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A Tim's Best Friend

Chapter 2: Spite Speedrun in Which Tim Mary Sues Himself and Everyone Who Did Him Dirt Regrets It

Summary:

In which the crack takes over, and everything happens so fast even Bart gets dizzy.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Tim taught Patches to fetch, which helped a great deal in acquiring artifacts with hidden messages from Bruce bouncing around in time. Patches also became very good at using heat vision to melt the frames on glass, which Tim replaced afterward.

Along the way, Patches led Tim to a sad, angry kitty, who turned out to be a Red Lantern, powered by anger at the murder of his owner. Patches and Tim cured Dex-Star with the Power of Love, which turned him into a Pink Lantern, named Scrappy, to go with Patches.

Tim knew he couldn’t keep a secret identity as long as he had such very unique animals accompanying him, so he decided Tim Must Die, and he would only BE the vigilante Peregrin, with his faithful companions, Birddog, and Catbird.

Scrappy used the Pink Lantern power to give Tim a new face, even prettier than before, in Scrappy’s opinion, with bright yellow eyes and hair and overall a sharper, almost feline face.

Tim does a convincing self-sacrificing death to make Ra’s give up on him, and then Peregrin & company rescue Bruce and dump him back in the loving arms of the BatFam before returning to the hunt for Krypto, because he promised Patches.

Patches sniffs out his dad, Krypto, and they find Krypto trying to drag Kon-el from another dimension, but Kon-el is resisting because Bart Allen is also trapped, along with other long-forgotten heroes. Scrappy uses the power of the love Tim/Peregrin has for Kon-El, Bart, and Patches, to create a huge pink net to Catch them All and pull them into the real world.

The Justice League is miffed that the restored heroes refuse to join them and instead separate to protect each of the places that used to be their homes, while keeping in contact so they can meet to aid each other when the foes are too much for the hometown hero. Which is what they call themselves, ‘Hometown Heroes’.

All of them meet the local law enforcement and pass tests to become official deputies, including Tim/Peregrin in Gotham.

With Patches’ X-ray vision able to locate hidden treasure, and Scrappy’s ability to create things like pink diamonds, pink pearls, pink opals and… you get the picture… Peregrin was able to buy most of Crime Alley, and turn it into his headquarters, and affordable living spaces for the people, along with factories and other businesses to provide jobs, plus free healthcare clinics, and schools, both trade and ‘feeder’ schools for higher education.

Red Hood grumbles as his minions wind up being hired to run legitimate addiction support and recovery facilities, and through the power of MONEY, Peregrin gets prostitution made legal within city limits with safety and respect for the workers, and also for the clients who know they won’t catch a disease (the power of Pink Love also includes a magical aura that eliminates sex-transmitted diseases within the premises of the Love Shacks). (Trademark Pending).

Dick and Damian tell everyone that Birddog really belongs to Tim Drake, so Peregrin must be Tim Drake, but no one believes them. Eventually Bruce gets annoyed that they refuse to honor the shrine he put up to Tim in the bat cave, and insists they go to Metropolis to get therapy. Damian punches his therapist and winds up having to do community service, using a sticker pole to pick up trash. Dick falls in love with his therapist and never returns to Gotham.

Jason believes Dick and Damian, but he is smart enough to keep his mouth shut. Instead he goes to Peregrin asking if HE could get a new identity, too. He is SO fucking SICK of Toxic Masculinity. Through the power of Pink Love, Jason becomes Josey and gets a job as House Madam at the original Love Shack.

Josey is made an honorary Hometown Hero, and every Sunday plays poker with Peregrin and Peregrin’s poly boyfriends, Kon-el and Bart.

Stephanie returns from faking her death, is ignored by everyone, and drinks too much. The bartenders tune out her whining.

Notes:

https://www.ourosjewels.com/blogs/gemstones/pink-gemstone

Notes:

I have no idea how far Smallville is from Metropolis, so two bus rides and a taxi it is.

I just asked Google and it's like... whatever. So 2 bus rides and a taxi it is.:

The distance between Smallville and Metropolis is highly variable and depends on the specific comic or television continuity.

In the Smallville TV series: It is officially stated as roughly 100 miles. This translates to about a 1.5 to 3-hour drive, though it often fluctuated depending on the plot.

In modern DC Comics: The two cities are much farther apart. Smallville is a rural town in Kansas, while Metropolis is frequently placed on the East Coast (often near Delaware or Maryland), making them hundreds of miles apart.
Because of these inconsistencies, writers frequently adjust the travel time to suit the story.