Chapter Text
“Stay still.”
Everything was black and tight. He couldn’t move his body at all. His breath came up short and hurried. No matter how he struggled, the rope binding him kept hindering his movement. He shifted, wriggled, trying his hardest to get free—
And a sharp jab hit him right in the stomach.
He gasped, for a moment, he couldn’t breathe. Then he coughed something onto the sack that smelled like iron. Cowered, folded his body into two. He whimpered and wished for his dada and papa to save the day.
“I said, stay still, kiddo.”
Tears pricked from his eyes. The pain burned a hole in his belly, and all he wanted was his dada and papa. He sniffled, remembering how they swung him between them on the way to his new home. …Would he meet them again? His throat hurt. The kids called him a crybaby, but he couldn’t care less now. Their kicks were nothing compared to this punch.
“The fuck did you do? Idiot! We need him alive!”
Another voice joined. He couldn’t see through the coarse fabric; the endless blackness swallowed him whole.
All he wanted was his dada and papa—
“Call them.”
He sobbed, body trembling, and each quiver spread the pain all over. He heard the man talking on the phone, but the words escaped him, until the man put it on speaker and two deep, familiar voices yelled—
“EI!”
“DADS!”
Eijun woke up drenched with sweat, back straight like rods, and shivering hands. It took a second for him to notice he wasn’t in that endless abyss anymore. His heart was still pounding hard, beating against the ribcage, roaring to get out of this dark room and to the light. Chest heaving with adrenaline, lighting up his nerves, harsh and hot breath escaping through his mouth.
He dropped his face onto his open palms, slowly counting his breath until they were back to normal. The night lamp beside his bed illuminated the room, casting a hard shadow on the wall clock; it was still 3 AM.
“Damn… another failure,” he muttered under his breath.
He got up from the bed and turned on the light. At this point, he should give up the idea of leaving this house. He sighed, sitting back down on the bed, feet curling and hugging his knees close to his chest. He was already fifteen. He couldn’t come up to his parents because of nightmares anymore…
Squeezing himself tighter, he peeled his eyes open. The terror was still lurking behind his eyelids, burning, and eager to show itself each time he closed his eyes, and he didn’t want to face it again if possible.
…Guess, it would be a long night.
Then, suddenly, there was a shuffle of feet outside his door, followed by a soft knock. Before he could even answer, it swung open, showing both his fathers standing in the doorway.
“Ei.”
Just one word from his pops and the tears streamed down his face. The urge to just run to them, hug, and sleep sandwiched between them, enveloped by the safety they provided, ran wild in his nervous system. Each breath he took hurt as he held back his natural response and instinct, fists clenching his pajama shorts, crumpling the fabric like it had done him wrong. Eijun reminded himself that he would be a high schooler next April. No high schooler ran to their parents after having nightmares.
He wasn’t a kid anymore.
Eijun sniffled, rubbing his wet eyes with his sleeves.
“I’m… okay, Pops,” he answered with a shaky smile.
They walked to Eijun’s bed, dipping the mattress as they each sat beside him, like guardian angels protecting him from both sides. Their presence had helped slow down Eijun’s heartbeat. Close enough for Eijun to feel their warmth and familiar scent, yet still put a distance for his personal space. And it took Eijun’s determination not to cry over his dad’s broad shoulders like a baby.
“We’re here for you, Son,” said Dad with his deep voice, vibrating through the layer of Eijun’s anxiety, pulling him to the earth, grounding him.
And Eijun couldn’t take it anymore.
He launched himself at his dad, burying himself in that worn-out white T-shirt. He felt two arms embrace him tightly, and another hand—Papa’s—landed on his back, wide palm, steady, his anchor.
They stayed silent when he… broke, the dam cracked and crashed, spilling out his dread, fright, terror, and panic all over them to catch, grasp with their bigger hands, with their immovable stance and presence. Always there when he went through… his moments… until his body stopped trembling, until the next breath didn’t feel like inhaling under water.
Dad was hugging him tighter, chin digging his head, as if his dad could stop the shaking by sheer force. He could feel Pops getting closer, shifting his weight to the palm on Eijun’s back, reminding him that they were there.
“I-I know I’ve made a promise…” he started, barely a whisper, voice rasped from crying, hands clenched to a fist, wrinkling his dad’s T-shirt.
He continued with soft pleading, eyes looking up under the wet lashes to his dad, back like when he was still seven with a missing front tooth, “B-but, can I… sleep in your room?”
“Of course,” Pops answered first for them, voice gentle like a breeze in the morning.
That night, Eijun was finally able to go back to sleep, knowing his parents were beside him, strong presences within his reach, guarding him from the ghost of the past, monsters lurking in the darkness, and the uncharted territories of the future. Tucked right in the middle of them, even with the dimmed light adjusted for his dad’s eyes, his sleep didn’t have a dream, blissfully unaware until the morning sun peeked through the curtain.
“…Papa?” Eijun croaked out, brain still muddled with sleep.
“Morning, Ei. Your papa just got called up to a meeting with his editor,” his dad answered from near the wardrobe, already looking fresh and clean, hair slicked back and sunglasses on, buttoning up his navy shirt, he cocked his head to the door, “but he left you a breakfast and a message.”
“What message?” he asked, yawning as he got out of the heavy duvet, barefoot on their light brown hardwood floor.
“‘Have fun on your farewell game, I’ll pick you up after,’ he said.”
He hummed, “Right.”
Not realizing his soul was still in between the realm of the living and the neverland, Eijun almost stumbled, tripping on his foot, would have fallen headfirst if Dad didn’t grab him by the collar, like a mother cat carrying their kitten. He looked up to his dad and smiled sheepishly. All terror at night was forgotten just like that during the day, when the sun had risen and gave light for Eijun to live.
“Wash up first, sleepyhead. That’ll wake you up.”
“Yeeees, sir,” he drawled, saluting his dad.
The morning routine went smoothly after the little incident. His pops cooked him his game day meal for breakfast, even though it was only an intrasquad match. A grilled salmon with side veggies and half a boiled egg with furikake seasoning sprinkled on the white rice.
It was already a routine for him now.
A moment before they were supposed to head out, the bell was ringing. And Eijun’s slipper pitter-patter to the front door, ready to answer their guest. Probably a deliveryman; they usually arrive around this hour. When he opened the door, a woman with oval glasses, a high ponytail, and a sharp blazer greeted him instead.
“Ah, Kataoka Eijun himself opened the door!” The woman offered a warm smile and a light bow, handing him a crisp white namecard, “Let me introduce myself. My name is Takashima Rei, and I’m the assistant director of the Seidou High School Baseball team, and I often act as the scout as well. May I come in? I would love to talk to your parents regarding what I could offer you.”
“Who is it, Ei?” his dad asked from the living room, footsteps coming near, following him to greet their guest. As soon as Dad showed up, the woman gasped.
“Coach Kataoka?!” She shrieked, dropping her handbag to the ground.
A long silence stretched before his dad stated the fact, “…Didn’t you know I have a kid?”
Eijun couldn’t help but burst out laughing, seeing how his dad, usually with a serious face, deep scowl, and a scary look worthy of making young children cry at the sight of him, answered the shrill with a puzzled look.
“And we literally…” Eijun wheezed in between, adding salt to the wound while casually wiping his nonexistent tear as he finished the word, “share the same surname!”
Composing herself, the woman, Takashima-san, picked her handbag off the floor and cleared her throat. She nodded, “Right, a mishap on my part. I overlooked the fact. I never put two and two together; I thought your kid was younger.”
Dad just stayed silent, and with one look thrown at Eijun, he zipped his mouth shut as well, though his shoulders were still shaking from restrained laughter. Maybe not to let their guest feel more embarrassed than she already was. They went inside the living room, sitting across from each other on the plush sofa with a coffee table between them. Eijun followed his dad and sat beside him.
“So, let’s cut to the chase. You’re here to scout my son?”
“Yeah, I’ve watched his game in the Little League a couple of times, and I am sure he would be an exceptional addition to our team. Now that I know he’s your son, he’s going to come to Seidou, right?”
Dad didn’t answer, just hummed. “The Inajitsu scout just came by the other day.”
Eijun backed up the statement with a wide grin, chest puffing. A few scouts had approached him in the game, handing him fancy name cards and speaking with his dad to offer scholarships. And every time, he gave the same answer:
‘Thank you for the offer, but I already have a school in mind.’
However, Takashima-san's reaction was the opposite of his. She bristled, frowns deep painted on her face, and she snapped, “You wouldn’t let them snatch your son, would you?”
The woman’s tone cut sharply to Eijun’s chest, and he flinched. His shoulders curled inward, shrinking in on himself, deflating like a burst balloon, and landed on the ground to be stepped on, as if it was his fault for getting scouted.
He fidgeted, resisting the urge to hide behind the steady presence at his side, eyes kept flicking back and forth between his dad and the woman across them. His fingers were tapping each other in repeated, jittery motions.
“I will support his decision, no matter where he decides to go, Takashima-san.”
The silence after his dad’s answer was suffocating.
Finally, Takashima-san took a breath and adjusted her glasses. And with it Eijun also let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Right, I’m sorry. Of course, as a father, that’s an admirable thing to do. I respect it, Coach Kataoka.”
Then she turned to Eijun, only then noticing his wide, blown pupil and fidgeting hands. She leaned forward with her elbows on her knees, and Eijun flinched further towards his dad. She stopped in her tracks. When she spoke, her voice was softer than before.
“Kataoka-kun, ah, or is that okay to call you Eijun-kun? To avoid the confusion,” another warm smile plastered on her face, like the first time she faced Eijun.
His eyes flickered to his dad a moment before he nodded at her, in jagged movements.
Only then did she continue, “I’m impressed with the way you pitch. You have a… beautiful form, Eijun-kun. I assume your father taught you? And coming to Seidou, you would be under his care, training together with his other players, and becoming a team. And you wouldn’t have to worry about fighting him in the tournament, wouldn’t that be a good thing?”
“Well—I guess,” he replied, not knowing whether or not it was wise to tell the scout he would have to face his father either way. Just a matter of which one it was.
Takashima-san’s smile grew, and she added, “Seidou also has a dormitory system for efficiency; the players don’t have to commute, you could use the time for extra practice or resting time, not to mention the team will have stronger bonds through living together. You would’ve liked it there.”
“Do I… have to live in the dorm?”
A beat.
“Oh, it’s optional! Usually reserved for our players from outside the prefecture, but the offer extends to other players who don’t want to commute.”
Eijun looked at his dad, then back at Takashima-san. “…Can I think about it first?”
“Of course, Eijun-kun. I will look forward to your answer. You can give me a call later, the number is on my namecard.”
“Thank you, Takashima-san. We will contact you after he has decided,” Dad nodded, then looked at his watch.
“Didn’t mean to rush you. But he’s supposed to be at a farewell game in 10, and I have somewhere to be. Do you want a ride with us?”
Takashima-san denied the offer, leaving them alone with a few minutes to spare before they drove out to the baseball park for the Mamiya Senior League farewell game. He focused on the game to shake off the feelings from the meeting. Imagining pitching to Yui for their last game together in the Mamiya Senior League.
“You good?” His dad asked, once they were in the car, still waiting as they warmed up the engine. The low hum filling in the silence, the radio was still off, only the AC and engine sound could be heard.
Eijun didn’t look at his dad; he couldn’t, he busied himself with fixing up the seat belt, and replied with a practiced smile, “Yep!”
He couldn’t make his dad worry over little things like this. Not after the relapse last night. He already depended on them so much; it was on him to handle small waves of panic and anxiety. Counting had always helped, and so he did that for the rest of the drive, muttering the variety of pitches he would throw and would like to learn. It’d help get his mind back to the game.
He looked at the time on the car dashboard monitor and secretly wished Yui wouldn't scold him for coming at the last minute.
The catcher’s disappointed look was almost as terrifying as both his dads’.
Before he got out of the car, his dad finally acknowledged the scout meeting that just happened, and said with a proud smile and bright eyes, “I told you Seidou would recruit you without my intervention.”
Ah… He had to face their disappointing face no matter what when it was time to choose his school…
Guess practicing it with Yui first before the real deal wasn’t a bad idea.
“Yeeeeaah, Dad. You’re right.”
The moment Eijun put down his chopsticks, he had a bad feeling.
Tonight’s dinner was filled with the sound of chopsticks against the plates and bowl only, no chatter, no questions of ‘how’s the game?’ or ‘you didn’t go over your pitch count today, right?’ like the usual. Not even asking Eijun if he had done his daily stretches yet. He had a creeping suspicion that it was because Seidou’s scout came over.
There was no other possibility other than that.
“So, Ei,” his pops started.
Eijun looked up, swallowing down the lump in his throat. The real question was finally coming; he could taste it in the air. He held his breath as he observed Pops slowly putting down his own chopsticks and trying hard to be casual as he asked The Question.
“Have you decided on which school you want to go to?” He asked, and Eijun could hear the imaginary sound of the weighted ball dropped onto their table, cracking the facade of a peaceful dinner and straight to a battle of custody.
“Are you asking this because Takashima-san just came over?” His dad placed down his own chopsticks, but with a snap, unlike his pops' careful movement.
Pops, Papa, his dear perfectionist of a father, the symbol of steadiness and anchor of the house, calmly answered while wiping the corner of his lips, “It’s already November, Tesshin. Our son has to decide soon.”
“There’s still plenty of time for him to—“
Eijun cleared his throat, putting down his feet firmly on the argument so it wouldn’t get ugly. Well, if this could count as an argument in the first place.
He locked eyes with both parents and said, with full determination. “Actually, I have… decided.”
Both his parents waited, holding his gaze, as he snaked his hands under the table and started gripping his house shorts, wrinkling the fabric with his fists. Eijun cleared his throat again, taking a breath, tightening his jaw before finally letting his parents know his decision.
“I will go to Seidou.” His voice was steady and firm, unlike the hidden hands under the table, shaking from awaiting his parents’ response.
He could see the contrasting expressions on both his dads. One was immediately stretching a smile, and the other, the older one, tightened his lips to a thin line for a split second before they went back to normal. If one didn't get used to how small and quick his pops’ expression changed, they would only see him as a flat, cold, calculated, and emotionless man.
But Eijun was raised by this man, so he had learned how to read him.
And now, the teen felt the wave of panic bursting out of the seam for letting his papa down.
Eijun quickly stood up from his chair, sending it toppling backwards and clattering on the hardwood floor, hands gesturing wildly as he tried to salvage the situation. ”Pops! I—you know it’s not because I pick favorites or anything! I just—Seidou feels right. You know? I guess the lack of pitchers there also becomes a deciding factor—“
“Since when did I raise you to be afraid of competing with a rival?” His pops cut him off, a single disapproval twitch and frown on his eyebrow, and that sent Eijun straight to the edge of the cliff of ‘disappointing son’.
He backpedaled so fast he might as well have crashed into the dining wall and broken a bone or two. “I—yes! You’re right! It’s not because I’m afraid of him. No, of course not! Never! I just—maybe, helping out Dad…?”
“Wait—are you serious, Ei? That's the reason?” His dad's smile faded, and now he was sporting a frown instead.
Eijun whipped his head to the other parent, wondering to himself how he just made it worse, having to deal with both his parents’ disappointment instead of just one.
“NO! I mean, yes? I mean, you guys named me Kataoka Eijun for God’s sake! Wouldn’t it be weird if I went to a different school than Coach Kataoka Tesshin’s team? I don’t know! Please don’t be mad that I chose Seidou?”
A flash of discovery crossed his parents' faces. Then his pops closed his eyes as he let out a long sigh. When he opened them again, it was with a mix of fondness and desperation swimming in his eyes like the symbolism of yin and yang fish.
“…It’s because Ryousuke is in Seidou, isn’t it?” Pops finally said.
Eijun, knowing his back was already against the wall, finally breathed out the half-truth.
“…Yeah.”
“And because Haruichi will go to Seidou next year.” Dad, picking up the actual reason as well, continued. Not a question. Just a statement—an indisputable statement, like he always was in everything he did. Firm, strict, and disciplined.
“…Yes.”
“I should’ve known. Of course, you would go after them if you had the chance,” Pops’ voice was smaller this time, like it was only meant for himself, but in the quiet dining room, everyone could hear it.
Eijun didn’t know what to say to that, so he busied himself with the toppled chair, picking it up and sitting on it again, defeated.
“Dads?” He whispered, “What gave it away?”
“Your last reason.”
“When you mentioned your name.”
Both men answered at the same time.
‘Just say it’d be weird if you, Kataoka Eijun, are not in the same team with Coach Kataoka, Ei-chan! I bet it’ll work out in the end, trust me.’
The last call from Ryou-nii rang in his mind over and over like a broken record. He hadn’t figured out why the older teen snickered after saying that back then, but now it was clear he was just setting him up for failure. Eijun groaned and dropped his head to the table with a soft thump.
Now he definitely looked childish for choosing his future by following which friends went to which school. However, he couldn’t possibly say that he had read something in his dad’s desk’s bottom drawer at home office that made his choice lean towards Seidou immediately. Dad would feel guilty if Eijun chose the school because of him. And no one would win.
It was better this way.
“Alright then, as long as it’s not because you’re afraid to compete with him in my team,” his pops’ voice cut through his thoughts.
Eijun, finally tilting up his head and resting his chin on the table, back posture still like a shrimp, when he mumbled, “Are you… mad, Pops?”
“No, I’m not. I’m proud you can decide this on your own,” his pops said, offering that rare smile specifically for being proud of Eijun. And his chest swelled up, along with tears in his eyes.
Pops supported him, like Dad.
In hindsight, of course, they would; it was ridiculous for Eijun to think otherwise. All his anxieties and simulation practice with Ryou-nii now felt silly.
Yet, as this filial son helped his pops clean up the plates, bowls, and utensils on the table with a wet smile, the oldest man in the room added, “I’m just… sad you’re not going to be in my team.”
Eijun’s ears twitched, hearing that word coming out of his pops’ mouth just made his world screech to a halt.
In the next moment, he already leaned forward to Pops, in a reflex, hands stretching on the table, reaching out. Like how Dad always instinctively reached out if any of them fell apart, held them close to his chest, tactile as his first response, unlike what people thought of him.
Eijun rambled, “We can still have our practice session together, though, right? You’re still going to catch for me? Handle my training regimen with Dad? Look at my form and everything? It doesn’t have to change!”
His pops stood up from his seat and went to the kitchen sink. Eijun could only see his back as he washed the dishes, water splashing against Pops’ voice. “I don’t know, that’ll be up to your dad, he’s going to be your formal coach.”
Eijun’s eyes went wide like a cat’s eyes, alarmed; he hadn’t thought for a second that his choice would affect his personal training with his parents before. He held his breath, his mind scrambled to whirr a perfect response so his pops wouldn’t—
“Come on now,” his dad said, a fond exasperated sigh in between the movements as he leaned back on his chair, looking at his husband’s back with an easy smile that Eijun didn’t understand.
It was inappropriate, Dad. This was a serious situation that demanded an equally serious demeanor, Dad!
He wanted to scream at the man in front of him. But, his dad continued, “Don’t joke around. Our son right here is about to combust from anxiety right now.”
Then, his pops let out a deep rumble of laughter, filling the room with warmth and replacing the tension that made Eijun sit straighter. Hearing the chuckle instantly relaxed his taut shoulders, and his breathing came easier the moment his pops turned around with a gentle smile.
“Of course, Ei. We’ll still have our practice session together.”
He held close that line to his heart as he finally retired to his bedroom, closing the door with a relieved sigh. Finally—finally, he could let them know his decision for the future school, and it hadn't resulted in them fighting over him like an ugly divorce where parents argued over who could take custody of their child. He had prepared himself for that, if it came to it.
Eijun was just glad his parents supported him in the end.
Ah, he forgot he hadn’t brought a glass of water with him.
He went downstairs again, slippers padding on the wooden floor, and he heard murmurs. Slowing down, Eijun stayed at the last step of the stairs, hiding behind the wall, as he saw his fathers talking in the kitchen, like he once did when he was seven.
The light in the kitchen had already dimmed low enough for his dad to be able to take off his sunglasses safely and hooked it on his collar. They were so close to each other, but his dad's voice was resounding to the whole room. “He’ll be okay.”
“I know… But—this is gonna sound stupid—” Pops said, voice lower and vulnerable and nowhere sounded like the pops he knew. Eijun sat closer to the wall, clenching his fist. “He already has your name. I wish, at least, I could”—the voice cracked—“have him in my team.”
Dad embraced Pops, gathering him close to his chest, and whispering something Eijun couldn’t hear. He lengthened his neck, trying to catch whatever it was his dad said, his butt was already on the edge of the staircase. Just a little bit more… a bit more—
“Gah!”
He stumbled, rolled forward with reflexes like a cat with nine lives, and managed to land safely on the floor. His sleepiness went away in a snap of a finger, body alert and awake, heart beating faster as his breath raced with each other.
“Ei.”
He whipped his head to his fathers. Only realizing after the too-close-to-be-his-demise downfall that his fathers were there, the reason he fell in the first place. Well—not their fault per se, it was still his curiosity that almost killed him.
Curiosity killed Eijun—that was more accurate than a cat in this case.
“I’m okay! Not that you guys asked—but I’m good! Nothing is harmed! Now, I’m gonna take my glass of water and go back to my bedroom.” He sprang up from the hardwood floor, still jittery and high on adrenaline from his fall.
“Glad you’re okay,” his pops’ voice wasn’t anywhere near the cracking, open, vulnerable like before—instead it was sharp and cold like his stern Coach’s mode, when Eijun was pressing to pitch one more time, and his pops outright banned him from even grabbing the ball. The man continued, hands behind his back and chin tilted upwards, “However, what did I say about eavesdropping?”
Eijun was at once standing straighter, hands on his sides like a soldier, and he bowed. “I’m sorry, dear father of mine! I didn’t mean it, I was really going to get water!”
Pops just sighed. “Alright, go get it, and go to sleep.”
He went straight ahead to the water cooler, filling up his glass near the rack. Eyes flicking back to his fathers, watching them speak quietly to each other, and how his dad put his hand on his pops’ lower back, usually reserved for certain moments—and mostly private, in their home.
Dragging his feet towards his dads, he whispered, “I—um, I overheard. And I—“
“It’s okay, Ei.” Pops pat his head, firm and steady, like his presence in Eijun’s life. Always.
Only in that prior moment—besides right after… the incident—he managed to catch the crack in his pops’ perfect appearance of a father and a coach again.
“No. I need you to know this doesn’t mean I pick Dad over you,” Eijun said, stepping closer, eyes honest and getting blurry as he whispered, “…I wouldn’t ever do that to—you guys,” he looked at Dad, then glanced at Pops, and back and forth between them, “You know that, right? Right? If I could, I wanted to be in the team that—you both managed.”
His voice trembled in the last sentence, and Dad immediately held him to his embrace, murmuring, “Sorry we made you choose.”
Eijun looked up to Pops, just a bit taller than Dad, and he was looking back at the teen with those unreadable eyes before finally melting to a smile that Eijun recognized and was familiar with. “Of course, we know, Ei. You don’t need to worry about this, just look forward to your future. Your high school baseball career is going to start soon, and it won’t be anything like the senior league matches.”
“I know,” Eijun wiped the unshed tears with his sleeve, “You’ve told me a million times.”
Pops just pat him again on the head.
They ushered him to go to bed, basically chaperoning him until he was inside and safe and no glass of water forgotten. His parents tucked him in this time, made him feel like a little kid again, left the lights on, and the bedroom door slightly open.
Eijun shifted, lying on his side, staring at the too small baseball cap on his bedside table, always there, always accompanying him, no matter how bad the night gets. Inside the hat, on the sweatband, hidden, was a stitch of his full name with both parents’ family names, united with a hyphen, something that was legally impossible, but was his reality, his truth.
It was a reminder for him that he was not just a Kataoka.