Chapter Text
Max has no idea how long she sat in the silence of the hospital room; it could have been a few minutes, it could have been hours, she was none the wiser. What she does know is every inch of her body is in pain but she doesn’t have the strength to press the call button. You deserve this. She thought to herself. Your baby is sick because of you, because you decided to use your broken body to have a baby. This is your fault.
The shame spiral is thick and suffocating when she suddenly hears the door open. Curled in on herself, trying to make the pain manageable, Max looks in the direction of the door.
“Oh my sweet girl.” Sue Sinclair sighed out.
Max was startled to see her mother and father in law standing in the doorway. When she finally registered who it was, it was as if the dam had burst inside of her. She let out a whimper before the sobs wracked her body.
“Honey.” Sue moved close to the bed and pulled the girl into an embrace, holding her head close to her heart.
“I p-picked her up to f-feed her, and h-her lips were blue. She was c-cold.” Max shuddered out, the image replaying in her mind like a horrible movie. “I th-think she started crying again when they t-took her out, but no one has come back. S-sue?” The older woman stopped rocking for a second to allow Max to pull away. “What time is it?”
“It’s a little after 1:00 in the morning, honey. Lucas called us at 12:20.” Sue thought for a moment before looking at her husband. “Charles, go find the NICU. Try to get an update on the baby, please.” Charles came close and hugged his daughter around his wife, then disappeared without a word.
Max sniffled before she flinched. “Ow, oh god.”
“What is it, honey?”
“I can finally feel the lower half of my body again but they kept that stupid catheter in since I have a spinal cord injury on my chart.” She said, her breathing more even after knowing her father-in-law was going to get some answers, but still wincing from head to toe. “I want it out, then I want to sit on an iceberg.”
Sue reached over for the nurses button, requesting that the catheter be removed and a new icepack be brought in. She held the girl’s hand as the tube was taken out, remarking at how strong Max really was.
Max relaxed physically a little after medications and a quick shower, but her mind still raced with all the possibilities. Charles hadn’t come back yet but that didn’t mean anything… right?
Suddenly, Sue’s phone rang. Since when does Sue have a cell phone?
“Lucas?” Max shot up at the sound of her husband’s name. “Yeah, Max is right here.” Sue stopped and listened for a second before her shoulders dropped. “Oh thank god.” She tilted the phone away from her mouth before she told Max, “Katelyn is okay. Lucas is on his way back with Charles, he will explain everything.” She turned her attention back to the phone. “Okay son, see you in a minute. Mhm love you too, bye.” Sue hung up the phone then turned her attention back to the red-head. “Hey, she’s okay! Everything is going to be okay!”
Max nodded at the woman’s words but wouldn’t believe it until she saw it for herself. She waited, and waited, and waited some more, until Lucas and his father came back into the room… without Katelyn.
“Lucas, where is she? I thought she was okay?” Max asked, panic creeping back into her voice.
“Hey, she is fine.” Lucas sat next to Max on the bed and took her hands, his parents sitting on the couch out of the way. “She had something called an ‘apneic episode’. Basically her body forgot that it needed to breathe. They don’t think it’s going to happen again, but they want to keep her overnight to monitor her and run a few tests. They kicked us out until the morning for ‘visiting hours’, but she’s okay and she’s safe.”
As Max processed what was being said, a nurse from the NICU found her way into the hospital room. She explained everything again, answering all the questions Max had. Before she left, she asked Max if she wanted a pump to use so she could still feed her daughter, to which Max hastily agreed. I can at least do that much.
Max, overcome with emotion, silently cried again when Sue and Charles announced they were going back home until the morning. Lucas sat by his wife’s side all night long, letting his own tears finally fall as he watched Max fitfully sleep.
—
Two days after Katelyn was born, she and Max were finally discharged and ready to go home. Katelyn hadn’t had another episode and she was eating fine; the doctors called it a “fluke.” Max called it her own karma.
The new parents dressed their daughter in a sunshine yellow sleeper with purple flowers dotting it, a going home outfit she found when out shopping with Sue. “El would love this!” Max had told the older woman, wishing she was baby clothes shopping with her friend instead. Her and Lucas had looked through all their options but nothing quite stuck. This, though… this felt like having all their family in the room.
“Oh my god Lucas that bow is as big as her head.” Max chuckled, never thinking that she would be a “bows and ruffles” kind of mom.
“But it matches!” He retorted. “If, one day, she decides to take after her mom and be more tomboy-ish, I will burn all the bows myself.” Lucas promised, carefully putting the newborn in the carseat after having loaded everything else. He stopped for just a moment to rock the carrier, Katelyn expressing her displeasure of being anywhere but her mom or dad’s arms. When she quieted back down, Lucas turned his attention back to his wife. “Alright, MadMax. You ready for our next adventure?”
“Let's do it.” Max sighed contently.
—
The car ride home was terrifying. Every bump, break, pothole, or acceleration felt like they were speeding down a highway.
“Lucas, slow down!” Max demanded, hand never moving further than the bottom of the carseat.
“Max I’m literally going 15mph.” He responded, looking in the rearview mirror.
“Did I ask how fast you’re going?” She asked.
Lucas just chuckled to himself, electing to use back roads instead of the main ones. He was beyond anxious about driving his wife and daughter home; the gravity of it all was not lost on him. Even though it took an extra 10 minutes, they finally arrived at his childhood home.
Pinned to the yard was a poster that read “Welcome Home, Katelyn!” as well as balloons and streamers. Lucas looked back at Max, worried she would find the whole scene overkill. Instead her eyes welled with tears. “Stupid hormones.” she sighed. Lucas just parked the car and reached behind him to rub her leg. He pulled her wheelchair from the car first, her body still weak from childbirth, and helped her get situated before pulling their daughter's seat from the car.
Lucas followed Max to the door, which was already open despite the cold weather, and saw his parents sitting on the couch.
“Welcome home, Sinclair family!” Sue beamed, watching her babies with a baby. “I hope the sign isn’t too much, I just couldn’t help myself.”
“No, it was perfect.” Max piped up, moving herself into the living room and transferring to the couch. “You both didn’t get a chance to hold her in the hospital. I’m going to be the annoying new mom and say go wash your hands so you can officially meet your granddaughter before she needs to eat.”
Sue and Charles looked like children in a candy store, running to the kitchen and coming back in record time. Lucas passed Sue the baby, Charles sitting right next to his wife, both absolutely mesmerized.
“Lucas, pass me that photo album, I want to check something.” Charles boomed. Lucas did as asked and his dad opened to a page in the middle. Max assumed he was looking for a picture to compare Katelyn to Lucas or Erica, but was shocked to see a photo of herself in the album.
“Charles, where did you get that?” She asked, recognizing the photo from the walls in California but not having seen it since. It was her, maybe three months old, wearing a crocheted romper her grandmother made her. Max wondered if that still hung around somewhere, maybe her dad had it in a box?
“Oh, sorry kiddo.” He said, looking bashful. “When we cleaned out the trailer, there was a box of old photos under your mom’s bed. We still have the box in the attic, safe and sound for you. But we did take a few pictures, made copies of them, and put them in the album. We wanted to mark all our kids' lives. If it makes you uncomfortable, we can take them out-” He was interrupted by a hug from the girl, who just could not get over how much this family loved her.
“No, keep it.” She said, hanging on for a second longer before leaning back into the couch.
Charles flipped the book back open and declared triumphantly. “I knew it! Sue, look. That baby is a Max copy cat!”
“Oh wow you’re right!” Sue said, eyeing the photo then the baby. “It’s the nose. She has Max’s nose.”
“That’s what I’ve been saying!” Lucas joined in, obviously pleased that his parents saw it too.
“Oh that poor kid.” Max joked, years later still not sure how to take a compliment.
Soon Sue and Charles switched turns holding the baby, Lucas taking so many pictures Max thought he’d run out of film. The four adults looked through the picture album for a bit before Katelyn started to fuss.
“Oh she’s gotta be getting hungry.” Max declared, transferring herself back to the seat. “Lucas, could you help me get her back to the bedroom so I can feed her? We need to find that wrap Joyce bought us so I can move around with her, too.” Lucas scooped the baby up from Charles’ arms.
“Did you like meeting your grandparents? You’ll get to spend more time with them, I promise.” The new dad cooed.
“Max, honey, I’ll bring you something to eat here soon.” Sue told them as they left the living room.
“Thank you, Sue.”
Set up in their bedroom, Max started feeding the newborn. Lucas sat, entranced by his little family.
—
The Sinclair house fell into a steady rhythm, or as steady as it could with a newborn.
Max was so thankful for Sue and Charles’ help, but she couldn’t help but get caught up in her own head. She hardly slept at night, terrified that the moment she closed her eyes Katelyn would stop breathing or worse, simply disappear all together. She’d stay up, just watching her chest rise and fall, her fingers sometimes hovering just below her nose to feel the hot air push out of it.
Soon, she stopped letting Sue and Charles help, insisting she could do it. At times she’d even tell Lucas that she didn’t want assistance. No one worried too much, until she stopped even pausing her worry to eat. All alarm bells went off a little over a week of being home when Lucas realized Max hadn’t showered in three days. Max took a shower every single morning, no matter what. Lucas made sure he was up to care for their daughter, but she kept finding reasons to not, often just staring at Katelyn.
Finally, he decided he needed to say something.
“Hey.” Lucas said, walking into their room with breakfast and coffee.
“Hi.” Max whispered back, eyes closed while silently rocking the infant.
“I brought bacon, eggs, pancakes with extra butter and syrup, and even went down to that cafe with the good coffee for a vanilla latte.” He said, setting down the tray on the bed before walking over to take the bundle from his wife. She closed her arms a little more tightly around her. “Max, you have to eat. And, I mean nothing by this, but not showering for several days is not you. What’s going on?”
Max looked at him, emotional walls forming. “Nothing is going on, Lucas. We have a newborn; showering is not high on my priority list right now.”
“I know you better than that.” He responded, sitting on the matching ottoman before placing his hands on her knees. “Please, talk to me.”
Max let out a long sigh before answering. “It’s my fault, Lucas.”
“What is your fault?”
“The apneic thing. I got stressed out and she came too early.” She responded, trying to keep her voice even as she let her husband in. “Her lungs were not ready; we almost lost her because of me.”
“Honey, no. That’s not true.” Lucas said, rubbing his thumbs over her knees. “The doctor said it just happens sometimes. She would have started breathing again on her own, it’s not uncommon.” Max simply shook her head, not able to accept her husband’s words. “Friends don’t lie, Max. And husbands absolutely don’t. You are the reason she’s okay! You woke up to feed her, you knew something wasn’t right, you made sure Katie-bug got the help she needed. That was all you.”
The tears slipped down her cheeks before Max could stop them. “I’m so scared I’m going to lose her. I’m scared I’m going to lose you both!” She said, breaths shuddering slightly, causing the newborn to stir.
“We’re not going anywhere. You’re safe, she’s safe, I’m safe. We are safe, Max.”
They sat there for a few moments, Lucas looking carefully at his wife before saying. “How can I make you feel safe?”
She thought for a moment before answering. “Just be here. I know I sound crazy, I feel crazy. But… I haven’t had a Vecna nightmare in a year and suddenly that’s all I see when I sleep; he has Katelyn, or you, or your parents, and I’m powerless to stop it. I can’t lose any of you, Lucas. I really really can’t.”
“He’s gone. Truly gone, has been for 8 years now.” Lucas said. “I know your brain struggles to accept it, mine does too sometimes, but that world is done for. This is our reality now. You, me, Katelyn. And I will do everything in my power to keep it that way.”
Max sighed, emotionally and physically tired, noticing again the weight of the newborn in her arms. “I do feel so gross… I think the last time I went three days without showering was the week before, well everything, happened.” She chuckled. “As insane as this sounds, could the two of you sit in the bathroom? Please?”
“A chance to see my hot wife naked? How could I pass up that opportunity?" Lucas grinned, getting a laugh, eyeroll, and playful swat from Max. IT was all worth it. He took the babe in his arms while Max moved herself to her wheelchair. He knew everything wasn’t fixed, but at least there was some progress.
—
It was two days after the baby was born before anyone realized that, in the chaos of her birth, no one ever called Erica and Holly to let them know about Katelyn’s delivery. They decided to keep it that way until they came home for Thanksgiving. It was Charles’ idea first, Max never realized what a jokester he was until having a granddaughter. That little girl was had him wrapped around her finger.
“We’ll pull the same bullcrap you both did.” He said when he proposed the idea at breakfast. “The looks will be priceless!”
Max and Lucas, too tired to call them now, agreed it would be funny. Now the day had arrived when they would fly home.
Sue, Charles, and Karen all carpooled to pick them up, Karen ecstatic to be in on the practical joke. The three older adults giggled as they left the house, making Max and Lucas shake their heads at how they were kids at heart. They share a moment of quiet, just enjoying the magic of the holiday season, their first as a family of three.
Soon, they heard the car pull into the driveway, snickering to themselves thinking about how Charles’ face is probably giving the whole thing away. Just like the summer, the house is alive with conversation again as the front door opens. They don’t dare turn around, listening to Erica and Holly talking over each other, telling their parents about some dorm story. Max tries her best to keep the newborn quiet, waiting for them to see the photo Nancy took just hours after she had given birth hanging in the hallway capturing an exhausted Max holding Katelyn in the hospital, Lucas’ arms wrapped around her. It was her all time favorite photo and she loved that it was now framed.
The two girls bound up the stairs, making it halfway before letting out the loudest shriek possible, causing Katelyn to cry.
“Well shit.” Max declared, trying to calm the newborn down. The adults just laughed and laughed as the girls came tearing into the living room, shouts of “What the fuck?” and “Why the hell didn’t you tell us?” overlapping between the two.
They quickly turned into excited shouts of “oh my god, I’m an auntie!” and “god Max she looks just like you!” Lucas stepped in and asked them all the questions: “Are you sick? Have you been around anyone who is sick? Do you have so much as a sniffle?’ When the answers to all were no, he told them both to go wash their hands.
The next hour was filled with laughter and so much joy, everyone sharing stories of college, Katelyn’s birth, and everything in between.
That Thursday, the entire Party plus all honorary members sat around Steve and Meredith’s table, eating a meal everyone worked hard to share; Max was struck by how lucky they were. This was not supposed to be her story, not by a long shot. But she held her daughter, sat next to her husband, across from, for all intents and purposes, her moms, dads, sisters, and brother. And by god she had never been so grateful. As overwhelming as it was, as sad and scared as she still got, Max loved every second. She had wished for this very thing for years and now, now it was hers forever.
—
November faded into December, and before anyone knew it, it was the week of Christmas. After lots of insistence and reassurance, Max and Lucas agreed to let Sue and Charles babysit for 2 hours so they could do some Christmas shopping. It was a harrowing experience with lots of tears from both parents, but in the end, they got gifts for everyone on their list.
Christmas morning, Max and Lucas woke with massive smiles.
“Hey MadMax.” Lucas grinned.
“Good morning, Stalker.” Max responded, looking down. “There’s a baby in our bed.”
Lucas followed her gaze. “Why yes there is. And it’s her first Christmas.”
“Let’s make it a good one.”
It was, in fact, a good one. Sue loved the updated photo album Max made her, Charles laughing at all the “Worlds Greatest Pop” things Lucas managed to find. Erica was thrilled with the Oasis and Radiohead CDs to go along with the new radio her parents had bought her. The day went by quickly and soon everyone was winding down for bedtime. That was, everyone except Katelyn.
“Oh my god, why is she still spitting up?” Lucas said, not even bothering with the burpcloth anymore and just wiping it off his shirt with a towel.
“Ugh I don’t know, but, and I say this with love, you absolutely reek. Please shower.” Max said, reaching for the baby and walking over to the rocking chair. She was so grateful to finally walk again, even if she had to use the crutch and braces. Not so grateful to be out of clean clothes and having to wear a tank top and sleep shorts, said braces were rubbing blisters into her calves.
It was midnight and they couldn’t get the baby to sleep. They had tried everything they could think of but still no luck. The couple had talked about taking a drive, hoping the car would soothe her to sleep, when suddenly there was a knock at the door.
“Who the fuck is knocking on the door in the middle of the night?” Max asked, rocking the whining baby.
“I don’t know, but I’ll be right back.” Lucas said, rubbing his face with his hand. “I don’t want whoever it is to wake my parents.”
Max nodded at him, turning her attention back to Katelyn. “Katie-bug, I know your first Christmas was great, but you have to sleep.” She said, shushing the infant who was finally closing her eyes, when she heard familiar voices. “There’s no way…” Max said quietly, putting her daughter in the bassinet next to the bed. She grabbed her crutch and walked down the hall.
Little did anyone in the house know how those two visitors would change the course of their lives yet again.