Chapter Text
Another blue petal.
Enjin couldn't handle it, he popped another pill into his mouth feeling as his lungs finally opened up again. The lack of air was starting to make him nauseous and lightheaded and now wasn't the time for it.
Team child and Akuta finally regrouped into the middle of the trash beast—Enjin too, was surprised when Fu told him this—and were trying to find a way out. The man-made trash beast was headed up to the sphere and Enjin didn't want to know what happened when they reached the breach point between the ground and sphere so here he was.
Riyo carried Zanka over her shoulder while Bro and Dear were seated behind one of the long pillars seated around the trash beasts core. Rudo was frozen in the middle with Guita formed up into her Kaiju form.
They needed to bust out before the trash beast either exploded if they accidentally gained access to the sphere—though that would be amazing, there wouldn't be a proper way to get back down to actually use the information they used and they'd just end up stranded and that probably wouldn't end well.
Enjin forced himself up and grabbed onto Riyo's arm dragging her with him over to Guita, Dear was being taken by bri who also tugged Rudo after them and grabbed onto Guita climbing atop her. She jumped off the beast's back heading down to the ground again as everyone braced for impact. There was a large trash pile under them and two pillars that they were most likely going to hit on their way down as they lined up perfectly in their line of view.
Good thing he took the pill earlier or else he'd be coughing his lungs out now and it would be a nightmare if the blood seeped onto Guita’s onesie. He grabbed on, keeping his head down rested over the rough scale of Guitars Kaiju, his head already pounding from his coughing earlier. His lungs burned and the plummet down to the ground only worsened it. The disease was slowly blocking off his air—that and his excessive smoke this mission’s aslo been fucking him over. He’ll need to get Semiu to confiscate his cigar boxes for the next week.
Guita finally reached the ground hitting a pillar on her way down and crash landing into a pile of trash. Her Kaiju form managed to ease the landing just enough that no one was hurt and she herself was able to stay steady. The impact was rough but not too bad, everyone kept a tight hold on Guita and they safely made it down, still dizzy from the fall. Guita laid flat on the pile letting out a small whine before tapping her paws over her face frantically.
“OW! IT STINKS IT STINKS! WHERE'S MY GAS MASK!?”
Guita shook her head relentlessly, bugged by the trash scent —since she couldn't wear her mask in her Kaiju form—and ended up flailing some of the members onto the trash pile. Enjin and Rudo first landed face flat while Riyo kept hold of Zanka and managed to jump off before Guita's outburst. Dear was held by Bro as he jumped off and landed behind the trash pile. She continued a little until she started to draw tired, her eyes drooping down a little and her complaints fading.
“Ow! ow.. ow….”
Eventually Guita calmed down and slowly rested her arms down, closing her eyes and soon the small snores emitted from her. Enjin rolled onto his back beside Rudo and kept his eyes closed, his grip on Umbreaker still so strong that his fingers began to numb.
He heard a small mumble from Rudo something about “wanting sweets.” Not like he'd let him since that last time Rudo had an ounce of sugar he knew how badly that went. They just needed to wait a little now and soon the supporters would be here. Semiu did say that they had roughly half an hour to 15 minutes depending if there were any hell guards in the area—which hopefully there wasn't. Eishia can heal up Zanka first then head to the rest who only suffered minor injuries and then Enjin could finally sleep.
“Yo, I’m no expert but, this isn't a no man's land but that doesn't mean we aren't safe from any trash beasts. We shouldn't be napping now.”
“Look Bro, we've been working non stop for the past week. In my book this trash pile is the closest thing to a luxury bed.” By the time Enjin settled back into the trash a car screech came from the right making Guita wake up and lift her head.
Gris’s car was pulling up with an extra one on its trail, probably to drive the rest of the team. That means the support team was finally here and they could finally head back to base. They were first greeted by Eishia and Delmon, who first started to check on Rudo perpetually and apologized for their late appearance. Riyo dragged Zanka over and laid him down to Eishia so she could begin working. She let out a small gasp at his wounds and fell next to him hovering a worrying hand over his abdomen where he was injured.
The poor girl was probably worried out of her mind, especially with how much trouble Zanka has been in this week? Yeah no wonder she keeps suggesting that she followed team Akuta more often on their missions. Gris stood behind her reassuringly and handed her the Cleaner bag then made a beeline to Rudo—obviuosly avoiding Enjin or so it seemed. Enjin didn't mind; he kept his eyes covered and laid in the trash pile trying to sleep until Tamsy hovered over him.
“Long day?”
“Dont even get me started.” Enjin groaned and shifted the trash under him to make it less painful. There were some metal cracks that also didn't help with the pain, they nudged his side and made his back crack anytime he tried to move slightly.
“Rudo’s ok?”
“Yeah, for the most part the kid’s holding up. But those Raiders are definitely gonna come back again.”
Tamsy chuckled, lifting his sleeve to his mouth and looked over to Rudo with an intense glance. He stopped laughing and his face shifted momentarily. Enjin almost didn't catch it. Now that he thought about it, Tamsy has been acting weird ever since Rudo joined the Cleaners. He's been pretty interested in him and Rudo pretty much looks up to him a little. It's not like Enjin minded, it was just that his sudden interest was odd.
Tamsy was also a newer edition into the Cleaners, joining only a few months before Zanka. He was recruited by Delmon—which officially started team eager—and then kind of just stepped into routine with everyone. Did the boss even approve of his arrival?
“Are you both ok?”
Gris interrupted the two of them carrying a now unconscious Rudo on his back. Probably passed out after all the fighting he did and he's used up his limit of vital instruments for the day too. Gris kneeled down to Enjin's height and poked him in the head teasingly.
“Fine.”
“Doesn’t seem like it.”
“How's Rudo?” Enjin gestured his head towards the unconscious boy making Gris let out a fond sigh. He adjusted Rudo a little more on his back to make him sit down comfortably before nudging Enjin again. He seemed to be in a pretty good mood for someone who was just avoiding Enjin. What might've happened to make him act like this.
“He’s fine, the rest of you should head into the car for now so we can get back to HQ.”
“You know what, that sounds fine to me.”
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Zanka rubbed his shoulder as Remlin, Rudo and the mayor all left the infirmary room. Eishia was still beside him holding the used roll of bandages in her hands. She was especially shaken when she got to look at his injuries—which was a huge hole in his abdomen and some toxins again.
It took a minute but the team was able to find them pretty quickly after their crash landing in the trash pile and haul them back to base. Zanka was the only one with the more major injuries while everyone else got patched up by the supporters. Still, that surprise kidnapping was intense. Enjin was planning on telling Corvus first about the raiders plan but he needed a long nap first.
Obviously interrogating Zanka was the plan first, talk to him about his injuries and second make sure that it's nothing major and convince him to sit out of some of the missions post injury.
“Hey, Eishia!”
She finally moved her eyes away from Zanka and approached Enjin carefully, still holding the old pile of bandages in her hands. Her eyes seemed a little more relaxed now that she had properly tended to Zanka's injuries and made sure of his physical well being.
Those two really couldn't hide their obvious affection towards each other, that and also how Zanka's been so much more obedient with his check–ins with Eishia.
“You think you can give me a moment with Zanka here?”
“Wait what.”
Enjin didn't let Zanka properly object before Eishia nodded and quietly left the room surprisingly without any hassle. Usually she preferred staying with a patient until they showed physical signs of better healing but not today. Enjin—now with proper privacy—sat on the bed diagonal to Zanka's and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. A new one he bought while the others were busy at Alice's place. He took one long puff, releasing it off to the side away from Zanka then cleared his mouth.
“I know. I lost against the Raider again.”
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
The bed creaked as he turned his body and held his gaze with Enjin a lot more seriously now. It wasn't out of the ordinary that Zanka's first thought was any loss or mishap he caused with the lack of self esteem he's built over the years growing up a hell guard, that's why Enjin had these conversations with him.
He needs to remind Zanka of the efforts he's put in now and how much progress he's been making yet Zanka never minded that, only focusing on the wrong things. It was a hassle with this kid.
“I should've prepared better for our next run in with the Raiders.”
“You’ve trained enough.”
“I still lost.”
This was gonna be a long one. Enjin rubbed his head and took another drag from the cigarette, his tatted hands leaving it hanging for a little. He leaned forward on the bed and reached one hand over to rest besides Zanka reassuringly. He usually wasn't this insistent on his loss but because it was by the same person and twice, Zanka was pretty bitter about it and it was written all over his face.
“You made it out alive, Zanka. That's what matters most to me.”
“Thats the bare minimum!”
Zanka turned and held his hands, lowering his head and softly speaking now. He did this whenever he was stressed, annoyed, or whenever he remembers how it was back at the hellguard. No matter how long it's been, it's like those memories and words hang behind Zanka's head. It was something natural—Enjin couldn't blame him but it always felt so hard trying to talk to him, to make him realize he doesn't have to throw everything away for some win.
As long as he's alive—in Enjin's book he's won. The Raiders couldn't cross the border, they lost a member, and they had more information about the different Jinkis they held and their powers. They've done more than won.
“I just—” Zanka started and Enjin could hear the stutter in his throat “I just thought that I– I could maybe win this time…”
“Well in my book you've won.” Enjin continued like he didn't notice the way Zanka's head lifted a little. He was probably going to object again with something dumb but Enjin continued his voice going higher.
“You survived—”
“Riyo was the one that saved me. If it wasn't for her I would be dead by now.”
“Zanka—”
“It's ok. I– I'll try again. I'll train harder and next time—”
“There won't be next time. Not anytime soon.” Zanka finally sat straight looking at ENjin with an almost pleading look in his eyes. He was upset but Enjin was only worried about Zanka's well being for now. He's been poisoned twice and this was the second time this month they've placed him in the infirmary. It was a better idea to keep him on the side of work for now just so he can properly heal.
“...What?”
“I talked to EIshia and she recommended we let you stay in bed for the next week. You're not allowed on the next missions so you better rest up and do no training until she lets you.”
“T-thats right.” Eishia peaked from the side of the door leading outside , she had a small embarrassed look on her face before building the courage to fully step in. Enjin noticed the way Zanka's shoulders slumped, this time a much more relaxed but didn't mention anything letting the two have their moment.
If EIshia told him to his face, Zanka was more likely to accept her diagnosis…for obvious reasons. She was shocked when she first saw Zanka's unconscious body and Gris even mentioned how she kept mumbling about him on their way to them.
“I-ive been worried uh about y-your injuries lately. They're n-not terrible but…I think it's better that you uh— you stay in bed for the m-most part.”
“But Eishia—”
“I'm w-worried, Zanka. The poisons need to be flushed out of your system f-first and that alone takes a w-week so please…please just let team Akuta do their best..”
Yeah, that got him. EIshia walked over to him and placed her hand on his shoulder then looked back at Enjin, a quiet understanding wafting between them. It was kinda cute y'know? Two teenagers in love but so oblivious about it they show it in every other way than saying it upfront.
“Enjin already said that you're allowed to stay off the missions so please rest up Zanka.”
Yup,tThe way Zanka faltered a little and held back the objection at the back of his throat the moment Eishia took his hand in hers. She gave his hand a small squeeze and rested it over her head letting out a small sigh. Her bangs brushed against his knuckles and the two froze like the moment would break if either of them made the wrong move.
“I p-promise…after your stomach is healed. Enjin will— will let you go o-on another mission, ok?”
Zanka nodded this time without any hesitation—he really is down bad—and rested his hand over Eishia's shoulder. Finally he agreed, and it took a lot less time than he thought it would—probably because Eishia helped with the convincing.
At least for now he could rest assured that Zanka won't do anything reckless while he healed up and this gives them more time to prepare for their next mission. They still needed to get some information and now that they knew that Amo was no longer in her tower, Rudo's been insistent on finding her.
Yeah Enjin should take the sleep he can get now since he won't be getting any more for a long time.
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Zanka was settled in and that was the end of it for Enjin. He needed a cigar and maybe a fresh breath outside, there wasn't any coughing ever since they've been hauled back to base but Enjin wasn't gonna talk too soon. He took the pills Alice gave him and they halted the pain but the coughing still got worse and he still hasn't made a decision yet.
Did he really love Gris? The answer is yes, he's loved him longer than he realized and it only happened because Gob died. Did Gris love him back? That was the real question that hackled his brain?
He's had his moments where he and Gris would get close, in a friendly way but there's never been a time he actually thought that gris saw him in a romantic light. They've had their fair share of drinking days out and hangouts. They were close no doubt about it but it can all be platonic—like when Enjin found out Semiu was a lesbian after weeks of flirting with her.
He wanted to ask him upfront but that would raise suspicion and breaking the friendship he has now is the only thing holding Enjin back, if anything he wanted to scream his feelings out after finally accepting them.
Enjin finally reached HQs roof after successfully avoiding everybody downstairs and lit his coiggar—which was probably a bad idea with his current predicament but he didn't care at this point. Enjin was tired, tired of his feelings, taking care of the team, Gris, just everything.
He thought that maybe avoiding it, avoiding his feelings, attractions, the way he looked at certain people was going to protect him and them because of his job, his past, who he really was. But it didn't, all it seemed to make things worse for him. And he lost his first love, Gob.
Now he's probably gonna haunt his ass for life, maybe he was now by making Enjin finally face everything he's ever avoided. He can hear Gob at the back of his head yelling and cheering him on with his usual phrase”
“Cmon Enjin! What's the point of life without risks?”
What was life without that leap of faith? Calm, secure, professional. But that's not what Enjin wants. He only does it for the family he has now, the one he built and gained after finally making himself a place in the world and the fear of losing that all overwhelmed the love in his heart. That's why he couldn't move on.
That's why he bristled, stepping into Amo’s home and recognizing those clothes, the way Mister treated her. That's why he first picked Riyo up, a stray girl doing what she had to to fend for herself. That's why he encouraged Zanka with every step in the way for him to gain his self confidence.
Every one of them held some part of Enjin that he had in the past—something he tried to bury deep down, his origin, his struggles, his life. The fear of seeing it happen all over again, to step into it again.
He remembered a few days after joining the cleaners when he officially met Gob, it was unusual to see someone brimming with so much life and care, someone that sees the good in everything. He didn't know then but it was the first time he fell deep in love. The first time he's ever deeply cared about someone. Gob was also the only person to see his slave tattoos—aside from alto—and cover them up for him.
Someone that saw a part of his past and still chose to love every flawed part of him.
Now here he was recognizing that he loved that person too. And their love has helped him move on. To recognize his feelings and to accept and embrace them. He needed to tell Gris about it, about everything and the only thing stopping him is himself.
Enjin let out another long drag of his Cigar and took one long look at the covered moon above, the only view unaffected by the polluted areas. He remembered how Alice once told him that every person you love that dies eventually takes the form of a star and lights up the sky. No matter how old or young, or how much their love stretched on for you.
Their devotion still exists after they themselves cease to exist.
There was a shuffle from the side and the top roof hatch opened up revealing that organized blond hair and summer blue eyes. Gris quietly crawled out and placed the hatch back down without a peep. His posture was a little tense.
He walked over to Enjin and sat beside him leaving just enough room between them to keep him comfortable. He was quiet too, meaning he wanted to talk to Enjin about something important, probably their earlier mission.
“Something happened?”
“I— I just wanted to check on you. After the mission and all I assumed you were pretty tired. Eishia told me you napped in the infirmary then headed off.”
Enjin's assumption was right, Gris did want to talk about the missions but about what exactly? They've already laid down everything with the boss so what was Gris interested in?
“Worried about little old me? C'mon Gris you know Im—” He was caught off as two large arms embraced him and pulled him against Gris's chest. The two were now chest to chest with Gris holding Enjin against him and Enjin's arms stuck to his side. He wasn't expecting that, causing him to stay stuffed for a minute before he heard a small sniffle coming from Gris.
“You were all gone and– and for so long I…I was so worried that something might've happened.”
Shit, that wasn't helping. The tightness in his throat came back, his lungs started to burn the more Gris pressed himself against Enjin and his soft warm tears fell on Enjin's shoulder. He felt his face heat up and his body unconsciously leaning into the hug. He wasn't uncomfortable, far from it actually. He wanted to stay longer in the hug but the way the flowers tried to force themselves out of his mouth wasn't helping at all.
“Gris—”
“I was so scared I lost you.” Gris adjusted his hold on Enjin, pressing one hand on his lower back and the other holding the side of Enjin's face. They were close. Like really close, their noses barely brushed against each other and he could feel Gris's breath fanning over his own. He smelled like old oil, probably from the car and the old cologne Enjin gifted him after his last birthday.
Enjin felt tense, all of his senses were heightened up and he couldn't allow himself to relax no matter how much he wanted to lean in closer, grab gris’s face and press his lips over his own. He almost did, his body moving closer and his hands now pressed against Gris’s chest. They were eye to eye, lips only separated by the air between them and in that moment Enjin almost let all impulses take over. He almost kissed gris his lips almost perfectly over his own then the cough came.
It ripped through his lungs this time and he physically felt the blood travel up to his mouth, the taste of metal splashing over his tongue making him pull away quickly leaving a broken Gris.
Enjin coughed to the side and covered his mouth quickly enough that the blood and petals sprayed only into his hand. He let his back face Gris and refused to turn no matter how much his heart twisted in his chest and urged him to go back. He couldn't tell Gris, at least not now. They still had so much mission and business to deal with it would only get in the way of everything. If he could just hold it off a little more—
“Enjin? Enjin please, what's wrong?” Gris placed his hand on the side of Enjin's jaw trying to turn him back to phase him. The desperate sound at the edge of the voice and the almost whine that came out made Enjin's heart flutter. He didn't want to turn around—refused to because he knew that the look on Gris's face would make him melt.
He wanted to turn so badly it hurt. Everything hurts. His throat was aching from the flowers and blood, his heart hurt from how much he held in his feelings for Gris and his mind hurt from how much he kept isolating himself. Maybe if Enjin was a little more reckless—impulsive he would've turned around and kissed gris, Hed shove his tongue down his throat and let the blood and petals seep in between them.
He would pin him down and rip that flimsy shirt that Gris wore after a hard mission—a gift he got from Follo and cherished more. Enjin would feel that warm and strong chest and grind down on him and and—
Another cough. Stronger this time, and now Enjin was doubled over and heckling as these flowers were bursting through his lungs like bullets barely letting him breathe. Gris was now getting more worried, the whiny tone from earlier at the loss of contact replaced with quiet concern. He rested his hand on Enjin's shoulder and leaned closer but the moment his breath brushed against Enjin's neck he forced himself up.
He quickly walked towards the hatch and forced it up with one hand trying to ignore the way Gris called out for him. He couldn't turn back or else hell knows what he would do. He was still warm from their contact and his body was aching in ways and places he was too embarrassed to admit so he ran. He ran right down the hall once he jumped down the stairway and locked himself in his room finally removing his hand.
And he coughs over and over. The floor filled with pretty blue and white flowers and the sick blood ribbon pouring out like water and onto the concrete floor. He didn't know how long he stayed in that position, his lungs and throat burning and aching and his lungs gasping for any air. There was a quiet panic in the way he placed his hand on his neck and gagged at the remaining flower trying to get everything out.
Once he finished he sat up on his knees and almost felt himself cry. He had a chance, a beautiful golden chance to– to just turn and he could've kissed Gris, right then and there. Grind against him and kiss him until his lips went numb but no. He wasn't in his right mind. Whatever side effects the disease gave him Alice hasn't told him fully because with the pain from the flowers and the coughing, he's never felt more in love with Gris before.
He noticed every small flaw on him, every scar from a mission or wrinkle that danced across the side of his eyes. The way his smile tilted into an almost boyish grin. His voice sounded smoother than ever and Enjin felt himself almost drifting the more he listened to them.
He felt himself craving, wanting, depending on Gris. These dirty, filthy thoughts filled his head and Enjin felt utterly disgusting, the way he started to think about Gris's dream about him. Not in a friendly way, not far from it.
And now with how Gris was touching him and holding him he felt the way his breath hitched. How he closed his eyes and just prayed that Gris would press his lips to his nape, then his chest and go lower and lower.
Enjin sat down now, his legs stretched out and his head laid against the door now limply.
He just needed to hold himself off just a little more, just a little more and then he'd tell Gris and oh, oh how wonderful it'll be. His hand traveled towards the crotch of his pants and Enjin let his thoughts finally take initiative.
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“Hey, Zanka?” EIshia sat besides Zanka the two of them letting the small silence fill the air between them. They laid comfortably on the infirmary bed gazing up at the ceiling. Eishia made an excuse, saying things along the lines of just wanting to make sure Zanka was ok and something about a doctor's obligation but the two knew better than that.
“Yeah?”
“Enjin and Gris…theyve been acting pretty weird lately, don't you think.” She moved to the side facing Zanka now and brushing her hand against Zanka's face and moving his bang to the side.
“Yeah, you think he's told him yet?”
“...No, it didn't seem that way when I was talking with Gris.” The way he bristled at Enjin's name, how his hand was tightening on the steering wheel and his breath hitched. The two were so desperate for each other but so blind to see it, yet they joked about Eishia and Zank, how ironic. They couldn't even come face to face with their feelings. It was absurd.
“Should we help them then?”
Eishia shook her head firmly and shuffled closer to Zanka, their noses almost pressed against each other. She wanted those two to face their feelings by themselves to acknowledge the devotion they held for each other. She wanted to see them make that step for themselves with no help from anyone else, just like how she and Zanka did.
Those two deserved to face their feelings alone, they were old enough to recognize and acknowledge them, even confess maybe.
“I’m sure they'll do it themselves.”
Zank nodded and the two fell silent again, still allowing themselves to bask in the moment before Zank reached his hand over and wrapped it over Eishia waist and pulled her close to his chest. The two laughed like a bunch of teenagers in love and allowed themselves to be held together unaware of the turmoil that brewed above them.