Chapter Text
Zooble and Pomni awoke to the feeling of static clinging to their bodies. They rose, standing up to assess themselves.
“Ungh…”
Zooble raised a hand to their head.
“How long were we hanging out for?”
Pomni looked back at Jax before giving a soft, half-lidded smile.
“Long enough, I’d say.”
Jax’s abstracted form had calmed down, her edges smoothing and her eyes less erratic as she rose to meet the two.
Her head lowered, extending to give a small nudge to each of them.
Zooble raised their arm, holding it out to caress Jax’s head.
“Thank you for trusting us.”
They scoffed.
“You’re a hell of an asshole but… it sucks what you went through.”
They retreated, stretching out their jittering arms before turning to Pomni.
“How are you holding up? Your glitches okay?”
She patted herself down, examining the various staticky marks across her body.
Despite the prolonged exposure, the safety of the tent’s darkness afforded the three of them the time they needed together. It hurt, sure but given the circumstances…
“I think I'm getting used to it.”
Jax stared at the bodies in front of her. With the darkness helping her clarity and her recent outpouring fresh in her mind, she took a mental step back and focused, pushing through the cacophony of color that filled her being.
Having new friends. After everything she’d done.
What a concept.
She looked at the jester. The one who persisted, who continued to check up on her, yet tried to respect her space when she pushed back, even if it resulted in…
Her eyes squeezed shut. Not right now. Not after all the aches in her heart from what she’d talked about. Not while she was trying to focus.
She gathered herself for a moment, and looked at the assembly of parts. The last one who understood and lived through their struggles with identity the way she did. Better than she did.
If only she had listened to what they had to say. If only she hadn’t been so jealous of what they had. If only she hadn’t convinced herself it was impossible.
She faltered for a moment, struggling to maintain herself against the colors rolling in.
Her body shuddered, before stabilizing as she admitted to herself what she never could before.
She cared for these people. She was allowed to care for these people.
She understood that now. She so, so desperately wished she had understood sooner.
What she didn’t understand was why anybody cared back.
She didn’t deserve it, she’d done just about everything in her power to avoid it, and yet…
She looked at Zooble, and thought about what they said.
“Even now, after everything.”
Did she need to understand?
Jax’s eyes converged as a part of Zooble caught her attention.
Zooble turned suddenly at the act, cutting off what they were saying to Pomni.
On their back, serving as a decorative piece, was a bow.
Jax moved a glitching limb out, extending it slowly, pointing at it.
Zooble raised an eyebrow, before catching on and twisting around to let her grab it.
The limb picked up the bow and held it gingerly to her eyes.
Her heart sank when she saw her glitches climbing on to it.
She watched in fear as the bow jittered around, taking a step back before curling in pain.
The colors returned. Her form threatened to burst. Eyes all over her body began to cry.
She clutched it tightly, desperately, trying to seek the comfort she needed.
But the bow would serve as a constant reminder of what she’d lost. What she’d rejected. What she’d regretted.
It would be an emblem of every change she was too late to make.
As Jax felt herself sinking down into her thoughts, she heard a voice cut through.
“Jax? Jax!”
Pomni.
She staggered around, trying to search through the bleary multicolored mess for her.
Her body contracted, jutting this way and that.
It wasn’t working. There were too many colors. Too many thoughts. Everything was blurring together. She couldn’t-
“Jax! It’s going to be okay! Focus on my voice!”
Pomni again.
She had to find her. She needed to apologize to her. For everything she did. For everything she became. For everything she’d done since. For everything that’d been placed on her. For all the horrible things-
“GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS!”
Jax froze.
That was-
“Zooble! How is that going to help?”
“Wait! Trust me. I’ve had people say that to me before when I’m in my own head. It’s sort of like a-”
Mental reset. Jax shook her head. What did Zooble just say?
Did they seriously tell her to… ? While she was… ?
The static around her warped, concentrating and emanating. With each pulse, the colors in her vision faded and a noise in her chest sang.
“Jax?”
She blinked a few times to clear her eyes before looking around. Her vision finally zeroed in on Pomni.
“Are you… laughing?”
…Huh.
She was laughing, wasn’t she?
It was a strange feeling, given her form, and yet…
It was just about the first truly positive thing she’d felt in a while.
Jax hadn’t even been sure if she was still capable of feeling that way, much less in her changed body, but the song in her chest claimed otherwise.
The static pulses began to slow as she calmed down and recovered.
She lowered herself once again, nestling into the center of the tent before pulling out the object of her lapse.
The bow was still jittering.
“Hey.”
Pomni walked forward, bearing a shaky smile that corrected into a firm one.
“Try not to worry about the bow glitching.”
She re-examined herself, holding out her own glitched arm to her.
“That just means you’ve made your mark on it.”
Jax’s eyes widened, flipping between Zooble and Pomni.
They were just… there. Standing around with their glitching bodies as if they couldn’t feel them. As if they were fine.
She looked down at the bow.
Fine…
Zooble looked at her.
“Why don’t you try it on?”
Jax paused.
The bow remained in her grasp.
What was she waiting for?
Ridicule? A punchline? An excuse?
She looked at the people in front of her again.
“I trust both of you.”
Those things weren’t coming, were they?
She placed the bow atop her head.
It felt nice.
It felt sad.
She missed Ribbit.
“That looks cute.
“Honestly, yeah.”
She thought abstracting would let her see them again.
“I hope it helps, at least a little.”
“And if you want more accessories, I can always get more.”
WIth what Zooble told her about the other abstractions, maybe she still could. Maybe. But she didn’t think she wanted it to be like this.
There were a lot of things she didn’t think she wanted. Things that she received anyway.
Friends. Femininity. Acceptance.
Love.
She lowered her head, resting it between Pomni and Zooble.
Thank you.
Maybe one day, a reunion with Ribbit would come. Jax would have a lot to answer for on that day, a lot to apologize for, but until then…
Maybe it was in her best interest to do what everyone else seemed to be doing, and make the most of what she had.
She’d made mistakes, horrible ones, irreparable ones. Ones that made her into what she was now.
Yet somehow she felt strangely… content. More than she had been in a long time.
Losing herself, only to finally expose her heart to others did that to people, she supposed. Better late than never.
People. That was another concept she’d have to get used to.
Jax had tried denying she was a person. That her feelings were real. Look where that got her.
She wasn’t a good person. She knew that much, but, after everything…
Guess now she had nothing but time to adjust. To learn.
Her static let out a low huff.
Nothing but time.
Zooble took a step back.
“Hey, Pomni?”
“Hmm?”
“You want me to go and get the others? See if they wanna hang out with-”
They paused, and looked to Jax.
“...her?”
The last word came out slow, propped up like an offering.
She gritted herself and fought down her kneejerk reaction to escape, her body twitching around before settling.
There was no point in fighting back or fleeing from sight anymore.
She’d abstracted. The damage had already been done.
She could finally let it be. She could finally feel… nice.
Her head rose, then fell, then rose, then fell again. Nods. Affirmation.
"Yeah, I think that'd be good."
“Alright. I’ll be back.”
As Zooble left the tent, Jax once again curled up, reflecting on everything.
There were people that cared about her. She didn’t understand why, and she took far, far too long to realize that she was allowed to care back, but they cared anyway.
Despite what she’d done. Despite how she looked. Despite in some respects being at her lowest possible point.
And for once in her life, she didn’t have to worry about that care being taken away or used against her.
Jax closed her eyes to rest, sinking into the colors once more, and awaiting whoever it was that would talk to her next.
Pomni sat down, contemplating the new life she had helped make in the circus.
There were regrets, for sure. Too many from everyone to count, but from them they had managed to claw hope.
As the day passed and others filtered in, she observed the woman she could finally call her friend.
And she couldn’t help but notice that, by the day’s end, Jax’s abstracted form had become just a little smaller.