Chapter Text
It takes a good half hour for Hongjoong to convince himself to get out of bed the next morning. He’s wrapped up in Seonghwa, who’s still soundly asleep, and if he moves, Seonghwa will wake up. Or, if Seonghwa doesn’t wake up, he’ll wake up later to find Hongjoong gone, which is probably the worst thing that could happen right now. Hongjoong nearly decides to just lay there until Seonghwa wakes up on his own. But right now he has stuff he needs to do. Stuff he wants to do, actually.
This is why he avoids thinking about what he wants. It adds a whole layer of confusion to decisions that are already impossible to make.
Another factor in this decision is Seonghwa: he wants Hongjoong to do what Hongjoong wants. So if Hongjoong really cares what Seonghwa wants, he’ll get out of bed.
Damn it, Seonghwa.
Hongjoong takes a deep breath, then moves just the slightest bit. Seonghwa shifts in his sleep. Hongjoong moves again, pushing Seonghwa’s arms from around him gently. Seonghwa murmurs something half-coherent.
Might as well rip the bandaid now. Hongjoong rolls away from Seonghwa, sitting up. He lets his dizziness fade, then stands up and turns to look at Seonghwa. Seonghwa’s blinking, barely awake.
“Joongie?” he mumbles.
“I’m going to run some errands,” Hongjoong says. “I’ll be back in a few hours. Go back to sleep.”
He turns to get some clothes, but Seonghwa reaches out and grabs his wrist, pulling him up close to the bed.
Seonghwa’s eyes are big and afraid.
He has every right to be scared. More likely than not, for all he knows, Hongjoong’s running away again.
“Don’t worry,” says Hongjoong, trying to sound comforting, like Seonghwa always does. He doesn’t do it as well. “I really will come back.”
Seonghwa nods, but doesn’t let go of his wrist. Now’s the time Hongjoong is supposed to do something nice, make Seonghwa feel loved or something. He always wants to, but he never manages to pull through in times like these—too afraid he’ll do something wrong and make someone uncomfortable.
What was it Seonghwa said last night? There’s nothing in the world that feels better. Nothing that feels better than Hongjoong’s attention. And he wasn’t lying. He promised.
Hongjoong sits down on the bed, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Seonghwa’s forehead. “I promise,” he says, face red.
“Alright, baby,” says Seonghwa, with a soft smile. “See you later. Don’t forget to eat breakfast.” He closes his eyes, and Hongjoong stands up again, getting changed quietly and hurrying out of the room.
The flower fields look different this time of day, dew catching the sunlight and sparkling. Hongjoong sits on the trunk of his car, watching the grass buzz with hundreds of bees drifting from flower to flower. Wandering around lazily, drinking their fill.
He was thinking about bees last night. He couldn’t fall asleep, so his tired brain had wandered out to these fields. That’s why he woke up needing to come here.
When he was in school, he learned about the symbiotic relationship between bees and flowers. It didn’t really matter to him then, but last night it felt significant. The bees travel from flower to flower, gathering pollen for food. The flowers send pollen to each other via bee, in order to reproduce.
Hongjoong pulls out his phone, taking a quick picture of the meadow. He sends it to Seonghwa.
Me:
img0347.jpg
You should come in the morning someday
I’m thinking about bees
Hopefully Seonghwa’s still asleep, but maybe when he wakes up he’ll have something to say about bees.
Hongjoong stops by Minnie’s for breakfast, ordering a double espresso and a muffin. Jisung brings the order to his table personally, setting it down and skipping away.
There’s a slice of coffee cake he didn’t order with it, and he stands up to return it, but Jisung waves him away from the counter.
“On me!” he calls.
He seems even more energetic than usual, somehow.
As Hongjoong gets in his car after leaving Minnie’s, someone runs up and taps on the window. It’s Lee Minho.
Hongjoong rolls the window down, and Minho sticks his arm into the car, holding a check.
“I’ve been waiting for you to come back,” he says, waving the check in Hongjoong’s face until he takes it.
“Good to see you?” says Hongjoong.
“I,” Minho says, bending down so he can look Hongjoong right in the eyes, “am forever in your debt.” And then he’s gone, the door of Minnie’s swinging shut behind him.
Hongjoong looks down at the check. Made out to Kim Hongjoong. Amount: blank.
Holy shit, that man’s insane.
Hongjoong’s at his third shop of the day when Seonghwa responds to his text.
Seonghwa:
It’s pretty ♥️♥️
What about bees?
Me:
Idk the way they work with flowers
Elementary school stuff
Seonghwa:
Pollination?
Me:
Yeah
I was thinking about how it’s sumbiotic
*symbiotic
How they help each other
Without even really meaning to
Seonghwa:
Ohhh
Tell me more
Hongjoong checks out and leaves, hurrying to his car.
Me:
Bees don’t see the pollination as a loss
They do it because they want to
Cause they like pollen
Same with the flowers, they give the bees pollen cause they want it to spread
Not out of pity
Idk if this makes sense
I just think it’s interesting, like how you were trying to tell me that communicating what I want is nicer than trying to ignore it. Cause if the bees didn’t go to the flowers cause they felt bad taking pollen, all the flowers would die. And if the flowers didn’t give their pollen to the bees to spread around cause they felt manipulative or whatever, the bees would starve
Idk
Sorry that was kind of long
Seonghwa:
No I get what you’re saying!
I think it’s a good analogy
Like it all works because they take what they need, not in spite of that??
I mean that sounds kind of harsh but yk what I mean
Like it’s okay for them to be selfish
Cause bees and flowers would never want to hurt each other
So they never have to be scared of what the other one wants
So it all works out??
Is that kind of what you mean
Me:
Yeah exactly
Anyway I was just thinking
I thought you might like it cause you like flowers lol
Seonghwa:
You know me well 😌🌷🌷🌷
Why were you thinking about bees tho
Me:
I couldn’t fall asleep last night
So for some reason my brain went back to 4th grade cause I was thinking about the flower fields
Speaking of, want to go on a drive there later?
At like 6?
Hongjoong has to give himself a pep talk in order to send the last two messages, but he sends them, then puts his phone away to finish up at his last stop. He’ll be home in less than half an hour, he could have just asked then. But he’s self-aware enough to know he’d be too scared in the moment. This doesn’t bode well for his plans at the flower field (which will be very much in the moment), but that’s a future Hongjoong problem.
He checks his phone as he gets back in the car.
Seonghwa:
As one does lol
Yeah I’ve been wanting to see how they look in the evening!
Let’s do it
Me:
Okay it’s a plan
Also I’m on my way home just so you know
Seonghwa:
Yay! See you soon 💕
Hongjoong strictly commands himself to remain calm in the face of such an emoji, but he’s pushing the speed limit the whole way home.
Seonghwa’s sitting on the garage step waiting for him when he gets home, and his face lights up when Hongjoong holds up the take-out he just bought.
“Thank god, I’m starving!” he says, jumping to his feet. “Inside or outside?”
“It’s good weather,” Hongjoong says, and they walk out of the garage, plopping on the nearest grass.
“How were your errands? Anything fun?”
“I ran into Minho.” Hongjoong reaches into his pocket, pulling out the check and handing it to Seonghwa. “He gave me this and said he’ll owe me forever. And Jisung gave me a free slice of cake when I stopped at Minnie’s.”
Seonghwa looks at the check then up at Hongjoong with sparkling eyes. “So you think that’s going well?”
“I think they’re insane.”
“Obviously,” Seonghwa laughs. “I was asking for new information.”
“Oh, sorry. Yeah, I’d guess we should avoid them from now on. Did you do anything fun while I was gone?”
“I sat on your balcony and talked to birds.”
“Oh, so you’re insane too.”
“Again,” Seonghwa says, “we’re looking for new information here.”
Hongjoong laughs.
“I went on a walk while we were talking about bees,” Seonghwa adds, “so I could watch some bees. They’re cute.”
“Did you tell them that’s your job?” Hongjoong regrets it as soon as the sentence leaves his mouth, but the look on Seonghwa’s face is worth at least a little bit of the embarrassment.
“Are you trying to seduce me?” Seonghwa says, clutching his chest.
Hongjoong flushes.
“Oh, sorry…” Seonghwa’s voice fades to a mumble. “Sex and stuff…”
“It’s okay,” Hongjoong says, swallowing. “We’re married. Yunho says that’s literally sex and stuff.”
“Well, has Yunho ever been married?”
Hongjoong blinks. “No.”
“Then what does he know about it?”
“Oh. Good point.”
“I tend to make those,” Seonghwa shrugs. “Anyway, I’m just saying being married doesn’t have to mean sex and stuff unless we want it to.”
Hongjoong stares at the sandwich in his hand. “I guess we’ll see, then.”
Seonghwa looks at him oddly for a bit, then goes back to eating.
They’re cruising down the highway, and Hongjoong’s trying to convince himself to put his hand on Seonghwa’s leg. He knows he wants to. He’s just not sure if he wants it more than he wants to be a coward. It’s unlikely.
Seonghwa watches him curiously as he drums his fingers on the steering wheel.
“Are you okay?” Seonghwa says, reaching out and putting a hand on his knee.
“It’s not fair,” Hongjoong pouts. “You’ve got an advantage cause you’re braver than me.”
Seonghwa laughs. “What are you talking about?”
Hongjoong glares at him and focuses back on driving, not deigning to respond.
Seonghwa’s hand stays on his knee for the rest of the drive.
“They’re so pretty in this light!” Seonghwa’s fawning over the evening flower fields, one hand laced loosely with Hongjoong’s.
“They are,” Hongjoong whispers, not looking at the flowers.
“Joongie,” Seonghwa says, swinging their joined hands.
“Hmm?”
Seonghwa tugs him closer, reaching his other arm across to pull him into his chest. “You’re even prettier,” he says, cheek resting against Hongjoong’s hair.
“Oh…” Hongjoong says, voice muffled by Seonghwa’s neck.
Seonghwa lets go of him and smiles, walking a bit further into the flower field and sitting down. Hongjoong follows and sits next to him, and Seonghwa rearranges himself, curling on his side and resting his head in Hongjoong’s lap. Hongjoong forces his breath to stay steady and gingerly lays a hand on Seonghwa’s soft hair.
“Joongie,” Seonghwa says, “what’s your favorite color?”
“Huh? I’m not sure.”
“Well, decide.”
Hongjoong sighs. “You’re so demanding.” He looks around as Seonghwa laughs, eyes landing on a little clump of marigolds. “I like yellow.”
“Oh, yellow’s pretty!”
“What’s your favorite color?” Hongjoong combs his fingers slowly through Seonghwa’s hair. Any second now, he’ll have to be brave, but while this conversation lasts, he can relax.
“Silver. Like the color of my car.”
Hongjoong nods. “Did you get the car first and then like the color? Or did you like the color first?”
Seonghwa laughs. “I liked the color first.”
Hongjoong nods again, staring at the faint beginnings of the sunset. He’s not sure he can actually do this, to be honest.
“What’s your favorite food?” Seonghwa says, sitting up and turning to face Hongjoong.
“Chicken, of course,” Hongjoong says. The answer feels more significant than it should, since Seonghwa’s suddenly staring into his soul. The moment is coming, Hongjoong can feel it.
He’s about to ask Seonghwa’s favorite food in order to delay the inevitable doom, but Seonghwa has other plans.
“I have another question,” he says, before Hongjoong can say anything. “You know, we’ve been seeing each other for a while now…” Now’s the time, Hongjoong thinks, trying to stay calm. “And I really like you,” Seonghwa continues, “so I was wondering if—”
“Hey,” Hongjoong interrupts, “can you go stand over there?” He points across the field.
Seonghwa laughs, confused. “Hongjoongie, I was about to—”
“I know, but…I want to take a picture of you. By the tree. I’ll be fast!”
Seonghwa gets an odd look on his face but stands up and walks toward the tree.
Hongjoong follows behind him, trying to step quietly. He probably should have planned this better, but now that he’s in it he can’t turn back.
Seonghwa reaches the tree and turns around, jumping when he sees Hongjoong standing so close in front of him.
“I thought you were taking a picture,” he says.
“Yeah, I will in a second. I just need to talk to you about something really quick.”
“Okay…” Seonghwa looks a bit nervous.
“So,” Hongjoong says. It feels like he’s hearing his own voice from miles away. “I want to apologize. For leaving you alone, and for not explaining, and for all of that. I feel terrible.”
“Didn’t you already apologize?” Seonghwa says.
“Yeah, but not well.”
Seonghwa nods slowly. “Okay…” He looks concerned. “Well, thanks.”
“There’s more I need to apologize for. I’m sorry for not believing that you mean the things you say. I want you to know I trust you a lot, and I’m sorry I haven’t been acting like it. I’m also sorry that I’ve been making you guess at what I want this whole time, thinking I was so selfless, even though the thing you told me you wanted the most was for me to tell you what I want. Sorry it took so long for me to figure this all out. And I didn’t even really figure it out, you had to do all the work for me. Sorry about that too. But I’m going to do better from now on. I’ll be honest about what I want. Anyway…” There’s a little smile on Seonghwa’s lips. Hongjoong looks away so he doesn’t get distracted. “Last night, I wasn’t just thinking about bees. I was also trying to figure out what I wanted. That’s why I went out this morning. Cause I realized there were some things I wanted to do. Things like getting coffee at Minnie’s. And things like this.”
He gets down on one knee, looking up at Seonghwa.
“Holy shit,” Seonghwa whispers reverently.
“You know, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong says, reminding himself to keep breathing as he says the words he’s been repeating in his mind all day, “I really, really like being married to you. Because it’s fun. Because you’re smart and kind, and you’ve helped me learn how to exist, and you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. And because I like spending time with you. I want to keep spending time with you. Because,” Hongjoong swallows, “I love you.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little box, opening it to reveal a pretty silver ring. “So I wanted to ask… if we weren’t already married, would you marry me?”
Seonghwa laughs, a little watery. “Yes.”
“Thank god,” Hongjoong says, releasing a long breath, and he stands up, slipping the ring onto Seonghwa’s proffered hand. As soon as the ring’s on, Seonghwa grabs Hongjoong’s waist to steady him, since he’s wobbling dangerously.
“Are you okay?” Seonghwa murmurs.
Hongjoong nods, blinking violently. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Right,” Seonghwa laughs. “Why wouldn’t you be?” He doesn’t let go of Hongjoong’s waist.
Hongjoong’s vision slowly stops spinning, and he’s able to meet Seonghwa’s eyes.
“You know,” Seonghwa says, “I was about to ask you to be my boyfriend.”
“I know. I had to beat you to it.”
Seonghwa laughs, pulling Hongjoong a little bit closer. “You know what else?”
“What?”
“I love you too.”
Holy shit.
Hongjoong flushes, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He lifts his hands slowly, shakily. Releases the breath. This is hard. He lays his hands on Seonghwa’s shoulders and forces his eyes open. Okay, correction. This is terrifying. But he raises up on his tiptoes and presses his lips to Seonghwa’s.
Because he wants to.
***
Hongjoong’s birthday. Seonghwa has a lunch date planned for them at some new restaurant. He says it’s the cutest place ever.
Seonghwa’s all dressed up and Hongjoong’s not sure what to do with himself given that fact. He looks so damn good, sitting in the driver’s seat, one hand on the wheel and one on Hongjoong’s thigh. How does he look even better driving in person than in Mario Kart? It’s pissing Hongjoong off.
This is a common problem these days.
Seonghwa will look over to find Hongjoong glaring at him.
He’ll say, “Are you drunk?”
Hongjoong will glare harder.
Seonghwa will laugh and say, “Thanks, I like my outfit too,” and he’ll kiss Hongjoong.
It’s usually hard for Hongjoong to glare after that, but he manages. Praise the Lord.
Unfortunately, since Seonghwa’s driving right now, there’s nothing to be gained by glaring at him.
This does not stop Hongjoong from doing it. He’s nothing if not persistent.
“Joongie,” Seonghwa says, not looking over, “you need to stop glaring at me. I can’t be driving distracted.”
“Why are you distracted?” Hongjoong mumbles. “I’m not the one who looks like…” he gestures disgustedly at Seonghwa’s godlike self, “that.”
Seonghwa’s lips curve up.
“Stop that,” Hongjoong snaps, and Seonghwa laughs.
“Just a few more minutes, you can handle it.”
They pull up to the most crowded parking lot Hongjoong’s ever seen, next to a restaurant with a line spilling out of sight.
“Damn,” he says. “Did you make a reservation?”
“No. But they’ll be fast.” Seonghwa reaches across him to open the car door for him, and they get out of the car.
Hongjoong looks up at the restaurant name. Joongie’s. He looks over at Seonghwa.
“What the fuck?”
Seonghwa smiles, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the back of the line. “Grand opening in thirty seconds!”
“Okay, but what is it?”
“Joongie’s, obviously.” Seonghwa swings their hands back and forth.
Hongjoong rolls his eyes, standing up on his tiptoes and trying to peer through the restaurant windows. He can see vague shapes of people rushing around, probably finishing last minute setup.
Seonghwa’s bouncing on his feet, humming.
Hongjoong looks at him, narrowing his eyes. “Didn’t you say this is the cutest place ever? How’d you know that if it’s just opening today?”
Seonghwa smiles down innocently and doesn’t answer, and before Hongjoong can press further, the doors open and the line starts moving.
It is the cutest place ever. Lots of windows, pretty yellow curtains. Light and airy atmosphere. Marigolds on all the tables. Hongjoong raises an eyebrow at Seonghwa but doesn’t question further.
The line moves remarkably fast, and before long, Hongjoong and Seonghwa are tucked into a booth near the back.
It’s a chicken place, turns out. It smells divine, and all the food at other tables looks delicious. Hongjoong skims through the menu, leaning across the table to whisper, “Where are the prices?”
Seonghwa shrugs, smiling. “What are you getting?”
“I don’t know because I don’t know the prices.”
“Joongie, it’s your birthday. You don’t get to pay.”
“Fuck off,” Hongjoong mumbles. “I’ll get a chicken sandwich.”
“Did you eat breakfast this morning?”
Hongjoong doesn’t answer.
“Alright, two chicken sandwiches it is. And fries. What drink do you want?”
They go to the counter after their meal to pay, which is odd, but Hongjoong doesn’t think too much of it.
“Would you like to donate to help Joongie’s continue to provide free meals to customers?” says the cashier.
“Yes, please!” says Seonghwa, pulling out his card. “Four hundred dollars, please.”
The cashier nods, pulling up the transaction, and Seonghwa swipes his card.
“Happy birthday, baby,” he says as they leave, pressing a quick kiss to Hongjoong’s temple.
“Don’t try to distract me,” Hongjoong says. “I’ve got questions for you. What is this place? What did you have to do with it? Why’s it called Joongie’s?”
“I got the idea from my accountant,” Seonghwa says, opening Hongjoong’s car door. “He said I should try to help feed people. I thought a restaurant that feeds people for free would be fun.” He leans down to whisper, “Don’t tell anyone, cause it’s kind of cheesy, but I named it after the love of my life. I thought it made sense cause he always forgets to eat.” He closes the door and goes around to the other side of the car, climbing in and starting it.
“So,” Hongjoong asks, “you did this yourself?”
“No, a bunch of people helped. It’s not under my name or anything. And I’m not qualified to run one restaurant, let alone three.”
“Three?”
“It seemed like some other cities could use a Joongie’s too.”
“I see. And who funded this?”
Seonghwa shrugs. “Anonymous donor.”
“How generous of them,” Hongjoong says, raising his eyebrows. He grabs Seonghwa’s hand and squeezes it.
“Well, you know…” Seonghwa laughs, squeezing back.
They drive in silence for a bit.
“On an unrelated note,” Seonghwa says, “I spent a bunch of money, so I’m going to need to do the scholarships a bit differently. Wanna help me figure that out?”
Seonghwa’s standing on their bedroom’s balcony, presumably talking to birds, looking cinematic as always.
“Wooyoung called,” Hongjoong says, walking out and slipping his arms around Seonghwa’s waist, resting his head against his back.
“What’d he say?” says Seonghwa, voice vibrating through Hongjoong’s body.
“Happy birthday. Among other things.”
Seonghwa laughs. “What other things?”
“Inappropriate language, mostly. And threats. He really wants us to come to Mario Kart night.”
“Well, are we going?”
Hongjoong sighs, arms tightening around Seonghwa’s waist. “I guess so.”
“Do you not want to?” Seonghwa says, turning around in Hongjoong’s arms to face him.
“I do,” Hongjoong pouts up at him, “but what if they bully me cause it’s my birthday?”
“Don’t worry, baby.” Seonghwa wraps his arms around Hongjoong. “I’ll protect you.” He leans down to kiss Hongjoong, and Hongjoong steps forward, pressing him against the balcony railing, kissing back vigorously.
They remain thus occupied for the better part of the rest of their lives.