Chapter Text
2481 sandwich
@cameronw
this one is even dumber than the last 😭
The Athletic | Hockey
@TheAthleticNHL
“The preservation of parity”: predicting how the Hollander-Rozanov roster may change the NHL's definition of competitive viability
Free to Read: nytimes.com/theathletic/7493...
78 Retweets 510 Quote Tweets 12.6K Likes
dont pmo rn @hollanovobsessed · Sep 7
Replying to @cameronw
the state of hockey debates in 2021 is so bleak that the number 1 argument is “should gay people be allowed to exist?” And the number 2 argument is “should we stop teams from being too good?”
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lima beans @alimabeanforall · Sep 7
Replying to @cameronw
English is my second language, could someone explain this terrible article to me???
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jamie’s hockey fan club @jaimieshockeyclub · Sep 7
Replying to @alimabeanforall
I've got you! Basically, the NHL wants all the teams in the league to be kinda good, because losing teams sell fewer tickets, and they want to keep any one team from being dominant for too long bc that would also be bad for the broader market. (1/3)
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jamie’s hockey fan club @jaimieshockeyclub · Sep 7
Replying to @alimabeanforall
So the league takes measures to make sure teams are more or less equal—the best draft picks go to the worst teams, entry drafts require some good players to be on the chopping block, there is a standard salary so all teams pay their players within a min and max, and the NHL takes cap limits more seriously than other leagues, etc. (2/3)
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jamie’s hockey fan club @jaimieshockeyclub · Sep 7
Replying to @alimabeanforall
So the question is, would the league ever impose a rule restricting the amount of raw talent on a single team? H&R are the undisputed best players in the league rn, so is it "fair" to have them play for the same city? (3/3)
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lima beans @alimabeanforall · Sep 7
Replying to @jamieshockeyclub
sounds stupid, but thank you for explaining!
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former basketball stan wh @gaelsgirls · Sep 7
Replying to @jamieshockeyclub
next up from the new york times: how is it fair that the Centaurs get to have two certified, tens across the boards hotties on their roster??? shouldnt someone be doing something about this??? why doesn't the nhl make this illegal???????
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GO BEAR GO BEARS @bostonianblackbear · Sep 7
Replying to @jaimieshockeyclub
To be fair, the article is not saying the nhl SHOULD change any of the rules, it’s just predicting that this could become a debate next season among fans and journalists (an opinion I agree with bc ppl will debate about the dumbest things)
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Barrett owes me $50 @allthegoodthings123 · Sep 8
Replying to @cameronw
Imagine being Shane and ilya and one morning you wake up to an article that’s like “Shane hollander is so fucking good I hope him being gay doesn’t mess everyone else up” and then you wake up the next week and another article is like “what if these hockey husbands are actually TOO good?” Like stay winning I guess even the haters gotta admit
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Yessica NY @yessicaluvsmatti · Sep 8
Replying to @cameronw
As an admirals girl, everyone’s about to get real mad when I agree with the premise of this article 😭😭 Scott needs to win another cup before he retires!! Hollander shouldve come to New York we would’ve treated him right and paid him more 😪
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scott's ibiza era @admirallyyours · Sep 8
Replying to @yessicaluvsmatti
you're so right oomf because even im furious at you 🤗
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2481 sandwich @cameronw · Sep 8
Replying to @yessicaluvsmatti
multimillionare pro athlete and MODEL shane hollander trying to decide if he wants to move to his beloved hometown to win a dozen stanley cups with his hot as fuck husband, or take his autistic ass to the loudest city in the world to be captained by a dinosaur with a bad hip -- LMAO DREAM ON
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Shane moya lyubov 🥰💕💦
Sun, 8 Sep 08:04 AM
Shane: Just got to the studio. We'll probably break for lunch around 1:00pm and I might not have my phone until then. I know a couple of the camerapeople. Everyone's been nice so far.
Ilya: good
Ilya: i hope you have fun and take lots of sexy pictures
Shane: Taking sexy pictures is usually the least favorite part of my day when they aren't for you.
Ilya: they are for me
Ilya: everything about you is for me
Ilya: yes? tell me
Shane: Yeah
Shane: Yeah, it's all for you.
Ilya: good. remember that
Ilya: all the set assistants will be in love with you by the end of the day, but it's just for me
Shane: Fuck
Shane: Okay, I really gotta go.
Shane: Love you!
Ilya: love you too 🥰
12:34 PM
Ilya: shane i am so bored
Ilya: wish you were here...
Ilya: wish i had new pics of you right now
Ilya: unfair that everyone else gets to see them before me
Ilya: how could you do this to your husband 😔
1:09 PM
Shane: I guess I'm a little impressed that you almost made it to 1:00.
Ilya: THIS is what impresses you about me???
Ilya: emotional neglect 😖😖
Shane: Lol
Ilya: you know what this means??? 🤯🫨
Shane: Shut up.
Shane: I'm not THAT old.
Ilya: older than me
Ilya: you like them younger i think
Shane: Four weeks younger, you mean??
Ilya: so you admit it?
Shane: Shut up.
Ilya: no ❤️
Ilya: shoot still going okay, everyone is being nice?
Shane: Mostly. Mom's on a warpath so I think they're all pretty scared. Someone tried to bring up the rainbow sneakers again and I thought her glare was going to set them on fire lol
Ilya: they should have signed me instead
Ilya: i would look incredible in bisexual shoes
Shane: The bisexual flag colors are objectively more aesthetic than the rainbow flag. The sneakers are hideous, and they're tacky.
Shane: Don't tell Harris I said that, please.
Ilya: lol i would not rat you out for being so bad at being gay
Ilya: but harris would probably not be mad because troy is also bad at being gay, and he still likes him
Shane: I don't know, I thought I was pretty good at it this morning
Ilya: hmmmm maybe
Ilya: other than that, the shoot is going well? they are just being pushy about the shoes?
Shane: Sort of. One of the photographers did make a big deal out of my lunch break
Shane: They tried to tell me I shouldn't drink water because it would "bloat" my muscle definition 🙄
Ilya: dumb stupid idiots
Ilya: should i come beat them up?
Shane: No, it's fine, just annoying.
Ilya: did you get your water?
Shane: Yes, don't worry
Ilya: and lunch?
Shane: Yes, Ilya.
Ilya: good
Ilya: as reward:
Ilya: [Tap to download.]
Shane: ILYA
Shane: I AM IN PUBLIC
Shane: MY MOM IS RIGHT NEXT TO ME
Shane: Fuck, I almost dropped my phone in my salad!
Ilya: 😏
Ilya: i am so looking forward to your pictures, thought it was only fair to return the favor
Shane: You never play fair.
Ilya: no guess i dont 😘
Ilya: its your turn to hurry home
Shane: ...
Shane: 🏃🏃🏃
Shane: Just kidding. Sorry, I really can't leave the shoot early.
Ilya: i know moya kuritsa, that was very funny
Shane: Thanks :)
Shane: But stop calling me a chicken >:(
Ilya: you must stop acting so adorable or i will have to send you more pictures 😫😫 eventually yuna will see and i will no longer be favorite son 😞
Shane: Please, you'll always be the favorite!
Shane: You can do nothing wrong in her eyes.
Ilya: we can both be favorite bc we are special 🤗
Ilya: and you are always my favorite
Shane: Same...
Shane: Okay, I gotta go. Talk as soon as I'm done!
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BuzzFeed Celeb ☑️
@BuzzFeedCeleb
It's time... You've been asking and we're finally delivering 👀 Join in on the internet's fiercest debate at https://www.buzzfeed.com/shane-hollander-ilya-rozanov-quiz!
13.3K Retweets 7.8K Quote Tweets 172.1K Likes
2481 sandwich @cameronw · Sep 8
Replying to @BuzzFeedCeleb
get the fuck outta my face buzzfeed 😭😭😭 what is this???
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dont pmo rn @hollanovobsessed · Sep 8
Replying to @BuzzFeedCeleb
the entire internet is putting Shane hollander through a humiliation ritual rn and NO ONE is doing anything about it. I will be calling my representatives and volunteering at a local voting booth out of solidarity 🫡
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emmery @intermittentemmery · Sep 8
Replying to @BuzzFeedCeleb
(If you had to choose, if you had to choose...)
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former basketball stan wh @gaelsgirls · Sep 8
Replying to @BuzzFeedCeleb
not to be that person but lowkey i did call this - sorry for manifesting your personal hell shane!
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Katie 💋 @katiesburner · Sep 8
Replying to @BuzzFeedCeleb
i dont know who these shirtless men are but if i get a vote, i think theyre both hot and they should just make out with each other
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lima beans @alimabeanforall · Sep 8
Replying to @katiesburner
boy do i have some good news for you
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OTTASQUAD 🏒♐️
Sun, 8 Sep 5:18 PM
Roz: https://www.buzzfeed.com/shane-hollander-ilya-rozanov-quiz
Roz: vote for shane or its bag skates, and I want proof
Bood
What is wrong with you man 🤣
Roz: 👆 homophobe???
Dykstra
Stop accusing everyone of homophobia dude you're gonna get hr called on us
Young
lmao i voted twenty minutes ago youre slow roz
[Tap to download.]
Barrett
If HR ever gets access to this chat we're all screwed.
Harris
Very true 🤪
Roz: good job young
Roz: everyone else? i am waiting...
Barrett
Shane's still at that photoshoot, huh?
Roz: been gone all day, i am beginning to think he does not love me 😔
LaPointe
i voted 🫡 man's hot roz i need his workout routine actually
Roz: good job lapointe i will give you an assist next game 👍
Roz: now stop looking is mine 😡
Roz: WAIT HE JUST TEXTED HE WILL BE HOME IN FIVE MINUTES NO ONE TEXT ME FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT, I WILL NOT RESPOND
Barrett
So, so screwed.
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Moh <3
@ottawamohw
i hate to say it, but buzzfeed was the secret hero of today
24 Retweets 30 Quote Tweets 203 Likes
Hock-Eye @hockeyekoch · Sep 8
Replying to @ottawamohw
you either die a hero or live long enough to see... the villain become the real hero...? or... i don't know nevermind
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montreal run it back @user676767f · Sep 8
Replying to @ottawamohw
how tf is b*zzfeed the hero of today
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Moh <3 @ottawamohw · Sep 8
Replying to @user676767f
that stupid poll over roz and hollzy has ignited such a battle about the ineffably personal reality of individual attraction that no one is talking about that fuckass athletic article anymore lol
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shane hollander kiss cam @protectshanehollander · Sep 8
Replying to @ottawamohw
okay but actually can we talk about it here too?? because seriously WHOOOOO is voting for roz lol and are they fucking blind lmao
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scott's ibiza era @admirallyyours · Sep 8
Replying to @protectshanehollander
they probably arent blind, but there is simply no accounting for taste lmao
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cens pls let me drive @zamzamboner · Sep 8
Replying to @admirallyyours
literally i don't care about anything except shane fucking hollander becoming a freaking centaur 🤩 ive fucking PRAYED for days like this (and um yes hes super hot, ilya rozanov please dont kill me for saying so!!!)
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Moh <3 @ottawamohw · Sep 8
Replying to @zamzamboner
as a hollander fan from ontatio whos been called a traitor for years... my life is gonna be changed forever 🙏🏾
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OTTASQUAD 🏒♐️
Sun, 8 Sep 10:18 PM
Roz: everyone be super cool, he changed his mind
Bood
What?
Roz added Shanya 🤩 to OTTASQUAD 🏒♐️
Shanya 🤩 changed their nickname to Hollander
Roz: boringgggg
Roz changed Hollander's nickname to BACK OFF HES MINE
BACK OFF HES MINE changed their nickname to Hollander
Hollander
Ilya. Stop it.
Bood changed Hollander's nickname to Lamb of Hockey
Lamb of Hockey
What does that even mean?
Bood changed Hollander's nickname to Hockey Jesus
Barrett
Enough
Barrett changed Hockey Jesus's nickname to Hollzy
Barrett
We good?? I'm putting this chat on mute if not.
Hollzy
Sorry. I apologize for him.
Harris
You should stop apologizing for him right now Hollzy or else you'll never get to do anything else lol
I'm just surprised Zane started participating lol
Welcome in!!! Wow, I know I was literally at your wedding but I still feel like I'm meeting my celebrity crush!!
Young
im fucking flipping out so bad rn omg we have shane hollander's number!!!! broooooooos
fuck sorry wrong groupchat
Hello Mr Hollander 🫣
LaPointe
@Young you embarrass all of us with this
Chouinard
Welcome to ottawa! Best advice, right off the bat: don't apologize for Roz and ignore the rookies
Holmberg
WE! ARE NOT! ROOKIES!
LaPointe
IM FUCKING TWENTY-THREE
Young
VIVA LA RÉVOLUTION 🇨🇦 🇨🇦 🇨🇦
Luca Haas
Hello, I am a very big fan!
I am also not a rookie 🙂🇨🇭
Dykstra
Kid, don't even try it.
Luca Haas
😕
Roz: you make the baby sad dykstra
Roz: i will have to take away your alternate and give it to my husband 🤷♂️ sorry i make the rules
Hollzy
Oh, my god, that is not what is happening, and don't announce it like that Ilya!
Dykstra
Lol, don't sweat it, Hollz! You're a literal legend, I'm honored to share the A with you!
Hollzy
I am sorry for him.
Harris
Again, the apologies are really not going to be worth your time - as the socmed guy who's been managing ilya for years, TRUST ME
Bood
The captaincy family grows 🥲 welcome aboard, Hollz!
Chouinard
Whoa, huge! Congrats Hollzy 🎉
Holmberg
When will I get an A smh 😞😞
Boyle
Before @Hazey does at least
Hazey
Uncalled for
@Hollzy!!! So excited to welcome you into the fold officially!
Even more excited that I'm never going to have to face you on the ice again!
Young, Boyle, and Dykstra liked this message
Bood
Hey Hollz, I'm sure Roz has mentioned it, but Cassie and I are hosting a barbecue Wednesday after the first full team practice! You're absolutely invited, welcome to bring any additional dishes you want to share, and feel free to invite any family and friends you've got in the area! Text me if you've got any allergies I should be aware of 👍🏾
Hollzy
Thanks, Bood! We will be there! Excited to see you all again, thanks for welcoming me to your team!
Bood
Our team 👍🏾👍🏾
Roz: our fucking team 😤😤
Chouinard
Brother, we gotta be the one thanking you here! I'm ready to win some fucking games
Young
i'm ready to win a fucking cup
LaPointe
KNOCK ON FUCKING WOOD OMG HEART ATTACK
Roz: superstitions are not necessary anymore
Roz: we have first and second best player in the league now - cup is ours 😤💪
Hollzy
Yeah, seemed like you couldn't get the job done when you only had the second best player, so I'm happy to help out!
Boyle
Ooh, he's got jokes!
Young
broskies i'm freaking fangirling over here wth
wrong chat sorry 😞
Bood
Actually, how hard is it to see what chat you're typing in? I'm worried about your eyes, kid.
Can't lie, though. I am seeing some cups in our future for sure.
Roz, Hollzy, Dykstra, and others liked this message
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BuzzFeed Celeb ☑️
@BuzzFeedCeleb
After a raucous 24 hours and fierce debate 🔥 we’re officially calling it! Congrats, Shane, the internet has spoken 👑👑!! Sorry @Ilyarozanov81, but I guess your husband is just super hot 🤷
18.9K Retweets 2.1K Quote Tweets 92.1K Likes
emmery @intermittentemmery · Sep 9
Replying to @BuzzFeedCeleb
HE WON IN A LANDSLIDE
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Cosmopolitan ☑️ @Cosmopolitan · Sep 9
Replying to @BuzzFeedCeleb
@BuzzFeedCeleb, you should have just asked us! We would’ve let you know what’s up 😉 Check out Cosmo's June edition where we ranked @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer the hottest in the NHL for the fourth year 🥵🥵🫦 What a man, what a man!
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Ilya Rozanov ☑️ @Ilyarozanov81 · Sep 9
Replying to @BuzzFeedCeleb
why are you sorry? he is MY husband is objectively best outcome for me
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landry fandy @bev24london · Sep 9
Replying to Ilyarozanov81
Ilya “my husband Shane hollander” Rozanov makes another appearance, everyone take a shot!
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VictoryVictoire @theexvoyageursfangirl · Sep 9
Replying to bev24london
Oh, when they retire I just KNOW roz is taking that man’s last name
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Zane Boodram ☑️ @ZBoodramHockey · Sep 9
Replying to BuzzFeedCeleb
I will not be silenced, and I am here to tell my story: Roz sent us all this quiz and threatened to make us skate suicides if we didn't vote for Shane and send him the screenshots as proof ✊🏾
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Cliff Marlow ☑️ @CliffMarlowHockey · Sep 9
Replying to @ZBoodramHockey
Damn, you too? He sent that shit to everyone in Boston lmao
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Svetlana @SvetlanaVetrova · Sep 9
Replying to @ZBoodramHockey
He sent it to everyone in his contacts because he has no self-respect 🙄 Of course, he did not need to ask me to vote for Shane because I am a woman of taste 💅🏽
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Rose Landry ☑️ @RoseLandry · Sep 9
Replying to @BuzzFeedCeleb
Since everyone has been asking, yes, I voted lol! Guess who for? 😘 Love you, Shane! 💕
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it's pronounced La Croix @HLaPointe · Sep 9
Replying to @BuzzFeedCeleb
@Ilyarozanov81 i saw him, luca voted for you 🤷♂️
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Luca Haas @LucaHaas · Sep 9
Replying to @HLaPointe
@HLaPointe DO NOT TELL HIM THAT!!??
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Shane moya lyubov 🥰💕💦
Mon, 9 Sep 05:30 PM
Shane: I can't believe you started that. I have a thousand DMs now. Cosmopolitan has already called Mom.
Ilya: good, maybe i will get even more sexy pictures now
Shane: I refuse to do anything with Buzzfeed.
Ilya: not even puppy interview???? 😔
Shane: ... You can ask Harris to do his own version of one.
Ilya: YES SO YOU AGREE WE NEED A NEW PUPPY MAYBE TWO
Shane: No.
Shane: Down, boy.
Ilya: 🥵😮💨
Shane: I'll be home in twenty.
Ilya: and i'll be fucking ready
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