’t sure where it belonged.
He kissed hard, messy, still wet. And Jackie tried to match him, shifting slightly to line it up better, praying he would get the message to clean his act up.
Their noses bumped.
“Sorry,” he muttered, not even trying to pull back.
“It’s fine,” Jackie said, quickly, already leaning in again because that seemed like the right thing to do.
But it didn’t really get better. If anything, somehow, it got worse. Wetter, more uneven despite her earlier efforts, like he was trying too hard without knowing what he was doing. Jackie’s hand came up to his shoulder, more to steady herself than to pull him closer.
Her body stayed stiff for a second before she caught it and forced herself to relax.
Jeff made a soft noise into the kiss and shifted again, his grip tightening at her waist as he pulled her in closer. The space between them was the exact same, yet she felt even more like a hostage, the car suddenly feeling smaller.
Jackie tried to focus, but her attention kept slipping to bright uniforms and legs kicking high. So vivid it almost pulled her out of the uncomfortable moment, but you can’t zone out from the feeling of a tongue on your chin for too long.
Trying to feel something that matched the way he was acting proved more and more difficult, all she could really think about was how aware she was of everything, his breath, his hands, the way their mouths didn’t line up... at all.
Jeff pulled back after a moment, grinning like he’d just done something impressive. “That was nice.”
Jackie blinked at him, her brain catching up a second late. “Mhm,” she said, nodding quickly. “Yeah, it was.”
He leaned in again for a shorter kiss, quick and satisfied this time. Jackie met him halfway, already expecting it, already prepared.
“Practice looked good, by the way,” casual now, like that had been the point all along.
“Thanks,” Jackie said, smoothing her skirt again, this time needing to be fixed, fingers pressing along the pleats. Jeff didn’t seem to notice, never did.
“I’ll call you later,” he said.
“Okay.”
Jackie reached for the door handle a little too quickly, then slowed herself down, trying to make it look normal. She stepped out into the cool air, closing the door behind her with a soft thud. She could finally escape the smell of teenage boy.
“Bye!” he called through the open window.
“Bye,” she said, lifting a hand in a small wave.
~~~
Jackie’s mom moved around the table, placing each plate down gently. The soft clink of ceramic against wood covered in a floral table cloth filled the very quiet space.
Dinner was simple fresh green beans with butter, mashed potatoes, and thick cuts of steak. Except for Jackie.
In front of her sat a different plate, steamed carrots, mashed potatoes, green beans without butter, and a scoop of canned corn. No steak. It had been a few weeks since she’d announced stubbornly that she was becoming a vegetarian.
Her parents hadn’t exactly embraced it. They didn’t argue about it, they just adjusted to the small, concerning change.
“Come on,” her mom said, taking her seat. “Let’s say grace.”
They all reached across the table, hands linking together. Jackie felt her father’s rough grip tighten slightly around hers as they bowed their heads.
“Dear Lord,” her father began, his voice steady and familiar, “please bless this food that we are about to eat. We thank you for the abundance you have provided. Please help us to follow your path, the one you intended us all to follow.”
Jackie shifted slightly in her chair. Something about his tone felt abnormal.
“And Lord…please help us to obey the roles in life You set for us. For all that is natural… and healthy… and sacred.”
Jackie’s eyes flickered open for just a second. Her dad was glancing at her though is half open eyes. There was something in the air.
“In Your name we pray. Amen.”
“Amen,”.
Jackie pulled her hands back slowly, her appetite fading just a little. That wasn’t part of the usual prayer.
~~~
“Shaker Hills, here we come!” Jackie called out, grinning as she wrapped her arms around two girls from her team from behind.
They didn’t laugh, but they weren’t surprised, they quickly slipped out of her grip as they kept walking down the hall.
“Remember—7:30 donuts!” Jackie yelled after them.
“Mhm yeah!” one of them called back, already disappearing into the crowd.
The hallway loud with noise, lockers slamming, sneakers squeaking, voices talking over each other. Jackie scanned the lockers until she spotted Mari leaning against her locker, Jeff in front of her. Jackie made her way over.
“Kill the Rangers,” she said playfully, nudging Mari slightly.
Mari smiled back. “Obviously.”
Jackie turned to Jeff, leaning in to kiss his cheek, but when she pulled away, his hand came up, gripping her jaw just enough to hold her there. He kissed her, just as hard as the day before still sloppy, still insistent, still not familiar in a way that felt right.
“Meet me outside,” he said, already pulling away and heading down the hall without waiting for an answer. Jackie stood there for half a second, then wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, not subtle in the slightest.
She turned to her locker, spinning the dial and pulling it open. Inside, taped neatly against the metal, were magazine cutouts, models, actresses, women with sharp features and confident poses, in bikinis. Women she studied over and over again, they were what she aspired to look like. She stared at them for a moment longer than necessary before glancing back at Mari.
“Don’t you hate when they do that?” she asked, her voice casual, but not quite.
Mari raised an eyebrow. “Do what?”
“Like… kiss you like that,” Jackie said, gesturing in the direction Jeff had gone.
Mari shrugged while smiling. “No. I think it’s fun.”
Maybe Jeff just doesn’t do it right.
The thought slipped in uninvited, and she pushed it away just as quickly. She grabbed her bag from the locker, throwing it over her shoulder.
“I gotta go,” she said. “He’s waiting.”
Mari gave her a look, half knowing, “Have fun.”
Jackie half-hazardly shut her locker, the metal door slamming louder than she intended, and started toward the school’s exit. Her steps were quick.
The late afternoon air hit her as she pushed through the doors. She had barely made it a few steps into the parking lot when she heard Jeff’s voice.
“Jax!”
She turned and followed the sound, spotting his car idling a few rows down.
Taking a small breath, she walked over and slipped into the passenger seat, quietly hoping, more than anything, that he wouldn’t try to kiss her again. The car still smelled the same.
Jeff pulled out of the parking lot, and for a while neither of them spoke. Immediately, something was off.
They were barely moving.
Jackie glanced out the window. A kid taking a jog passed them waving through the window, confused. She frowned.
“Um, Jeff?” she said, turning toward him. “Why are you driving so slowly?”
Jeff looked over at her and smiled, tight, awkward, and even less charming than usual.
“Sorry… just lost in thought.” He kept smiling like that for too long before turning his eyes back to the road. Jackie shifted in her seat, very uncomfortable.
The drive dragged. Every stop sign felt longer than it should’ve been, and yet, somehow, they made it to her house in thirty minutes.
As Jeff pulled up to the curb, Jackie reached for the door handle, then paused. Something bright caught her eye.
Parked just ahead of them was a van. It was hot pink. On its side was a logo, a man and a woman standing side by side. Underneath them, in bold letters, were the words: True Direction.
“What is that?” she muttered, more to herself than anything, though she still turned slightly toward Jeff.
“Uh… I don’t know,” he said quickly. Jackie looked at him. The way he avoided her eyes, the way his hands tightened slightly on the steering wheel, it wasn’t convincing.
“Let’s just go inside,” Jeff said, already opening his door. He hurried around the car, forcing a kind of politeness as he opened her door for her. Jackie hesitated for half a second before stepping out.
The front door was already unlocked. She pushed it open slowly and walked in, then stopped. The living room was full.
Her mom and dad stood near the center. Mari was there. A friends girls from the cheer team. And then, someone she didn’t recognize. A man with a five o’clock shadow, curly hair, and a way too friendly posture.
Every single one of them was holding the same pamphlet with the same logo as the one on the van outside. True Direction. Jackie’s chest jumped a little bit, but nothing that was going on could be too bad.
“What’s going on?” she asked, her voice smaller than she meant it to be.
The unfamiliar man stepped forward with a practiced smile.
“Hi, Jackie. I’m Ben,” he said with a fake gentleness. “Your parents and your friends want to have a conversation with you, and I’m here to help facilitate that dialogue.” Jackie didn’t move.
“So,” he continued gently, gesturing toward the couch, “why don’t we all sit down and make ourselves comfortable?”
Jackie walked forward slowly and sat on the couch. Everyone else arranged themselves around her, forming a loose circle that felt more closed in than loose. Felt like they were trapping her.
“Now,” Ben said, turning slightly, “Mr. Taylor, would you like to start?”
Jackie looked at her dad in confusion.
“Jackie,” her father began, his voice heavy, rehearsed. “We love you. We all love you and lately… we’ve become concerned. We’re afraid you’re being influenced by… a way of thinking. Something unnatural.”
Jackie blinked, trying to process.
“Do you remember the woman on TV—”
“Jackie, honey…” her mom cut in, her voice trembling and way louder than usual. just enough to sound emotional. “We think you are a…”
She leaned in slightly, lowering her voice as if it were something shameful.
“…a lesbian.”
The word seemed to hang in the air.
Ben stepped into the conversation again, placing a hand over his chest.
“I myself was once gay,” he said, his voice turning almost fragile, like he was telling a tragic story. “But I am now an ex-gay, Jackie.”
Jackie stared at him, in disbelief, slight disgust. “I work with True Direction,” he continued. “We help people like you understand the reasons behind these… tendencies. And how to heal them.”
“Heal?” Jackie repeated, her voice sharper now. “What are you talking about? What would you think I’m a….” Yeah, she didn't dare speak such impurities.
Her mom stepped forward, holding up a plastic bag. Inside it was some food of hers.
“You’ve been trying to make us eat this tofu,” she said, like it was evidence of something serious.
“In diet, notice a switch to vegetarianism, ” Ben added calmly.
Mari spoke next, almost casually. “You don’t have any pictures of boys in your locker.” She held up another bag, and one of Jackie’s magazine cutouts was in it. A woman in a bikini at the beach. “Just these.”
“You don’t even like kissing me,” Jeff added, his voice quieter and smiling like not enjoying kissing him would be a surprise.
“It’s true,” her friends replied…
Jackie looked around at all of them, her parents, her friends, Jeff.
“I can’t believe this,” she said, her voice shaking but loud enough.
“Denial is a normal part of the healing process,” Ben replied smoothly.
“Healing process?” Jackie shot back.
“Like rehab, honey,” her mom said gently. “Homosexuals Anonymous.”
“Poodle,” her dad added, softer now, almost pleading, “it’s only for a few months.”
A few months, like it was nothing. Jackie stood up abruptly, her hands clenched at her sides.
“There is no way I’m going,” she said, her voice firm despite the pounding in her chest. Silence fell over the room.
Boy, was she wrong.
~~~
That’s how Jackie found herself sitting in the shiny leather seats of her dad’s Chevy, that he always made sure looked perfect to the neighbors. While it rumbled along, she could practically smell the bragging to his friends and the regret from his wallet. It’s not like they couldn’t afford it, but they’re frugal.
She passed her teammates speeding the other direction, cheering and yelling out the window. Jackie never wanted to be on a dirty bus more than she does right now. Except she was in her own car, sputtering down the roads, as she looked out the windows and watched her surroundings become less and less familiar.
Until she saw an abnormal house, a very bright white, pink, and blue building.
The sign outside read, “True Directions, Straight is great,”