Chapter Text
It felt as if the entire world turned upside down.
The moment he realized his feelings far exceeded the professional field everything made much more sense – every odd behaviour towards Ewroon was suddenly justified. The realization lifted a heavy weight from his shoulders, finally freeing him of the almost anxious thoughts, wondering about his own doings. Now, Ash finally knows why he misses the hybrid and why his heart feels hollow.
Ash wished to hate it – to hate himself for catching feelings and to feel disgusted by how his heart fluttered at the mere thought of the man.
Yet, he couldn’t. Every single time he tried to force himself to be angry, the feeling was either directed at his own blindness or too hollow to reside in him for too long. Instead of consuming himself in hatred and resentment like he usually tends to, the Leader found himself even enjoying the newly found sensation.
It’s been days since he beat up Multi.
Since that day, not a single wave of regret reached him – one could go as far as to say he was glad he hurt the man. Not only did he wish to do so for so long, but also it led him to the realization of his own feelings.
No one from the Pole’s contacted him. The scientist remained silent – perhaps he was planning a way to avenge himself? Or maybe he just crawled back to that Reactor of his, cursing at the entire world. Either way, the man didn’t matter, the lack of contact was more like a blessing than a curse.
He couldn’t say this about the silence coming from Ewroon though – that was like the worst hex of them all. Sure, the hybrid replied to Ash asking him to meet, but the answers were nothing else but excuses and postponing. Not only that, but the man also ignored his texts where he simply asked how he was doing – pathetic, Ash was aware, but what could he do?
It’d be a lie if the Leader said it didn’t stress him at all – every time the panda suggested another day his heart stopped. There was a possibility the hybrid felt nothing towards him – a rather big one too.
The man leaned against a wall in the Regime’s courtyard, a long exhale leaving him. The Sun was merciless today, shining brightly, reflecting off the pavement of the courtyard, nearly blinding him in the process. Only an occasional, faint breeze cooled the world from the scorching Sun.
He was supposed to work – to do anything useful – but instead he once again found himself overthinking the current situation. Ewroon still hasn’t answered his texts – neither the one asking to meet, nor the one purely asking about his mood. It was nearly impossible to figure out whether the man was in danger or purposefully ignoring him – both options made sense.
A lot of people could wish to harm either of them; take the Federation as an example – they’ve been prodding other islanders for information regarding both Ash and Ewroon. It shouldn’t be too shocking, though. The Regime’s goals were known to all and since the red panda clearly had a tight bond with its leader, it was only a matter of time that the Feds would take their interest in him as well. Aside, as much as the man loved him, only a fool wouldn’t know how idiotic Ewroon tended to be. Teasing the workers, breaking into secluded facilities of the Federation – he was often found playing with fire.
Even if it wasn’t the beloved Federation, Multi was still a valid suspect. Whether as revenge for being beaten up by Ash or for being betrayed by Ewroon, he could’ve done something.
However, the Leader shouldn’t exclude the possibility of being simply ignored. At the end of the conversation in the workshop, the red panda was nothing but speechless and shocked – as if the man had been drenched in freezing water. Had he figured out Ash’s feelings before the Leader managed to do so himself? It was possible, now after thorough consideration he sees how stupid and obvious he acted.
Ash cursed under his breath. If only he had figured this out earlier, things would be less complicated. Then, the conversation with Tubbo would’ve gone better. Maybe then he would have been better at concealing his emotions; the jealousy, adoration and frustration – all of them. It was entirely his fault, the engineer was right when he accused him of being bad at hiding it.
Well, it’d be easier if he knew what exactly he was hiding at that moment. Now that he’s aware, it shouldn’t be that bad – right?
A familiar, loud voice took him out of his thoughts.
– Witam. – the very same man he was thinking about appeared right in front of him. At first, Ash expected himself to be hallucinating – perhaps it was the heatwave that was getting to him – but only after he stared at the hybrid with an open mouth had he realized it was indeed real.
– Hello. – he cleared his throat in an attempt to regain his composure. – Why are you here? – the Leader frowned slightly, watching his Blade’s expression in search of any indication what the man was planning. All that, just to find nothing.
Ewroon’s expression was pretty much the same as always, although it felt much calmer. As if the lack of the wide, playful grin changed the man’s entire demeanor.
It was difficult to read it properly – was he tired? Unhappy to see him? Or maybe, Ash is overthinking it again? He’d bet on the last option.
– Bro. – the red panda’s voice pitched. – You’ve been messaging me non stop to meet, and now you ask why I’m here? – he pointed out, a frown forming.
– You haven’t been answering though. – Ash reminded, accusing the other. – But thank you for finally coming. – a faint hint of bitterness marked his words, all the irritation suddenly gathering.
– Chill, I was busy. – he crossed his arms, giving the Leader a bothered expression as his tail moved idly. – So, what do you want? –
A sudden wave of anxiety washed over him. Ash was nowhere near ready mentally to have a conversation about whatever happened in the workshop and especially not about his feelings. He felt like passing out.
– Why are you acting like this? – he muttered, trying to sound as confident as his body let him. – As if it was a bother to come here. –
Ewroon tilted his head in confusion, ears plopping to the side helplessly. The look he sent the Leader was by all means odd – brow raising slightly, eyes narrowing.
– It’s not a bother, – he started – but people think we’re dating, it’s funny. – a familiar smirk grew on his lips.
– Funny? – Ash frowned. – We shouldn’t be too surprised since you literally announced that we are supposedly dating. – he reminded. – multiple times, even. –
When the situation was fresh, the Leader was actually infuriated at Ewroon for doing so. Scolding him anytime they came across each other. Now, he wouldn’t necessarily mind if it happened again.
– Oh c’mon. – the red panda lazily waved his hand. – No one really took me seriously then.–
– So it’s funny it wasn’t your fault? – Ash couldn’t help but let out a breathless chuckle.
– Yeah, actually yeah. – his voice pitched higher and louder. – Funny how I wasn’t the one to fuck things up, you know? –
The words landed harsher than they should, a lump immediately gathering in the Leader’s throat. Does the hybrid actually believe dating would ruin things? Sure, it might complicate certain things, but they were already too close as for people tied by nothing else than professionalism.
– No one ruined anything. – Ash defended himself. – We were already devoted. – a nervous glance was sent in the other man’s direction, checking for any hint of disagreement. – To our goals and to ourselves. –
Ewroon remained silent for a moment, the corners of his lips twitching downwards slightly. Something about his demeanour changed, as if the Leader’s words affected him more than they should. His Blades hand absentmindedly grabbed the tip of the long tail, fiddling with it without giving it much thought.
Tense, Ewroon seemed tense. By now, Ash knew the little things the other man did when influenced by emotions. The faint flicker of his ears, the toying with whatever comes to his hand first and the way one of his fangs poke at his bottom lip.
Just what was the reason for this? Did the hybrid already know what this conversation will lead to?
– Of course. – the red panda finally spoke. – I’m your blade after all. – a faint smile appeared, far from his usual wide grin. The corners of his lips barely twitched upwards to form it.
Yet somehow, this way it felt warmer, much more intimate. Ash was probably imagining things, he was well aware, but it was enough for his stomach to flutter. Ewroon was seen grinning and all giddy like that by everyone on the island – it was a rather rare sight to see a gentler version of the hybrid. The Leader felt almost excited knowing this, for a moment he cussed at himself for ever being jealous. After all, it was his blade, not Katie’s, not Nexe’s nor anyone else’s.
– Yes, yes. – his confirmation was breathless, almost inaudible. He wanted to add something, but his mouth only hung open for a second before closing.
– Will we get to the point, finally? – The hybrid asked, fingers still prodding at the puffed up tail. – You know I’m a busy man, I need to meet Nexe later. –
– No. – the reply fell instantly, slipping past the Leader’s lips without much thought. – Please.– he pleaded, taking a significant step towards Ewroon. Gloved fingers ghosted over the hybrid's sides, but never really landed on the other’s body.
The red panda’s eyes widened slightly.
– Co? – it seemed to come out automatically. – Co ty… what are you doing? – a nervous chuckle slipped past his throat, observing Ash’s face as it was mere centimeters away.
– Ewroon, you are my Blade. – the Leader repeated, desperately looking into the other’s eyes.
The hybrid’s lips parted, unable to form a proper answer. It came as a hesitant nod. Fingers that previously hovered over his body finally gripped Ewroon’s shoulders, swiftly changing their positions. Now, it was the red panda that was pinned to the wall.
The sudden impact when his Blade’s back hit the wall earned a choked out gasp.
– Ash – he breathed out. – What are you doing? –
The hybrid’s gaze darted around, searching for any way to escape. In response, Ash pressed himself closer, ensuring the other wouldn’t try anything.
– You call yourself my blade. – the hybrid’s hands gripped at the Leader's forearm, taking handfuls of his uniform fabric. – Yet you keep running off to other people like that. –
The panda’s ears suddenly lowered, laying flat against the auburn hair. His eyes stared into Ash’s own, wide, pupils constricted. The man looked almost animalistic, ready to flee or attack – depending on the move of the one trapping him.
– How can I know you don’t let everyone call you that? – The question came out bitter, almost accusing the other man.
– I don’t – he denied, fingers tightening. – Why would I? –
– I see you with everyone, – Ash started, staring down at the red panda. – playing, chatting, plotting… –
– A lot of people talk to me throughout the day. – Ewroon defended himself. – It shouldn’t be too odd. –
– You sound like a whore. – the insult burnt his tongue like acid, making him regret it almost instantly. – You chase after everyone. – Ash continued.
– and then, you pay me almost no attention. – It came out close to a plea, the Leader’s voice breaking slightly. The hybrid made him feel pathetic.
Each small remark shook him far more than it should, every little glance lingered longer than it should. Everything was extreme – his emotions, actions and reactions. The smallest thing about the other man drove him close to insanity, yearning for more of him.
Ewroon’s bottom lip quivered and his breath hitched. The man, usually so loud and confident, now stood before him small like never before. Even the always moving, long tail curled around his own leg.
– Is this what it’s about? – the hybrid’s head tilted just so slightly – You want my attention? –
He tried to joke, to tease but the remaining confusion was revealed by the tremble in his fingers.
– More than that. – Ash’s hand lowered from the man’s shoulder to his waist. The touch burned, unbeknownst whether it was due to the scorching Sun or the heat coming from their own bodies. The foreign hand startled Ewroon, though the man relaxed soon enough.
– You devoted yourself to me. – the Leader reminded. – I want you to live up to the promise. –
– I just have a life outside of the Regime. – Ewroon shrugged, fingers finally letting go of the now crumpled sleeves. – Aside from this, I am very loyal to you, dear Assassin. –
The name sent a heatwave to his face. It wasn’t the first time he’s heard it, but somehow now it seemed to have more impact on him. The suddenness of the pet name was enough to make his head spin, heart thudding in his chest.
– I want you to be my Blade – his voice lowered into a whisper. – Only mine –
The smaller man's body seemed to relax, growing in confidence as if he suddenly got used to their position.
– Are you flirting with me? – the red panda asked, a slight tease tainting the words. The corners of his lips tugged upwards, forming a grin.
Ash’s mind rushed in an attempt to find a proper answer – but how could he if he didn’t know whether to acknowledge it or deny. He wished for Ewroon to know about his feelings just as much as he wished it remained a secret, buried deep inside his own heart. Silence might eat him alive though. If the Leader was to watch the red panda chase after half the people on the island he swore he could go mad. All the times he thought about them chatting, playing, the man allowing them to go as far as to pet his tail blood boiled in his veins.
Jealousy was his biggest enemy now.
It must’ve been a good minute since the hybrid’s playful remark fell. The entire time Ash did nothing but stare right into the other’s eyes, contemplating his possible choices.
– Oh god, you are. – Ewroon realized, the confirmation sounding out in both of their minds.
– I… – the Leader forced himself to swallow the lump that instantly began forming in his throat. – What did you think I was doing? –
It was too late anyway, there’s nothing to lose.
– Honestly, I thought you’re about to slit my throat. – he let out a small chuckle, eyes drifting to the side. – Or just joking around. –
Ash tried his best to identify the other’s feelings, each attempt failing miserably. It was unlike them to feel tense around each other – the sight was rather odd. The way the red panda’s fangs kept prodding at his own bottom lip, blood threatening to spill at any given moment was unusual. His eyes looked absentmindedly into nothingness and the Leader couldn’t help but wonder what the other was thinking about.
He, himself, couldn’t catch up at his own thoughts – despite them looping around a few identical ones. The ongrowing silence between the two seemed to send a rush, fueling his anxiety. Chances of Ewroon wanting him like that were low, close to none. Yet a faint glimmer of hope resided deep in his heart – the man felt nearly childish at this.
– I want your devotion to be more than just an empty promise. – he breathed out, stomach twisting painfully. If somehow, the hybrid didn’t know about his feelings before, now there’s no way he doesn’t. Every word he spoke felt like a plea, nearly begging the other for attention as much as affection. Ash’s hand moved up and down on the red panda’s waist, as if trying to imprint the feeling into his memory. After all, there’s that painful possibility it’s the last time they’ll be so close to each other – practically breathing into each other.
The red panda’s cheeks grew redder with each passing second – was it embarrassment? Or was it frustration?
Their gazes met again, stirring an uneasy feeling in the pits of the Leader’s gut. His eyes traced how Ewroon’s glistered with something he struggled to name. It wasn't fear – it seems like the previous stress has been long forgotten. It wasn't dread either, though his heart certainly behaved as if it were. His eyes remained fixed on Ewroon's face, searching for answers in every subtle twitch of expression, every flicker hidden behind those familiar eyes. Yet the more he looked, the less he understood.
Relief is what he saw in the hybrid’s expression – shining in Ewroon's eyes like sunlight breaking through storm clouds. Nothing about this moment made sense. Ash had spent so long convincing himself that this outcome was impossible that standing here now felt almost unreal.
The silence between them stretched, every passing second only worsened the turmoil raging inside his head. Thoughts crashed into one another relentlessly, each louder than the last. Will his Blade push him away? Will he scold him for getting so close? Or maybe mock him for lowering his guard, feeling something so vulnerable and foolish as love?
The Leader had faced enemies, impossible odds, and responsibilities that would have crushed most people. Yet none of those things compared to the helpless uncertainty gripping him now.
A strong arm slipped behind Ash's neck, fingers brushing against his hair before settling there. The gesture was gentle, almost protective, and before he could process what was happening, he found himself being pulled closer. The distance between them disappeared until only a mere centimeter remained.
Ewroon's warm breath ghosted across his lips, sending a shiver through him. The sensation lingered there, soft and tantalizing, like an invitation. Ash's mind struggled to keep pace with reality. But why would the panda want to go further? Why wasn’t he laughing? Why wasn’t he disgusted?
Tentatively, the Leader raised a gloved hand and buried his fingers within the thick strands of the hybrid's hair. He held them loosely, as though afraid he might hurt the man below if he gripped too tightly. His fingers dug into Ewroon's waist, feeling the warmth beneath layers of fabric.
Neither of them spoke, despite the sudden shift in closeness.
The world seemed to narrow around them, everything beyond the space they occupied fading into insignificance. Ash found himself staring despite every instinct telling him to look away – his gaze lingered on Ewroon's lips, tracing their shape with quiet fascination. They looked softer from up close, slightly parted as warm breaths passed between them, their natural rosy hue standing out against the hybrid's features. There was something unexpectedly inviting about them, making Ash's chest tighten and his pulse quicken.
For a brief moment, he became painfully aware of how close they were – close enough to notice every subtle movement, every faint shift in expression. His eyes flickered away as if caught doing something forbidden, only to drift back again moments later, unable to resist.
After one, or two, glances his face flushed – the feeling was impossible to ignore.
With all the confidence of someone stepping into unfamiliar territory, Ash finally leaned forward and closed the remaining distance. Their lips connected in a small, careful kiss.
He moved as though expecting rejection at any moment, every hesitant motion betraying just how little experience he had with something like this. Despite being the one who initiated it, Ash seemed utterly lost, unsure where to place his hands or how long to linger. Meanwhile, Ewroon seemed to savor the moment.
A pleased sound rumbled quietly in his throat, the tail that had previously remained curled and tense began swaying back and forth. The sight alone was enough to make Ash's chest tighten.
When they eventually separated, the absence of contact felt immediate. Embarrassment flooded the Leader’s mind and faint disappointment crept onto his features before he could stop it.
– You’re pretty bad at this, you know? – the man mocked playfully, a grin spreading across the hybrid's face, bright and amused. He recognised the tone and despite knowing it was just mere, playful affection, Ash felt his face burn even stronger.
– I’m sorry. – The apology escaped before he could think better of it. Worse still, his voice cracked slightly, causing the statement to sound suspiciously like a confused question. Ewroon laughed softly in response and Ash frowned, eyebrows lifting in bewilderment.
His mind scrambled desperately for a response, but before he could find one, the red panda purred, reaching up to gently cup his face. Clawed fingers rested against his cheek with surprising care, guiding him forward until their lips met again.
The second kiss was nothing like the first – it was deeper, slower, and definitely more intimate.
Where Ash's kiss had been as if hesitant, Ewroon's carried certainty and patience. The hybrid’s confidence was clear, leaving no room for doubt. He lingered close, allowing the Assassin time to follow his lead, teaching rather than taking control.
With each second that passed, the red panda’s confidence seemed to transfer onto the Leader, whose hands began to caress the other’s side gently.
The warmth of Ewroon's hand lingered against Ash's face, his claws resting carefully along his cheek while his other arm remained securely at his side, keeping him close. The steady contact grounded him in a way he hadn't expected, and for the first time since this impossible moment had begun, the knot of tension coiled tightly inside his chest started to unravel. The frantic thoughts that had been racing through his mind only moments ago gradually quieted, their endless questions and fears fading into the background until they no longer mattered. Ash found himself focusing solely on the hybrid before him; the warmth of his body, the gentle pressure of his touch, the reassuring certainty in every movement. The rest of the world seemed to blur and drift away, leaving only his Blade and the comforting feeling of being held.
And for once, that alone was enough to silence every doubt.
At some point they had to stop, purely to breathe. Their chests heaved in sync as they gasped for air.
Ewroon’s chuckle broke the silence.
– You’re so stupid bro. – he grinned. – You got yourself all worked up, worried I’m out there being other people’s Blade. –
– It’s not stupid. – Ash blurted out in reply. – How could I know? –
– I just hope that now you won’t take me for a whore. – The hybrid reminded the Leader of his previous words, a hint of shame picking at his stomach.
– I won’t – he promised.
– Though, I enjoyed you being jealous. – Ewroon purred, resting his cheek against the other’s chest. – No need to stop that part. –
Ash felt how his Blade’s smile widened. Normally, he’d deny his envy, scold him for even mentioning it – yet this time, happiness won over the embarrassment. Finally, after days of suffering with his feelings and months of not understanding his jealousy, he can proudly say he had nothing to worry about. Ewroon liked him back – he had to.
With how the smaller man’s tail curled around the Leader’s leg and how his arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling them in a hug – he had to love him.
And he could do nothing else, but wrap his arm around the other's waist, the other idly scratching at the perked up ears, hoping for the best future.
For his Blade, now truly was his.