Chapter Text
It had been a few weeks since the conversation Matthew had with his parents
But it still sat fresh in his mind
The house felt too quiet now
They were too quiet around him
His fathers and brother now treaded more carefully around him
Matthew could feel the eyes of everyone fall on him whenever he entered a room
No one trusted him anymore
He could see the doubt in his parents eyes when he said that he was fine
They knew
They knew he wasn't
But he was trying
That had to be worth something
...
Then it happened
The weeks He had been clean were all for nothing
It was so hard to resist
It was so dark...so quiet
No one would know
He should have gone to someone
But he felt so much relief sliding the blade up and down his arm
He could feel the weight come off his shoulders
Why does it hurt but feel so good
It felt like bliss once he started to ignore the pain and focus on the freeing feeling
He felt the cold sensation of blood running down his arm
...
The relief didn't last long
Then thoughts came pouring in
They're hate him
He broke his promise
He promised to stay clean
He lied
Matthew then looked down at his clothes which now had blood stains on them and his eyes glanced to his now scarred arm
He'd gone deeper than he meant to
"Fuck" he mumbled to no one in particular
His mind previously feeling drunk on the bliss the pain brought was brought down to earth once the stinging slowly came back to his senses
Matthew sat there on the edge of his bed staring at nothing, the anxious thoughts were creeping back into his mind
Who was he supposed to go to
They'd be so disappointed
He felt so gross
Why
Why is it so hard to stop
He didn't feel the tears roll down his face
He didn't cry because it hurt
But because he was scared of disappointing his loved ones
Matthew thought about how he promised to try to get better
To not let the anxious thoughts and doubts control him
But he failed
He failed and he felt so disgusting
Matthew looked over to the clock
It was late
His eyes felt heavy
He couldn't keep them open
He laid back on his bed and closed his eyes
He prayed to whatever was out there he wouldn't wake up tomorrow